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Is it Love or not?!


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Recently, I hang out with a guy friend that I haven't seen for long time. He said he wanted to watch movie with me. I ignored him but then one night I got a little bored and he texted me again, so I thought maybe I should gave him a try. After our second date, he suddenly kissed me and said that he found me pretty. I told him that I didn't like him like that. He said he respects my decision but since i didn't slap or push him hard so he will stick around for a moment.

 

The next day we met again and we started talking something really deep about life. And he stared at me and he said "you are a very smart woman", he started kissing and hugging me and i didn't resist. Then one thing led to another, on our third date we had sex. After that, i ignored him for a day thinking that this was too fast and a mistake. He beg to see me again the next day. I met him and told him I just want to hang out because I'm leaving town, but then he started to kiss me again and then we had sex again. But I know deep down that he just want sex, nothing more. So we talked and I asked him to admit that he just wants sex with me. And he said yes he had a little crush on me long time ago but he had a gf so he had this fantasy about me. And now since he already broke up, he wants sex because he knows I'm moving out of town and that this will not matter to me. So we agree to have sex one more time for the last time before I move out of town and then say goodbye. (I think i develop some attraction to him because of the sex)

 

After our last sex, he asked me to travel together with him during holiday. I didn't take it serious thinking that he probably said it to all girls that he slept with. he even asked me if i slept with other guy beside him. But then he also ask me if i know any other nice girl to introduce to him after I'm gone.

 

After our last sex, i left his place really early (I left when he was still sleeping), didnt even text him. At night He texted me said "Thanks for everything. Safe flight tomorrow and honestly I'ma miss you a bit when you are gone".

 

My question is why he acted as if he cares but also act as if just want to have sex with me? Sometimes I don't know what boundary is it that if he wants casual sex or more? I know this a silly question. But he texted me again asking "are you home yet? How's everything?"

 

Should I reply this? I mean theres no way we are gonna meet and have sex anymore. Does he text me just because he is bored and he wants to see if I am one of his option in the future? I hope you can give some feedback. Thanks.

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I suspect he does care, but he won't admit it because you've made it clear that you don't want to hear it.

 

You've been playing a lot of games with this guy. If you want to know how someone feels, don't games with them.

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And l think you said sex in just about every line. God almighty doesn't anyone over there actually make love.

Sounds like you buy a bottle of milk.

 

Anyway , there's nothing after the fact to go on seems as you've slept with him so easily,probably just be politeness as your leaving now and he certainly didn't have to do very much to get you that far so there's no way to know. So l don't know where the word love came, l'm gonna butter you up bc l wanna sleep with you maybe. See if you hear from him again now or if his actually interested in anything else later when you've been apart awhile or come back.

Guessing nope.

Edited by Chilli
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MaleIntuition

You should work on establishing and enforcing your own boundaries. Don’t do the “one thing lead to another”... Honestly, I don’t even know if you are asking about his feelings out yours? What difference would it even make whether he was interested in something serious or not? What do You want?

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My question is why he acted as if he cares but also act as if just want to have sex with me?

 

 

The only thing this guy cares about is getting sex now that he has broken up with his gf. The fact that he asks if you have any girls you can introduce him to? Now that you've left he wants to have sex with your friends. That is probably why he texted you. I would not only ignore his message but block him from contact and try to forget this happened. If every time a guy kisses you it leads to sex you need to hold back on the kissing.

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And l think you said sex in just about every line. God almighty doesn't anyone over there actually make love.

Sounds like you buy a bottle of milk.

 

 

Yeah about that, I didn't love him so I basically thought this was just a casual sex thing. Eventho he did say the word "making love" to me.

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The only thing this guy cares about is getting sex now that he has broken up with his gf. The fact that he asks if you have any girls you can introduce him to? Now that you've left he wants to have sex with your friends. That is probably why he texted you. I would not only ignore his message but block him from contact and try to forget this happened. If every time a guy kisses you it leads to sex you need to hold back on the kissing.

 

 

I'm an introvert and I don't let random guys approach to me that easy. I found this guy attractive because he is a good listener and we did have some common interest when we talk. That's the only reason I let him kissed me.

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I suspect he does care, but he won't admit it because you've made it clear that you don't want to hear it.

 

You've been playing a lot of games with this guy. If you want to know how someone feels, don't games with them.

 

 

Well guys don't express their feelings that easy lol. And I'm not typical woman who force the guy to talk about their feelings. Besides, we both agreed this casual sex thing will end after I'm gone.

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You should work on establishing and enforcing your own boundaries. Don’t do the “one thing lead to another”... Honestly, I don’t even know if you are asking about his feelings out yours? What difference would it even make whether he was interested in something serious or not? What do You want?

 

 

I honestly confused. What do guys want mostly?

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I'm an introvert and I don't let random guys approach to me that easy. I found this guy attractive because he is a good listener and we did have some common interest when we talk. That's the only reason I let him kissed me.

 

It wasn't the kissing it's the way you described it. Every time he merely kissed you you fell into sex with him.

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I honestly confused. What do guys want mostly?

 

Are you asking what Loveshack wants or what men want? MaleIntuition was asking "what do you want" and you don't seem to know.

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What do guys want mostly?

 

Food, sleep and sex, though not in that order. I'll assume you shared a meal with him at some point...

 

Mr. Lucky

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It wasn't the kissing it's the way you described it. Every time he merely kissed you you fell into sex with him.

 

 

 

I tried to make the story short. He asked if he can come to my place and thats where the kissing start.

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Are you asking what Loveshack wants or what men want? MaleIntuition was asking "what do you want" and you don't seem to know.

 

 

Yeah at first I wanted just casual sex with him, but now it became a little bit emotional. I guess woman problem in general lol.

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And l think you said sex in just about every line. God almighty doesn't anyone over there actually make love.

Sounds like you buy a bottle of milk.

 

Lol! These days it's about sex not love. Though some people still prefer to say "making love" even when there is no love.

 

Raven08...yeah, I think he just wants more sex partners to take your place.

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Well guys don't express their feelings that easy lol. And I'm not typical woman who force the guy to talk about their feelings. Besides, we both agreed this casual sex thing will end after I'm gone.

 

What DO you actually want from him? Your words and actions are telling him you only want FWB. But the fact that you're questioning if he has feelings makes me think you're open to more.

 

If you want a casual sex thing only, you're doing exactly what's required to keep it there. But if you want more, then you're self sabotaging by continually underscoring the fact that it's just FWB.

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If you want a casual sex thing only, you're doing exactly what's required to keep it there. But if you want more, then you're self sabotaging by continually underscoring the fact that it's just FWB.

 

 

Yeah you are right. I didn't care at first but then after the sex, I started to like him a bit. But anyway I'm gonna stop thinking about this and move on.

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I think you are just bored personally.

 

It is all too easy to think it must have some deeper meaning. We connect with different people at different levels; no doubt you both connected, and it was a genuinely close connection that you both felt mutually.

 

The truth is (and not everyone will agree here, nor does everyone do it this way) - a true love connection is usually clear and transparent, no games, no second guessing. Yes, this can mean "friends turned lovers" BUT - even with two friends connecting romantically, it is MUTUAL and they BOTH feel the friendship "transitioning", there are no hit or misses/second guesses/guessing, or doubts from either party. It just works.

 

You would know if you both connected at THAT level, that warrants a relationship and or dating....IT seems to me, that you both really got something out of your sex/time together, and will fondly remember each other and miss the company and great sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

This doesn't sound like some huge romance or the one that got away.

 

Most ones never get away if it is mutual, genuine and a healthy connection where both parties simply want to be together.

 

Relive the happy times and move on.

 

You will hardly be thinking of each other when you eventually click with the right partners, and it all flows easily. That is not to say that all relationships are easy and clear - far from it... But the best relationships usually start with a spark, and two people wanting to make it happen together (as opposed to a "does she/he like me" game..)

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Yeah about that, I didn't love him so I basically thought this was just a casual sex thing. Eventho he did say the word "making love" to me.

 

 

Oh please.

 

I had a guy say the "making love" thing :sick: sorry I am not partial to such fluff in general haha. BUT the guy did mean it, he was very interested in me at the time for sure!

 

Thing is - they didn't choose to be with us. Fancy that. I am sure they both were very interested in us in a way - but ultimately, they did not get together with us and just make it happen, for whatever reason.

 

Whether or not he DID at one stage - wish to date you, or fall for you - is irrelevant now. IF he wanted to date you NOW, and if he wanted to head into some sort of relationship NOW - he would.

 

Try not to repeat and relive every fluffy little thing he said. I get it, guys do not just throw around things.... I am SURE they did mean it (you and me both..) BUT - we are supposed to live in the here and NOW. And right NOW - they are not driven by thoughts about us enough to pick up their phones and make the easy call to let us know that they want us on the level of dating.

 

I really liked the guy at the time too, I was the one who stuffed it up. But.. NOW, we are not together and in fact - we are both in long term relationships. With other people.

 

Get it?

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Oh please.

 

I had a guy say the "making love" thing :sick: sorry I am not partial to such fluff in general haha. BUT the guy did mean it, he was very interested in me at the time for sure!

 

Thing is - they didn't choose to be with us. Fancy that. I am sure they both were very interested in us in a way - but ultimately, they did not get together with us and just make it happen, for whatever reason.

 

Whether or not he DID at one stage - wish to date you, or fall for you - is irrelevant now. IF he wanted to date you NOW, and if he wanted to head into some sort of relationship NOW - he would.

 

Try not to repeat and relive every fluffy little thing he said. I get it, guys do not just throw around things.... I am SURE they did mean it (you and me both..) BUT - we are supposed to live in the here and NOW. And right NOW - they are not driven by thoughts about us enough to pick up their phones and make the easy call to let us know that they want us on the level of dating.

 

I really liked the guy at the time too, I was the one who stuffed it up. But.. NOW, we are not together and in fact - we are both in long term relationships. With other people.

 

Get it?

 

 

Yeah you are right. I understand the sequence. I think guy get attracted to girl easily and get bored pretty easy too. So I don't expect anything much. Guy will say anything to get the girl on bed then leave the girl wonders.

 

Well he texted me again recently,

H: Could you send me some snacks that you gave me last time?

M: I'm busy boy. Just wish I don't forget

H: You love me too much to forget

M: You wish :eek:

H: Hahaha :lmao:

 

 

Then that's it. I didn't reply anymore. He gave a really mixed signal here.

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Yeah you are right. I understand the sequence. I think guy get attracted to girl easily and get bored pretty easy too. So I don't expect anything much. Guy will say anything to get the girl on bed then leave the girl wonders.

 

Well he texted me again recently,

H: Could you send me some snacks that you gave me last time?

M: I'm busy boy. Just wish I don't forget

H: You love me too much to forget

M: You wish :eek:

H: Hahaha :lmao:

 

 

Then that's it. I didn't reply anymore. He gave a really mixed signal here.

 

Sorry dear but there are no mixed signals here:(:bunny:

 

He is getting his ego stroked. People do not say or even joke about " you love me too much to forget":sick: unless they are ego driven and wanting you to stroke it for them.

 

Sorry.

 

A clear signal: I feel like I made a mistake; I would really like to date you and see what happens between us. Guy in question then ditches other women he is flirting with, and makes it happen by calling you daily or every other day, and maintaining regular contact with you.

 

A mixed signal is always one person being more into the other person than the other person is into them:sick: The person who is not into dating the person has an ego (we all do unless we are buddist monks), and they may well like you and think you are hot - so of course they maintain banter and enjoy connecting with you. They may even flirt, compliment you daily, text you daily (initiating, shocking, they must be into you right!) and do ALL of this crap despite having no real interest in upping the anti towards any sort of meaningful relationship.

 

In the movies sometimes, people can get together against all odds, despite a rocky start where one person was " too scared of getting hurt", only to fall realise they are head over heels in love with a person they once discarded.

 

He's Not That Into You movie - the leading lady GiGi is the exception. Where as we are all the rule, not the exception. What went on between them is NOT likely happening here.

 

Sorry.

 

I hope I am wrong and that he decides he is really into you want wishes to pursue you.

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I hope I am wrong and that he decides he is really into you want wishes to pursue you.

 

 

Honestly, I'm not that crazy about him. He was great sex partner but there are things that make me doubt he's a boyfriend-material. We have common friends and I dunno if i can block him right away. I want to ask him to stay friends and be normal. No flirting text or weird messages. But I know guys always shut down if question got a bit personal. What do you think I should say to him?

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He sounds immature. How old are you both?

 

 

20s. we are same age and go to same school. I'm basically live in different state right now.

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