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What scares you the most?


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Not finding love at your young age, before 30 or before 40?

 

 

Not finding love at your age, around your 40s or 60s?

 

 

Not finding love later on around your 40s or 60s?

 

 

Never finding love, at any age?

 

 

Not finding another love like the one or ones you've had?

 

 

Getting into a serious relationship only to have it fall apart and get emotionally hurt again?

 

 

Getting into a relationship and feeling deep feelings of guilt for emotionally hurting someone?

 

 

Getting into a serious relationship only to have your partner cheat on you?

 

 

Love is over rated?

 

 

None of the above, or you don't care?

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I used to terrified of my marriage being one more instance where I let a woman inside my heart only to be betrayed but I am not longer afraid. She has more than proven her character and I feel bad for ever doubting it. As for that I am not afraid of much. What happens will happen. I have been at rock bottom and if I have to be there again so be it. I know I can crawl the way I did before.

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Happy Lemming

None of the above...

 

I've dated many woman and have been in a lot of relationships (short & long term). If my current long term girlfriend and I don't work out, I'll just go find another woman.

 

NEXT!!

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What scares you the most?

 

 

I don't think I am afraid of anything in terms of relationships. Fear comes from the unknown, and I think I have educated myself enough on the subject to feel relatively confident that I can "spot & dodge" the really bad stuff.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed rude remark
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None of the above...

 

I've dated many woman and have been in a lot of relationships (short & long term). If my current long term girlfriend and I don't work out, I'll just go find another woman.

 

NEXT!!

 

Everyone should think this way. I wish I did, ha!

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Some people don't get phased by a breakup. They start looking for a new partner the next day. But we're all different. Grief is grief. Does that make me less of a 'man'? Is it not 'manly' to feel grief?

 

 

I wish I was like Happy Lemming.

 

Perhaps I should have asked the question differently.

 

The latent purpose of my question comes from a place of losing the hope that I will either love again, like I loved before, or find someone who I can love and who will love me back, except this time, not screw me over.

 

At the same time, I'm not getting younger. People my age, former college buddies, are already married and have started families. I realize I shouldn't compare myself to others. But...it's not a switch I can turn on and off.

 

After the breakup with my ex, I made a mental list of red flags. I went on dates and filtered potential future partners using that list of red flags. It saved me a lot of drama and headache.

 

Some were better than others. After a while I took a long break from dating and recently went back to dating. I threw my mental red flags aside and just went with it. I was excited, I started figuratively building castles in the sky, admittedly I went a little too far with my expectations. Should have kept them in check.

 

After a couple of days it fizzled and I realized we were not a good fit. It was only a few dates, so it's no big deal. But I want to stay hopeful, and brave. I don't want to lose hope and feel desperate.

 

The experience was a good reminder to keep my red flag detector on, no matter how deceptively exciting or bleak things appear to be.

 

I hope this post makes senses.

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None of the above...

 

I've dated many woman and have been in a lot of relationships (short & long term). If my current long term girlfriend and I don't work out, I'll just go find another woman.

 

NEXT!!

 

That's a great attitude HL

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Happy Lemming
Everyone should think this way. I wish I did, ha!

 

To Malin889: You can... Face your fear.

 

A very wise Hindu gentleman once told me "Control the controllables" I can't control what another person does or thinks, so I'm not going to worry about, much less fear it.

 

In the end, I'll be the best person I can be... If that isn't good enough for my partner, she should leave and go find what she is looking for. This goes both ways, if my partner isn't making me happy; I'm going to leave and seek someone who will.

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To Malin889: You can... Face your fear.

 

A very wise Hindu gentleman once told me "Control the controllables" I can't control what another person does or thinks, so I'm not going to worry about, much less fear it.

 

In the end, I'll be the best person I can be... If that isn't good enough for my partner, she should leave and go find what she is looking for. This goes both ways, if my partner isn't making me happy; I'm going to leave and seek someone who will.

 

 

It boils down to logic vs. emotion.

 

 

 

Logically, what you wrote makes sense and I'm fully onboard. Emotionally, it's not as easy. I suppose it takes practice.

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Seems like a click-bait post, but, what the heck....

 

I don't think I am afraid of anything in terms of relationships. Fear comes from the unknown, and I think I have educated myself enough on the subject to feel relatively confident that I can "spot & dodge" the really bad stuff.

 

 

Seriously now, what about attachment? The essence of a romantic relationship is vulnerability; trusting your partner with your feelings and your heart, so to speak.

 

Once you allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to get closer to your partner, then it's different.

 

So how do you "spot and dodge"? Does that mean you avoid emotional intimacy? There has to be a happy median somewhere between the two.

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Happy Lemming

At the same time, I'm not getting younger. People my age, former college buddies, are already married and have started families.

 

So what happens if you don't get married and have kids... Do you think your life ends?? Do you think you won't earn a gold star from your higher power??

 

Well I can answer that question... You live happy!! I'm 53, never been married and have no kids. I've lived my life full of adventure and being nomadic. I've played hard and it ain't over yet... I've worked hard and reaped the rewards and retired early. Now, I can seek more travel and adventure.

 

Don't compare yourself to your college buddies... Live your life the way you want without accounting to anyone or comparing yourself to others. The grass may not be greener on their side of the fence.

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A good portion of those college buddies are probably miserable and have wives who hate and resent them. Marriage is only good with a woman who loves and adores you. If that isn't the case then stay single.

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“Not finding another love like the one or ones you've had?”

 

This used to be my fear. But I realized it is a truth so I embraced it.

 

I’m not capable of the kind of love like I was before. Nor will I find any woman worthy of it.

 

I’ll be sad for a bit when a RL ends, but I realize they are all temporary anyway so it’s not worth putting too much of yourself in another person.

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To Malin889: You can... Face your fear.

 

A very wise Hindu gentleman once told me "Control the controllables" I can't control what another person does or thinks, so I'm not going to worry about, much less fear it.

 

In the end, I'll be the best person I can be... If that isn't good enough for my partner, she should leave and go find what she is looking for. This goes both ways, if my partner isn't making me happy; I'm going to leave and seek someone who will.

 

Very true. I’ve learned that over the years and have tried to accept the fact that you can’t control the way other people act, and that’s ok. It’s like the serenity prayer- Grant me the serenity to control the things I can... I can’t think of it right now, but you know what I mean!

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Happy Lemming
Very true. I’ve learned that over the years and have tried to accept the fact that you can’t control the way other people act, and that’s ok. It’s like the serenity prayer- Grant me the serenity to control the things I can... I can’t think of it right now, but you know what I mean!

 

I'll help you out... The serenity prayer can apply to a multitude of situations, not just 12 steps...

 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." - Reinhold Niebuhr

 

I learned a lot from my wise Hindu friend. I appreciate him taking the time to educate me about many of life's pitfalls and how to handle them.

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thefooloftheyear

None of it...

 

Only things that could scare me would be anything tragic happening to my child or my family...Major illness or disability...Being dead broke..(been there, never gong back)...y'know real life shyt...

 

But all that other stuff? Nah,.,, BTDT....

 

 

TFY

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DrReplyInRhymes

What frightens me the most is to love someone so deeply and true,

Only to find out she's been sleeping with other guys behind your back in lieu,

For love that deep never really goes away or changes with time; You just learn to live without,

For a relationship with someone like that is impossible, trust is what it's all about.

 

I've come to learn that women like that are few and far between,

They are as rare as a heavy rain in a perpetually desert scene,

The ones who won't stray and fight for you, no matter who the other guy may be,

Loyalty and respect, a lost combination of values, many already married away early.

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6,7&8

 

I’ve had no problems finding love. Staying in it though is the crazy pet.

 

Do people really stay in love or do they continue to deal with each others flaws because it’s convenient? Seriously... by flaws I mean gambling issues, selfish overspending, verbal abuse, cheating, impotence, etc... like big stuff.

 

How can another person really love you if they’re constantly cheating and vice versa. How can you love them if they’re doing these things while with you?

 

Love is a dynamic topic.

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What frightens me the most is to love someone so deeply and true,

Only to find out she's been sleeping with other guys behind your back in lieu,

For love that deep never really goes away or changes with time; You just learn to live without,

For a relationship with someone like that is impossible, trust is what it's all about.

 

I've come to learn that women like that are few and far between,

They are as rare as a heavy rain in a perpetually desert scene,

The ones who won't stray and fight for you, no matter who the other guy may be,

Loyalty and respect, a lost combination of values, many already married away early.

 

That was dope! (((Finger snaps)))

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major_merrick

What scares me is the thought of losing the people I love. Everybody dies. I've been through enough death I'm not sure I can take it again, but I know it is inevitable.

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Seriously now, what about attachment? The essence of a romantic relationship is vulnerability; trusting your partner with your feelings and your heart, so to speak.

 

Once you allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to get closer to your partner, then it's different.

 

So how do you "spot and dodge"? Does that mean you avoid emotional intimacy? There has to be a happy median somewhere between the two.

 

 

This is basically where l am but mind you l must be crazy even going near women again, really.

l mean why do we even bother, they're a pain in the ass in the end.

All worth counting is just my marriage and then a new love that followed but just couldn;t be, however, seems as l somehow just seem to trip over women,,, yeah l know some might wish, but ahhh, l dunno about that.

 

There is someone new , and l swear this is my last. It's this or nothing l'm sick of them.

But truth be said l am so so lucky . She's just an amazing person that loves me to bits and not only , and hate to sound so well, yaknow all this attractiveness bs that's all through all these forums but man , admittedly she has a body like a 20 yr old, not bad for 49.

 

But l am emotionally on hold and still recovering from ex and a little l admit , fkd up.

she understands and she can wait.

But the thing is , at the end of the day sooner or later you have no choice no matter what you fear. Because if you want it , it can't last if you don't give in and you'll lose her.

Or somem like that. :bunny::bunny::bunny:

Edited by Chilli
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