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How, when, where and what... and what am I doing wrong?


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ProfessorOptics

A brief intro:

 

I'm 28, with Asperger's. I struggle a lot with picking up vital social cues, thus I struggle to build any meaningful relationship, romantic or platonic. It takes me a long while to decide whether I'm attracted to someone. In short, I'm context blind. Meaning I see the world in black and white, where it's actually different shades of grey.

 

To help with this, and to help me understand how to form relationships with people, I follow a lot of posts, videos and blogs from people such as Corey Wayne, Girls Chase, etc. this has helped me with certain things, like picking up signs of attraction, interest and what not.

 

Except, I'm now constantly at war with myself as to what is the right course of action when forming new relationships. That's why I'm here, in hopes to find a lifeline that'll help me go from being incredibly lonely to being able to build meaningful relationships with people, and surrounding myself with the kinds of people that I want there.

 

Corey Wayne talks about a once per week rule. I've grasped the concept and see that it's really about building anticipation. On the other hand, however, it feels gamey. on the third hand, talking to a person all day every day makes me feel, weak, clingy, needy and everything that defines the opposite of the type of man I want to be.

 

What I don't get, really, is how do I build a meaningful relationship with someone, starting from day one. Do I make them wait for my replies; do I wait a week to contact them. do I contact them everyday?

 

everyone says it happens naturally. Not with me it doesn't. I want to know what I'm doing, consciously. I want to know when and how to act; how to let someone in without appearing weak and needy.

 

How? How does a relationship begin? how does it evolve? what keeps it interesting? what rules do I follow, and when?

 

Honestly.... I'm starting to want to give up altogether and just swear a life of celebacy and solitude for the remainder of my life, because no matter what I do, I just don't seem to get it, or get the results that I'm after. And I want to! Please help... I could really use a guiding hand right now...

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Good for you for studying the teachings of Corey Wayne. But you just can’t watch videos and cherry pick. You have to read his book until it becomes instinct (he recommends 10-15 times). It helped me tremendously.

 

For every guy saying it helped, there will be 100 women saying “That wouldn’t work on me”. And they are right.

 

What he teaches works exactly as designed. It will push away women who make bad relationship partners and pull in ones who make good partners (high interest, not entitled, not following a rule book, etc).

 

Don’t get hung up on the once per week thing. Basically you want to make sure women are initiating 70-80% of the time (once they start falling for you). Until then, you can initiate once a week.

 

This makes it their idea and you cannot come off needy if it’s her idea. Prior to an established relationship you’ll want to minimize phone and texting chats because you might do something to turn her off or run out of stuff to talk about on the date. And I’m oerson is where you build a relationship.

 

If a woman wants to see you more than once a week she will let you know. As long as it’s her idea it’s ok. You just show up and show her a good time.

 

As far as Aspergers, just keep the same script and weed out the ones you don’t like. That is what dating is all about.

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I'm 28, with Asperger's. I struggle a lot with picking up vital social cues

 

I'm not Asperger, but share some of those characteristics. I often tell the truth to people but do it is a way that isn't soft enough. It ticks them off. But it is what it is.

 

To help with this, and to help me understand how to form relationships with people, I follow a lot of posts, videos and blogs from people such as Corey Wayne, Girls Chase, etc. this has helped me with certain things, like picking up signs of attraction, interest and what not.

Corey Wayne is awesome. With the early stages of dating the guy's advise is just flat out unbeatable. He has a lot of critics, but most of the time those critics demonstrate Wayne to be correct by their own failures as they go along. I attribute to Corey Wayne as "saving my life". It would not be unrealistic to say that I could have ended in suicide had I not run across him when I did.

 

Hopefully you read his book "How to be a 3% Man". You need to read it mulitple times so that what he tells you become instinct rather than having to stop and think about it all the time. If you only binge watch his videos that is not good enough. Yes, it seems a little "gamey" at first, and he will admit that himself. But it is the concept of "fake it till you make it". Once you get to where you instinctively know what to do in different situations you will develop you own style and methods that are natural to you, and it won't seem "gamey" any longer.

 

As far as the Aspergers,...it just means it will take more time for you and will be a bit more harder work. However Aspergers tend to be very intelligent,...use that intelligence to your advantage and focus on women who will respect that intelligence. One of my more recent experiences with meeting a new woman was with one who was trained in Nuclear Science and has worked for the military and the government. We spent a couple hours excitedly talking about the details of how the Japanese powerplant melted down after the earthqauke and how we would all be better off going with the LFTR (Liquid sodium-Fluoride Thorium Reactor) design of nuclear reactors. Obviously not a traditional conversation with a women you just met, but we had a blast.

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Good for you for studying the teachings of Corey Wayne. But you just can’t watch videos and cherry pick. You have to read his book until it becomes instinct (he recommends 10-15 times). It helped me tremendously.

 

For every guy saying it helped, there will be 100 women saying “That wouldn’t work on me”. And they are right.

 

What he teaches works exactly as designed. It will push away women who make bad relationship partners and pull in ones who make good partners (high interest, not entitled, not following a rule book, etc).

 

Don’t get hung up on the once per week thing. Basically you want to make sure women are initiating 70-80% of the time (once they start falling for you). Until then, you can initiate once a week.

 

This makes it their idea and you cannot come off needy if it’s her idea. Prior to an established relationship you’ll want to minimize phone and texting chats because you might do something to turn her off or run out of stuff to talk about on the date. And I’m oerson is where you build a relationship.

 

If a woman wants to see you more than once a week she will let you know. As long as it’s her idea it’s ok. You just show up and show her a good time.

 

As far as Aspergers, just keep the same script and weed out the ones you don’t like. That is what dating is all about.

 

 

Excellent response.

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For every guy saying it helped, there will be 100 women saying “That wouldn’t work on me”.

And 50 out of those 100 women it would work on in spite of what they claim and 25 of the remaining ones would at least be positively effected by it. The last 25 would just be a lost cause.

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I googled this guy's name and he gives the same advice to men as most dating books give to women: don't initiate contact first but occasionally, be a bit unavailable, let the other person ask to meet more often etc.

 

 

 

If both dating partners are following the "rules" of Corey Wayne or the female equivalent, I guess they'd be at a standstill

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ProfessorOptics
Good for you for studying the teachings of Corey Wayne. But you just can’t watch videos and cherry pick. You have to read his book until it becomes instinct (he recommends 10-15 times). It helped me tremendously.

 

For every guy saying it helped, there will be 100 women saying “That wouldn’t work on me”. And they are right.

 

What he teaches works exactly as designed. It will push away women who make bad relationship partners and pull in ones who make good partners (high interest, not entitled, not following a rule book, etc).

 

Don’t get hung up on the once per week thing. Basically you want to make sure women are initiating 70-80% of the time (once they start falling for you). Until then, you can initiate once a week.

 

This makes it their idea and you cannot come off needy if it’s her idea. Prior to an established relationship you’ll want to minimize phone and texting chats because you might do something to turn her off or run out of stuff to talk about on the date. And I’m oerson is where you build a relationship.

 

If a woman wants to see you more than once a week she will let you know. As long as it’s her idea it’s ok. You just show up and show her a good time.

 

As far as Aspergers, just keep the same script and weed out the ones you don’t like. That is what dating is all about.

 

I'm not Asperger, but share some of those characteristics. I often tell the truth to people but do it is a way that isn't soft enough. It ticks them off. But it is what it is.

 

 

Corey Wayne is awesome. With the early stages of dating the guy's advise is just flat out unbeatable. He has a lot of critics, but most of the time those critics demonstrate Wayne to be correct by their own failures as they go along. I attribute to Corey Wayne as "saving my life". It would not be unrealistic to say that I could have ended in suicide had I not run across him when I did.

 

Hopefully you read his book "How to be a 3% Man". You need to read it mulitple times so that what he tells you become instinct rather than having to stop and think about it all the time. If you only binge watch his videos that is not good enough. Yes, it seems a little "gamey" at first, and he will admit that himself. But it is the concept of "fake it till you make it". Once you get to where you instinctively know what to do in different situations you will develop you own style and methods that are natural to you, and it won't seem "gamey" any longer.

 

As far as the Aspergers,...it just means it will take more time for you and will be a bit more harder work. However Aspergers tend to be very intelligent,...use that intelligence to your advantage and focus on women who will respect that intelligence. One of my more recent experiences with meeting a new woman was with one who was trained in Nuclear Science and has worked for the military and the government. We spent a couple hours excitedly talking about the details of how the Japanese powerplant melted down after the earthqauke and how we would all be better off going with the LFTR (Liquid sodium-Fluoride Thorium Reactor) design of nuclear reactors. Obviously not a traditional conversation with a women you just met, but we had a blast.

 

I've read his book three or four times, i think. And i've listened to his audiobook versions 4 times now. I know he mentions it'll feel counterintuitive, but I am yet to meet a woman who doesn't treat it as "he's playing games with me" etc. I know it works. The signals i pick up naturally now, is because of him. Like I can just tell when someone is into someone. I even used my sister as study material because her current fiance did some of the stuff Corey mentions which pissed her off some times, but hey... they're engaged now, so he did something right.

 

I don't know, maybe i'm missing something, or i'm after the wrong kind of girl or somethnig. not to mention, my anxiety skyrockets.

 

Mind you, I have had great conversations with women. I even purposefully argue with women (in a playful way) just to wind them up. I even play the cocky card; that's a natural part of my reportoire now. I got no doubt it works, he wouldn't be in high demand if he weren't. I just haven't progressed anything from just a conversation to whatever comes after, and that's leaving me with a bit of self-doubt, and questioning whether it really is the correct course of action to take.

 

I mean, the amount of times i've been ghosted, or blown off, even though i wait a week to reach out if they don't reply or whetever.

 

If a girl is distant when replying, i pull back and try a week later. If she doesn't reply, I try a week later. I ask her out, she gives them maybe, i do the takeaway and wait until the following week to ask again. I keep to the two strike rule as best i can.

 

And the thing is, I've met girls who are shy. And i'm attracted to that shyness, to a point of course. I usually have to initiate with them, and i even throw the ball in their court by inviting them to reach out once in awhile.

 

I don't even get friendzoned anymore. I don't accept that. Hell, I do the friendzoning if i like a girl platonically. I just tell them no, that doesn't work for me, let me know if you change your mind. I never hear from them again. And it's not just one girl, or two girls... it's every ****ing girl i meet. They either blow me off, try to friendzone me, or just ghost. So clearly i'm missing something, and I don't know what it is lol

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ProfessorOptics
I googled this guy's name and he gives the same advice to men as most dating books give to women: don't initiate contact first but occasionally, be a bit unavailable, let the other person ask to meet more often etc.

 

 

 

If both dating partners are following the "rules" of Corey Wayne or the female equivalent, I guess they'd be at a standstill

 

That's been my thoughts as well... what happens when both parties have read Corey Wayne, and practice his philosophies?

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I googled this guy's name and he gives the same advice to men as most dating books give to women: don't initiate contact first but occasionally, be a bit unavailable, let the other person ask to meet more often etc.

 

If both dating partners are following the "rules" of Corey Wayne or the female equivalent, I guess they'd be at a standstill

 

 

First, Corey Wayne does not say to men "don't initiate contact",...he says just the polar opposite. He says the guy initiates the process. You have to put it in context. But the rest of what you say is true.

 

 

I did a rant on exactly this a while back and made it it's own thread. But based on the biology and psychology of the genders Corey Wayne is right. All the others are just screwing over the women with bad advice. I noticed a lot of these people are feminized men giving advice based on their feminized world view according to the doctrines of 3rd Wave Feminism.

 

 

Here's the thread:

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/664943-useless-dating-coaches-just-rant

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That's been my thoughts as well... what happens when both parties have read Corey Wayne, and practice his philosophies?

If both parties read Corey Wayne they will be fine. His focus is only men, what he says is meant for men,...and he makes that abundantly clear in his works. He is most certainly not telling women to do the same thing. If a woman reads his material with any reasonable reading and comprehension skills she will see the difference in how the man is to approach the situation and how she should approach the situation. If both genders read CW and follow it they will dovetail perfectly together and be very successful. Anyone who can't see that has just simply never read CW's work and is going off what they have heard others say about CW, most of which are misrepresentations.

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I don't know, maybe i'm missing something, or i'm after the wrong kind of girl or somethnig. not to mention, my anxiety skyrockets.

 

Mind you, I have had great conversations with women. I even purposefully argue with women (in a playful way) just to wind them up. I even play the cocky card; that's a natural part of my reportoire now. I got no doubt it works, he wouldn't be in high demand if he weren't. I just haven't progressed anything from just a conversation to whatever comes after, and that's leaving me with a bit of self-doubt, and questioning whether it really is the correct course of action to take.

 

I don't even get friendzoned anymore. I don't accept that. Hell, I do the friendzoning if i like a girl platonically. I just tell them no, that doesn't work for me, let me know if you change your mind. I never hear from them again. And it's not just one girl, or two girls... it's every ****ing girl i meet. They either blow me off, try to friendzone me, or just ghost. So clearly i'm missing something, and I don't know what it is lol

 

 

In summary, you have this....

 

 

Just because you are doing things right (or at least way better than you used to) doesn't mean you will succeed. Why? Because women are pretty screwed up too, and it is very possible that the better looking they are, the more desirable they are,...the more screwed up they are. Why? Because they have met more guys [than other women] and been on more dates [than other women],...with screwed up guys that have in turn left them screwed up in the guy's wake. Then as a result of their screwed up selves have turned to the Internet and found a bunch of those worthless dating coaches that feed the the feminist PC BS to them (capitalizing on their past frustrations with men) and screwed them up even more.

 

 

Therefore, a guy handling himself the proper way is simply giving himself a better chance,...but even if he is doing everything perfectly there is no guarantee he will "win",...what is he going to win?...a screwed up hot looking woman?.

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Obviously women don’t read Corey Wayne, but they get very similar advice from the books and dating gurus directed at them. And then nobody would ask to meet more often etc and relationships would never advance. I’m just not sure following rigid rules like that is a good idea. If the two people like each other it’ll work out anyway .

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Obviously women don’t read Corey Wayne, but they get very similar advice from the books and dating gurus directed at them. And then nobody would ask to meet more often etc and relationships would never advance. I’m just not sure following rigid rules like that is a good idea. If the two people like each other it’ll work out anyway .

 

Actually the women don't get similar advice from others. They get contradicting advice from others. In other words they get told to do what the men are supposed to be doing instead of being told what they the women should be doing. Then they end up in a Mexican Stand-off each waiting for the other one to "blink" first. That was the whole point of my frustration in my rant in the other thread. Follow the link I gave above,...check it out.

 

If both sides do the right things, which are unique to each gender, it all dovetails together beautifully and everything "just works". The women will get that by reading CW as long as they have the reading skill to understand that he is NOT telling them to do the same things he is telling the men to do.

 

Basically CW is telling guys to grow up, embrace your masculinity, be the leader [with integrity] that society in general needs men to be, and stop being the little whiny insecure guy that is looking for a new mommy.

 

Also concerning other interpretation of CW,...he is NOT telling them a bunch of rules. And the bulk of whatever rules there might be are within the very early dating process before exclusivity. Once you reach exclusivity things start to relax and it follows a more natural course. The only reason you have the rules in the early stages is because everyone is so screwed up that you have to give them boundaries to keep things from going off the rails and ending up in a train wreck. If western society hadn't gotten so screwed up with all the PC non-sense we wouldn't be "wrecking our trains" and there would be no need for the rules to be there.

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Actually the women don't get similar advice from others. They get contradicting advice from others. In other words they get told to do what the men are supposed to be doing instead of being told what they the women should be doing. Then they end up in a Mexican Stand-off each waiting for the other one to "blink" first. That was the whole point of my frustration in my rant in the other thread. Follow the link I gave above,...check it out.

 

If both sides do the right things, which are unique to each gender, it all dovetails together beautifully and everything "just works". The women will get that by reading CW as long as they have the reading skill to understand that he is NOT telling them to do the same things he is telling the men to do.

 

Basically CW is telling guys to grow up, embrace your masculinity, be the leader [with integrity] that society in general needs men to be, and stop being the little whiny insecure guy that is looking for a new mommy.

 

Also concerning other interpretation of CW,...he is NOT telling them a bunch of rules. And the bulk of whatever rules there might be are within the very early dating process before exclusivity. Once you reach exclusivity things start to relax and it follows a more natural course. The only reason you have the rules in the early stages is because everyone is so screwed up that you have to give them boundaries to keep things from going off the rails and ending up in a train wreck. If western society hadn't gotten so screwed up with all the PC non-sense we wouldn't be "wrecking our trains" and there would be no need for the rules to be there.

 

True, but pick up is just one part of his teachings. There is gold in the relationship section.

 

I was sick to my stomach after reading everything I did wrong in my last relationship (dumped by gf of 7 years I was planning to marry) because, had I know at the time, I never would have lost her.

 

“Rules” are only such because men need clear, overt, instructions. That’s why his book is so appealing. It makes it simple for men to understand the HOW and the WHY.

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That's been my thoughts as well... what happens when both parties have read Corey Wayne, and practice his philosophies?

 

That’s the thing about HIGH interest women. They throw all their rules out the window when they meet a guy they REALLY like.

 

My gf never kissed on the first date and never asked a guy to be her bf...until me (we are in our 40s but look younger).

 

Every other guy she’s ever dated was trying to lock her down (she dated mostly betas) except me. When I asked her out the first time she enthusiastically said yes and threw ideas of what to do. She was/is high interest.

 

I dated for 2 years and found a few women with interest as high but none I wanted long term. I also dated several with moderate interest that grew (more work and less fun).

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And 50 out of those 100 women it would work on in spite of what they claim and 25 of the remaining ones would at least be positively effected by it. The last 25 would just be a lost cause.

 

Funny you mention that, when I tell my gf his teachings (which I regularly apply on her) she says that won’t work on her. :lmao:

 

Another big lesson he teaches which I experienced first hand: What women say they want and what they actually respond to are two different things.

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I googled this guy's name and he gives the same advice to men as most dating books give to women: don't initiate contact first but occasionally, be a bit unavailable, let the other person ask to meet more often etc.

 

 

 

If both dating partners are following the "rules" of Corey Wayne or the female equivalent, I guess they'd be at a standstill

 

This advice will work for women as well. Unfortunately, it only works on beta guys for which they eventually will lose attraction and can’t always explain why.

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Obviously women don’t read Corey Wayne, but they get very similar advice from the books and dating gurus directed at them. And then nobody would ask to meet more often etc and relationships would never advance. I’m just not sure following rigid rules like that is a good idea. If the two people like each other it’ll work out anyway .

 

I think these “rules” are good for identifying and not investing too much into or wasting too much time on those who are not into you, men or women.

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Must be very tiring to be your girlfriend. Does she have to propose to you too?

 

That’s the thing about HIGH interest women. They throw all their rules out the window when they meet a guy they REALLY like.

 

My gf never kissed on the first date and never asked a guy to be her bf...until me (we are in our 40s but look younger).

 

Every other guy she’s ever dated was trying to lock her down (she dated mostly betas) except me. When I asked her out the first time she enthusiastically said yes and threw ideas of what to do. She was/is high interest.

 

I dated for 2 years and found a few women with interest as high but none I wanted long term. I also dated several with moderate interest that grew (more work and less fun).

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I think these “rules” are good for identifying and not investing too much into or wasting too much time on those who are not into you, men or women.

 

Actually i know , I used them myself :))

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What he teaches works exactly as designed. It will push away women who make bad relationship partners and pull in ones who make good partners (high interest, not entitled, not following a rule book, etc).

 

Oh, the irony :)

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It all really hinges on high interest and without it you are dead in the water.

High interest text all day, every day = fine

High interest never contact for a week = fine

High interest people are "interested" and therefore easy to deal with.

With a high interest person you don't really need Corey Wayne, you can hardly go wrong.

 

Low interest and it all falls to bits, no matter what the man does, that is the big problem for guys who find it hard to date. The women they are dealing with are in the low interest category, he doesn't have what most woman want or find attractive, so it is all an uphill struggle.

Of course he may be fishing in the wrong pool, so that needs addressed first.

 

High interest people find games OK as long as they are getting what they want, low interest people find games annoying and will not play them, or will play their own games, which may not be pleasant.

IMO, one cannot manoeuvre a low interest person into becoming highly interested, one can only possibly manoeuvre an "on the fence" person, and that is maybe just maybe.

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Must be very tiring to be your girlfriend. Does she have to propose to you too?

 

Exhausting I’m sure....and I haven’t even discussed my sexual requirements here:lmao:

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Oh, the irony :)

 

Not ironic, by design.

 

Men’s minds work best with a clear set of instructions. Men follow these rules to increase their chances of finding a good woman.

 

When women have rules it’s more along the lines of expectations of potential mates.

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