Ever wonder if you’re destined to be alone?

[Nienne]

I don’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing, but I’m approaching mid-thirties and my romantic history is mostly made up of missed opportunities/ misunderstandings and it seems that all of the guys have moved on and settled down happily. Other than one long-term relationship in my late teens/ early twenties I’ve mostly been single with FWB occasionally or short-term relationships here and there. When I was younger, I could never understand why things wouldn’t work out, but now that I’m older and have spent time reflecting, I realize how much of this was my fault.

 

I fell hard one time since the long-term relationship, and it was with the friend of a casual fling. He became my friend too. At the time, I just thought because we had so much chemistry everything would magically fall into place and we would be together. Now, I realize how stupid and selfish I was. The FWB could tell something was different between me and the friend and pitched a raging fit. Of course, the guy I liked wouldn’t do that to his friend because he is a good person, so he cut me off. He tried to apologize and explain a few years later but I still didn’t understand how he could hurt me if he cared. So long story short, we stayed apart and lost all friendship, and the FWB fell in love with his other friend’s ex and got married shortly after all that went down.

 

I have dated other people since then, but it really took me a long time to get over that. I was emotionally unavailable because I couldn’t let it go. Now, I feel like a terrible person for even thinking I could have had something with that guy. I thought I had moved on but today I have been really sad thinking about it, not because I want to see him or talk to him, but because I thought it was okay to act that way. I hope I never see or talk to him again because I feel so ashamed.

 

Anyway, I haven’t really clicked that well with anyone in awhile. Now that I’m in my thirties, it seems the guys my age are mostly going for the younger ladies. Then some of them are just looking to bide their time until an ex takes them back (this has happened several times). I don’t do FWB anymore because I want something real at this point. I try to stay away from anyone who is friends with an ex or FWB, but living in a semi-rural area, this is difficult.

 

Maybe I am just feeling a little down today, who knows. Anyone else find themselves in the same boat where maybe you think karma is going to leave you single forever?

[Garcon1986]

I have wondered at some points whether I am going to be alone. I then watched a maori haka, and it firmed up my devotion to chasing a lady who is right for me. I know that I am happy with what I have but am going to be happier, with a partner.

[babysacay]

I've wondered this so much. At first I thought it was because I had much improvement to do in relationships. So with my last ex, I was a way better girlfriend with him. But he ended it after 3.5 months. I asked what I can do to improve in future relationships and he said there was nothing I did to contribute to the breakup. So right now I feel like I'm destined to be single, because I can be the best girlfriend but a man will still leave me. It's so frustrating. I'm 27 and want children before I'm past 35. I'm beginning to think it won't happen because I can't afford a child on my own due to student loans.

[somanymistakes]

Destiny is whatever you choose it to be. If you decide you want to be alone that's probably how things will turn out. And you can choose that, if you want to. But it's not karma, it's a combination of choice and chance.

 

So right now I feel like I'm destined to be single, because I can be the best girlfriend but a man will still leave me.

 

That's because the problem was with him!

 

Nobody can hold up both ends of a relationship by themselves.

 

Most relationships end, because they weren't good matches. It's about looking for the place where you really fit, rather than desperately trying to hold onto whatever comes along even if it's not a good fit.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS....

 

Have you been in the same demographic throughout or....??

[dispatch3d]

Meh I feel this way all the time and for the most part its come true. I would love to change things. Oh well.

 

I don't see what you did wrong in your example scenario there. I guess you rejected an advance of his and there was no follow up, then the blow up happened? That would be my guess.

[Mysterio]

I may make a post about this. Whats the best fit for a person romantically?

[Mysterio]

We have extended our life span to basically late 80's to early 90's if you take care of your health/baring any accidents.

 

Why does it feel like for some of us. Being single is such an extreme prison sentence. Its great to have love, but sometimes I wonder if we actually really need it that bad.

 

When I think of being single. I think ultimate freedom. When I think of being in a love relationship. I get to have physical affection and someone that loves me and wants the same from m as well.

 

All the wasted time in my head wanting it. I think for me for what ever reason. My life dynamic will only bring a love into my life, when I don't seek it. It never works when I am the driving force. No matter how slick I think I am being. I always get curves.

 

When I don't care. Thats when if anything happens it rolls romantically with a woman if its in the cards.

 

I don't have a real problem with being single in the sense that I have friends that I can call up and vice versa. Its just that not having physical affection on a regular basis is hard. Plus verbal as well. If I was in a relationship, its not like she has to make love to me everyday or say I love you. Its just that at least 3 to 4 times a week would be nice.

[dispatch3d]

I've been single for a long time by anyone's standards - that's why it feels like a prison sentence. I don't need to work on myself for 5+ years, I've long since healed from my past relationship.

[Wind234]

Yes I feel that way completely, but I understand I was not the best at loving someone. I must confess, I am not good at being truthful with myself. I just need a space to write this and let it go because it’s driving me insane. I dated someone when I was really young it was the seventh grade. I liked him a lot and we got along. One day however, he asked me some serious questions and it scared me. I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship so I broke up with him. Later on in high school, it was my freshman year. I was dating someone else and we were together for awhile. Honestly, i was not comfortable being myself in this relationship now looking back. One night I went out and ran into my ex from seventh grade. We did hangout just as friends and had a good time. I didn’t tell him I was dating someone. The next few days he comes up to me at school and asks me out. I was shocked ?. I tried to tell him I was dating someone. He didn’t care honestly. Looking back, I should have said yes. Anyone can judge me and say but you were dating someone!? Why would you jump into another relationship!? That I am a horrible person. Point taken, but they don’t know what I’ve been through. I was never comfortable with the guy I was dating and he always blamed me for little things. I always had to be the bigger person with him. It was always a fight, nothing worked out well. Looking back I know this now, but what did I do? I turned him down and said no. I said I was dating someone. I chose someone who was mean to me all the time over a caring guy who actually got along with me! What was I thinking? Now the guy who I actually got along with and turned down is no longer here. I’m gonna face this for the rest of my life. ?

[Chassit]

I actually thought for a while that I was wrong for all of the times I felt like that. I had someone, she promised to always be here and never leave. Then she left me for someone else, and now I feel like that more than ever.