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How long for middle aged men to heal from breakup?


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Old 10th November 2018, 3:59 PM   #1
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How long for middle aged men to heal from breakup?

How long does it take for a man in his mid 40s to heal from a breakup?

Analyzing the recent dates I went with this guy, it makes sense to me that I'd be his rebound as per article below. Too into me too fast, etc...

He was married for over 10y, (final ones they were only mostly friends) and then had a GF for I believe 1.5yy which he dumped. But it was only a month ago. He did mention he is "still traumatized" over the breakup... not sure what he meant as he def dumped her and doesn't want to be with her. Maybe he feels guilty or so.

Is there any hope he could really care about me and develop a relationship eventually, given the above? How long does it take for men to heal? I feel it's shorter than for women, as it takes me forever.

https://www.self.com/story/14-undeni...meones-rebound
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Old 10th November 2018, 5:37 PM   #2
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Everyone is different and every relationship adds further complexity. Just no way to know the answer to that.
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Old 10th November 2018, 5:38 PM   #3
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How long is a piece of string? As GinON said, everyone is different.
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Old 10th November 2018, 5:58 PM   #4
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I broke up with someone over 6 months ago and I'm not healed yet. I still love and miss him even though I ended it for valid reasons. I broke up with someone else nearly 3 years ago. I'm still traumatised by what that guy put me through. While I'm not a middle aged man I don't really think it matters who broke up with who. And I agree that is different for everyone regardless of age.
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Old 10th November 2018, 6:46 PM   #5
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Too many factors to answer this, really. Who left whom? For what reason? After how long? And how long were things falling apart? Etc.

I left my ex after 24 years, but was over her the last few anyway (so already healed, essentially), so I was ready to move on immediately. And did.
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Old 10th November 2018, 6:49 PM   #6
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He is telling you he is still traumatised after the split so take that as a hint he is not really ready to date seriously.
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Old 10th November 2018, 7:33 PM   #7
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Yeah, when a guy throws in a disclaimer believe him, at least to the extent of not expecting you and me forever right now, if ever.
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Old 10th November 2018, 8:32 PM   #8
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Some people check out months before a relationship ends. But like everyone else said, it depends. It could take 3 months, 6 months, a year, two years....
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Old 10th November 2018, 9:28 PM   #9
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Is he talking about his recent split or his divorce?
The recent split maybe due to him still being traumatised by his divorce.
If that is the case then it may well be years till he fully recovers.
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Old 10th November 2018, 11:16 PM   #10
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If I tell someone I'm a little traumatized, that would be my way of saying that I may not be at my best right now. Sometimes you can't help when you meet someone and maybe he didn't feel he had the time to fully heal before going out with you.


A month seems a little quick to me, I guess it helps that he dumped her as it means it was something he must have been planning for a little while at least.


If you have concerns, by all means, take your time. You do not need to go at his pace.
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Old 10th November 2018, 11:47 PM   #11
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While I don't think the man in the OP is ready, by the time I went on some dates about midway into our divorce process (took about 18 months total), I was fine. Had fun on the dates, enjoyed the lady's company in that realm and had no inhibitions about intimacy. ExW and I hardly had contact except for divorce stuff and she was a zero to me at that point. MC helped a lot with that, letting it go. That's one issue with marriage compared to a ''breakup'. If not married, break up, see ya. Married people have to unwind and often complex business arrangement. That can be frustrating and maddening at times where otherwise, done over see ya gone. It affects the dating process.
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Old 11th November 2018, 12:03 AM   #12
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Its directly proportionate with the amount of money/assets it cost him...

TFY
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Old 11th November 2018, 12:07 AM   #13
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Heh, yeah, quarter mil in my case, not counting my lawyer. For some people that's nothing. I worked a lot of long hours in a hot shop to slowly build my egg. Never again. Women aren't worth it. Ever. Still, I don't mind enjoying time with them. Didn't back then either. I'm mature enough to know they weren't my wife. Everyone is an individual.
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Old 11th November 2018, 8:11 AM   #14
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l'm going through similar, divorce , one gf , and now someone new admittedly a little too soon.
But she is special , very , or l wouldn't have gone into something else so soon, it was a bit longer for me about 3mths.
l explained to her l was still very emotional about breaking up with the first gf and it was a bit soon still, l'm only going very slowly.
She was very good about it and patient. l didn't wanna lose her because of that l felt so lucky to have found her even if the timing was a bit soon.
Been together 4mths mths now and we're going really well and l'm feeling a lot better lately and we've talked about it a long the way,
She wasn't a rebound l didn't even want another gf , it was all just about her me and us , and who she was, a rare one l knew that the day we met

We can't tell ya why he's traumatized you gotta talk to him. Maybe ex gf was a fruitcake, maybe his divorce still , ex wife , who knows.
Just talk to him about it openly and don't throw anything in his face .

Maybe if it is too soon especially with him feeling traumatized you could offer to keep things very slow or slow them right down for a few mths.

Talk to him, be open.
Good luck

Last edited by Chilli; 11th November 2018 at 8:15 AM..
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Old 11th November 2018, 11:18 PM   #15
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About the recent split. But he def dumped her and didn't want to be with her anymore. He checked out his marriage years before the end. He said a few times they were just friends in the end. They are still on good terms.



Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Is he talking about his recent split or his divorce?
The recent split maybe due to him still being traumatised by his divorce.
If that is the case then it may well be years till he fully recovers.
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