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Understanding Bumble


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Hi all, I could use help understanding Bumble.

 

I created a Bumble account and discovered it's not what I expected. I expected to create an account and wait patiently, in a passive manner, to be messaged at some point. Instead, I have to actively sort through profiles and accept or reject, based on almost no detail. Above all else, the attribute I most desire is a kind heart. How can I possibly know just by looking at a photo? The written detail (if any) is often too short to have anything meaningful. Do I just swipe right on everyone? I'm certain that's not how this is intended to be used.

 

How do other men use this?

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While I've never used Bumble or Tinder or any other "swipe right" sort of dating app, I think the idea is to first choose somebody you're physically attracted to. After all, that's a very important first step to any potential relationship. The particulars will be sorted out after.

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Hi all, I could use help understanding Bumble.

 

I created a Bumble account and discovered it's not what I expected. I expected to create an account and wait patiently, in a passive manner, to be messaged at some point. Instead, I have to actively sort through profiles and accept or reject, based on almost no detail. Above all else, the attribute I most desire is a kind heart. How can I possibly know just by looking at a photo? The written detail (if any) is often too short to have anything meaningful. Do I just swipe right on everyone? I'm certain that's not how this is intended to be used.

 

How do other men use this?

 

Well I don't I did but I felt neither were the right way for me to go after a woman I had like base on her look only. Again do they really look like that now or are they lying about their looks. I am good looking and I am told my confidence really shines. I rather meet someone in person then to fall under the spell of online dating can do on you as a man.

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Yea, swipe right on the ones that seem attractive. The women do the same. When there's a match the woman has 24 hours to send a message, and you have 24 hours to respond. If either does not message within a day, the match disappears. The women must message first. Keep in mind that the failing of this and most OLD apps is that everyone is optimistic about who will be attracted to them. Your best strategy is to be extremely good-looking, and wealthy.

 

I find that about a third to half do not message after they match. There's nothing you can do about it. Women have the advantage, as they do IRL, and on all dating sites. They'll have more options. I matched with a woman recently and really wanted to meet her, so I changed the first line in the little bio to "KM- message me." (her initials). It worked. We had two really nice dates before she rejected me. The problem was that she was really attractive, smart, and had plenty of money. I'm sure she had dozens of guys lined by the time I had consumed three weeks of her time.

 

"Above all else, the attribute I most desire is a kind heart. How can I possibly know just by looking at a photo?"

 

You can't. Of course you can find women who identify as kind and will tell you they are, but you have to get to know them to figure out who they really are. If they make it a point tell you how kind they are, it's kind of like a car salesman opening with a spiel about being honest.

 

When you find that app where a guy can just sign up and wait for kind hearted women to beat a path to his door, please let me know, ok?

Edited by salparadise
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I’m no fan of bumble as there is not much to go on.

 

How do I know if they have kids or what height they are for starters? Seems some women like to drop the kids bombshell for the 1st meet up.

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rewind ... play ...

 

Disclaimer: I have not tried Bumble

 

Context: 64 y/o male seeking LTR

 

I've been on various OLD sites for almost a year. I've met about one woman per month. No LTR yet. Currently have five women who I suspect would continue to date me if I asked them and one with whom I've just started exchanging messages on the site. There have also been 'several' (I didn't count) 'physically undesirables' who reached out to me. I strongly suggest that you forget Bumble. Get on a site that has the flexibility to provide lots of information about the women so you have 'ammunition for your picker'. My preferences are match.com and POF. Nevertheless be prepared for a lot of frustration. 'OLD is a numbers game.'

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I appreciate the responses and am hopeful for more input.

 

Yea, swipe right on the ones that seem attractive. ... I find that about a third to half do not message after they match. ... I matched with a woman recently and really wanted to meet her, so I changed the first line in the little bio to "KM- message me." (her initials). It worked

Excellent information and tip. Thank you! The last (unquoted) thing you said cracked me up. I think the example you gave of what worked for you could be an excellent idea to try, and I appreciate the details on response rates. This helps set expectations. I went through about 15 before I posted this, then maybe another 20 afterward. Most of the women look attractive in their photos.

 

I did get a match a couple hours ago and now I'm all excited and can't sleep. She's a scientist, introverted (like me), looks nerdy, and has my body type. She's about 25 miles away, though.

 

Regarding the kind heart, my thoughts keep going back to this grocery store cashier I noticed a few months back. She just oozes kindness. I've never met anyone like her before. This will sound horrible, but if she didn't already have a man (which she does), and if I had a chance to marry her today, knowing NOTHING about her other than her name, I would, in a heartbeat. Her appearance is average, yet I'm drawn to her more than anyone else. Had I seen her on Bumble, I might have swiped left, I'm not sure. So that's where my concern lies.

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I appreciate the responses and am hopeful for more input.

 

 

Excellent information and tip. Thank you! The last (unquoted) thing you said cracked me up. I think the example you gave of what worked for you could be an excellent idea to try, and I appreciate the details on response rates. This helps set expectations. I went through about 15 before I posted this, then maybe another 20 afterward. Most of the women look attractive in their photos.

 

I did get a match a couple hours ago and now I'm all excited and can't sleep. She's a scientist, introverted (like me), looks nerdy, and has my body type. She's about 25 miles away, though.

 

Regarding the kind heart, my thoughts keep going back to this grocery store cashier I noticed a few months back. She just oozes kindness. I've never met anyone like her before. This will sound horrible, but if she didn't already have a man (which she does), and if I had a chance to marry her today, knowing NOTHING about her other than her name, I would, in a heartbeat. Her appearance is average, yet I'm drawn to her more than anyone else. Had I seen her on Bumble, I might have swiped left, I'm not sure. So that's where my concern lies.

 

It’s a valid concern. And women will do this all the time.

 

The problem with swipe apps is people are shopping based upon looks. The better looking you are, the more hits you will get.

 

Out of the apps I tried, Bumble was the most lucrative (I recommended it to you in another thread). Reason being is women have to initiate so at least you know there is some interest (unless they swiped by accident).

 

That said, there have been many women who matched and never reached out, who reached out and never responded, or who responded a couple times then stopped. You’ll also get ones who will message you a ton and dodge your requests for a date As was mentioned, women have TONS more matches than any man ever will. Also, most women’s primary goal in life is attention.

 

Many times awoman will reach out and say “Hi”. These have always been low interest women so i stopped responding to them. The ones you want to focus on are the ones who show interest by making a comment or asking you a question. “Hey Shydad, that’s a really great first pic, where did you take that?” For example. At that point you do 2-3 quick witty responses and ask them to meet up. The interested women will agree. The low interest women will ignore the question or say they need to get to know you better. Unmatch them.

 

I too used to get excited when I got a match. After dealing with the above I didn’t get excited until I had sex with them.

 

You’ll also find why good looking women had to resort to advertising themselves on a dating app. It’s because they are usually emotionally damaged, make bad relationship partners, or are just flat out cray cray. I’m sure there are a handful of good ones but online most people are either 1) unattractive, 2) trying to get over a failed relationship or 3) have emotional problems.

 

As stated, I got the most sex from bumble and realized it was the best for that.

 

You can pay upgrade fees to see who selected you (that green circle with the number) but most wont fit your attractiveness requirements. It will save time though.

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Oh another thing is there is a reason you are seeing mostly attractive women.

 

Bumble front loads the most right-swiped profiles. If you are attractive, more people will see you.

 

As you get swiping to the hundreds and thousands the women will get less and less attractive. At that point you are best not swiping for a few days or weeks.

 

When I first used the app I was amazed at how many attractive women there were. A lot of these can be dead profiles (profile stays on forever unless you delete it). Also, in order for a woman to ever see you, you have to be within her search range by miles. So you can be swiping away on women 20 miles away and they will never see you if they limit their search to 5 miles.

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OLD is a tool not a magic bullet. If you feel it's not right for you find something else, like social mixers, or speed dating. Or you can do it the old fashion way and meet people through friends and family at parties, bbq's, dinners, weddings, etc.

 

 

There are other dating sites that are not so blank like you say about bumble. Keep looking for something more your speed.

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LifeBeginsAt40

I was on bumble about half a year ago before I met my current girlfriend, and I really didn't get on with it. It is very superficial as you have mentioned - basically a binary yes / no answer to do you fancy this person. I would say I'm an average looking guy, but am very good at chatting with people / mixing at parties. I therefore get a lot more success with the ladies in that sort of environment than I ever would do online.

 

I went on two bumble dates, and although they were fun, nothing came of them. I think the issue is there is always the next best thing. You have an ok date but no fireworks? Well, you have to just keep swiping! I would second the nod towards match.com for a better OLD experience. You get to read a bit more about the person and find out about them alongside the usual photos. I found that site much more appealing to my style.

 

On a bit of a tangent really, but my best relationships have been with women who I have met offline in the real world per se. My current girlfriend I met at work, and coming up six months in, things are going great. I'm not really getting at anything here, and if your only option is to meet people online then great, but I would stay away from bumble / tinder etc if you are a bit older. I can also vouch for speed dating as mentioned in a previous post - great fun and I've always met some interesting people there.

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Bumble has been great for me insofar as meeting women. What you do after that and what happens after that is up to you and her.

 

Tips:

 

swipe right on any woman you at least kind of like; then you will show up in their queue somewhat soon assuming the mileage is set to your distance.

 

For some reason, putting your Meyers Briggs seems to work pretty well.

 

State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids. Unless you think you can somehow work around that fact.

 

Don't just respond to a Hi with a Hi. I disagree with SevenCity, even when women HAVE to make the first move, some just don't like it, so they'll start with the requisite "hi"

 

I could tell you some good Bumble meetup stories but that's for another time.

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mortensorchid

People in the days before the swiping apps (which was not that long ago) complained that people only looked at how hot they were/were not in the pictures. Well guess what? Nothing's changed at all since then. If you don't believe me? Sign up for eHarmony and find out how full of s*** they are (they market it as a relationship site when actually you fill out a long winded questionnaire and they match you with people within a certain mile radius of your home zip code).

 

So I think the swiping apps have taken it to the next level possible to be the most shallow possible. Does it make a difference? Well, no, not exactly. I mean, unless the person is false advertising themselves (age, weight, marital status, swingers, etc.) then you're taking an equal amount of risk as you would with another dating website.

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I'm not really impressed with Bumble. I don't think it has enough information features for people to make informed decisions.

 

I don't get responses whether I write a dissertation or just a couple of words.

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My friend joined Bumble. Maybe it's easier for men to find women, IDK, but the men showing up in our area are horrific. And I don't mean just looks, but the photos produced. I told her men aren't "selfie queens" and are probably just putting something up there. But, I can't believe any of them would ever get a match.

 

Good luck!

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I joined Bumble a couple weeks ago and I don't get it either! I'm a woman, and I swipe right if I "like them" but then I can't seem to actually MESSAGE them and I don't know why. I'm not a "swiper", I like to talk to people and go out with people, so I don't get why the app does not let me message a lot of the men I swipe right on. I'm so confused! It's like, I swipe right, then I never see the pictures again. And it doesn't just tell you where people live, it tells you where they are at that moment. So their location could be anywhere. I'm so confused!

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You don't know much about the service cashier either. So why is bumble different? It sounds like you need to get an idea of her energy which isn't always seen in a photograph. Would you date or marry a woman who is lovely inside but ugly outside? Or do you need to be somewhat physically attracted to her?

 

Also, does it have unlimited "likes"? I know their rival app has a limit to stop people from "liking" every profile. If there is no limit then you can err on the side of matching even if they look "average" and then find out more about them.

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If you are looking for a kind hearted woman, you should do volunteer work with a charitable organization where you are likely to meet women doing the same volunteer work. Get to know them, if they are taken, maybe they have some single, kind hearted friends. Good luck.

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I joined Bumble a couple weeks ago and I don't get it either! I'm a woman, and I swipe right if I "like them" but then I can't seem to actually MESSAGE them and I don't know why. I'm not a "swiper", I like to talk to people and go out with people, so I don't get why the app does not let me message a lot of the men I swipe right on. I'm so confused! It's like, I swipe right, then I never see the pictures again. And it doesn't just tell you where people live, it tells you where they are at that moment. So their location could be anywhere. I'm so confused!

 

Because they have to swipe right on you as well before you can send a message. If you never see their pic again, they swiped left.

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State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids.

I was really struggling to find room to put the things I wanted in the bio, and neglected to mention this. (And I have been worrying about it.) She's messaged me three times now, and it seems promising so far. What do I do? How do I bring this up?

 

I have six other matches "queued", just waiting for me to swipe right on them (which I won't until I see how things play out with the woman messaging me). This seems promising so far.

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I was really struggling to find room to put the things I wanted in the bio, and neglected to mention this. (And I have been worrying about it.) She's messaged me three times now, and it seems promising so far. What do I do? How do I bring this up?

 

I have six other matches "queued", just waiting for me to swipe right on them (which I won't until I see how things play out with the woman messaging me). This seems promising so far.

 

I've experimented with having this mentioned on the profile or not. I find however you do it, you'll lose 80-90% of your matches. But this may vary on region & age range.

 

On bumble I currently have it in my profile text, result is not as many matches, and most of those will then not initiate afterwards.

 

On Tinder I haven't mentioned it, and I'll normally bring it up via 'what did you do this weekend/last weekend'. Results range from instant unmatching or ghosting, to some who don't mind. If they're still talking a handful of messages after I mention it, I assume it's not an issue and we're good to go.

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I find however you do it, you'll lose 80-90% of your matches.

Thank you, Andy K. I found this to be unpleasant and discouraging to read, but informative. Breaking bad news is not fun, so I appreciate you stepping up to share this. I don’t quite understand it myself. Coming into OLD in general, I thought being a dad was a selling point, but quickly found articles stating otherwise. On the flip side, I’ve seen several posts from men stating that single moms are hot. This is a view which I share, in a big way. (Teachers are hot too! And a teacher who’s a mom? Oh my heavens… :love:)

 

I thought the scientist woman was done talking to me, so I started swiping again yesterday until I got a second match. The second woman messaged me immediately (we’re an awesome match based on Myers Briggs types btw, which I had not come across before). I told her right away that I was a dad. She said not to worry about it and continued chatting with me. I haven’t heard back today, but we’ll see. Then later the scientist woman messaged me. I updated by bio and let her know I’m a dad. I haven’t heard back yet. Messaging on bumble seems slow. I think maybe some people have a lot of conversations going at the same time?

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Thank you, Andy K. I found this to be unpleasant and discouraging to read, but informative. Breaking bad news is not fun, so I appreciate you stepping up to share this. I don’t quite understand it myself. Coming into OLD in general, I thought being a dad was a selling point, but quickly found articles stating otherwise. On the flip side, I’ve seen several posts from men stating that single moms are hot. This is a view which I share, in a big way. (Teachers are hot too! And a teacher who’s a mom? Oh my heavens… :love:)

 

I thought the scientist woman was done talking to me, so I started swiping again yesterday until I got a second match. The second woman messaged me immediately (we’re an awesome match based on Myers Briggs types btw, which I had not come across before). I told her right away that I was a dad. She said not to worry about it and continued chatting with me. I haven’t heard back today, but we’ll see. Then later the scientist woman messaged me. I updated by bio and let her know I’m a dad. I haven’t heard back yet. Messaging on bumble seems slow. I think maybe some people have a lot of conversations going at the same time?

 

Women sure do. I think you are making things worse with your sniper approach to dating. You’ll get better results with a shotgun.

 

Essentially you are putting all your eggs in the basket of a stranger who is likely chatting with 15-20 other men.

 

You will increase your chances of not only finding a woman, but also not settling for the first one, if you keep multiple options.

 

What’s more, is you will come across a lot more attractive because you are not singling out one chick for all your attention.

 

As a side note, I’m surprised too that having a kid cuts down on matches for a man as it does for a woman.

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Bumble has been great for me insofar as meeting women. What you do after that and what happens after that is up to you and her.

 

Tips:

 

swipe right on any woman you at least kind of like; then you will show up in their queue somewhat soon assuming the mileage is set to your distance.

 

For some reason, putting your Meyers Briggs seems to work pretty well.

 

State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids. Unless you think you can somehow work around that fact.

 

Don't just respond to a Hi with a Hi. I disagree with SevenCity, even when women HAVE to make the first move, some just don't like it, so they'll start with the requisite "hi"

 

I could tell you some good Bumble meetup stories but that's for another time.

 

It’s been my experience that women who just say “Hi” are either 1) low interest, 2) entitled.

 

I have never had success when a woman started out with just that.

 

That’s why I just deleted them after a while.

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Bumble has been great for me insofar as meeting women. What you do after that and what happens after that is up to you and her.

 

Tips:

 

swipe right on any woman you at least kind of like; then you will show up in their queue somewhat soon assuming the mileage is set to your distance.

 

For some reason, putting your Meyers Briggs seems to work pretty well.

 

State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids. Unless you think you can somehow work around that fact.

 

Don't just respond to a Hi with a Hi. I disagree with SevenCity, even when women HAVE to make the first move, some just don't like it, so they'll start with the requisite "hi"

 

I could tell you some good Bumble meetup stories but that's for another time.

 

It’s been my experience that women who just say “Hi” are either 1) low interest, 2) entitled.

 

I have never had success when a woman started out with just that.

 

That’s why I just deleted them after a while.

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