How should 40's men get 20's girls as FWB?

[Lemontea]

First of all I'm not a 40's man trying to get 20's girls. This is another hypothetical question that I'm asking as if I was.

 

Lets say I'm a single early 40's guy, I don't have 6 pack but at least I do cardio and work out so my body weight is healthy, I have an average face, I have tiny bit of wrinkle and lost a bit of hair.

 

I don't have spare income to get a sugar baby, and I wouldn't even if I did. I don't make 6 figures, I don't own a mansion, I don't drive a luxuary car. But I make average money, I live in a decent apartment, I drive a decent sedan. I can easily afford to take women out on dates. Dinner, movie, pub, I have no problem spending $200-$300 for a good time.

 

I'm a well maintained guy in my 40's. I exercise, eat healthy, and dress clean to make myself look good. I'm willing to spend money on dates and buy flowers and gifts. I'm looking for a 20's woman as FWB who is also well maintained, exercise, eat healthy and dress clean. I don't want fat women, or women who doesn't spend their time to look good.

 

I see women in their 20's are usually hooking up with men in their 20's. I am aging and u can see that my look has deteriorated a bit. But I still think I bring enough to the table to complete with guys in their 20's. I spent my 20's and 30's in and out of jail, homeless shelter, being addicted to drugs and gang, and never have much to invest on women. I'm a changed man now and I think I still have it.

 

Do u think I would be able to find a 20's woman as FWB? And what should I do to find her and get her to be with me?

[Wallysbears]

No.

 

I don’t see any reason why an eligible, attractive, mentally healthy 20’s woman would be attracted to such a man.

[Eternal Sunshine]

No. You only have a shot if you have a lot of money.

 

 

 

Girls in their 20s call men in their 40s that hit on them "grandpas".

[norudder]

No.

 

I don’t see any reason why an eligible, attractive, mentally healthy 20’s woman would be attracted to such a man.

 

Now mentally unhealthy however.....

[Shining One]

While I've known quite a few women who dated men in their forties while they were in their twenties, I can't think of any who wanted a forty-year-old as a FWB. Of course, my female associates never really talked to me about their FWBs, so perhaps they were into that and I just didn't hear about it.

 

Some women are into older guys... you just have to find them. When I was 19, none of the 19-year-old girls were into me. I didn't hook up with a 19-year-old until I was 29. I wasn't specifically looking for someone that young, but it was the first time in my life that I was on the receiving end of female attention from that age group.

 

As for specific advice... just cast a wide net. OLD will probably help. You can search for women in their twenties and verify you're within her accepted range before messaging her.

[Cersei]

Why would a 20 year old woman want a 40 year old dude?

[thefooloftheyear]

So much BS in this thread....coming from mostly older women, no surprise..

 

In fact, i've never seen so much interest in older men from younger women than now...Part of the reason is that many mid 20+ year old women have grown tired of immature, irresponsible, and "unmanly" men their own age, along with the reality that a lot of guys in their later years look better than they ever have...

 

I have no particular dog in this fight, and have no interest in any arrangement as such, but having said that, there is practically zero chance that I would fail if I wanted to go that route.....Zero...Would I be universally appealing to all women in this age group? of course not, but to think it's something that's impossible?? Nah...

 

TFY

[Wallysbears]

So much BS in this thread....coming from mostly older women, no surprise..

 

In fact, i've never seen so much interest in older men from younger women than now...Part of the reason is that many mid 20+ year old women have grown tired of immature, irresponsible, and "unmanly" men their own age, along with the reality that a lot of guys in their later years look better than they ever have...

 

I have no particular dog in this fight, and have no interest in any arrangement as such, but having said that, there is practically zero chance that I would fail if I wanted to go that route.....Zero...Would I be universally appealing to all women in this age group? of course not, but to think it's something that's impossible?? Nah...

 

TFY

 

 

Not former inmates and addicts who offer very little and/or aren’t necessarily attractive.

[stillafool]

I have to agree with FOTY there does seem to be an awful lot of 20's women going for older men these days as well as younger men going for older women. I don't know why as I remember back when I was in my 20s you didn't see young women and especially young men (unless they were unattractive) going for older people. What has changed?

[preraph]

Well, women in their 20s who don't think that 40-something men look and act like old men is rare. So I guess what you need is to make a lot of money and just find someone who wants a sugar daddy. If you were exceptionally good looking, some of these women would give you a date or two, so if you want to ask out some 20-somethings who are a lot less attractive than yourself, that might work. But the truth is they're young at heart and from a certain generation they relate to and they'll likely go out a few times and then realize there's no connection, that they can't relate to you. I don't think any of them are going to do FWB with you when they could do it with someone young and attractive instead. I mean, why would they? You do realize that if a woman is even willing to do FWB at all, which most aren't, then they are able to do only that with someone who is up a couple of notches on the attractiveness scale, which is they main reason they'd agree to it -- and even then hoping against hope the guy falls for them, which he won't.

 

This is going to have to be a paid thing.

[stillafool]

Unfortunately there does seem to be a lot of women who weren't raised with a father in the home. These young women have daddy issues and typically go for older men. It's quite sad.

[central]

You'll have better luck finding someone closer to your age. However, if you're in the right place at the right time, may be some 20-something will pick you up. I had a young 30s woman pick me up during an event 8 years ago (me, mid-50s), and we've been on/off FWB ever since.

 

Attend events where there is a range of ages, and be friendly and chat with everyone, regardless of age, sex, or relationship status. If you're perceived as an interesting, decent person, you may get some of the attention you want.

Edited January 27, 2019 by central

[d0nnivain]

Just hit on 20 somethings until one says yes. Do not mention commitment & proceed to have fun.

[losangelena]

I love how this is “not you,” lol, sure. ;-)

[golden.peach]

First of all I'm not a 40's man trying to get 20's girls. This is another hypothetical question that I'm asking as if I was.

 

Lets say I'm a single early 40's guy, I don't have 6 pack but at least I do cardio and work out so my body weight is healthy, I have an average face, I have tiny bit of wrinkle and lost a bit of hair.

 

I don't have spare income to get a sugar baby, and I wouldn't even if I did. I don't make 6 figures, I don't own a mansion, I don't drive a luxuary car. But I make average money, I live in a decent apartment, I drive a decent sedan. I can easily afford to take women out on dates. Dinner, movie, pub, I have no problem spending $200-$300 for a good time.

 

I'm a well maintained guy in my 40's. I exercise, eat healthy, and dress clean to make myself look good. I'm willing to spend money on dates and buy flowers and gifts. I'm looking for a 20's woman as FWB who is also well maintained, exercise, eat healthy and dress clean. I don't want fat women, or women who doesn't spend their time to look good.

 

I see women in their 20's are usually hooking up with men in their 20's. I am aging and u can see that my look has deteriorated a bit. But I still think I bring enough to the table to complete with guys in their 20's. I spent my 20's and 30's in and out of jail, homeless shelter, being addicted to drugs and gang, and never have much to invest on women. I'm a changed man now and I think I still have it.

 

Do u think I would be able to find a 20's woman as FWB? And what should I do to find her and get her to be with me?

 

Is this an ad or something? Haha

 

Even though I'm in my late 20's I could find many reasons why a guy in his 40's would be interesting. Also, many of my lady friends (aged 20-30) are at least fantasizing about experimenting with older men.

 

Throwing the whole sugar babies thingie aside, dating a man in his 40's comes with some benefits based on his life experience. Generally, he should be more mature, wise, well-established, psychologically balanced and more confident. Also, man at that age kinda have a spark going on for a few years.

 

I could see something like this working out for a while. As to what it takes - well, I think everyone is attracted to authenticity.

[Highroller107]

Are you bald or do you have a full head of hair? 40 isn’t too old. It should be easy, you should just go to a club where 20’s women are. Assuming you are not too old looking you can maybe pass for a 30 year old man at least.

[littleblackheart]

ExH (42) seems to find it easy, at least on-off, short-term relationships.

 

He's no millionaire but he's physically attractive, fit, healthy and well-groomed. He runs a lot so he meets lots of them at running events. He also started yoga, for the sole purpose of pulling 20yos.

 

He isn't a criminal (that I know of) but he has elaborate sob stories to pull at the girls' heart strings, probably the same one he served me when we met 20 years ago!

[Kitty Tantrum]

Young women who are "well-maintained" (healthy body weight, good exercise and grooming habits, put effort into appearance) are far above "average" compared to the general female population. A guy in his 40s with a history of criminal behavior, gang involvement, and drug addiction who now has an aging body/receding hairline and makes just enough to support himself... is well below average compared to the general male population.

 

It's not impossible for a below-average guy to seduce above-average women, but it usually involves an exceptional amount of charisma, honed/calculated social skill, and/or outright lying to make yourself seem like a better deal than you are. And you'll have better chances meeting women in person than using online dating/hookup apps. Also there are plenty of girls with daddy issues who might be specifically drawn to your particular composition... but they are also likelier to get emotionally entangled, I think.

 

The thing is, women who are legitimately interested in a FWB arrangement where none of the "benefits" are financial/material perks beyond an occasional average/nice date, can literally take their pick of handsome, suave, charming, fit men. A woman who is willing to settle for no substantial gain in terms of resources and commitment can literally get some of the hottest and most appealing men out there to throw a few hours of fun, attention, and sex at her here and there. She could have one for every day of the week. Even if she's not the most attractive woman, all she has to do is put herself out there and these men will more or less start throwing themselves at her.

 

I was fairly overweight when my ex-husband wanted to get into swinging, and when we eventually ended up with separate profiles on one site in addition to our couple's profile, I was SHOCKED by the number of really objectively attractive/fit single men who flooded my inbox. It didn't even seem right because I was just a fatty with a pretty face. But that's the reality of it. Now, most of those men probably wouldn't have wanted a fatty for a GIRLFRIEND, but for just a FWB/NSA arrangement it's vastly more common to see above-average men with below-average women. This is because, statistically speaking, most women don't value sex for its own sake the same way men do.

 

For women, sex is a way to secure resources and commitment. For men, resources and commitment are a way to secure sex. Your sex is not as valuable to a woman as her sex is to you - period. There are exceptions of course, but a couple generations of available birth control and sexual revolution aren't enough to change or invalidate the "rules" that have been determined by countless generations of biological and social adaptation.

 

So you have to ask yourself - hypothetically, of course - what reason would an attractive young woman have to filter through all of the offers from cleaner, healthier, fitter, more attractive, more materially successful men, to entertain yours? If YOU can't come up with any specific and compelling reasons of your own, chances are she won't either.

[edgygirl]

When I was in my 20s I found men in their 40s a turn off dating-wise. I only dated men in their 20s. I don't remember being able to connect to them emotionally either nor I was attracted to them.

 

 

 

I don't want to be judgemental as I know people are attracted to different kinds of people, but I think most women in that age who date men double their age either have daddy issues or are looking for money and material comfort.

[Lemontea]

I don't think any of them are going to do FWB with you when they could do it with someone young and attractive instead. You do realize that if a woman is even willing to do FWB at all, then they are able to do only that with someone who is up a couple of notches on the attractiveness scale

Okay so ur saying I'm less attractive than men in the 20's just because I'm 40's. I was the the Taylor Lautner when I was younger and I'm aging like a fine wine. My look has deteriorated a bit but I still have it.

 

Even though I'm in my late 20's I could find many reasons why a guy in his 40's would be interesting. dating a man in his 40's comes with some benefits based on his life experience. Generally, he should be more mature, wise, well-established, psychologically balanced and more confident. Also, man at that age kinda have a spark going on for a few years. As to what it takes - well, I think everyone is attracted to authenticity.

Thank you.

 

Young women who are "well-maintained" (healthy body weight, good exercise and grooming habits, put effort into appearance) are far above "average" compared to the general female population. A guy in his 40s with a history of criminal behavior, gang involvement, and drug addiction who now has an aging body/receding hairline and makes just enough to support himself... is well below average compared to the general male population.

 

So you have to ask yourself - hypothetically, of course - what reason would an attractive young woman have to filter through all of the offers from cleaner, healthier, fitter, more attractive, more materially successful men, to entertain yours? If YOU can't come up with any specific and compelling reasons of your own, chances are she won't either.

 

I'm not well below average compared to the general male. I think I'm way above average compared to men in their 40's. I'm single, no children, healthy body weight, I make average money but I can afford to spend it because I don't have a mortgage or need to support a family, I have time to take care of a girlfriend, I'm willing to spend hundreds on dates. Sure I have aged a bit, but that's just natural.

[basil67]

Okay so ur saying I'm less attractive than men in the 20's just because I'm 40's.

 

I thought this thread was hypothetical

[basil67]

So much BS in this thread....coming from mostly older women, no surprise..

 

Try not to think of it as BS. Instead, think of it as a group reaction by a number of older women who's sleaze meters have just skyrocketed into the red zone. They want to protect younger women and daughters from this predatory behaviour, and some of them probably wish they could go back in time and protect their younger selves.

 

I don't recall if you have a daughter. But how would you react if the hypothetical man in this discussion wanted your daughter or one of your daughter's friends as a FWB?

 

Yes, an older guy who's not anything flash and with an extensive criminal background can probably get a young woman. But the only young women likely to be attracted to this guy would already be very damaged. But this hypothetical guy doesn't care - he just wants to use her for sex.

 

So yeah, this is what's behind the 'BS' response by the older women.

 

Edited to add: I call it predatory because he's seeking to find a women who's got far less life experience to use for sex.

Edited January 28, 2019 by basil67

[Interstellar]

So much BS in this thread....coming from mostly older women, no surprise..

 

In fact, i've never seen so much interest in older men from younger women than now...Part of the reason is that many mid 20+ year old women have grown tired of immature, irresponsible, and "unmanly" men their own age, along with the reality that a lot of guys in their later years look better than they ever have...

 

I have no particular dog in this fight, and have no interest in any arrangement as such, but having said that, there is practically zero chance that I would fail if I wanted to go that route.....Zero...Would I be universally appealing to all women in this age group? of course not, but to think it's something that's impossible?? Nah...

 

TFY

 

It’s okay for women to put in their preference that they’re looking for a Tall, Caucasian male that’s at least 6 feet and up, haha but God forbid a guy puts a certain preference on their profile and you see all the old, bitter women come out of the woodwork with pitchforks and all.

[Simple Logic]

I know a lot of men in their 40s, none with a GF in their 20s. I do know 1 guy in his 60s that has a 20 year old GF, but I suspect she has some “issues”.

[thefooloftheyear]

Try not to think of it as BS. Instead, think of it as a group reaction by a number of older women who's sleaze meters have just skyrocketed into the red zone. They want to protect younger women and daughters from this predatory behaviour, and some of them probably wish they could go back in time and protect their younger selves.

 

I don't recall if you have a daughter. But how would you react if the hypothetical man in this discussion wanted your daughter or one of your daughter's friends as a FWB?

 

Yes, an older guy who's not anything flash and with an extensive criminal background can probably get a young woman. But the only young women likely to be attracted to this guy would already be very damaged. But this hypothetical guy doesn't care - he just wants to use her for sex.

 

So yeah, this is what's behind the 'BS' response by the older women.

 

Edited to add: I call it predatory because he's seeking to find a women who's got far less life experience to use for sex.

 

Here's the thing....

 

Yes, I do have a daughter and yes, I would not advise her to go that route...

 

But I take exception with the bolded though....Its a gross mischaracterization.. I have a close friend that is in his early sixties...He is married to a woman that is almost 30 years his junior...They have been married for almost 10 years and there is nothing creepy or unusual about it, other than the age gap...They seem like any other couple out there in all respects.. Sure, he is a successful attorney, and she is quite attractive and smart, but you can't say she's with him for his money as she makes enough and signed a pre nup….How does your "sleaze meter" react to this relationship?

 

Seems like all of you get very defensive over this, and sure...its understandable...Its tough enough being an older woman who's worth is often determined by looks, dress size, etc, and who's stock in terms of her physical appearance is going down, to have to have the added competition from younger women who are generally better, fresher, tighter, smaller, etc..I agree that it is probably a tough pill to swallow, hence the immediate action of bottle throwing...

 

 

The knee jerk reaction of just claiming all of these relationships are based out of a creepy older guy trying to swindle some naïve young woman out of her pants, or that the type of woman that would even remotely consider this would have to be "very damaged" is kinda silly....Its just not the case in all scenarios..Some? sure...just like some women go for successful guys because they are gold diggers...Others are just organically attracted..

 

TFY