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Jilly10340

I've been going out with my bf for 8 months and we've been talking about moving in together in a few months. Everybody says it's too soon and his parents and family are against it. We spend every night together anyway and it's what we really want to do but everyone seems against it so much. We have a great relationship and love each other very much.

 

How soon is too soon to live together? Any thoughts on what we should do?

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Some relationships start fast and end up with a happy ending, some don't. All depends on how ready you are to become the Woman of a house and he a Man of a house. Family is against it because living with someone is HUGE step and you don't really get to know a person till you live with them.

 

Do I personally believe in living with someone before you get married? Yes, I do because you need to see if your ways of living are capadable to his. Even though you stay at his place or vice versa, it's not the same as actually living together. If you fight you just simply leave, if you live together, theirs no leaving.

 

It's your decision and your relationship families just want the best for us and they look out for your best interest. Do what makes you happy and what you BOTH want to do. If he's ready and you are too, I see nothing wrong with it. I believe in love at first sight, 8 months is a decent amount a time, it's not 5 years but who knows.

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Jilly10340

I know that we should if it's what we both want to do, but it's hard to be enthusiastic about it without having anyones support. His family are very traditional catholics, so of course they're against it. All of his friends that he's told say it's too soon. The only people who haven't said anything against it are my family and friends.

 

I know it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks but it bothers me that we have no ones support.

 

I mean, if we're both ready to live together, how can anyone say it's too soon? I know what living with someone means, I've lived with someone before. What makes it too soon?

 

I'm just really confused and don't know what to do or think. We both really want to move in together but everyone is so negative about it :(

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They probably feel 8 months is too soon to really know if someone is "the one". I would probably move in with someone after a year or two but that's just me. Waiting 10 years or even 5 years a little to steep for me.

 

I can understand things would be easier if everyone agreed but not everone always has to agree. Just because they don't agree doesnt' mean you have to stop living your life and stop doing what's going to make you happy.

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This is what I did..I moved 10 hours to move in with this guy and then when I got here, I told them. I was never dishonest, I just waited before I said something. Just do it and let them know that you guys think for yourselfs, not what they want or dont want you to do.

 

They are not the ones in the relationship, you are. So do something about it!

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Jilly10340

But lvgrl....how long were you going out with the guy before moving in with him?

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You must do what you and your bf think is right. I know, it would be easier if you would have had the support of his family and his friends. But for various reasons they are not giving it. The issues that are underlying to that are in a sense somewhat irrelevant, especially as you can't change them.

 

It does not mean that you should change your attitudes towards them - they should respect your decision. If they can't do that, then that is first and foremost their problem, not yours. But it can be hard on your bf too.

 

It does not mean, that you should totally ignore what people around you are saying. But are the things they are saying relevant to you and your bf? That is for the two of you to decide.

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If it were two or three months, I'd say it's too soon but it sounds like you're waiting for a year before you do it and I think a year is usually a pretty good amount of time to get to know someone - especially if you've already been spending a lot of time with him.

 

However, I tend to think that one should only move in with someone as part of an engagement or because both folks intend to marry or make a long-term commitment to each other. Otherwise, what's the point?

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Not that I'd recommend living together, but 8 months sounds like plenty of time. If you continued waiting until the parents were okay with it, you'd be forty and still waiting. I can guarantee it. ;)

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Jilly10340

Well, we haven't been going out a year but 8 months, which I guess is close to a year.

 

We do plan on getting married someday, and engaged within the next year. I agree that there's no point in moving in with someone without planning on a long term commitement, but we both love each other and plan on spending our lives with each other.

 

It's just that no one seems to agree with our decision and that's depressing, and it's sad to know that no one is going to be happy about this but us.

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Originally posted by Jilly10340

It's just that no one seems to agree with our decision and that's depressing, and it's sad to know that no one is going to be happy about this but us.

 

Who cares. Live life for YOU baby doll! :love:

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Jilly10340

Thanks Tiki :)

 

He just told his dad about it yesterday over lunch and his dad said he would be, "sorely disappointed and his mother would be very hurt" if we did this. It kind of threw us both for a loop and rained on our parade a little.

 

But I know that you can't base your decisions on what other people think, and that in the end you have to make yourself happy and determine what's best for yourself. :o

 

If anyone else has any opinions I would love to hear them though!

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Did you see my first post? I noticed we posted at the same time.

 

Something you'll learn, you can't make 'em ALL happy!

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Jilly10340

No, I didn't see your post until after I posted.

 

So you really think that 8 months is plenty of time? I just wanted to know what other people thought of moving in after 8 months. Like....am I crazy for thinking that 8 months isn't too soon to know. I don't think it's crazy, but I've never been a very "traditional" person. It's just everyone around me thinks it's crazy, I just want to know if it really IS crazy to think that.

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Originally posted by Jilly10340

If anyone else has any opinions I would love to hear them though!

 

I'd ask the people who are against it what they feel would be the downside, and what they think that you have to lose.

 

What do you anticipate their answers to be? Obviously, "it's too soon" without substantiation is meaningless.

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Jilly10340

Tiki - You married him after just 12 months?

 

Scratch - His dad said that it would be in our best interest to get to know each other more. That's really the only reason he gave. The people he's told gave no reason for why it's too soon, just that it is. :o

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Yes, we dated for seven months, got engaged and wed five months later. It was beautiful!

 

Now, when I was young (18) I moved in with my fiance/boyfriend of three years and it lasted for nine days. :laugh: It was the smartest move I made. Although my parents detested it, I had to learn for myself. I was in, out, and on my way! You get to know someone quickly by living with him. Now, had I not lived with him, would I have married him and it only last nine days? Who knows.

 

Living with someone is definitely different! But your bf is already staying over all the time (it sounds like).

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Originally posted by Jilly10340

Scratch - His dad said that it would be in our best interest to get to know each other more. That's really the only reason he gave. The people he's told gave no reason for why it's too soon, just that it is.

 

I'd challenge them to provide support for their position, and if they can't do so, ignore them.

 

Now, I challenge you to explain the advantages of moving in together now versus waiting.

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Jilly10340

Okay, here goes:

 

We love each other, and we'll love each other and be just as ready now as we would be how ever many months from now.

 

We both want to and feel that we're ready

 

We live 1/2 hour apart, and the toll it's taking on our cars is hell, especially considering my car is 15 years old. Plus, it'll save lots of gas money :laugh:

 

It'll be economically beneficial to both of us. I'll be saving at least $100 dollars a month if we're both splitting the rent, and he'll be saving money too.

 

We spend every night together, every...single....night. The only difference between us living together and not living together is that all my stuff isn't over his place. I have the key to his place, and we both have drawers of each others stuff at each of our places. The only time we spend apart is when we're at work, and we even meet for lunch at least once a week.

 

I've never felt this way about anyone, and he hasn't either. I thought I've been in love before, but this pales in comparison to anything I've ever felt about anyone.

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Originally posted by Jilly10340

Okay, here goes:

 

Here's the way I see it:

 

The advantage will be that you'll save money, and have more time to spend together.

 

The disadvantage will be that you'll be risking the relationship if you think you're ready, but really aren't. However, you seem confident that this risk is quite small.

 

How about a compormise - move in with him, keeping your place for a month or two, just to be safe. But, never, ever go there. $100 or $200 of extra rent is likely worth it for that safety net.

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Originally posted by Jilly10340

But lvgrl....how long were you going out with the guy before moving in with him?

 

want the truth? About 2 months

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