If she wants sex why not just say so?

[dateme]

Why do some girls not just say they want sex? Instead they play all these games.

[Garcon1986]

There is such a thing called slut shaming. There's no equivalent of it amongst the lads, but the closest thing I can come up with is you being the lad at the frat party who fell asleep, and had a penis drawn on his face - and having to live with the humiliation of your pictures being posted all over Instagram. Women don't want to be shamed by other women. If the attraction is there though, women are just as horny as men if not more so.

[basil67]

A lot of it is about finding out if a guy *only* wants them for sex or if he's interested in a relationship. There are also countless posts here about how quality girls don't have sex early on. So she's trying to appear to be quality.

[dateme]

A lot of it is about finding out if a guy *only* wants them for sex or if he's interested in a relationship. There are also countless posts here about how quality girls don't have sex early on. So she's trying to appear to be quality.

 

So if they like a guy they don't want to have sex? But if they don't like them they'll have sex fast no problem.

[dateme]

There is such a thing called slut shaming. There's no equivalent of it amongst the lads, but the closest thing I can come up with is you being the lad at the frat party who fell asleep, and had a penis drawn on his face - and having to live with the humiliation of your pictures being posted all over Instagram. Women don't want to be shamed by other women. If the attraction is there though, women are just as horny as men if not more so.

 

Ohhhhh. I thought men did the slut shaming. Interesting.

[Versacehottie]

So if they like a guy they don't want to have sex? But if they don't like them they'll have sex fast no problem.

 

They are playing a long term game strategy if they like the guy (generally, not all women, of course). If they don't care what happens with the guy, they may have sex fast no problem (that is also a wide generalization that doesn't hold up as much as the first one). A girl that sleeps with you right away that could mean a lot of things. If she goes out with you and responds positively to everything about you but sleeping together quickly, she likes you as boyfriend material. Broad generalizations but hopefully you get the picture...

[dateme]

They are playing a long term game strategy if they like the guy (generally, not all women, of course). If they don't care what happens with the guy, they may have sex fast no problem (that is also a wide generalization that doesn't hold up as much as the first one). A girl that sleeps with you right away that could mean a lot of things. If she goes out with you and responds positively to everything about you but sleeping together quickly, she likes you as boyfriend material. Broad generalizations but hopefully you get the picture...

 

Hmmmm. Interesting.

[basil67]

So if they like a guy they don't want to have sex? But if they don't like them they'll have sex fast no problem.

 

If they don't like a guy, they won't have sex with him at all.

 

This is about trying to find a guy who wants them for a relationship.

[snowboy91]

As others have said - it's a combination of a fear of being shamed by other people (there are both men and women out there that slut shame women), a perceived fear of losing the guy for sleeping with him too early, or not wanting to feel "used" for sex.

 

Although these days I rarely see games being played. A girl who wants sex, has sex (although they sometimes still wait a few dates to build a connection). I very rarely hear people judging her for it these days - in fact, it's a source of excitement/pride among friends the same way it has been for guys for ages. It's most likely a product of my social circle though.

[dateme]

As others have said - it's a combination of a fear of being shamed by other people (there are both men and women out there that slut shame women), a perceived fear of losing the guy for sleeping with him too early, or not wanting to feel "used" for sex.

 

Although these days I rarely see games being played. A girl who wants sex, has sex (although they sometimes still wait a few dates to build a connection). I very rarely hear people judging her for it these days - in fact, it's a source of excitement/pride among friends the same way it has been for guys for ages. It's most likely a product of my social circle though.

 

Thanks. It can be confusing if you don't know this stuff.

[Garcon1986]

Indeed I think that in high school, there should be courses on getting to see life as a woman, for men, and getting to see life as a man, for a woman. That would decrease the massive amounts of misunderstandings in dating.

[dateme]

Indeed I think that in high school, there should be courses on getting to see life as a woman, for men, and getting to see life as a man, for a woman. That would decrease the massive amounts of misunderstandings in dating.

 

Good idea.

[gaius]

It's not really sexy to a lot of women to ask a guy for sex. Not because of conditioning, but because she's a woman and we're still animals. It's a turn on for him to take charge and go for it.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship_display

[lucky-girl]

I agree that women love to feel desired so she may prefer a guy to make the overt moves as it makes her feel more desired than if she is initiating it.

There's a lot written about men are the 'chasers' and women like to be 'chased'. I think it gets forgotten and neglected that men want to be desired just as much as women do.

 

I can't speak for young women dating these days as I'm middle-aged, but when I was a young married woman, the slut-shame was so deeply ingrained I was embarrassed to even admit to my husband that I wanted and enjoyed sex!

I doubt young women these days are that bad, but don't immediately assume they are playing games. She might truly not be comfortable expressing her desires too openly, or opening herself up for possible (however unlikely) rejection.