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boyfriend hates my roommate/best friend


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Hey everyone,

So about a month ago I started seeing this guy. He's not officially my boyfriend yet (i just didn't know what else to call him in the title), but he pretty much acts like it. He's a really great and sweet guy and has a ton of qualities that I want in a guy.

 

However, there's a reason I'm not too eager to jump into a commitment with him. For some reason, he absolutely HATES my roommate. And my roommate isn't just my roommate, she's also my best friend.

 

The issue is that around everyone else he's so sweet, definitely sarcastic and says what's on his mind, but generally just really sweet. To my roommate though, he turns into this complete sarcastic ******* and just makes comments to her that are totally unnecessary and it's gotten to a point where she feels uncomfortable when he's here.

 

But she isn't innocent either, when they first met he made a few sarcastic comments that were obviously just jokes and weren't at all offensive, but she took everything he said so personally. She comes off as really cold around him which makes him feel uncomfortable so it's kind of a never ending ping pong game of who's making who uncomfortable. He makes a joke, she overreacts. Because of her overreaction, he feels the need to say exactly what he thinks and the cycle continues.

 

I've talked to him about it but he won't open up about the situation. He won't say why she bothers him so much but my guess is when they first met he was his usual sarcastic self and she took it too personally and came off aggressively so his opinions formed from there.

 

It bothers me a lot though that he has no issue showing this side of himself to me -the girl he likes- especially so soon. If anything he should be sucking up to my best friend to win my approval or at least TRY to be civil.

 

My roommate has her fair share of things to say to/about him, and part of me is also upset with her for taking everything so personally and making him equally as uncomfortable. Nothing he has said to her has been truly awful, last night he came over and simply made a joke about her always being in the room with me and it was definitely rude but she made it seem like he was sitting there calling her names all night.

 

Anyways, at least my roommate tries to be nice, lately he has been too until last night all of a sudden things just blew up and I'm not sure what to do about it. If I'm being completely honest it's a major red flag to me that first of all he's capable of being that way towards people -even if it's only her- and that he has no issue showing it to me. Also that he refuses to open up about it when communication is so important.

 

I'm just at a loss, she's my best friend and he's the guy I really, really like but they're both being immature and putting me in an awkward situation where I feel I have to divide my time between them.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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It bothers me a lot though that he has no issue showing this side of himself to me -the girl he likes- especially so soon.

 

That is a big red flag for me. What is he going to show you when you are no longer "new" and the emotions toward you cool off a little bit?

 

If I'm being completely honest it's a major red flag to me that first of all he's capable of being that way towards people -even if it's only her- and that he has no issue showing it to me.
I agree.

 

Also that he refuses to open up about it when communication is so important.
I agree again.

 

Do what women do to guy so well. Test him!

 

Poke him with a stick a little and see how he reacts. Break a date with him once. Use the excuse that you have to do something important with your friend (the one he doesn't like),...then see how he reacts. That should be simple and common enough situation that you should not have a tough time having that one actually be true. Maybe he will come on these forums and complain to us about it.

Edited by PRW
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Hope, it's only been a month and he's already showing that he's a tool. You're not even bf/gf yet. I can't see that there's anything to consider here - just walk away.

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Nothing he has said to her has been truly awful, last night he came over and simply made a joke about her always being in the room with me and it was definitely rude but she made it seem like he was sitting there calling her names all night. Anyways, at least my roommate tries to be nice, lately he has been too until last night all of a sudden things just blew up and I'm not sure what to do about it.

 

Sounds like sexual tension between them and neither knows how to handle it.

 

Uncomfortable situation...

 

Mr. Lucky

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