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Old 16th September 2018, 5:11 AM   #1
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Relationship

I have been with my girlfriend for seven years and we have two kids together but a few months back she was acting strange and I went down her phone and found out shes been telling one guy she has feelings for him and arranging to meet another and met another she told me that she did it because we was not in a good place at the time and assured me it was nothing but now she hardly shows me any affection I work night work and come home and stay up with the kids untill she wakes up usally about midday and when she does she just sits in the kitchen on her phone or smoking while the kids play in the front room and has hide content on her phone now so I will never see who it is she is messaging when I ask she just days it's her friend who knew what she was doing with the other guys!!I dont know what to do!?
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Old 16th September 2018, 7:39 AM   #2
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hmmm...999, you need to talk to her and find out what it is that makes you not enough for her and whether it will be a deal breaker. the answer sounds obvious and may prove to be, but unless you talk again and get some answers and proper commitment and change (if it is possible) then your options don't look good for you or your family on this one! sorry.

she is making a complete fool of you right now and you and your children deserve better than this don't they?

the truth is she isn't in a good place (with you) or the relationship as it is....and from what you've said already it doesnt even come over as a relationship that has much quality or respect and I don't think she is seeing it as one either!

kids or not. she is showing you how little she cares about being with you. and to say what she is doing is nothing is just keeping the whole thing going.

maybe she wants you to end it with her? but unless you talk to her and get more clarity on this thing you are not going to really know what to do, or know what she really thinks and know 100% whether there is any slim chance to sort this out and get back to where you'd like to be with her.

if she says she loves you and you believe it and she seems genuine in wanting to fix things then I think youre going to need her commitment and agreed, honesty and will need to get some kind of therapy to help you sort things out.

the problem is that she is happy doing what she is doing, she isn't committed to you in the way that you clearly need and expect and want (whether she can help her feelings or not), and the red flag on this already troubled situation is she isn't even committed to the men she is seeing or talking too behind your back!

don't you value yourself more? or is it that you are putting up with this because you have children? either way this boils down to love and whether you have that anymore or can bring it back.but its got to be a joint effort!!!!! and im not getting that kind of effort or desire for change at the moment.

if you cant, then its more of a case of doing what you actually "do know" what to do but are afraid to look into and deal with.

good luck with this one, I wish you well for it. but don't let your blind love for her or the fact you have children, or the 7 years together lead you to think she cares UNLESS she actually wants and can prove it by doing something to change things.


I don't agree with going into peoples phones, (that in itself can be asking for trouble!!!!!) but you have done it now and she has at least been honest with you in telling you initially what was going on. the fact you felt you needed to go into her phone and still do or are thinking of what might be in there is about insecurity and a relationship that isn't right or honest enough that you can trust each other fully!!!! (but I don't blame your insecurity), I just think this has been going on for longer than was healthy and it has eaten into your confidence and respect for each other etc...


but I think you know in your heart what is right to make you happy!!!!!!!


take care. and if you are still in a bad place and she is not giving you any signs of reassurance or actual belief that she can or will change, then you need to look into things for separation and what will be ultimately be best for your childrens welfare and stability.

hope that gives you a start to think about. good luck. maxi.

Last edited by maxi105; 16th September 2018 at 7:48 AM..
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