Dodgersfan11 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 If a guy asks a girl that question on the 1st date, and she replies "no" and then she asks him if he wants kids and he says "yes" well, would that be a deal breaker for him? Because I said no. and after that it seemed that he didn't see me as dateable afterward...but then I thought to myself, if he was really into me, he would date me no matter what. Am I mistaken? Or since I said, no to the kid question, he nexted me? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 but then I thought to myself, if he was really into me, he would date me no matter what. Am I mistaken? Gosh no. You are fundamentally incompatable as it relates to a major life goal/value. Why would he want to potentially spend years of his life dating someone who does not want what he wants in life? After all, we are not talking about the fact that he likes scary movies and you do not. Whether or not you want to have children/have a family or not is a REALLY important thing for many people - a deal breaker for many. But, it's good that you were honest. Best that you learn this early about each other so that you can both find someone who wants the same things in life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 wanting to have kids or not is for sure a deal breaker but I also think it’s weird to ask on the first date, too personal. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 wanting to have kids or not is for sure a deal breaker but I also think it’s weird to ask on the first date, too personal. It may be personal, but it also turned out to be smart. He's saved himself from wasting time and money dating a women who he's incompatible with. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 ...if he was really into me, he would date me no matter what. I'm sorry but that's not how it works. People don't generally continue dating people whose life goals and ambitions don't align, nor would I recommend anyone ever do that. Even for moderate things like core interests, I would never date anyone with who I didn't share either common interests, or at least didn't share the type of mindset that lends itself to having said interests. Trust me, I did and it ended badly for both of us. Deciding whether one wants kids or not is one of the biggest life goals/values out there. If I know I definitely want kids (I'm very much on the fence for the record, but just an example), I wouldn't want to spend time dating someone who didn't want them no matter how the rest of their looks/personality lines up for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 He may have been into you but he was smart enough to know that spending time with you meant he didn't have time to spend with a woman who does want kids. Thus you would be wasting his time. Why do you think you are so worth him doing that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I guess he has already wasted time with a woman who did not want kids or something you said triggered him into asking the question. As he wants kids and you do not, how do you do honestly think that would pan out? Of course he is not going to spend time, money and effort on some woman who doesn't want kids, why would he? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 What if he told you that he plans to move to the Antarctic and live out the rest of his life there? Would you continue dating him even if you know he's 100% going to move there in a few years time? Wouldn't it be a waste of your time if you know you won't be moving there with him since you prefer living in society? Unfortunately, for us that don't want kids, we might underestimate how much it's an important life goal for other people. Just accept that he saved you both time instead of creating drama later when he'd pressure you for kids that you don't want. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 If a guy asks a girl that question on the 1st date, and she replies "no" and then she asks him if he wants kids and he says "yes" well, would that be a deal breaker for him? It depends on where the person is in their life, and their goals for dating. The closer that person is to settling down and starting to raise a family, the bigger it becomes a deal-breaker if the other person is not on the same page. If only on the first date, nobody yet knows if they're actually "into" the other person or not...that's the point of what the first three or six months of dating is about...isn't it? . Link to post Share on other sites
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