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How long for middle aged men to heal from breakup?


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How long does it take for a man in his mid 40s to heal from a breakup?

 

Analyzing the recent dates I went with this guy, it makes sense to me that I'd be his rebound as per article below. Too into me too fast, etc...

 

He was married for over 10y, (final ones they were only mostly friends) and then had a GF for I believe 1.5yy which he dumped. But it was only a month ago. He did mention he is "still traumatized" over the breakup... not sure what he meant as he def dumped her and doesn't want to be with her. Maybe he feels guilty or so.

 

Is there any hope he could really care about me and develop a relationship eventually, given the above? How long does it take for men to heal? I feel it's shorter than for women, as it takes me forever.

 

https://www.self.com/story/14-undeniable-signs-youre-someones-rebound

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I broke up with someone over 6 months ago and I'm not healed yet. I still love and miss him even though I ended it for valid reasons. I broke up with someone else nearly 3 years ago. I'm still traumatised by what that guy put me through. While I'm not a middle aged man I don't really think it matters who broke up with who. And I agree that is different for everyone regardless of age.

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Too many factors to answer this, really. Who left whom? For what reason? After how long? And how long were things falling apart? Etc.

 

I left my ex after 24 years, but was over her the last few anyway (so already healed, essentially), so I was ready to move on immediately. And did.

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Some people check out months before a relationship ends. But like everyone else said, it depends. It could take 3 months, 6 months, a year, two years....

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Is he talking about his recent split or his divorce?

The recent split maybe due to him still being traumatised by his divorce.

If that is the case then it may well be years till he fully recovers.

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If I tell someone I'm a little traumatized, that would be my way of saying that I may not be at my best right now. Sometimes you can't help when you meet someone and maybe he didn't feel he had the time to fully heal before going out with you.

 

 

A month seems a little quick to me, I guess it helps that he dumped her as it means it was something he must have been planning for a little while at least.

 

 

If you have concerns, by all means, take your time. You do not need to go at his pace.

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While I don't think the man in the OP is ready, by the time I went on some dates about midway into our divorce process (took about 18 months total), I was fine. Had fun on the dates, enjoyed the lady's company in that realm and had no inhibitions about intimacy. ExW and I hardly had contact except for divorce stuff and she was a zero to me at that point. MC helped a lot with that, letting it go. That's one issue with marriage compared to a ''breakup'. If not married, break up, see ya. Married people have to unwind and often complex business arrangement. That can be frustrating and maddening at times where otherwise, done over see ya gone. It affects the dating process.

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Heh, yeah, quarter mil in my case, not counting my lawyer. For some people that's nothing. I worked a lot of long hours in a hot shop to slowly build my egg. Never again. Women aren't worth it. Ever. Still, I don't mind enjoying time with them. Didn't back then either. I'm mature enough to know they weren't my wife. Everyone is an individual.

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l'm going through similar, divorce , one gf , and now someone new admittedly a little too soon.

But she is special , very , or l wouldn't have gone into something else so soon, it was a bit longer for me about 3mths.

l explained to her l was still very emotional about breaking up with the first gf and it was a bit soon still, l'm only going very slowly.

She was very good about it and patient. l didn't wanna lose her because of that l felt so lucky to have found her even if the timing was a bit soon.

Been together 4mths mths now and we're going really well and l'm feeling a lot better lately and we've talked about it a long the way,

She wasn't a rebound l didn't even want another gf , it was all just about her me and us , and who she was, a rare one l knew that the day we met

 

We can't tell ya why he's traumatized you gotta talk to him. Maybe ex gf was a fruitcake, maybe his divorce still , ex wife , who knows.

Just talk to him about it openly and don't throw anything in his face .

 

Maybe if it is too soon especially with him feeling traumatized you could offer to keep things very slow or slow them right down for a few mths.

 

Talk to him, be open.

Good luck

Edited by Chilli
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About the recent split. But he def dumped her and didn't want to be with her anymore. He checked out his marriage years before the end. He said a few times they were just friends in the end. They are still on good terms.

 

 

 

Is he talking about his recent split or his divorce?

The recent split maybe due to him still being traumatised by his divorce.

If that is the case then it may well be years till he fully recovers.

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I must say he was too into me on our first dates and it triggered something in me as I felt it was moving too much too fast.

 

 

 

Because of things I said about that, he suddenly changed and says he realized I was right. That he basically doesn't have experience being single.

 

 

 

Gosh... I kinda regret pushing that on him. Ugh. I miss the way he was so obviously into me and us. Damn. Lesson learned :(

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Thank you Chilli this was very helpful as it seems you've been through the same and went through the same things this man might be going through.

 

 

 

As you, I can tell he considers me/us special. We almost parted ways yesterday but again... we said we can't let what we have go as you can't find it everyday.

 

 

It seems I WILL have to be patient, if I can, as I pushed him for going too fast and too soon, and now he suddenly thinks I'm right and that he should meet more people after not being single for 20 years :(

 

 

I feel so stupid. I've been searching love like crazy, and when I find it I push it away :confused:

 

 

 

l'm going through similar, divorce , one gf , and now someone new admittedly a little too soon.

But she is special , very , or l wouldn't have gone into something else so soon, it was a bit longer for me about 3mths.

l explained to her l was still very emotional about breaking up with the first gf and it was a bit soon still, l'm only going very slowly.

She was very good about it and patient. l didn't wanna lose her because of that l felt so lucky to have found her even if the timing was a bit soon.

Been together 4mths mths now and we're going really well and l'm feeling a lot better lately and we've talked about it a long the way,

She wasn't a rebound l didn't even want another gf , it was all just about her me and us , and who she was, a rare one l knew that the day we met

 

We can't tell ya why he's traumatized you gotta talk to him. Maybe ex gf was a fruitcake, maybe his divorce still , ex wife , who knows.

Just talk to him about it openly and don't throw anything in his face .

 

Maybe if it is too soon especially with him feeling traumatized you could offer to keep things very slow or slow them right down for a few mths.

 

Talk to him, be open.

Good luck

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I don’t think you’re pushing it away. You have to be aware of potential hurts and protect yourself. I think it’s quite possible you guys will be a better couple in the long term because you’re able to talk about this stuff now.

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Thank you Chilli this was very helpful as it seems you've been through the same and went through the same things this man might be going through.

 

 

 

As you, I can tell he considers me/us special. We almost parted ways yesterday but again... we said we can't let what we have go as you can't find it everyday.

 

 

It seems I WILL have to be patient, if I can, as I pushed him for going too fast and too soon, and now he suddenly thinks I'm right and that he should meet more people after not being single for 20 years :(

 

 

I feel so stupid. I've been searching love like crazy, and when I find it I push it away :confused:

 

Hey edgy , you gotta be real careful with pushing stuff , too fast ok but away, not good because he's everywhere all over the place and with everything else it'll be too much and he'll say to hell with it.

You'll def' have to be patient but yeah keep the communication open .

One more thing , just because he was out in either, doesn't mean much , there's still huge guilts and care for that person. Leaving a marriage and divorce is that hardest we'll ever go through even if on good terms.

 

Anyway good luck.

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If he’s still traumatized, maybe he’s not relationship material right now...no matter how much money he has or how many concerts he pays for...

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If he’s still traumatized, maybe he’s not relationship material right now...no matter how much money he has or how many concerts he pays for...

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If he’s still traumatized, maybe he’s not relationship material right now...no matter how much money he has or how many concerts he pays for...

 

 

Yeah , really he isn't , he doesn't know wth he is butttt, he might decide to go for it. l hope if he does it's very slowly though.

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Well... We saw each other over the weekend. It was good but... I almost broke it off right there, but in the end we both said it would be stupid to let what we have go. And we spend the night together and said we would deal with things as they come.

 

But today I decided to break it up or however you call it. Basically I said to hell with it myself. Sent him a message ending things. I like him a lot, it's rare for me to like someone... but I don't feel I should be waiting for him to heal, to experience 100s of women for the first time being single, or whatever it is he's going through or needs.

 

I feel the whole thing would bring me a lot of grief. I don't have the patience nor the emotional will to deal with this and wait for him at this point in my life.

 

It's a shame really. I hope I can find someone I like soon so he can get out of my heart & mind as soon as he entered them. I feel the longer he will be on OLD and see what big cr*p full of uninteresting people it is... he'll regret not fighting for us. Oh well. Life is all about timing isn't it?

 

Hey edgy , you gotta be real careful with pushing stuff , too fast ok but away, not good because he's everywhere all over the place and with everything else it'll be too much and he'll say to hell with it.

You'll def' have to be patient but yeah keep the communication open .

One more thing , just because he was out in either, doesn't mean much , there's still huge guilts and care for that person. Leaving a marriage and divorce is that hardest we'll ever go through even if on good terms.

 

Anyway good luck.

Edited by edgygirl
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I would never go for someone for their money. Like, ever.

 

It's true I'd never be with someone who is not a professional or doesn't have a career -- but even if they got that, I have to love their personality and brains first and foremost. If no brain chemistry, no dating.

 

If he’s still traumatized, maybe he’s not relationship material right now...no matter how much money he has or how many concerts he pays for...
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I think you did the right thing. Regardless of what could be in the future, you know that right now he is on the fence about being single or coupled, and that adds a degree of unpleasant uncertainty to the relationship that doesn't have to be there. If you parted on good terms, he knows he can contact you in the future right? No harm in keeping the door open if he does come around after working through his own stuff.

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