a career vs love and friendships-what is more important?

[smile95]

Are there really guys/glas out there that would prefer to dive into work/career and not even want friends/spouses? I know that some people base their worth on their jobs and how successful they are but, really, does there come a point where they see that family is just as important?

 

My ex is so into his work and has no friends and no me anymore either. HE works 24-7 and loves it. It is his passion. It hurts my feelings that I was not as important as his job was. I guess since I did not pay him. lol

 

His ex-wife used to complain about this too, but I never belived it when he said that, now I see it.

 

Do people ever change and realize there is more to life than money/success?

[Kat]

Both my partner and I are very family focused. We would prefer to surround ourselves with friends and family then aim for that new promotion. Of course we have both excelled at the line of work we are in and keep getting promotions

 

There are a lot of people who would choose work over love/friends and there is ntohing wrong with that.

 

I just know that my family has the right ingredients to give my kids the best future

[smile95]

That is great! I guess it is important to find someone who has the same goasl in order to be happy. I kinda feel sorry for his son. In a way, I do not feel as bad since I know he does it to everyone in his life. (chooses to wirk instead of spend time w/ family)

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I chose to put my career over love/marriage from my 20's thru to my mid 30's. Once I was satisfied with the direction my company was pointed I then turned my direction to love/marriage. I used to work 90-100 hrs a week and now it's about 35-45.

 

Of course it hasn't gone the way I wished it had in the love dept but now that I'm in my 40's I kinda enjoy it all.

 

I wouldn't have changed anything about the way I did it either but to anwser your question Yes they can change if they reorganize their priorities

[Kat]

Sadly you can't change someone and you definatelty can't force someone to want to spent time with their family.

 

One day he may realise what he has missed, but it is something he has to realise. Until then, he is stuck with work as his number one

 

Things only become a problem when the two people involved have different views

[smile95]

at what point did it hit you there was nore to life than work? Did you have a girl that was with you during the crazy work hrs? Did she stick around? Did you end it?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by beth5201

at what point did it hit you there was nore to life than work? Did you have a girl that was with you during the crazy work hrs? Did she stick around? Did you end it?

 

I had alot of girls.. Some would even come to my work on some nights and bring me dinner and sleep on the couches at work.

 

Some tried to get me to sell the company and move, That needless to say never worked.

 

But the real problem was ME not them .. They were great and sometimes they got tired of being second so they ended it.. Others I did because I didn't have time for them.

 

 

I think when I got engaged to someone with a child I realized that I needed to change if not for her at least for her daughter.. That way I could be a decent step-parent and good husband.

 

I did great at both

[smile95]

oh ya and the fact that he was married at 20 (done with that now)and has a child already,makes me think that now he feels he has done all that and is working on his career.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by beth5201

oh ya and the fact that he was married at 20 (done with that now)and has a child already,makes me think that now he feels he has done all that and is working on his career.

 

It's possible .. I alway's thought I did it in reverse compared to all my friends ..

[smile95]

so there was nothing they could have done....it was gong to happen when you were ready-right?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by beth5201

so there was nothing they could have done....it was gong to happen when you were ready-right?

 

Nothing could have changed me until I felt I needed it in my life.

 

Women tried and tried, some I think about today and think they felt real genuine love for me.. But i just mowed over them like a train because of priorities..

[Sal Paradise]

I think its fine to be more into your career if thats what really makes you happy. Its just when people use it as an excuse when they hurt people that makes it wrong. If you know you're this way you should be upfront with your lovers, and friends from the beginning. Tell them that your work comes first and they come second. If you do that then I see nothing wrong with it. Its the one's who are dishonest who are the jerks.

 

Personally my philosophy is the pursuit of happiness without intentionally hurting others in the process. Happiness motivates me over money and career success, neither of them is enjoyable for me without people to share it with. And if you put them ahead of those people they won't be around to share in your success. Being rich doesn't motivate me. Love motivates me. I put more value in emotional connections than I do success. Some of it is my artistic nature but a lot of its the way I was raised. We didn't have a lot growing up but we had each other. What my parents lacked in money they made up for in unconditional love. That to me is priceless. Thats what I want to give to my own kids (when I eventually start a family).

 

Also how many successful people have you known in your personal life or seen on television who have everything but are utterly unhappy because they're alone. They wake up one day and they're 35-45 and they're wondering where their life went and realize for all their success none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things.

 

Or as Clarence wrote to George Baily on the inside of the copy of Tom Sawyer that he left for him at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life".....

 

"Dear George: Remember- No Man is a Failure who has Friends"

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

For four years I dated a guy whose company headquarters is across the country. I always knew that if chose to take a position there, I would stay behind to further my career. It's not that I am a total career woman, I just knew he wasn't "the one" (don't ask why we stayed together for so long then...) and I wasn't going to move cross-country to be with him. Anyway, I've been dating this new guy for about a month, and I've been friends with him and had a crush on him for over a year. Unfortunately, he graduates from grad school this winter and may be finding employment somewhere else if he can't find it here. I know this is probably crazy, but if things continue in a positive direction, I would move to be with him the following summer (I can't move mid-year because I am a teacher). I'm in my upper twenties, and I think that sometimes you have to take a chance. My friend's parents (before they were married) knew each other for a short time while his dad was in France on business. He bought her a one-way plane ticket to the US, and she accepted. See what I mean about needing to take a chance on love? Jobs aren't everything. I could always find another job in a new city.