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I have been with my girlfriend nearly 3 months (29th Jan)

 

Relationship is going really well both happy

 

I get along with her mum & sister (No dad) & She get along with my family

 

Me 28 Her 23

 

She is a Nurse works 7-7.30 (Days/Nights) Different days each week....

 

I work Monday-Friday

 

Usually see each other 1-2 times a week (Sometimes more depends on her shifts) & she stays over (Mine) when she has a day off at weekend..

 

I still do other things & see friends & Like to have my alone time etc

 

We got things planned on her week off (Next week) Seeing each other Sat (Afternoon)-Sunday (All day) Wed (Evening)-(Sat Morning) Plans might change)

 

I haven't stayed at hers yet her mum wants to wait till her sister (17) turns 18 before I Stay over

 

Recently her mum has said/hinted that we are spending way too much time together & moaned that she isn't at home spending time with her...

 

Why would her mum say this?? She don't see her mum as much due to shift work & she likes to see me when she's not working as that might be only day in the week we get to see each other....

 

How can 1-2 times a week be too much? I do like to see her at least once a week, Everytime I suggest to do something/stay over mine she always has to ask her mum if it's ok etc

 

Is there anything I should say/do or am I over thinking & it will be all fine?

 

Don't wanna cause an argument

Edited by GTR King
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Glad to hear the relationship is going well. :) Seeing each other 1-2 times a week isn't a lot, but it's evident that her mum wants to see her more. It's a conversation that needs to happen between her and her mum, I would advise against getting involved. I'm sure an agreement can be made and she sees you some days and sees her mum other days, but again, that's for her and her mum to decide.

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Mum is saying it because she's having trouble letting her daughter go. It's an issue which your g/f will have to address in her own way and time.

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Why is a 23 year old adult asking her mother for permission to do anything?

 

Sounds like a bit of enmeshment, like leftover patterns from childhood. Would probably stop if she got her own place, but since she still lives at home she probably feels a bit childlike in some ways.

 

I’d frankly ignore her mother’s complaints. It’s not her relationship.

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Her dad did pass away last year (Feb) & before she met me she used to spend loads of time with her mum but now she spends her free time with me (Usually not much due to her shifts)...

 

It is annoying when she says no (Sometimes) to please her mum

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If she's saying 'no' too often to please her mum, then all you can do is consider if this is the right relationship for you.

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She dose say no sometimes to please her mum (Not all the time) but dose find it annoying when she can't see me or invites me round so she can see her mum and me at the same time (As that sometimes is the only way to see me) which is fine but i do want some alone time with her,

 

It's not like I wanna see her 5-6 times a week 1-3 times will do me....

 

but as she dose shifts sometimes it's hard as might only see her for an hour or 2 some weeks that might be the only time we get to see each other but her mum will wanna see her as well in her only spare time that week...

 

Her mum dose like me...

 

we message every day & call most days of the week,

 

she says she misses me loads when we are not together

 

We do both love each other..

 

It's not an Issue at the moment but might be in the future If I start to see her less etc

 

So I Should let them to sort it out???

Edited by GTR King
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why's that?

 

She has said she would like me to stay at her house in the future

 

My mum not fussed when she stays over mine...

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You are a son. It's different.

 

Adapt some old fashioned values when under the mom's roof. You can stay there, if you must, but not in the bed with your GF.

 

Trust me showing respect & deference to mom will go a long way to keeping you in her good graces. She is also beginning to view you as an interloper who is taking her daughter away. You don't need to give her proof that you & her daughter are sexually active.

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ooh I didn't know she was thinking that, Is that a bad thing??

 

Her mum know's we are sexually active she told her...

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Being told something like that & seeing it with your own eyes are different things.

 

Why do you think your GF's mother is complaining about how much time your GF spends with you? Mom thinks you two are too serious too fast & wants things to slow down to a sustainable pace. Mom is on target. Give a little to get a lot. Show that you are a good man, in this for the long haul by respecting mom's wishes.

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That's what I wanna do...

 

I don't wanna be in her bad books but I feel 1-2 times a week is fine if it was 4-5 times a week then that would be too much...

 

When she spends time with her mum i won''t hear from her for ages (Usally distracted by the PS4)

 

But when she she is doing other things (Except for work) She will call/message me allot more

Edited by GTR King
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Stop being jealous of the mother. Be mature & understanding about the fact that they spend time together & during that time you come in 2nd

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Thanks for the advice mate,

 

For now will have to accept that sometimes she will want to see her mum to keep her happy, instead of seeing me,

 

Things might change in the future who knows

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Staying overnight at your girlfriends house is wrong because it's her mum's house. Mum's house = mum's rules.

 

When your g/f moves out, she can have all the freedom she desires.

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That is so true :)

 

Fully respect her mums wishes wasn’t expecting to stay over unless asked..

 

There might be some weeks I won’t see her at all due to her shift work & mum wanting to spend time with her, on the only day she has off, is annoying but will have to accept that for now...

 

Girlfriend has another week off in March & requested some weekends off in April (Dunno if they have been approved yet) as she wants to spend time with me, but feels her mum might moan again as not spending enough time at home with her or doing house work etc

 

It’t up to my Girlfriend & her mum to talk about this issue

Edited by GTR King
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Update Everything is going well so far

 

Spend sunday round Girlfriends mums house helping her & Her mum sort the pond out which was great fun we all got along well but was soo cold lol.....

 

Even spoke to mum a few times during the day then all chilled on PS4 Playing lego game in evening

 

Mum didn't moan when she found out I was round for the day...

 

But got the gist that she don't mind how much I see Girlfriend but would rather I go round there instead of going out as she still gets to see her, and she gets to see me.. Girlfriend was hurt badly before mum doesn't want that to happen again

 

We message few times a day not loads.....

 

So just going to go along with it and see what happens. Still want some days to myself and see friends etc

Edited by GTR King
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  • 3 weeks later...
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All going good so far :)

 

Her mum has hardly moan at all (moaned last night got confused about day we was meeting up and why kitchen was a mess etc and why she won't be home for food delivery at 8. g.f got peed off but all sorted so all good) I have been told I am only aloud to stay round once Girlfriend has cleaned her bedroom out don't think she done that yet...

 

Last saw G.F yesterday for lunch (Was unplanned she surprised me) then met me after work as finished GYM/Swimming (Was a surprise & GYM near my work) chilled at mine then went for food. (Did yesterday instead so she can spend today with family for mums bday is tomz) (Got her little card G.F sorted that for me)

 

Next seeing each other Thursday/friday Picking her up 7.30-8am (After Night Shift) then back to mine so she can sleep and I can play Xbox/PS4 For few hours till she wakes up then out for valentines meal in Evening.

 

Got card prob get flowers tomorrow on way home from work

 

So all good :) we planning week holiday together soon sept/oct time

Edited by GTR King
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