Men overthink & Women speak the momentarily truth

[manfrombelow2]

This is something I have myself experienced and observed over the years.

 

1/ "Guys overthink"

Men tend to overthink or "read too much" into what women say, and eventually "get lost" in it.

 

By "getting lost" I mean the tendency to immediately apply logic and reason into trying to analyze, give "solutions" or even worse, argue with the women.

 

What guys don't know, the more you try to argue with your women, the more frustrated they gradually become, because by arguing with women instead of just LISTENING to them, men communicate that they don't listen to and don't understand women.

 

And when women feel that they are not listened to, their interest level in men will gradually drop.

 

Moral of the story: Men who understand women DON'T argue with them.

2/ Women speak the momentarily truth

 

Ever been in a situation where you get dumped and stuck in the confusion that "She said she loves me last week then why she dumped me just now?"

 

Well, the moment women say the line "I love you" (among many other lines), that's true 100%.

 

But here's the tricky part: That line is only valid in that very moment. It does not mean to be valid forever.

 

Why? Because, being emotional creatures, women say they love you because at that moment, her positive feeling for you was high enough for her to say that.

 

The moment her interest level in you drops, she stops loving you.

 

It's not their fault, it's how they were "designed" to be.

 

Many guys I know, out of resentment for being dumped by their women, tend to think that women are "natural born liars". This is wrong. They just don't understand women, that's why.

 

Moral of the story: Most of the time, women never lie. They just speak the "momentarily" truth.

[loversquarrel]

I've experienced the complete opposite of what you have numerous times. Women over think and men momentarily tell the truth. It goes both ways and psychology is far more complex than what you explain.

[snowboy91]

I don't think either of these things is male or female specific. You only have to look at a few threads here to realise that women overthink relationships just as much as men do. There is a reason why this forum exists!

 

And "momentary" truths? It sounds like you're assuming when men feel love, it's forever. A guy's feelings about his relationship can change (and possibly fade) over time, just like a woman's can.

[alphamale]

women like drama, I don't see that listed on your manifesto

[manfrombelow2]

I agree, but that's another story.

 

women like drama

[BaileyB]

I would say that your observations are applicable to both genders. All people want to feel like their partner is listening, anyone can overthink anything (these boards are a prime example), and everyone is entitled to change their mind.

 

Although, I’m not loving my boyfriend tonight because he is tired and he went to bed early, rather than texting with me. Such is life. I’m sure he will do something to make me love him again tomorrow...

Edited January 24, 2019 by BaileyB

[basil67]

Men who understand women DON'T argue with them.

 

I always prefer discussion over arguments. But what good is 'listening' if he doesn't agree with her? Is he just supposed to be a doormat and do whatever she says?

[Curiousroxy86]

Lmao it's funny how i feel the same thing except switched. How is women can overthink and how men tell their truth in the moment. Opposite sex think the same way about each other I guess

[manfrombelow2]

The bold part was your words, not mine. I never said that.

 

When I said "Men who understand women DON'T argue with them", I didn't mean men have to just "be a doormat and do whatever their women say", this is a far-stretched interpretation.

 

Yes I agree with you, discussion over arguments anytime.

 

An alpha, centered man discusses things with his woman but never allows the discussion to escalate into an argument. And he for sure is never a doormat for her or anyone else. And certainly he never "does whatever she says".

 

So how does such a man does such a task (discuss without escalating into arguments and still not being a doormat?).

 

Very simple. He just LISTENS to her, which means he just LET HER TALK and he does not try to jump into her mouth during her speech, nor he tries to give her solutions or advices when she has not asked for them. He just listens to her in a calm and loving manner and this in turns make his woman feels listened, understood and respected.

 

The positiveness and loving vibe will take care of the rest.

 

I always prefer discussion over arguments. But what good is 'listening' if he doesn't agree with her? Is he just supposed to be a doormat and do whatever she says?

Edited January 24, 2019 by thaygiaogiang

[chillii]

Way too generalized everyone's different and eh guys lose interest too if she doesn't seem to giva fk about any of his concerns either. Women can be the worst listeners also have you lived with one for 20 yrs?

What goes around comes around , neither understand each other all that well just read LS or any forum, until you actually really click with somebody and just get each other.

Edited January 24, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

The bold part was your words, not mine. I never said that.

 

When I said "Men who understand women DON'T argue with them", I didn't mean men have to just "be a doormat and do whatever their women say", this is a far-stretched interpretation. 3/4 of the relationship problems we see involve one person who's pushing hard for something and one who doesn't want it to be that way.

 

Yes I agree with you, discussion over arguments anytime.

 

An alpha, centered man discusses things with his woman but never allows the discussion to escalate into an argument. And he for sure is never a doormat for her or anyone else. And certainly he never "does whatever she says".

 

So how does such a man does such a task (discuss without escalating into arguments and still not being a doormat?).

 

Very simple. He just LISTENS to her, which means he just LET HER TALK and he does not try to jump into her mouth during her speech, nor he tries to give her solutions or advices when she has not asked for them. He just listens to her in a calm and loving manner and this in turns make his woman feels listened, understood and respected.

 

The positiveness and loving vibe will take care of the rest.

 

Yes, I know they are my words. I wrote them. And it's not a stretch to imagine a demanding woman bulldozing a guy. Heck, we have heaps of men posting here who have become doormats because they listen instead of enforcing boundaries.

 

Instead of putting all this on the man, how about putting these expectations on both parties. Both parties listen to each other and find commonality and work through issues together. Then they both end up feeling heard and respected and neither of them lets the discussion become a shouting match. It's not just a guy's job to prevent an argument.

 

Instead of advising a man to do certain behaviours to manage his partner, why not expect the woman to manage her own behaviour? Expect her to behave as an respectful and thoughtful adult rather than a child who's parents are using behavioural strategies.

 

Good relationships require work from both sides. It's not just about the man doing X and expecting Y result.

Edited January 24, 2019 by basil67

[manfrombelow2]

To me, 99% the chance that a relationship goes wrong or right all depends on the guy. Women are the reflection of their men. If their men are good, then it's a high chance that the women are good. But if their men are bad, then it's a high chance that the women are bad.

 

Men need to understand this, so the next time their relationships go wrong, they should blame themselves first, which is a rare thing to see in men these days when they all cry and resent their women.

 

Instead of putting all this on the man, how about putting these expectations on both parties.

[manfrombelow2]

I am sorry but I can't see any connection between "listen" and "enforcing boundaries".

 

A true alpha man can listen to his woman and still enforce boundaries (if needed) and still not engage into an argument with his woman.

 

we have heaps of men posting here who have become doormats because they listen instead of enforcing boundaries.

[loversquarrel]

To me, 99% the chance that a relationship goes wrong or right all depends on the guy. Women are the reflection of their men. If their men are good, then it's a high chance that the women are good. But if their men are bad, then it's a high chance that the women are bad.

 

Men need to understand this, so the next time their relationships go wrong, they should blame themselves first, which is a rare thing to see in men these days when they all cry and resent their women.

 

I think you may have overdosed on red pills. 99% depends on the man? So it's only 1% the women's fault if things in a relationship go wrong? Most men would have to work at being an alpha, so wouldn't the same hold true for most women, that they to have to work at being a good spouse?

[Wallysbears]

I am sorry but I can't see any connection between "listen" and "enforcing boundaries".

 

A true alpha man can listen to his woman and still enforce boundaries (if needed) and still not engage into an argument with his woman.

 

 

I'm just going to throw this out here:

 

My husband has very little 'control' over when I blow my top. He can try to de-escalate, etc. but when I'm pissed, I'm pissed.

 

And he's about as much of an "alpha" male (in your words) as it can get.

 

Theory and practice here are two different things in long term relationships and marriages.

[Nilfiry]

Actually, this is all true for both sexes, and not exclusive to one or another.

[PRW]

Men who understand women DON'T argue with them.

 

I always prefer discussion over arguments. But what good is 'listening' if he doesn't agree with her? Is he just supposed to be a doormat and do whatever she says?

It is a quote from CW's book. It is an over simplified expression taken out of context. It makes more sense when read in the book in the context that it is couched in.

 

I don't think posting re-hashes of the book to create discussion threads is a good idea. People are always going to get the wrong idea, misinterpret it, and just end up with threads turning into firestorms. I use principles from the book all the time but I insert them into the context of the question being asked by the OP and try to use my own words and inflection instead of just quoting the book. I may once in a while paste in a YouTube link if I think it can communicate the point better than I can do myself.

Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[manfrombelow2]

YES, it is.

 

I think you may have overdosed on red pills. 99% depends on the man? So it's only 1% the women's fault if things in a relationship go wrong?

[PRW]

I think you may have overdosed on red pills. 99% depends on the man? So it's only 1% the women's fault if things in a relationship go wrong?

That is the same mistake Corey Wayne makes with all the "hard" numbers, or the FarFromAverage YouTube channel saying, "99.9% of all <blah, blah, blah>". That is an exaggeration.

 

It isn't about "Who started it", that is grade school playground stuff. It is about who is the one that needs to be responsible to do something about it. I think it "started" with Marxists after WWII & the Korean War in the Universities back in the 1960's that introduced Group Based Politics under the disguise of Feminism. But if you think you are going to fix that don't waist your breath. The Political Correctness and ongoing war on masculinity,...has turned our current generation of men into a bunch of self centered pussies and turned far too many women into bitter "Men Wannabes". But again, you aren't going to reverse that attacking the source, it just ain't gonna happen, it is too big and too dug in. It will take generations to replace those professors with new ones that think differently,...and I'm not sure our western society has generations of time left to spend at the current rate of decay.

 

So why does it fall on the men? Women by nature are responders and men by nature are initiators. So it is the men's job to resist the PC culture, resist the anti-masculinity movement,...grow a pair of balls and learn to be a man with integrity. Then the women, being the responders that they tend to be will respond to that and much of the women's problems will fade away. Problem solved. The exception will be the hardcore anti-male feminists who have made both a business and a religion out of it. There is no saving them,...they are just "lost". The MGTOW guys on the opposite side my not be much better off in that respect,...they have become the counter part to the hardcore anti-male feminists.

 

Even in just everyday dating, most of the women's issues tend to stem from bad experiences they have had with previous men they were involved with. If they haven't gotten too messed up from it,...you put her with a good man who has integrity and masculinity and she will "smooth out" over a little time and things will be ok. The only problem are the extreme cases where things have just gone too far and they are just too screwed up,...there may not be any saving them.

Edited January 26, 2019 by PRW

[FMW]

I would suggest approaching and taking the time to get to know women as individuals - not some monolith that has a set of rules and how to guidelines. I would have the same suggestion to women about men.

 

Any woman (or man) with any awareness is going to see right through this approach and be turned off, and likely offended. I love (not!) these posts from men explaining me as a woman. It's great to share your experiences, but when you start applying them as truth and reality in general, it's a problem.

 

This approach and attitude shows a lack of respect for women in general. That may be at the core of any problems you might have with them.

Edited January 26, 2019 by Finding my way

[manfrombelow2]

No, but quite the contraty - by trying to comprehend and eventually accept the designed differences in the two genders, I am showing greate respect for women in general.

 

 

This approach and attitude shows a lack of respect for women in general.

[chillii]

You can't say what guys don't know , what guy , you , because we're all different and l know a lot, and so does my woman but eh not everything and we both make plenty of mistakes too.

Way too generalized .

If anything though in my case, my woman over thinks, and thinks , and thinks. She thinks about everything and anything and around and around for months on end.

And hey l do a bit of that myself too.

But she's triple worse haha

One funny habit of hers if if l say lt's black , she just has to work out , and work out, and work out, if l actually mean it's white. But if l say it's white, then the same again and l may mean black, she thinks. Cracks me up and a month later she might say , but you said it was white, and l say nah baby l said it was black so you automatically assume l mean white. But eh, l'm use to it.

Edited January 26, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

That is the same mistake Corey Wayne makes with all the "hard" numbers, or the FarFromAverage YouTube channel saying, "99.9% of all <blah, blah, blah>". That is an exaggeration.

 

I agree with you about quoting CW stats. Taking them literally is a move which makes possibly good posters lose so much credibility.

 

So why does it fall on the men? Women by nature are responders and men by nature are initiators. So it is the men's job to resist the PC culture, resist the anti-masculinity movement,...grow a pair of balls and learn to be a man with integrity. Then the women, being the responders that they tend to be will respond to that and much of the women's problems will fade away. Problem solved.

 

So you're saying that men created the whole situation with women calling them out on toxic masculinity and that it's up to men to fix the situation and treat women with respect? If so, I think we've found strong agreement.

[chillii]

This is something I have myself experienced and observed over the years.

 

<snip>

Apart from the many other holes in all this and the fact that once again the blame all goes on to men and some reason unbeknown to me they just suck it up . lf it's real love , yes , she will still feel it and mean it in a week a year and maybe even a lifetime.

 

l love listening to her but l also know when she's saying black means white, well most of the time haha. Be pretty boring if we got it all perfect though . Be a real sorry day though when l listen to any of these over analyzing guru types or 3/4 of the head fkg bullshyt all over the net these days that everyone fks with and seem to get themselves into knots over though, just shoot me l think.

 

lf your a good couple it's nothing all too complicated we talk about anything with no bs at all and a lotta laughs thrown in. Stuff l was talking about before is just another humorous he and she side to things though, my woman admits she does that we chuckle about it but it's never on anything serious.

She calls it how it is when it's real stuff and so do l.

Edited January 27, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote and fix spacing

[PRW]

So you're saying that men created the whole situation with women calling them out on toxic masculinity

No, society created the problem by beating the masculinity out of the men and turning them into either a bunch of little emasculated pussies, or the opposite extreme of what you see in MGTOW.

 

and that it's up to men to fix the situation and treat women with respect? If so, I think we've found strong agreement.

Yes, but by re-gaining the masculinity that they have given up. Real masculinity includes integrity by nature. The true definition of masculinity is not what you get when you allow a screwed up society (which screwed it up in the first place) to define the terms.

 

In any case, to keep it simple, in a practical sense, the solution rests on the shoulders of the men to break the cycle, become the men they were supposed to be, and let society catch up later, if it ever does (which I doubt will ever happen). I don't personally think western society will survive much more than another couple generations. I'm old enough I won't be around to worry about it.