Astrum Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 I was wondering, how is it viewed for an 18 year old to date a 21 year old? Is it considered common or fine? Is the age gap too much? I was told this: "i feel like this is a weak answer that’s said too much because it sounds obvious at surface level, but it isn’t really that valid. people don’t magically become more mature at 18 just because they’re legally adults. they’re still in the teenage mindset and either a senior in high school or a freshman in college. if you’re 21, you’re a junior/senior in college and decently separated from a teen mindset by then. by that age your age group is more so people in their early 20s (20-23) and not late teenagers (17-19). the gap in life stages makes it weird. 3 year age gaps don’t really mean much at all when you’re past your mid-late 20s, but when you’re young, it matters because of how rapidly things are changing. a 26 and 29 year old are probably doing and experiencing the same general things with their life compared to an 18 year old high school senior/college freshman and a 21 year old approaching the end of their college years" So I was wondering, is 18 and 21 weird or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 Nope not weird these days, you just have to make the relationship as good as it can be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Astrum Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 Nope not weird these days, you just have to make the relationship as good as it can be. What about the quote I listed in there? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 The quote means that it's not the 4 year age gap that is the problem but the life stage issue. One of you is either a senior in HS while the other is a senor in college & that doesn't work at all because you are in two different worlds. The college senior's graduation which puts that person into adulthood makes it ever worse. After both people are over 21 a 4 year gap is nothing but for right now, it's practically insurmountable. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 So you can give it a try with the caveat that you are trying to rise above gaps in life stages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Astrum Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 The quote means that it's not the 4 year age gap that is the problem but the life stage issue. One of you is either a senior in HS while the other is a senor in college & that doesn't work at all because you are in two different worlds. The college senior's graduation which puts that person into adulthood makes it ever worse. After both people are over 21 a 4 year gap is nothing but for right now, it's practically insurmountable. I was talking about 18 year old college freshmen and 21 year old college junior. Does that work? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 If you have any doubts, go for it, ask her out, see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Joyce Simmons Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) I don’t think it’s that much of an age gap. I don’t know, for example I don’t think a 26 year old man should date a 19 year old woman. Too much of an age gap. 19 is still a “teen” and not even a full functioning adult yet. I think the thing is wait a few years: 25 and over and okay for men and woman to date a 30 or 40 or 50. Anything after 25 years old, is an adult out in the real world. The mindset of the stage of your life Edited January 6, 2019 by Joyce Simmons Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 I was talking about 18 year old college freshmen and 21 year old college junior. Does that work? That seems OK to me. Who is objecting? If it's one of the two people involved, then you will have accept it doesn't work for them. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 If the eighteen year old is the female then she is likely just as mature as a the 21yr old male. Of course there are always exceptions but generally speaking young women are more mature than young men of the same age and that's why young women often choose men who are at least a few years older. I see no problem with this age gap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Astrum Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 18 and 22 is odd or pushing it, but I think 21 is fine honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 there is no meaningful difference between a 21 year old college student & a 22 year old college student. Now if the person has graduated that may put them in a different life place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Astrum Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 I saw some people on twitter saying 18 and 21 dating is predatory. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 I saw some people on twitter saying 18 and 21 dating is predatory. It can be, but usually isn't. Being predatory is more of a behaviour than a resulting definition of an age gap. It's a lot more common for 18 and 21 year olds to date than you might think - my brother at 21 dated a 17yo. The problem wasn't predatory behaviour (there was none), it was more that the mindset of a 21yo is very different from an 18yo - both are at very different stages of exploring themselves as adults. So it makes the relationship a lot more difficult to maintain. The 18 year old is probably going to want to explore themselves with other people, so I wouldn't expect the relationship to last. Actually, even the 21 year old is likely to have the same mindset... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I saw some people on twitter saying 18 and 21 dating is predatory. It's not. But as we already discussed in this thread if the 18 year old is in HS & the 21 year old is about to graduate college there are at different life stages which make them incompatible at the moment. You said the people in your situation are both in college -- a freshman & a junior. So it's OK. You have to look at ALL the facts before coming to a conclusion Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Nope. Many of my friends dated older men when they were in university (by older, I mean 3-4-5 years older). Many of these friend actually married their boyfriends a few years later. And many are still together! Had I met and dated my boyfriend at that time, I would have been 18 and he would have been 22 years old. There is nothing concerning or particularly uncommon about this, to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Astrum Posted January 8, 2019 Author Share Posted January 8, 2019 Someone said its predatory? Link to post Share on other sites
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