Why would you contact an ex? How long would you wait?

[Bellona]

Hello all,

 

I usually post about the situation with a guy I'm seeing who will be moving. Well, that's progressing and I'll take it one day at a time.

 

An interesting thing happened the other day, though: my first love whom I have been broken up with since April 2003 contacted me out of the blue.

 

We had spoken back in Feb/Mar 2004 before I decided to make myself not available because I was still hurt too much to be friends.

 

Why would he come back now and want to keep in touch with me again? Why would you contact an ex after such a long time, when the ex had shut you out?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by Bellona

Why would he come back now and want to keep in touch with me again? Why would you contact an ex after such a long time, when the ex had shut you out?

 

I can't speculate if he would ..

 

I wouldn't contact an ex that has shut me out... Ever ..

But if I never got closure and they might respond I might send an e-mail a year later.. But no earlier

[Bellona]

I had stayed away from him so I could recover emotionally. I sought closure long before we had a final parting of ways. He wanted to be friends at the time and called me everyday--but it was too much for me so soon, so I cut the ties.

 

Then, he contacted me. I pretty much put up no contact again.

 

Here he comes again, but this time I'm willing to talk. Not hoping for a reconciliation, just some friendship. What happens, happens.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by Bellona

Not hoping for a reconciliation, just some friendship. What happens, happens.

 

This is the start .. Great attitude

[Zaira]

I'd say he's wondering about you and how things have progressed in your life. That is the reason I contacted my exes, and why they have contacted me. I think it's nice to be friends with someone who you probably shared so much of yourself with, and have good memories with. If it was a terrible relationship then I'd be reluctant to contact them, but others choose to for closure, even after many years.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by ~Zaira~

I think it's nice to be friends with someone who you probably shared so much of yourself with, and have good memories with.

 

Exactly. In his shoes I would contact you to see if a friendship was possible now that you have got over the hurt.

 

On the other hand, ex-Juliets have contacted me to see if the door was open for a relationship.

 

Time will quickly enable you to tell the 2 scenarios apart.

[Bellona]

It is so odd to have this happen when I was trying to figure out if I had a future with the guy leaving for grad school. My ex happens to live in the state where I am planning on moving to, since I don't expect my current transplanted love to ask me to be with him--and I doubt if he'll want to do a long-distance relationship.

 

During my time apart from the grad school guy, he has called me a few times a week, written me everyday, and we chat on AIM a lot. He has stepped up the phone calls and plans for when he comes back next month since hearing that my ex contacted me. He thinks, maybe, that he has competition?

 

We're all curious of exes we've really connected with...but it's funny how things happen at a particular time. It has definitely made me think harder about what I want out of a relationship, and I have determined that it is commitment. I am tired of a guy saying I mean the world to him, he treats me as such, but he is reluctant to see if we have a long-term future together. Why keep investing myself emotionally with guys who can't/don't want to do the same?

 

I don't know if the ex who has reentered my life is open for a relationship, but I'm not too concerned about it because the whole re-contact has given me a different perspective on the relationship I have with the other guy I'm dating and I have learned this: be open if someone isn't willing to commit to you.