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Living a celibate life in a marriage?


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In one of my previous post, I might have created some comment that might have hurt people of specific gender. I really do apologize for that. However, statements like "women do not owe you any politeness", "who cares how you feel", "If you get humiliated, then its your fault" make me think that some people really do not care how you feel. They think that they are entitled to humiliate you and insult you no matter how good you are to them. Even though I do not believe I did anything wrong, yet I am the one who is apologizing here.

 

Anyway, after thinking about it a lot, I have decided that I will never approach opposite gender anymore. I will not approach my own gender either because I am not a homosexual. I will marry a woman because I want kid, but apart from that I will never have sex with her or even touch her. I will be "respecting" her by not having sex with her, and I will never "violate" her in this way. If this is what people want me to do, then they got it.

 

I would make a good roommate and a good husband by "respecting" her in this way. Even though I explained that I am not a bad person, yet people do not understand what I try to say. Right now I am considering testosterone suppressing medicines to destroy my libido because people think that I just form relationships because all I want is sex. They think that apart from sex I do not care how my partner would feel or what they want. If that is the case, then I would never even touch my woman no matter what. Anyway, as I mentioned above, I am considering taking testosterone suppressors to the point that it totally destroys my libido.

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um, I'm not sure where you got the conclusion that you need to take testosterone suppressors.

 

When I first read this post, I admit I wasn't sure what you were trying to get at. I read some of your others posts, and it sounds to me like you are a typical 25 year old guy. In my experience, a high percentage of 25 year old guys have a high sex drive. I don't see that as anything to be concerned about. If you're with a woman and she's as eager as you are, what's the problem?

 

If you're just 25, what's the rush to get married anyway? Go out, meet lots of women and find out what it is you need/want in a life partner. Think of it like buying a home. You wouldn't just slap down a deposit on the first shed you come across...you'd likley do your research, look at several properties and find the one that's a perfect fit for you. This could be the rest of your life you're talking about!

 

Take the time to really get to know yourself, and in the meantime, meet most of people, both men and women. Make friends, date and learn about yourself and others, but just make sure you don't lead a woman on. One day, without even knowing it, you may well find a lady who ticks all your boxes and who feels the same way about you.

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I will be "respecting" her by not having sex with her, and I will never "violate" her in this way. If this is what people want me to do, then they got it.

 

If "people" are women, I think you're overlooking the learning curve we all go through in our teens and 20's.

 

Looking back, I definitely did some cringe-worthy things with women that, by today's standards, would be considered disrespectful. I was young, dumb and full of myself, and that arrogance led to an entitlement that didn't serve me - or my partner - well in relationships.

 

But I was open-minded enough to learn some lessons and grasp some basic concepts. And when I stopped looking at sex and women as conquests and started to be interested in them as people, it was pretty easy to see certain behaviors were counter-productive.

 

I get the feeling you see sex as the prize, it's the goal behind the interaction. As others have suggested, you might discuss with a therapist an approach that sees sex as but one of the benefits of any real relationship, marriage included. I hope you follow through...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Just make sure you communicate this unique perspective to any potential partner. Very few will share your belief but anyone who does needs to enter a relationship with you with her eyes wide open.

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I get the feeling you see sex as the prize, it's the goal behind the interaction. As others have suggested, you might discuss with a therapist an approach that sees sex as but one of the benefits of any real relationship, marriage included. I hope you follow through...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

No. I don't see sex as the prize. In fact, its quite opposite of what you said. I just view sex as a way of bonding and seeking pleasure with the opposite gender. This also includes sex as a mean to reproduce. Majority of the people, I repeat MAJORITY, not all people of the opposite gender believe that it is a prize for us. If that is the case, then I don't need any sex from them at all. Thanks, but no thanks. I would rather stay celibate and never touch them at all. This is just my final decision. I don't need any therapist. People who view sex as prize should see a therapist because they are the ones who are ruining their own relationships. I'm just fine.

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Way too much going on there. I think you should seek out a counselor and talk this out.

 

No. I don't need any counselor. I'm fine. Thanks, but no thanks.

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Just make sure you communicate this unique perspective to any potential partner. Very few will share your belief but anyone who does needs to enter a relationship with you with her eyes wide open.

 

I don't know why you think that a person needs to keep her eyes wide open while entering into a relationship with me.

 

I think you should rephrase your words. A manipulative person needs to be very careful while entering into a relationship with me. I have NO PLACE for manipulative people in my life who view sex as a prize, reward, or favor. I will just kick them out of my life in no time.

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um, I'm not sure where you got the conclusion that you need to take testosterone suppressors.

 

When I first read this post, I admit I wasn't sure what you were trying to get at. I read some of your others posts, and it sounds to me like you are a typical 25 year old guy. In my experience, a high percentage of 25 year old guys have a high sex drive. I don't see that as anything to be concerned about. If you're with a woman and she's as eager as you are, what's the problem?<snip>

 

I'm 27 years old, not 25 years old. Anyway, that's the best advice someone could give me. Thanks, mate. If a woman does not view sex as a favor and is as sexually driven as I am, then I have no problem forming a great sexual relation with her. Apart from having great sexual relations, I will always be supportive towards her in every possible ways.

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Sorry about the age mistake.

 

There are lots of women out there ( pepperbird raises her hand) that view sex as if it's something really special. To us, it's the ultimate bonding experience. Like I said, the keys are honesty and patience.

 

In the meantime, every friendship or romantic relationship you have will teach you about yourself, which is great. The more you learn, the better you'll be able to recognize the woman who's a great fit for you when you find her.

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I'm just fine.

 

Only-yours, proposing a celibate marriage and medically suppressing your testosterone isn't "just fine", it's a solution to a problem that doesn't exist. Any woman who loves you enough to have a family with you won't accept these bizarre conditions.

 

Why don't you work first on having a healthy, sexually satisfying relationship with someone so you have a baseline to which you can compare your present situation? Then you can at least make an informed choice...

 

Mr. Lucky

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somanymistakes
I don't know why you think that a person needs to keep her eyes wide open while entering into a relationship with me.

 

because:

 

1) You are not offering a standard relationship. That's fine, but you need to be very sure that the person you try to enter a relationship with knows what you are and are not offering.

 

2) You appear to have issues which you are addressing in a manipulative way. You're saying a lot of angry things about what you think other people want from you (which you may not be correct about) and pushing your decisions off on them... blaming "people" for what you're doing. You're not saying much about what you personally want.

 

That suggests you are not currently in touch with what you want, which suggests that a relationship with you has the risk of you emotionally imploding and blaming your partner for "making" you do something you didn't want.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I read your other thread about being passive aggressive, and that's exactly what you are being in this thread.

 

Some women aren't going to be interested in a romantic relationship with you. Simple as that. You're taking way too much offense in that, it seems like. Has nothing to do with sex.

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I read your other thread about being passive aggressive, and that's exactly what you are being in this thread.

 

Some women aren't going to be interested in a romantic relationship with you. Simple as that. You're taking way too much offense in that, it seems like. Has nothing to do with sex.

 

So you are suggesting that I am a passive aggresive man just because I disaprove manipulative behavior? I do not want to remain in a manipulative relationship. Simple as that. I am not a passive aggressive man anymore. I no longer think that way. But it seems to me that I will be called a bad person and not worthy of entering into a relationship with just because I am against manipulation. It looks like people who are against me are the ones who sanction manipulative behavior and are manipulative themselves in thier own relationship.

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Nobody is saying you have to like manipulation. I think everyone agrees manipulation is bad.

 

I for one am confused about what you do want.

 

If you want to have sex have sex. If you don't want to have sex, be celibate.

 

If you want to be celibate, except for purposes of procreation, do make that position clear to an potential partner from the outset. It would be deceitful on your part to lead a woman to believe you want a healthy robust sex life if you don't.

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Only-yours, proposing a celibate marriage and medically suppressing your testosterone isn't "just fine", it's a solution to a problem that doesn't exist. Any woman who loves you enough to have a family with you won't accept these bizarre conditions.

 

Why don't you work first on having a healthy, sexually satisfying relationship with someone so you have a baseline to which you can compare your present situation? Then you can at least make an informed choice...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I already stated that if a woman is as eager as me sexually, then I have no problem forming a great sexual relationship with her. However, if a woman thinks that she can control me using sexual manipulation or thinks she is giving me sex as favor, then thanks, but no thanks. I would rather remain celibate than having sex with a woman who thinks this way. It looks like people are just taking things out of context and ignoring points I am trying to make.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
So you are suggesting that I am a passive aggresive man just because I disaprove manipulative behavior? <snip>

 

No, I'm saying you're passive aggressive because of your passive aggressive statements in your OP.......

 

"Anyway, after thinking about it a lot, I have decided that I will never approach opposite gender anymore. I will not approach my own gender either because I am not a homosexual. I will marry a woman because I want kid, but apart from that I will never have sex with her or even touch her. I will be "respecting" her by not having sex with her, and I will never "violate" her in this way. If this is what people want me to do, then they got it. "
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CautiouslyOptimistic
I already stated that if a woman is as eager as me sexually, then I have no problem forming a great sexual relationship with her. However, if a woman thinks that she can control me using sexual manipulation or thinks she is giving me sex as favor, then thanks, but no thanks. I would rather remain celibate than having sex with a woman who thinks this way. It looks like people are just taking things out of context and ignoring points I am trying to make.

 

OP, how old are you?

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Nobody is saying you have to like manipulation. I think everyone agrees manipulation is bad.

 

I for one am confused about what you do want.

 

If you want to have sex have sex. If you don't want to have sex, be celibate.

 

If you want to be celibate, except for purposes of procreation, do make that position clear to an potential partner from the outset. It would be deceitful on your part to lead a woman to believe you want a healthy robust sex life if you don't.

 

I think I already made it clear that if a woman really wants sex, then I have no problem forming a relationship with her. BUT if a woman thinks she could use sex to make me do what I do not want to do or thinks she is giving sex as a favor, then I would rather remain celibate than touching such woman who thinks she could control me using her genitals. It is just that simple.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I am 27 years old.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of resentment to work through. Have you ever been in therapy?

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I think I already made it clear that if a woman really wants sex, then I have no problem forming a relationship with her. BUT if a woman thinks she could use sex to make me do what I do not want to do or thinks she is giving sex as a favor, then I would rather remain celibate than touching such woman who thinks she could control me using her genitals. It is just that simple.

 

Now you made it clear, not before.

 

Sex is not a weapon so you are right to avoid manipulative people like that.

 

So what exactly is the problem? Find a genuine person & date her.

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Till you land a hot woman who gives you an instant boner when you are around her, then you will change your perspective...

 

You are just trying to excuse away the fact you haven't found the one yet but when you do all bets will be off..

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Now you made it clear, not before.

 

Sex is not a weapon so you are right to avoid manipulative people like that.

 

So what exactly is the problem? Find a genuine person & date her.

 

Personaly I believe that it is just useless to have sex with a woman who is not as much sexually excited as the man. It is just useless to be sexually intimate with a woman who does not desire sex as much as the man does and just gives sex to him. Sexual intimacy is much better when both partners desire it equally. I would be reluctant to be sexually intimate with a woman who just gives sex without desiring it herself.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
<snip>Sexual intimacy is much better when both partners desire it equally. I would be reluctant to be sexually intimate with a woman who just gives sex without desiring it herself.

 

Well, you're not alone in feeling this way. It's normal to want to be desired. But you seem to think it's like a needle in a haystack to find that. Why?

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