Jump to content

Worries about future with him


Recommended Posts

Hi guys,

 

I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year now, I am 26 and he is 32. Some background info is that he has a son whom he has 50% custody of. Both of us live with our parents. He lives with him mom because he says it’s easier to not pay monthly rent, as well as have a babysitter for his son(his mom). I currently had to move 30 minutes from him, and with traffic it can be annoying because i am far from my job and everything else. My boyfriend says that he is planning to save to get us a house and to be patient. But in the meantime he has been taking me out on dates, as well as renting hotels on the weekend so that we can sleep together. I was fine with it being temporary but I’m not going to be taken to hotels all the time. I don’t know what other men would do, but I would have liked if he would’ve offered to move in an apartment temporarily and not be taken to a hotel every other weekend. I don’t know if I should be tougher on him on getting us an apartment ? Am i being reasonable? I also feel a little turned off that he is already 32 and lives with his mom and son at her house. I’m not sure if he feels that I’m easy going and that I will just put up with it? Therefore should I be tougher? Ultimatum ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am 26 and he is 32. Some background info is that he has a son whom he has 50% custody of. Both of us live with our parents.

 

Both of you are dangerously close to the "failure to launch" category.

 

Jane3322, it's really a question of the qualities you prioritize. To an outsider, he seems neither motivated nor accomplished. If those things are important to you, you should probably look elsewhere for romance. A 32-yr old guy living with mom isn't most women's idea of Mr. Right...

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi guys,

My boyfriend says that he is planning to save to get us a house and to be patient. But in the meantime he has been taking me out on dates, as well as renting hotels on the weekend so that we can sleep together.

 

Well, I’m sure that it would be easier for him to save to buy a house if he wasn’t paying for hotel rooms every other week for you to have sex. ;)

 

Seriously though, I’m curious to know if you are also saving to buy a house? That responsibility shouldn’t fall entirely to him. And, you may well have to chose between saving for a house and getting an apartment - there may not be enough for both.

 

You do have to ask yourself - what do you want in a partner? Do you want to be dating a 32 year old man who lives with his mother, has a child, and spends his money on hotel rooms to have sex? If you want more, you have to require more. Just be realistic in your expectations...

Link to post
Share on other sites

"planning to save"

 

So... is he actually saving yet, or just 'planning to'?

 

You need to get some approximate timescales in place. How much do you have saved for a house? How much extra are you adding every month? Same questions for him? How much do you need to be able to buy a house? How much longer would it take if the two of you rented an apartment?

 

If you can sit down and say 'this is for x months, then we can move', then you have a goal and a direction you can work towards. Otherwise you just have vague promises and you're stuck in limbo.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hang on, what are YOU doing all this time? He's paying for the hotels, he's planning to save for a house, he's taking you out on dates. You want him to move into an apartment so you can come over... you want him to do and pay for everything, and you just turn up?

 

Yes in my opinion you are being unreasonable because you're expecting him to do everything for you. You have a job too right, and he has a kid to take care of whereas you are also living at home and child free. After a year of dating you should be pulling your own weight too. You should be working as a team, not a princess.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Whats the big deal of you staying with him on the weekend. I think that if your going to move in. Then it means your both ready to explore a LTR with a child. Might as well get engaged and live with your BF/Son and contribute to the household.

 

The only reason you can't stay over is ,because you don't get along with his mom and thats speculation on my part. If you did. Then the Hotel thing would not be in play.

 

I get this vibe that you want out. I can't put finger on it. So many people just want relationships that they put up with anything.

 

If you move in. Why not go all the way after a yr.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...