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Would you date someone who told you they cheated


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People change. Sometimes for the better. It would not be an automatic reason to not date, but would mean I'd take more time and care to evaluate the potential for a lasting relationship.

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Probably not.

 

Cheating on a teen romance is one thing. Breaking your marital vows is something else all together. I'd need a bit more context but again, probably not.

 

Second I'd have some concerns about the timing of the disclosure. For somebody I'm not dating to share such a person thing is oversharing to me. I'm not a fan of people who can't keep their own counsel.

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No I would not.

 

 

 

* I would not want to date someone that has no respect for his marriage

 

 

 

* I would not want to date someone that feels the need to confess in me he cheated.

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In their marriage. And now they are divorced?

 

It really depends upon a lot of variables.

 

More context for this, please.

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OP, first describe what your parameters are for 'cheating'. They vary widely! Two words, Bill Clinton!

 

Short answer is if I don't some other guy will so the lady wins regardless. Guys go stupid over the pussy.

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Almost certainly not. If somehow I felt so inclined, I would certainly attempt to have a frank discussion with their ex first. This would probably cure me.

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If I just wanted to go out and have a good time somewhere with no intentions of her having my babies,...sure.

 

If they were in a situations where they were married to some dweeb who practically drove them to cheat,...then I might give them more credibility. Sometimes cheating is the fault of the one cheated on.

 

In the end, getting involved with a cheater would not be a goal of mine,...but not everyone who cheats is a "cheater".

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Make your own decision. What does your gut tell you?

 

You'll get answers all across the spectrum. Don't live your life by popular vote. Don't try to stomach something that you can't handle but by the same token don't reject someone because you're worried what others might think.

 

Since you're asking though - It wouldn't be an automatic out for me, but I would probably be more vigilant than usual about warning flags.

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I did once. It was fine. She had grown and it was no longer something I worried about. She was true blue with me.

 

But there was another one, well I knew better.

 

You have to use more than one data point, and a lot of intuition to judge character.

Edited by salparadise
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DrReplyInRhymes

Depends on the circumstance, but generally, I judge what happens to me,

If she's a known cheater, then no, you'd be stupid to think you're the key,

However, if you catch her talking to other dudes and arranging the dates,

Obviously you ain't her world, you're just another dude on her plate.

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I tend to go in for total transparency early on.

 

If that puts an end to the relationship? So be it. I'd rather play with all my cards on the table, then people keep things back only to come back down the road.

 

Think it through. You've cheated but you're embarrassed about it. Ashamed. So what do you do? You omit it.

 

Eventually the question comes up "So have you ever cheated?", so now what? Oh right, you lie I guess because you're much further along now and it might cause serious issues!

 

Ok, so you've lied about it now. Good job. Now you'd better hope that at some point, your history doesn't come back to find you. Because at that point, not only have you cheated, but you've *lied* about it to your new partner, something that immediately sets them on edge.

 

People have pasts. If my partner can't deal with mine, or me theirs, I'd sooner we get that out in front. If the relationships going to break, I'd rather break it sooner than later.

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Eventually the question comes up "So have you ever cheated?"

 

 

I never ask that, I'm not that insecure. If they are untrustworthy I'll see it for myself in other ways.

 

 

I'll just ask them if they've ever drove over the speed limit. If they say yes, I dump them for being a criminal. If they say no I dump them for lying. See, problem solved. (Just kidding :D)

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I wouldn't.

 

 

To be frank I could never trust them. I'm not saying "once a cheater, always a cheater", but to me, it just wouldn't be worth the risk. There are lots of other fish in the sea, and being on one's own isn't all that bad either.

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Depends entirely on the reason for their cheating and the extent of it.

 

If they made a point of having someone on the side as a FWB or were out all the time sleeping with others behind their partner's back, I definitely wouldn't date them. Even if we did keep it as an open relationship, I couldn't trust them not to lie to me.

 

If they were in a bad relationship that was dead but not explicitly broken up, and they did it out of frustration, then I wouldn't hold it against them in the same way. Because the context of the cheating is a broken relationship, it's most likely that the only time they would cheat on me is if our own relationship is broken.

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I realize people sometimes do change but for me no way. I would want somebody who can show through action that they be loyal.

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"Cheating" pretty much always include a large amount of lying, so while the circumstances may have mitigating factors - I wouldn't take the cheaters word for what those "reasons" were for cheating. Nor would I blindly accept their description of the affair if it sounded "minimal" in any way.

 

It is very common for cheaters to rewrite the relationship history once their affairs begin.

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If they are untrustworthy I'll see it for myself in other ways.

 

Absolutely. Its about the person, not their past.

Edited by Hopeful30
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sure, some people might change over the course of a lifetime, but who needs the headache and who's got the time?

 

A person with a strong moral compass knows that there is no, "We had a few drinks and one thing led to another."

 

A person with a strong moral compass knows that there is no, "I wasn't emotionally in the right place."

 

A person with a strong moral compass knows that there is no, "I was lonely."

 

If someone doesn't feel that his or her needs are being met in a relationship, they should get out.

 

Those who remain in relationships and choose to cheat are the type that want to eat their cake and **** the baker, too.

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