Joyce Simmons Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) I have this friend who just moved from Pittsburg like 8 months complaining about the dating culture in our town. It’s a Midwest town, average sized city, with a football/baseball league at least. She was telling me how bad it is that guys don’t do the “cold” approach and saying when she lived in Pittsburg guys are persistent and approach women on the streets. Where I live guys don’t do cold approaches. I told her she could go salsa dancing or a bar to meet guys. Sports bar at least nothing trashy, she refuses. She said Tinder is the place she gets all her dates. In my opinion Tinder is the worst, online dating sucks. She told me, “confident men don’t need Bars to approach women.” I’m like wth? And what about Tinder? Men who hide behind their phones all day, post photos of them 10 years ago, men that are shy that don’t leave the house. Confident men don’t need tinder either. I suggested she should join a class or hobby to meet men,she refuses, she said she “doesn’t want to put any work in it.” Geez. She wants a man to approach her on the streets, I’ve never been to Pittsburgh before but if she saying that men approach her on the streets where she lived then why hasn’t she found a man yet? Who’s in the wrong here? Edited January 12, 2019 by Joyce Simmons Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) I only go to bars with friends because when alcohol and me mix... it's crazy... and makes it dangerous for me so bars...not my cup of tea. lol... It seems the older (in my 50's) we get the harder it is for guys to approach woman and talk with them. I find this true all the time. Even when I strike up a conversation with a guy they still have a problem asking for a phone number. I also live in a big city. When I lived in a small town I never lacked for suitors but here in the city it has been a real challenge. Edited January 12, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joyce Simmons Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) Online dating sucks. Guys shouldn’t have a problem asking a girl for their numbers in person if they are truly interested. I would rather meet someone in person, at least I know what I’m looking at. Guys that hide behind a phone screen all day and never leave the house to meet a woman in the flesh? Edited January 12, 2019 by Joyce Simmons Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I agree online dating is the worst. They shouldn't but they do. The only guy that has asked me for my phone number in the last 10 years was my ex. lol... Society needs some serious help?? lol... One of my goals this year is less computer time and leaving my phone at home when I am out and about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 If I had relied solely on bumping into people and hadn’t done online dating...I wouldn’t have met my husband. I also met men in person. And my husband is not the type to be on a phone or computer a lot. He did online dating for the same reason I did - you can meet people you Won’t necessarily cross paths with otherwise. But we live/lived in a large metro area...me on one side while single and him the other. We didn’t go to the same places, etc Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 It sounds like your friend is happy using Tinder as a second choice. So she's doing what works for her. Therefore, she's right and you are wrong to criticise. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joyce Simmons Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) :D:laugh:It sounds like your friend is happy using Tinder as a second choice. So she's doing what works for her. Therefore, she's right and you are wrong to criticise. She’s wrong to criticize ME. I’m happy to NOT do tinder/online dating. I like meeting guys the old fashion way. So, don’t take her side. She’s criticizing me, remember? We all do what works for us, so she shouldn’t be bitchin at me going ballroom dancing to meet guys. But who knows what kind of trauma she had going to a social settings. I have trauma online dating Edited January 12, 2019 by Joyce Simmons Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I like tinder. Some people just do. Ive also met men in real life, tho not as many because tinder is just an endless easy supply. I’ve had reasonable success with both. There are probably some people who are better suited to one or the other. I’m not sure why a person would care about how a friend chooses to go about meeting potential partners. I suggested she should join a class or hobby to meet men,she refuses, she said she “doesn’t want to put any work in it.” Geez. Isn’t this what you said about the first few dates, that you aren’t supposed to put any work into it? I think you even said it was unfair that a man would expect you to. Maybe that’s a fine position for you and your friend — maybe you don’t want it enough to put work in and that seems fine to me. Not sure, tho, why your approach is superior to hers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 :D:laugh: She’s criticizing me, remember? That’s not how the OP reads. Seems like you’re both pretty critical. But I understood you to be saying that you were trying to convince her not to use tinder or were at least trying to make a point that tinder is a bad way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joyce Simmons Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) I like tinder. Some people just do. Ive also met men in real life, tho not as many because tinder is just an endless easy supply. I’ve had reasonable success with both. There are probably some people who are better suited to one or the other. I’m not sure why a person would care about how a friend chooses to go about meeting potential partners. Isn’t this what you said about the first few dates, that you aren’t supposed to put any work into it? I think you even said it was unfair that a man would expect you to. Maybe that’s a fine position for you and your friend — maybe you don’t want it enough to put work in and that seems fine to me. Not sure, tho, why your approach is superior to hers. You probably didn’t read my last post on there. Let me post it on here to refresh your memory Okay, Well, the next time I go on a 1st date/2nd/3rd dates. Try to be more open Try to share funny/interesting stories Be engaging Not be uptight Let loose Ask questions And since I can be vey guarded and reserved, I’m going to drink at least 2 cocktails to “loosen up.” Make myself sound more interesting. Try to be exciting and fun. And most importantly even if I do all those things listed above and I still get nexted-I have to realize the man didn’t feel the “chemistry” or “spark” with me. What crap luck I have with men. Now this is what I’m going to do from NOW on. why bring up my outdated posts???? Edited January 12, 2019 by Joyce Simmons Link to post Share on other sites
bradt93 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I've always heard Tinder is used mainly for sex and one night stands? Is that true? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 :D:laugh: She’s wrong to criticize ME. I’m happy to NOT do tinder/online dating. I like meeting guys the old fashion way. So, don’t take her side. She’s criticizing me, remember? We all do what works for us, so she shouldn’t be bitchin at me going ballroom dancing to meet guys. But who knows what kind of trauma she had going to a social settings. I have trauma online dating You told us that she didn't like your suggestions for her, but you didn't tell us about her bitching at you going ballroom dancing. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I am not a fan of Tinder, but I met the fave guy I'm currently going on dates there. We would have never crossed paths otherwise. There are all kinds of people there, just like in real life. If it doesn't work for you... don't use it. Simple. Why are you so outraged by your friend's choice? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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