How Am I Just Now Learning About Alpha/Beta Males/Females??

[vla1120]

Since I have been back on loveshack, I keep seeing references to "beta males" - usually referencing how women do not appreciate a beta male. I decided to do a little reading about the topic. Holy cow! How am I just learning about this (or did I learn, but not pay attention because I was already in a relationship with an alpha male)? I feel like I am having a eureka moment, here.

 

Frankly, I believe I am a borderline alpha female (though I tend to be a bit shy and keep to myself....sometimes.) Not that I am even considering dating because, well, #1 - I am still married, and #2 - just no, but if I ever do, I think I belong with a beta male. Even when my first husband was a SAHD, he was never a beta male. Not even close.

 

I just want to say for the record, I have heard people say that beta males need to step it up and become alpha males for their significant others to respect them. I think as long as you pull your weight in the relationship and support your significant other (in whatever way best supports her, whether that is a SAHD to her breadwinner role, or whatever) there is NOTHING wrong with being a beta male!!

[PRW]

Since I have been back on loveshack, I keep seeing references to "beta males" - usually referencing how women do not appreciate a beta male. I decided to do a little reading about the topic. Holy cow! How am I just learning about this (or did I learn, but not pay attention because I was already in a relationship with an alpha male)? I feel like I am having a eureka moment, here.

 

Don't get too caught up in it. The terms are very often over-used and worse yet mis-used and mis-defined. They are not gender specific, they apply to both men and women. There are actually at least 5 types, and in my personal studies and personal opinion the two mains ones, that are actual true personality types, seem to be the Alpha and Omega which are basically the same thing with just one being Extroverted and the other being Introverted. IMO the Beta is "learned behavor" and is just what you get when an Omega "loses his way". The Sigma is also possibly learned behavor that you get when an Alpha goes off the rails. The Gamma is probably also a true personality type as well and is just the one that has no real attributes to make them stand out,...they are kind of the "invisible" person. However I can see a possible point made that the Beta comes from a messed up Alpha and the Gamma comes from a messed up Omega. This stuff just is not that concrete.

 

They can also be situation specific. For example a man may be a total Alpha at work, but be totally helpless with women and dating. So IMO these things are just general guides,...real life is just too complex to jamb into these little boxes. Whenever I discuss matters in these forums I usually don't use those official "Names" unless someone else brings them into the conversation. I prefer instead to talk about the behavors instead,...it is correcting, guiding, or fixing the behavors that is the real goal.

 

For giggles, here is the Wiki List of the types and their definitions:

 

Alpha: You are confident and your own man. You do your own thing and have complete confidence in everything you do. You have your self doubts, but you don't let it cloud your judgment and logic. You are well liked by almost everyone, and you just have an easy charm and swagger about your presence. Women are drawn to your charisma and presence. You enjoy being social and having lots of people around. You are a natural leader

 

Beta: You are kind of shy and introverted and not very confident in yourself. You are constantly plagued by insecurities and self-doubts and you can never commit to anything in the fear that you will fail in it. You are somewhat liked by people but they tend to look at you rather condescendingly and woman tend to friendzone you. You are nervous around other people and social situations because you're always afraid that people are judging you. You are a born follower.

 

Omega: You are very much like the alpha male, the primary distinction being that where the Alpha "recharges" in groups you "recharge" by being alone. You are the polar opposite of the alpha male, but in a good way. Like the alpha male you are confident, intelligent and have a sense of charisma about you, but unlike the alpha male, you are completely your own person. You do not need anyone, and you can even be emotionally distant due to your complete self-possession. You trust few people and foster even fewer intimate relationships. Omegas do not care for leadership by others as they are perfectly capable of leading themselves

 

Gamma: You are sort of the "invisible" guy. There is nothing really spectacular about you. You are not a beta, but neither are you an alpha. your personality and presence usually blends in with the rest of the room and you're just sort of...there. People like you just fine and you usually don't have too much trouble with girls, but all the same, there is nothing particularly memorable or remarkable about you. You are not a born leader nor an inherent follower, although you can take on those tasks depending on the situation.

 

Sigma: You are a manipulative mastermind. You are a spider waiting to lay your trap. You possess a cunning, intuitive mind and can sway people to your will. You don't have the casual swagger of the alpha or the omega but you do have a clever presence about you and people tend to be both wary and respect you for that. You can often be even more powerful than the alpha or the omega male in social situations due to your ability to persuade and manipulate them. You are neither a follower or a leader but rather a wild card.

[carhill]

IME, unless they're mental health professionals, married people usually are living life and enjoying their marriage and family rather than sussing out the nuances of human psychology. That might explain this apparent new revelation on personality types.

 

IMO, humans are hard to pin down and put into boxes. If it feels right to you, go with it. If not, find something else that does. If you change your mind, that's OK. People change all the time.

 

Leaders need followers as much as followers need leaders. If everyone was battling for dominance and no one was willing to follow we'd have exterminated our species long ago. If all were milling around aimlessly waiting for some direction, similar. Nature, genetics, socialization and peer pressure all work to find a mostly happy balance. Outliers are shunned, denying their genetics continuation, or exterminated and the species proceeds to refine the dynamic over time.

 

Frankly, I'm surprised humans get along at all

 

Since you're talking about dating while married, I hope your M improves or you get out if it's toast. TBH, men are no panacea. The one you're married to is typical of the breed. The grass isn't necessarily greener. That's life.

[PRW]

Not that I am even considering dating because, well, #1 - I am still married, and #2 - just no, but if I ever do, I think I belong with a beta male.

 

No you wouldn't. A woman that leans "alpha" would only be attracted long term to a man who leaned further "alpha" than she was in order for their to be good sexual polarity. This same woman would lose respect for a "beta" in a pretty short amount of time and would eventually feel disgust for him and have no sexual attraction to him.

 

But like I said in my other message, I don't like those titles. Think of it as being masculine energy vs feminine energy. The woman just wants a man who is more masculine than she is. The man wants a woman that is just more feminine than he is.

 

For the "beta", if we choose to use that term, would have to seek a woman who is more "beta" than he is. So this way, by comparison, he would seem masculine to her.

[alphamale]

Alpha males rule

[Chilli]

haha , well don't fog up your brain too much with all that garbage eh.

All just more over and over and over analyzing and picking to bits what is all just being human.

l'm not in the States but we never hear any of that bs here or most of the other crap on the internet, people are just people and come in a million personalities and who would want it any other way.

But l really feel sorry you guys if it's anything like the internet , in RL there . Which l very much doubt anyway , really.

80% of stuff and attitudes on all kinds of things, l see around LS and other forums , aren't even close to real reality , well not here anyway.

ln most cases l wouldn't even know anyone, that thinks as a lot of stuff is said and talked about around the internet.

 

Sadly though, it all just seems to be messing up so many poor souls that seem to take it as reality.

Edited October 16, 2018 by Chilli

[FMW]

That's an interesting list, PRW! I think I like Omega.........

[Ronni_W]

Since I have been back on loveshack, I keep seeing references to "beta males" -

Terms like these, psychological and scientific, are created by inventive people to sell books and/or have their hypotheses/theories accepted by their peers. Best to take everything with a grain of salt.

 

At the same time, though, there are Alpha and Omega, purported to be the Yang and Yin of how the material world of form came into existence and maintains its form. So, there's that. .

[pepperbird]

Alpha males rule

 

 

:laugh::laugh:

[pepperbird]

I think the whole idea is nonsense. It tries to put people in little boxes, and that doesn't work.

 

Fwiw, the men I have come across who identify themselves as "alpha" are almost always aggressive jerks who swagger around like they are king sh@t of turd island. They assume everyone else loves them just as much as they love themselves, and their ego simply can't be reigned in. If they do make a mistake, they either blame someone else or do their best to hide it.

[PRW]

I think the whole idea is nonsense. It tries to put people in little boxes, and that doesn't work.

 

It is not nonsense, but it is abused.

 

Fwiw, the men I have come across who identify themselves as "alpha" are almost always aggressive jerks who swagger around like they are king sh@t of turd island. They assume everyone else loves them just as much as they love themselves, and their ego simply can't be reigned in. If they do make a mistake, they either blame someone else or do their best to hide it.

....Which is the prefect example of what I said about people mis-defining the terms. You look at the actual real definition of Alpha above,...these guys clearly are not it. They are often the Sigma trying to pretend to be an Alpha, or they are just really insecure self-absorbed spoiled-brats trying to over-compensate for their lacking by mimicking a "parody" of the Alpha stereotype, the Hollywood pop culture "concept" of an Alpha (rather than what it really is).

[vla1120]

Since you're talking about dating while married, I hope your M improves or you get out if it's toast. TBH, men are no panacea. The one you're married to is typical of the breed. The grass isn't necessarily greener. That's life.

 

Let me just clarify, I am NOT interested in dating even though my husband and I are living separate lives in separate homes. He has the go-ahead to date and try to meet someone, whatever he wants/needs to do to find happiness at this time - near the end of his life. I will not, nor would I ever, date while I am still married. I have been cheated on and I would never do that to him (regardless of the hell he may have put me through for the past four years.)

 

I was just curious and started doing some research, especially as it relates to my other situation with my daughters, and my way of trying to "fix" it is to encourage the oldest daughter to start looking for someone who would actually be compatible with her. It turns out, I think she is an alpha female (control freak type) who I thought would do better with a beta male, per se, but maybe not!

 

For now, I'm just going to put my blinders on to everything around me (they are all adults), live my own life, and stop trying to fix everything I see wrong around me. I'll take this time, instead, to work on myself since I have plenty of room for improvement.

 

I do agree, it's not about being alpha or beta anything. It's how you mesh together, because I don't necessarily think anyone is all alpha or all beta (except maybe alphamale!:lmao:)

[PRW]

It turns out, I think she is an alpha female (control freak type) who I thought would do better with a beta male, per se, but maybe not!

Absolutely not. She would have to be more Beta than the Beta so that he would appear to be more masculine by comparison.

 

It just comes down to masculine -vs- feminine in order to create the proper sexual polarity.

[Woggle]

Alpha females and beta males usually never work out. She usually ends up running roughshod over him and completely loses every ounce of respect which kills attraction.

[Starswillshine]

I find the people who use these terms tend to be quite douchey and those who start putting people into the boxes of beta/alpha... I just roll my eyes at and can never take seriously again.

[vla1120]

I find the people who use these terms tend to be quite douchey and those who start putting people into the boxes of beta/alpha... I just roll my eyes at and can never take seriously again.

 

I find people who roll their eyes at other people who are trying learn about and to make sense of the world quite douchey, so we're even. Besides, if you want to roll your eyes at me, that's fine. I said in my comments above that I think everyone is most likely a combination of list of descriptions of alpha/beta.

 

I'm just out here, struggling with some things I have no control over, looking for input from others who may have found themselves in the same position, at some point. Trust me, I don't take every comment seriously, either - especially those who, instead of trying to provide a meaningful response that might invoke some thinking, simply troll to criticize and insult people. For those people, I just roll my eyes and can never take them seriously.

[PRW]

I find people who roll their eyes at other people who are trying learn about and to make sense of the world quite douchey, so we're even. Besides, if you want to roll your eyes at me, that's fine. I said in my comments above that I think everyone is most likely a combination of list of descriptions of alpha/beta.

 

I don't think that was directed at you. I actually thought it was directed at me since I have probably said the most about these Personality Types in this thread, and I certainly do "believe" in them. But am also realistic about it, and in my first sentence in my first message said "Don't get too caught up in it". Then I also made the very specific illustration of "The Boxes" and that you can't really jamb people into those. So maybe it wasn't directed at me either.

[Starswillshine]

I don't think that was directed at you. I actually thought it was directed at me since I have probably said the most about these Personality Types in this thread, and I certainly do "believe" in them. But am also realistic about it, and in my first sentence in my first message said "Don't get too caught up in it". Then I also made the very specific illustration of "The Boxes" and that you can't really jamb people into those. So maybe it wasn't directed at me either.

 

Actually, it wasnt directed at neither of you though I wasnt very clear in that regard.

 

I mean people I know personally. The people I know in my life who use those terms are extreme douchey people that I cannot take seriously. So when I hear the terms from someone else (more along the lines of talking about someone being beta or alpha, I just roll my eyes at their doucheyness... I love made up words). I find the discussions about what or may not be categorized as alpha behavior or beta behavior different than labeling certain people.

 

Anyway, carry on. Not meaning to insult.

[PRW]

I mean people I know personally. The people I know in my life who use those terms are extreme douchey people that I cannot take seriously. So when I hear the terms from someone else (more along the lines of talking about someone being beta or alpha, I just roll my eyes at their doucheyness... I love made up words). I find the discussions about what or may not be categorized as alpha behavior or beta behavior different than labeling certain people.

 

Anyway, carry on. Not meaning to insult.

 

No Problem.

As I said in the first message (If not there, I know I have said it before), I usually don't bring up those "titles" unless someone else inserts them into the conversation. I try to focus on the behavors. It is a bad sign when you hear people act like there are only two (Alpha/Beta). It shows they don't know much about it. Also as I said in the first message, I think the two main ones are Alpha/Omega (not Beta) with the Beta just being learned behavor and maybe not a true personality type, but that is just my own personal analysis of it.

[basil67]

I find people who roll their eyes at other people who are trying learn about and to make sense of the world quite douchey, so we're even. Besides, if you want to roll your eyes at me, that's fine. I said in my comments above that I think everyone is most likely a combination of list of descriptions of alpha/beta.

 

I'm just out here, struggling with some things I have no control over, looking for input from others who may have found themselves in the same position, at some point. Trust me, I don't take every comment seriously, either - especially those who, instead of trying to provide a meaningful response that might invoke some thinking, simply troll to criticize and insult people. For those people, I just roll my eyes and can never take them seriously.

 

I learned about the terms quite some time ago. Too much time on relationship boards I guess.

 

Perhaps there is something behind it all, but the use and possibly misuse of the terms and they way it's all discussed has turned me in a direction away from giving any credence to it.

[vla1120]

I don’t expect a free pass for being a b*tch on these forums, but this is the second time this week I have felt the need to apologize, and I sincerely do, Starswillshine. I think I am just having a really hard time between my husband’s antics and what I am going through with my daughters. In fact, I know I am stressed because my BP at the doctor on Monday was 170/120. I had to talk him out of calling an ambulance. My average BP is 100/60 so I can see why he was concerned. Today it was 138/90, better, but still high for me. I swear the stress comes from this need of mine to figure everything out and fix it all.

 

I am going to work on just breathing and relaxing for the next 24 hours and see if THAT will lower my BP!!

[pepperbird]

It is not nonsense, but it is abused.

 

....Which is the prefect example of what I said about people mis-defining the terms. You look at the actual real definition of Alpha above,...these guys clearly are not it. They are often the Sigma trying to pretend to be an Alpha, or they are just really insecure self-absorbed spoiled-brats trying to over-compensate for their lacking by mimicking a "parody" of the Alpha stereotype, the Hollywood pop culture "concept" of an Alpha (rather than what it really is).

 

 

I was doing some research work online the other day, and one thing I came across was something called "the red pill". I don't know that means, but boy, did that site ever attract a lot of obnoxious men. I understand ( but don't agree with ) the MGTOW movement, but this was more extreme and quite frankly, disturbing.

 

it's as if they took the pop culture definition of an "alpha"male and took it to an extreme.

[pepperbird]

It is not nonsense, but it is abused.

 

....Which is the prefect example of what I said about people mis-defining the terms. You look at the actual real definition of Alpha above,...these guys clearly are not it. They are often the Sigma trying to pretend to be an Alpha, or they are just really insecure self-absorbed spoiled-brats trying to over-compensate for their lacking by mimicking a "parody" of the Alpha stereotype, the Hollywood pop culture "concept" of an Alpha (rather than what it really is).

 

 

I don't know what they are, but somewhere along the way, they've learned behaviors that are actually quite repulsive. When I see someone acting that way, I always wonder if , underneath that arrogance, they are actually quite insecure. One guy I used to work with was like that. He tried to project an air of being "alpha", but I wonder if underneath all that, he was really just insecure and very lonely. He ended up driving away the friends and relationship partners that might have helped him to feel better about himself.

[PRW]

I was doing some research work online the other day, and one thing I came across was something called "the red pill". I don't know that means, but boy, did that site ever attract a lot of obnoxious men. I understand ( but don't agree with ) the MGTOW movement, but this was more extreme and quite frankly, disturbing.

 

You got a lot packed in this one.

 

The Red Pill is not a web site,...not saying someone couldn't have used it in their site's name, but the term is independent from that.

 

Red Pill comes from the movie The Matrix. The Red Pill is the idea of waking up to see truth as it really is. The Blue Pill is the idea of rejecting truth and choose to stay in your fantasy world.

 

The movie "The Red Pill" is quite good. It is a documentary on the Men's Rights Movement that was very well done by a woman, "Cassie Jaye". I just recently watched it. It was emotionally moving for me.

 

MGTOW is not the Men's Rights Movement. Let's put it this way, all MGTOW are going to be pro Men's Rights Movement,...but not everyone in the Men's Rights movement is MGTOW. MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) are men who have usually had their lives ruined (usually in the legal system) during a divorce or a relationship breakup. They are not eunuchs or turning gay, they generally will still date and go out with women but the main thing is that they will never marry again or get in a "serious" relationship. It is almost like a PTSD situation that they have just never recovered from. I find them frustrating to deal with because I think their reaction to things has been too extreme, but at the same time I have a level of sympathy for them, and if I went through the same destruction that they did I can't promise I wouldn't be the same way.

Edited October 18, 2018 by PRW

[Starswillshine]

I don’t expect a free pass for being a b*tch on these forums, but this is the second time this week I have felt the need to apologize, and I sincerely do, Starswillshine. I think I am just having a really hard time between my husband’s antics and what I am going through with my daughters. In fact, I know I am stressed because my BP at the doctor on Monday was 170/120. I had to talk him out of calling an ambulance. My average BP is 100/60 so I can see why he was concerned. Today it was 138/90, better, but still high for me. I swear the stress comes from this need of mine to figure everything out and fix it all.

 

I am going to work on just breathing and relaxing for the next 24 hours and see if THAT will lower my BP!!

 

 

There is zero reason to apologize. My post wasn't clear and came off rather snooty.

 

But yes, go take care of yourself!