Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) I've noticed that many people fit primarily into two categories: 1) The "emotional" kind who react to everything, but you always know how they're feeling. People can get tired of this (I do). 2) The kind who never show how they're feeling, try to keep the waters calm. People can get tired of this because they never really know what's going on. I realize this is a generalization, but out of curiousity, which woman would men rather prefer if these were the only 2 options? I've recently been working through my own emotional wounds, and realize that I hold more inside than I express (which isn't healthy when you're holding back anger, for example). I'm trying to become more expressive and upfront about how I feel with people, including men. I find people who are always emotional very exhausting. My mother is like this, and I spent my entire childhood suffering the consequences of her jealousy, anger etc. It's what ingrained in me this deep-seated belief that being emotional is ugly and unattractive. Just wondering how men feel about this. On one hand, I need to be more expressive so my man knows where I'm at and what's going on. On the other hand, I fear that being emotional will exhaust him as it exhausts me to be around emotional people, so I hold back. It's a cycle basically. Thoughts? Edited January 10, 2019 by Hopeful30 Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 In all honesty I think most people are a mix and it’s not good to stereotype people. But I prefer option C. the kind who are calm and still tell you how they feel. I’ve actually met quite a few of them, one being my wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 In all honesty I think most people are a mix and it’s not good to stereotype people. But I prefer option C. the kind who are calm and still tell you how they feel. I’ve actually met quite a few of them, one being my wife. Obviously we all prefer a balance, my question is hypothetical if there wasn't one. But thanks for playing Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 l do love a very emotional woman myself. But not the crazy type of emotional where every pin drop must have some tears and be drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 l do love a very emotional woman myself. But not the crazy type of emotional where every pin drop must have some tears and be drama. Really? Why? I'm just looking for some insight as to why emotions and showing them is healthy I'm trying to replace my old belief that it's unhealthy. Knowing why men appreciate it would definitely help me out! Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Geez tbh , dunno what could possibly be unhealthy about passion and soul. There's the crazy and airhead type of emotional not many guys would choose that one haha. But then there's genuine emotional woman whether it be her culture or just her but she has such passion , sensitivity , depth , insight, especially in her relationship. She's complicated and very deep thinking, love it. lt doesn't mean she's a mushy all over you mess, that's kinda different too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 ^^ Let's say for example something happens in the relationship that really upsets her. If she reacts out of anger, do you consider this passion and soul? At what point does yelling and shouting out of anger go from healthy emotional response to "all over you mess" lol You have to understand that when it comes to emotional expression, I have the mind of a 3 year old. I never learned healthy emotions or how to express them, so although my questions seem naive or silly, the truth is I honestly have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I've been with a woman that was extremely emotional. Frankly, it wasn't her fault: she was in a car accident and suffered a mild brain injury which sent her off the rails. But it didn't help when her counsellor kept suggesting that "being in touch with your emotions" was a good thing. That seemed to give her license to erupt in the most bizarre, erratic and sometimes even violent ways to the most minor things. Over-cooking the roast chicken would send her into a rage and then a three-day funk. Too many stoplights would have her in tears. The long and short of it is that she didn't exercise any self-control. So, if I were forced into a choice between an overly-emotional woman and one who's cold, I'd go for cold. In. A. Heartbeat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) Yeah right , well l can tell you l hope you give yourself a treat for talking about that so honestly it's a great step. kinda a different aspect of emotional again, we really do need to battle the 3 yr old in us. But my woman says l'm a very emotional guy and she wouldn't have me any other way and tbh, l'm glad l am. And l've been known haha to talk a bit of shyt when l get too pissed yep, can't deny it. Or she'll often walk about the house mumbling to herself hands goin everywhere it's just part of her doesn't mean she's mad at me or anything although sometimes yeah sure but it's usually some convo she's having in her head out loud l love it she gets this walk when she does it cracks me up. But yeah , in my opinion it does anyone with a heart beat good to let it out but when we get to too much yelling , temper or the talking total bullshyt point especially around a loved one yeah , thats not a healthy thing for anyone. Sometimes at our house though you'd think we were fighting but it's just our typical we go up and down in volume haha, depending, or we can cuddle up in bed and softly talk for hours . Edited January 10, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 If you have feelings for a guy, express them. If you don't have feelings for a guy, then don't express them. It's one thing if you simply don't have any feelings (which IS possible with some people, and yes, it's unattractive) but it's another if you have feelings and are holding them back. Yes, people want to know what your genuine feelings are. Art is often created out of emotion and people love how genuine it feels. It allows others to feel as well. And hopefully it's good. Just let it out. And if you can't let it out, then yes, some people will grow bored or tired of you. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I think it's funny that some people define "emotional" as always expressing negative emotion, like anger. Emotional also means positive expression. Otherwise, no one would be asking you to be more emotional. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 If you have feelings for a guy, express them. If you don't have feelings for a guy, then don't express them. It's one thing if you simply don't have any feelings (which IS possible with some people, and yes, it's unattractive) but it's another if you have feelings and are holding them back. Yes, people want to know what your genuine feelings are. Art is often created out of emotion and people love how genuine it feels. It allows others to feel as well. And hopefully it's good. Just let it out. And if you can't let it out, then yes, some people will grow bored or tired of you. Relevance to question? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 And yeah l def' know her passionate yelling or shall we say ahhh , slightly raised volume. It's pretty typical of her blood and mine though and neither of us really bat an eyelid tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 And yeah l def' know her passionate yelling or shall we say ahhh , slightly raised volume. It's pretty typical of her blood and mine though and neither of us really bat an eyelid tbh. How long did it take you to get to that place of understanding? Or was it always this way and you were okay with it from the beginning? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 since I am #2 I would prefer my woman to be #1. opposites attract 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) How long did it take you to get to that place of understanding? Or was it always this way and you were okay with it from the beginning? It's always been that way tbh , as l was saying it's in her blood , mine too and particular her culture very much so. l don't wanna mention that but he'd be an idiot bothering if he doesn't like a bit of heat. l understood it from the day we met but likewise her me and so it all works out quite nicely. love who she is , what she is. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) It's always been that way tbh , as l was saying it's in her blood , mine too a<snip> You are lucky to have found each other Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) thanks for that and it is true we do both feel blessed. But it also just goes to show , never give up . as we both went through divorce before and thought that was gonna pretty well be that. How wrong we were. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) Relevance to question? Oh you think I'm emotional and therefore irrational? Lol! I had 2 points. One was that if you have feelings, which you admitted you did, just let them out. People want to know what you feel. My other point was that not all emotions are negative (i.e. anger and yelling). Some are positive and this is particularly the kind that men like. It's just that when you're an expressive person, generally both are going to come out, but you can learn how to control the negative kind coming out IF you want to. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 One was that if you have feelings, which you admitted you did, just let them out. People want to know what you feel. Allowing one's feelings to be the #1 priority all the time is a good way to both alienate others and get a reputation for erratic behaviour. It will also cause you to make emotional decisions, and we all know that basing important decisions just on emotions can be a recipe for disaster. In your brain you have a thing called the prefrontal cortex. One of its primary function is to regulate emotions. It's there for a reason. Those in our evolutionary past who regulated their emotions were the ones that produced offspring. Those that didn't, or couldn't, didn't produce offspriing, either through being eaten/killed or being unattractive to the opposite sex. Just like a muscle, the prefrontal cortex can be strengthened over time and through use. And, no, people really don't want to know what you feel. While your feelings may be important to you, they're really not that important to others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) <snip> In your brain you have a thing called the prefrontal cortex. One of its primary function is to regulate emotions. It's there for a reason. Those in our evolutionary past who regulated their emotions were the ones that produced offspring. Those that didn't, or couldn't, didn't produce offspriing, either through being eaten/killed or being unattractive to the opposite sex.<snip> It appears that evolution has taken a detour these days. It seems that most of those who breed aren't emotionally 'qualified' to have children, yet the world population continues to grow and so does the need for mental health treatment Of all my friends who have children, only one did it so she can raise a child to be her authentic, 100% beautiful self. The rest either wanted to compete with others (all my friends have kids, I should too), to keep a man (if we don't start a family he will leave) or because that's what society says you're supposed to do. Very few have worked out their own stuff and so early on it's evident their kids have issues because of that. Then of course there are the extreme cases where mothers have children just to use them to make money (pageants, modelling, etc.) My point being, evolution appears backwards. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) It appears that evolution has taken a detour these days. It seems that most of those who breed aren't emotionally 'qualified' to have children, yet the world population continues to grow and so does the need for mental health treatment <snip> Why did you ask the original question then? There will always be men who want an unemotional woman and men who want an emotional woman. They all have their reasons. If you want to stay the same way, you can just seek out the men who want unemotional women and skip over the ones who want emotional women. That's what I do. I'd never be with a guy who says he wants an unemotional woman. I pick the ones who say they like emotional women. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) Allowing one's feelings to be the #1 priority all the time is a good way to both alienate others and get a reputation for erratic behaviour. It will also cause you to make emotional decisions, and we all know that basing important decisions just on emotions can be a recipe for disaster.<snip> I like how you left out the part where I said that you can learn how to control your negative emotions. Almost all people (except wildly popular artists) who operate on pure emotion with little logic end up having a hard life and if they have any smarts, they try to correct themselves. I also feel sorry for people who operate on pure logic too. That's no way to live either. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I have an old friend who is very energetic, flirts with everyone and is overly emotional due to both high estrogen and being bipolar and narcissist. It's fun when it's fun, and very dark when it's not fun. Other than that, I have not been friends with any "very emotional" women. Frankly, if they're always crying, I smell a man manipulator. The two I've known as acquaintances who were teary and emotional were both bad women using tears to manipulate the same man, one at work and one as his second wife, who later cheated on him and married a friend of mine and ended up in jail for fraud and identity theft. To me, overly emotional is a red flag, whether it's a tearful woman or a jealous man. If a person can't regulate themselves a little or they're always faking it, they're bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I think we're actually on the same page here, snowcones, given that you seem to agree that people operating on pure emotion "end up having a hard life". Both reason and emotion must be balanced with each other. Operating exclusively in one domain or the other is, in your words, no way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts