Joyce Simmons Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I personal know 3 couples who met at 19 or 20 years old looks like they met their love of their lives and have been married for almost 15 or 20 years now. I’m thinking that’s great and all, but that must suck because they have been tied down with only 1 sexual partner their entire lives. They never experienced tinder or the bar scene or hooking up with multiple ppl. Most of us single peeps in our 20’s or 3o’s hook up with different people. My high school friend for example got married at 19 and now 17 years later they got into swinging. Go figure, since her husband was the only man she’s ever been with. Pros and cons of finding the “one” that young Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Many people would not WANT to have had sex with dozens of people in their lifetime, and would find the idea of "experiencing the bar scene" horrifying. People want different things. People who get married young and decide that they want more sex generally find ways of getting it, too... some better than others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Though it has its downsides, I think they are rather lucky. I'd rather get married young than deal with the dating or hooking up scene. Sometimes these couples take a break along the way to date other people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Two of my best friends got married (to each other) right out of high school. She was 19, he was 18. At the time, I personally thought they were both too young (I was the same age) and wasn't hopeful. That was almost 40 years ago. They're still married. So I suppose it's just too dependent upon the people involved to make any overall claim about finding the "love of their lives" at a young age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I got married at 20. First woman I dated. No regrets. Frankly I don’t deserve her - I consider myself lucky. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I don't know about anyone else, but to some people, your question is like asking" do you feel sorry for people who get a great job offer at 19? After all, they don;t get to experience the joys of searching for a job, the excitement of dozens of interviews, the knuckle whitening thrill of waiting for a callback and the sheer high that comes along with filing for unemployment. In all seriousness, some want to be settled down with one person. Others want to be with lots of people. So long as they are honest about it and aren't hurting others, it's all good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joyce Simmons Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 The sex is the key issue here. Everyone has desires. You mean to to tell me in the back of their minds they don’t think about banging someone else? Get the feel of another person. The hot person at the gym, at the store? Comparing a job and sex with another Person, you’re comparing apples and oranges Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) The sex is the key issue here. Everyone has desires. You mean to to tell me in the back of their minds they don’t think about banging someone else? Get the feel of another person. The hot person at the gym, at the store? Comparing a job and sex with another Person, you’re comparing apples and oranges They probably do, that's why some of them take a break. The ones I've known who are in ltr at a young age or married young took a break along the way. Edited January 10, 2019 by hotpotato Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 The sex is the key issue here. Everyone has desires. You mean to to tell me in the back of their minds they don’t think about banging someone else? Get the feel of another person. The hot person at the gym, at the store? Comparing a job and sex with another Person, you’re comparing apples and oranges No. Not everyone has the same level of sex drive. Some people, while this may shock you, don't want to have sex AT ALL. Some people only feel sexual attraction to those that they have formed a deep emotional connection with. Some people can't even masturbate to anything other than thoughts of their spouse because nothing else is sexy to them. (I am absolutely not one of those people, but I've heard from them, I know they exist.) Some people can find other people sexy but not want to actually have sex with them, because sex for them requires trust and vulnerability that they don't want to open up to others. Some people really want to have lots of sex with lots of partners in lots of way. People are not all the same. To some people, talking about "getting the feel of another person" other than their long term partner sounds utterly disgusting, like slipping on someone else's used underwear. And there's probably one person reading this somewhere who thinks someone else's used underwear would be great, because people are weird and not all the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 No. On the other hand, it is actually envious! Consider this: you finding the love of your life at 30 actually lose out on 10 years of time compared to someone finding theirs at 20. I do not know about everyone else, but I would much rather have an extra 10 youthful years with the love of my life than spend it bumbling in and out of relationships. All this so called, "experience," is overrated--unnecessary at least and a waste of time at worse if you learn nothing of value--, and any problems that can apply to a young couple can apply to an older couple. Age does not make you immune to relationship problems. The pros and cons will vary depending on the person, and can range from none to all sorts. For me, personally, there are no pros or cons. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 No I don't feel sorry for them in general. They followed their own bliss & made choices that were right for them. Actually the majority of people I know who met & married their SO at tender ages are still together so they must be doing something right. I feel more sorry for people like me who didn't meet their life partners until middle age; and my heart truly breaks for those who are still searching. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 If they are each other’s love of the life, then they must have great sexual chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Do you think this may be yet another reason why the men you have dated didn’t think you’re long-term material? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Nope! I married when I was 19, and I'd have been thrilled if it had panned out like I imagined it would. Ex-H was my first and I wanted him to be my only. I've had some crazy fantasies just like any other girl, I guess, starting when I was pretty young... but no desire to make them a reality. I got to experience casual sex and hookups when he wanted to start swinging (I was his first too, and he felt like he had missed out), and later after we divorced (for non-sex-related reasons) and I dated a guy with a "hot wife" sort of fetish. I won't say it was never fun. The novelty/naughty factor created some arousal "shortcuts" for sure, but I didn't find it fulfilling or compelling. It was all a bit surreal and often awkward. I gave it more than a fair shot, thinking something would eventually "click" for me and it would be fun and easy and all that stuff that popular culture makes it out to be, but it really wasn't. I guess if it was the sort of thing I'd had any genuine desire of my own to experience, I'd have done it before getting married. It's not like I never had the opportunity. Ultimately I've felt a bit cheated. I WANTED a conventional, boring, old-fashioned marriage. I WANTED to have no idea what I was "missing out on." I've had the thought more than once that if I could go back in time and somehow still get the same kids out of the deal, I'd save my virginity until I met my current fiancé at 29. And that's no small thing for me. I've always had a high sex drive. All the experience really did for me was kill the fantasy. Before I'd ever done it, I could think about those sorts of things and get excited, and that arousal could easily carry over into sex with my husband at the time. Now that I know what it's actually like, those thoughts are repulsive. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 The sex is the key issue here. Everyone has desires. You mean to to tell me in the back of their minds they don’t think about banging someone else? Get the feel of another person. The hot person at the gym, at the store? Comparing a job and sex with another Person, you’re comparing apples and oranges A dear friend who died years ago and of whose wisdom I have written in other threads was married before I met him. His wife was the sweetest of women, but not someone I found physically attractive. One day we were having our after-the-game beer in a bar. The waitress was particularly hot ... slutty hot. I was single at the time. We looked at each other with that look that guys get when they agree they'd like to 'tap that'. His remark: 'But I can go home and f--k [wife's name]'. Yes, everyone has desires. But some of us are content banging the one we love. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Given the number of complaints I read about tinder and the bar scene, I count people lucky if they don't have to resort to that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I've slept with a lot of women, and would happily give it up to have found one to marry and spend the rest of my life with happy. Whereas this may seem limiting at your age, if you still find yourself single in your 40s, you'll envy these people and realize they were the lucky ones. Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I don’t envy the single folks for their Tinder and other online hookup options. Not at all. If I could magically erase all the experiences I had with all the GF’s and Wife #1 and have my time with Mrs. Dude Abides count as my one-and-only, I would do that in a heartbeat. I don’t miss any of the earlier experiences because what we have now is just fine and quite satisfying. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 l don't envy them because in this day and age most will split one day even if it takes 20 or 30 years, at least one of them goes into an mlc sooner or later and destroys it all and the family for some affair or to go find themselves. No way l could've been tied down at that age forever or kids n mortgages . But l sure do not envy the single world either especially these days and things like tinder and the like, or all the dating crap all over forums just hand me a bucket someone just reading about it makes me puke. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) When I was 20, had I felt I met "the one" and the possibility of marrying and settling down presented itself, I might have taken it. But I didn't find "the one" so the idea of marriage was intimidating, especially at that age. I wanted to do things that a couple can't, travel wherever I wanted and experience life whichever way I wanted. I also thought about how fun and exciting it would be to have a few casual sexual experiences. Looking back, the casual sexual experience fantasy that it was didn't pan out. I was more of a relationship type of person and even then, romantic relationships were few and far between after 25. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different today if I pursued marriage options earlier in life. As for Tinder and the bar scene, I don't see the glamor of it all and don't envy anyone that has to put up with it to find a romantic partner. It sounds fun and exciting, but it's way too overrated. No regrets, though. I could have found myself "stuck", with kids at a young age, hated my situation and ended up divorcing. Edited January 11, 2019 by Logo Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 You’re only in the bedroom for a fraction of the time you’re living outside of the bedroom and most of that bedroom time is spent sleeping. So yea while sex is important you better like the person enough to spend all the other waking time with them as well. Anybody who has that connection, that real connection, is blessed in my mind no matter what age they meet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I have been more single than attached within my life for the most part. I have no desire to sleep with a bunch of women. I just want one that is tailored made for me. You would think that I would want it more. I just don't feel at anytime women around me are open to sleeping around or are really gung ho about i. Unless you're the main squeeze of a new relationship. Just thinking about myself being with a woman. It will b when I least expect it with a woman I am not focussing on. Its like I like Rosi in a romantic way, but her cousin Jan is the one that digs me romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I'm happy for anyone that finds great love. Be they 19, 29, 39 or 79. So, no, I don't feel bad for them if they found that person early in life. They are very lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 My buddy SA was with his Wife unmarried from 1988 to 97. Then 1997 o 2017 married. They are separating to divorce. He messed around on her as well and he has a new GF. He has something that I don't have. SA has a better radar when it comes to romantic relationships. I am still clueless. Unless a woman makes a major obvious effort with m. I can't tell anymore. I just fell for me. My life Dynamic will be falling in love with a woman and vice versa, by chance. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 If someone found the love of their life at 19 and are still married and are actually happy then no, why would I feel bad for them? I'd only feel bad for them if they got married young because of force or pressure and now felt stuck but didn't feel like they could do anything else because of other pressures that are against their will. My position on most things is; even if it's not what I would do, if the people are genuinely happy and okay with it, then it's fine. I have a little more to say when it seems they themselves are unhappy with their choices or it's causing them a lot of problems, but I have no reason to feel bad if whatever choice the person/people have made seems to suit them and they don't feel bad for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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