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Dating my best friend, and i'm uncertain if I am making a mistake.


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Old 12th August 2018, 3:46 PM   #1
aab
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Dating my best friend, and i'm uncertain if I am making a mistake.

Hello everyone, thank you in advance for reading.

I know many people will jump to saying that if I have to ask, then it is a mistake.
I am a 28 year old male, and I have been dating my best friend for the last year.
I have known her for around 10 years, and because of this, it is hard for me as I never really had a "honeymoon" period with her.

My problem specifically is that I don't find her to physically be the "type" of girl that I would usually date. She is very cute, but I am normally very attracted to different type of girls, and find myself still being attracted to those type of girls that I normally did.

On the other hand, we have an incredible relationship. We have traveled together, we have great sex, we laugh together, we understand each other to the core as we have been best friends for a very long time, we know exactly what we like, what we don't like, and I genuinely do not bore of her. We can talk for hours, we give each other space when its needed, and truly we understand each other probably better than I will ever be able to with any other girl.

When I go out with my friends and there are other girls around, I always am still attracted to the type of girls that I have always been fond of, and it is very conflicting to me that I don't see my girlfriend that way.
A part of me feels that chasing that will have me in regret once it wears down post that "honeymoon" phase, or once I realise that the compatibility I have with my best friend(current girlfriend) truly cannot be compared to.
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Old 12th August 2018, 3:56 PM   #2
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What is the difference between your girl friends looks compared to the girls you've always liked?
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Old 12th August 2018, 4:00 PM   #3
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A little off topic but how did you transition from friends to lovers? Who made the move?
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Old 12th August 2018, 4:04 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
What is the difference between your girl friends looks compared to the girls you've always liked?
Since you ask, I have always been into the prettier petite girls. My current girlfriend is cute, she used to be larger when we became friends years ago, but is in decent shape now. I know it is a shallow thing to say but based on looks alone, she is not the kind of girl I would have dated or pursued had I just met her.

On the other hand, my last 2 girlfriends were really gorgeous, and petite, and exactly my type physically. I was always much more excited to see them vs with my current GF, however in both relationships, both of these girls managed to bring out the worst in me. There was zero compromise, both always found a way to bring me down, to argue with me, to want things their way, always a lack of understand, and they almost deliberately tried make me insecure (one of them cheated on me at the end).

This is without a doubt the happiest, and most secure I have been in a relationship.
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Old 12th August 2018, 4:07 PM   #5
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A little off topic but how did you transition from friends to lovers? Who made the move?
No trouble, many of my friends wonder the same thing.
She actually caught me off guard and told me she liked me. I couldn't think of a single reason why we shouldn't give it a shot, and we took it very slow.
At first it felt a little strange, it did take time, and even a kiss felt a little "strange", but gradually with time holding her hands, kissing her, and even laying in bed with her feels intimate now.
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Old 12th August 2018, 4:15 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by aab View Post
A part of me feels that chasing that will have me in regret once it wears down post that "honeymoon" phase, or once I realise that the compatibility I have with my best friend(current girlfriend) truly cannot be compared to.
Even the hottest, most attractive partner eventually has their flaws exposed. I'll take the emotional connection over "type" every time...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 12th August 2018, 4:28 PM   #7
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Even the hottest, most attractive partner eventually has their flaws exposed. I'll take the emotional connection over "type" every time...

Mr. Lucky
Thank you for your response, definitely helps.
It truly is sometimes confusing to me.

I genuinely do love her, and have never met a woman as sincere and wonderful as her.
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Old 12th August 2018, 5:21 PM   #8
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Well, your decision depends on what you value in your relationship partner.

If a person values physical appearance, physical attributes like breast size or a number on a scale, and that feeling of infatuation and lusting after a partner - that's one thing.

If you have a partner who is loyal and loving, who knows you and accepts you for who you are, who you find attractive and with whom you have great sex, who makes you laugh and with whom you can talk and never tire... I would say you have found what most people on this board long to find in a relationship/partner.

Don't mistake feelings of lust or infatuation for true love. Furthermore, don't assume that a stable, healthy, and happy relationship must have "something missing" because it lacks the highs and lows of the unhealthy/emotionally abusive relationships of your past.
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Last edited by BaileyB; 12th August 2018 at 5:24 PM..
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Old 12th August 2018, 5:47 PM   #9
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Personally, I think thereís a difference between having been very attracted to someone at first but that over the top attraction wears off after the honeymoon period vs. never having been attracted to the person to begin with. Unfortunately, you may build up resentment over time, considering you canít get over the fact that youíre more attracted to other girls during this supposedly honeymoon period.
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Old 12th August 2018, 6:59 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aab View Post
Since you ask, I have always been into the prettier petite girls. My current girlfriend is cute, she used to be larger when we became friends years ago, but is in decent shape now. I know it is a shallow thing to say but based on looks alone, she is not the kind of girl I would have dated or pursued had I just met her.

On the other hand, my last 2 girlfriends were really gorgeous, and petite, and exactly my type physically. I was always much more excited to see them vs with my current GF, however in both relationships, both of these girls managed to bring out the worst in me. There was zero compromise, both always found a way to bring me down, to argue with me, to want things their way, always a lack of understand, and they almost deliberately tried make me insecure (one of them cheated on me at the end).

This is without a doubt the happiest, and most secure I have been in a relationship.
If this is the "happiest" you've ever been in a relationship, why aren't you excited to see her like the other two women who brought you down? That doesn't make sense.
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Old 12th August 2018, 9:59 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
Well, your decision depends on what you value in your relationship partner.

If a person values physical appearance, physical attributes like breast size or a number on a scale, and that feeling of infatuation and lusting after a partner - that's one thing.

If you have a partner who is loyal and loving, who knows you and accepts you for who you are, who you find attractive and with whom you have great sex, who makes you laugh and with whom you can talk and never tire... I would say you have found what most people on this board long to find in a relationship/partner.

Don't mistake feelings of lust or infatuation for true love. Furthermore, don't assume that a stable, healthy, and happy relationship must have "something missing" because it lacks the highs and lows of the unhealthy/emotionally abusive relationships of your past.

Thank you for the response.
Admittedly, I have found that in my previous relationships, it was lust/infatuation more than anything else. It was more a "romantic", or a physical relationship. There would be a lot less understanding, a lot less of sincerity (from their end), and a lot less of an ease in mind. It would often get stressful, and all around it was like a roller coaster. When it was good it would be really good, just until it got bad, and then it was horrible, my mood would be impaired, etc.
This is not the case with my current girlfriend. Even with our disagreements or arguments, we always find a way to respect one another, and to fix things sooner than later.
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Old 12th August 2018, 10:02 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Malin889 View Post
If this is the "happiest" you've ever been in a relationship, why aren't you excited to see her like the other two women who brought you down? That doesn't make sense.
I truly think it is because of the lust and physical aspect of the previous relationships. Also it is worthy of noting that both previous relationships turned into long distance, I suppose that definitely was another reason.

I was much more physically attracted to them, but still very unhappy in the relationship.
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Old 12th August 2018, 10:22 PM   #13
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Don't ever confess this to her. It would really hurt her feelings. And you know women usually gain weight as they grow older, even petite ones....so would you still have been attracted to a petite girl if you found one 10 years ago and she now had gained weight? Petite girls show every pound they put on because they don't have the height to spread it out.

If you're gratified in every way, sexually and compatibility, you'd be nuts, nuts to give her up to chase some ideal woman you have in your head who probably does not exist....
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Old 12th August 2018, 11:56 PM   #14
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A person's inner being can dramatically increase or decrease their overall attractiveness. Perhaps this is why you love you current girlfriend even though she is not what you would typically have been drawn to in the past. People can become more or less attractive the more we get to know them.
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