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Platonic Friendship or Actually FWB?


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When was the last time anyone here on Loveshack was in a truly platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex?

 

And that includes no sex, no history of intimacy in the past, not orbiting exes or any of the like, I mean truly platonic friends.

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littleblackheart

Guilty.

 

I generally get on well with my friends' husbands or partners but I have one long term friendship that stood the test of time (20 years).

 

We met on my first day as a trainee teacher; I was smoking by the gates, he came to me and threatened me with a detention, thinking I was a student. We went on to have the absolute best year at that school - we pranked colleagues, had spontaneous joint lessons with our students to brighten up their day (very tough inner, deprived inner city school), I met all his GFs, went to both his weddings, he came to mine, he supported me through rough times,...

 

He's a little too much on the anxious and insecure side for me, I'm probably a bit too independent for him, we would never have worked as a couple, and we never had that spark. Pure, unaldulterated friendship.

 

We don't see each other as much now but that doesn't affect anything. His first wife wasn't keen on the friendship (probably because she went on to cheat with a male friend for her own) so I had to take a step back for a bit but that's the only time there was distance between us.

 

So yes, it exists.

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I have several purely platonic female friends, with varying degrees of closeness in the friendship. I've have several others that were once g/fs or FWB.

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I don't have any male friends I go out with outside of a group setting, and I can't say that I have ever had a one-on-one relationship that hasn't included dating (initial attraction that leads to a "meet" or a "date"). I became "sort of" friends with a guy years ago, but it turns out he was attracted to me and wanted more, mainly Fbuddies, which he brought up, and he turned out to be a moocher all the way around, so that ended. No, I can't say I have ever had a platonic male buddy.

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I am a woman in a male dominated industry. I have at least a dozen platonic male friends I met through work. I talk to them regularly. I have shared meals with them; celebrated holidays with them; gone to sporting events with them; enjoyed happy hour with them . . . all above board & never any sex. Maybe the occasional mild flirt. One of the guys calls my husband "the competition" but that's about it. I know their wives, GFs & EXs.

 

Tonight DH & I are going out to see a non-work male friend who was my friend first & his band play.

 

It's all about your boundaries.

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It's all about your boundaries.

 

There you go. I have a number of female friends, most of whom I’ve met playing tennis. Most have been over to the house with BF or husband...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Errr, always. I have never done the FWB thing, but I certainly have male friends.

 

 

Thing is, I don't spend the night with them in secluded cabins, either.... ;)

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Thing is, I don't spend the night with them in secluded cabins, either.... ;)

 

I did summer shares at the beach with a few of my buddies . . . It was big house & lots of people pulled their money together to share a house for the summer. Unless a couple came in together, the rooms were generally segregated by gender. Of course some people hooked up, including me, but some of the guys & I were just friends, no funny business.

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When was the last time anyone here on Loveshack was in a truly platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex?

 

And that includes no sex, no history of intimacy in the past, not orbiting exes or any of the like, I mean truly platonic friends.

 

 

I have a male friend, we never had sex, we never dated. We've spoke on daily basis for the past 7 years and he has never done or said something inappropriate. We have lunch together once in a while, nothing else. Anything else would be inappropriate in my book.

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AnotherGuy1234

My woman has a guy best friend. I was against it at first especially because he would stay over at her place sometimes. She tells me she didn't want him drinking and driving home- which I understood.

 

We have met. He is cool. He was going to marry my woman's friend, but it never worked out. Her kids call him Uncle. She has known him before me.

 

My woman did say they did flirt with each other more, but nothing happen. There isn't much attraction there.

 

 

It takes trust and communication for this. I trust her and communicate with her about it.

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I did summer shares at the beach with a few of my buddies . . . It was big house & lots of people pulled their money together to share a house for the summer. Unless a couple came in together, the rooms were generally segregated by gender. Of course some people hooked up, including me, but some of the guys & I were just friends, no funny business.

 

 

I was referring to the thread that led to this one (the OP posted there saying that he'd create a new thread for the spinoff). That thread was about a girl who spent the night alone with a "platonic male friend" in a secluded cabin.

 

 

 

Of course houseshares can be of mixed gender.

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When was the last time anyone here on Loveshack was in a truly platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex?

 

And that includes no sex, no history of intimacy in the past, not orbiting exes or any of the like, I mean truly platonic friends.

Had a female best friend for about ten years, from age 30 to about 40. We became friends when I was a virgin and the friendship continued after. I often did stuff with her and her boyfriend as well as separately. He was a car guy so sometimes he and I did stuff alone too.

 

This continued throughout my dating period up until around the time I and my now exW decided to get married. She married her BF, a guy she'd been with since before I met her, not long after. The focus on marriage for both of us faded the interaction. No breakup or formal thing like that, just how friends often fade out over time.

 

I never wanted to 'do' her, even though she had a spectacular body in that way Asian women do. I saw her in bikinis enough to know. We simply meshed together better as friends. There was no sexual tension. I've had other, though less lengthy, friendships with women over the decades but she was the only unmarried one. Single women were rare in my demographic so can't really think of any off the top of my head but it's been some 40+ years of interactions so some may have slipped through.

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I mean, I'm not hanging out with these guys and going out or anything like that. But I'm kind of friends with a guy at work and friends with my plumber. I mean, he would totally invite me to hang if I showed an interest. Like he said I should come ride horses, but I can't ride anymore. I'm friends with my lawn guy too. He comes by and hangs in the winter just to check on me and helps me bury my dogs when necessary. I'm not even trying to count internet friends. I used to be friends with my neighbor nextdoor until he moved when their family got too big.

 

When I was young I had friendships with lots of guys I worked with or just knew from out at clubs. Music friends. I can't speak on their end. I mean, some of them turned into something, but others didn't, and decades later, we're just friendly acquaintances if we see each other somewhere.

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I have a platonic friendship with a guy, but he’s gay. There’s always an underlying sexual tension, however minuscule, between men and women. I’ve had platonic acquaintances that were men, mostly people I’ve worked with. But not actual friendships.

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thefooloftheyear

Over the course of my life, I have had a number of women who try to befriend me...Now, because I have horrible skills at knowing if those women were interested in more, its certainly possible(actually probable) that was the case with at least some of them...But I never pursued any type of friendship...They reach out/try, but I don't respond...

 

Usually because....

 

It's been my experience that women will quickly try to befriend someone like me, as I am a big and powerful guy(great when they need someone to lean on when they feel like a guy has wronged/threatened them), or help them move heavy things(heck, I even have a nice truck), I am pretty well off(great if they need a loan or some help with $$),I'm in the need business, and I can fix pretty much anything(how convenient, washing machine just crapped out or their car needs a new transmission)...You get the picture....

 

 

What do I get out of it?? A hug or a home cooked meal? I can go to mom's and get better than any of them could do or go out to a restaurant myself..Nah...And I don't need platonic hugs and If I need a female perspective on things, I have other options..

'

I don't blame them for trying...I think its a smart survival tactic for a lot of women..

 

But the most important thing is this...

 

Why on Earth would I want to give the woman I am with the constant uncertainty of what that type of "friend" relationship is going to create? It's going to lead to a degree of jealousy....I don't care who they are or how self assured they think they are...

 

It just doesn't make any sense, really...

 

TFY

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littleblackheart
Why on Earth would I want to give the woman I am with the constant uncertainty of what that type of "friend" relationship is going to create? It's going to lead to a degree of jealousy....I don't care who they are or how self assured they think they are...

 

I don't get this. If everything is above board, why would anyone feel uncertain?

 

The only people I know who can't handle a friendship with the opposite (hetetosexual) sex either think they are that irresistible that everyone is bound to fall for them (so a bit delusional) or have boundaries issues.

 

If I can manage a friendship with a woman, I can manage a friendship with a man too.

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thefooloftheyear
I don't get this. If everything is above board, why would anyone feel uncertain?

 

The only people I know who can't handle a friendship with the opposite (hetetosexual) sex either think they are that irresistible that everyone is bound to fall for them (so a bit delusional) or have boundaries issues.

 

If I can manage a friendship with a woman, I can manage a friendship with a man too.

 

 

"Everything above board"....the last famous words...:laugh:

 

Look...I am of the philosophy(and maybe it's outdated) that really the only reason guys want to get that near a woman is to possibly(hopefully) get them undressed..The reality is that most of the things that I am interested in would bore most women to tears....and vice versa...So what's the point, then?? You are supposed to be friends to share common interests, no?? I suppose I could search long and hard to find the compatible woman to be a friend, Im sure they are out there somewhere, but why bother? I have too many friends already...lol..

 

Now understand...I have female customer's/clients....I have female business associates and other women I do business with...We get along great, but we aren't friends and never will be...

 

I dunno....I think women want male friends FAR more than the opposite..You hear guys B!tching all the time about being friend zoned, but your rarely hear women complaining about it..Perhaps for reason's I mentioned in the previous post...Some guys play along because they think one day, they may get a shot...Some other guys ? Maybe they have enough of a "feminine side"(for lack of a better way to put it) to get something out of it that I couldn't.....I say good for them...:)

 

TFY

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TFOY made a good point about 'feminine side' as it relates to shared interests, a cornerstone of platonic friendships. Typically men and women have very different interests. Sure sometimes they overlap tangentially but don't often mesh the way same gender friends do. Also, generally, men are solution-oriented and don't talk things to death, a time-honored pastime among women, hence males will tune out female friends, even sometimes their spouse or partner, when she starts in. A male will be unlikely to be a sincere friend to a woman who mostly uses him as a sounding board. However, the more 'feminine side' he has, the more likely there becomes a balance between shared interests and shared platonic 'intimacies' like girlfriends do, respecting the often very different dynamics of same-gender friendships that men and women have.

 

In fact, the best way I've found to determine a woman's platonic interest is how crude she gets about stuff. A woman who's into a man sexually or romantically won't talk with him or to him like she would with a girlfriend. Actions too. A MW recently put it well, that a male friend is deemed 'safe' when he poses no sexual threat and they'll pretty much strip around him and rub their coochies without even a thought, then talk about their bedroom activities with their husbands like it's nothing. Yup. He's a eunuch. Experiencing that over the decades gave me some marked insight into gender dynamics.

 

Back to the shared interests thing, those were cornerstones of the few platonic friendships I had with women. Some were fellow racers, back when women in auto racing was pretty rare, some were fellow cyclists, some enjoyed travel and exploring the world, on and on. My best female friend and I both enjoyed cooking and travel and her parents owned a restaurant and that's how we met, over Chinese take-out.

 

Here on LS you can tell the men who don't have platonic female friendships. Their posts are brief and to the point ;)

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littleblackheart

@TFY Fair enough.

 

Like most women, I had men who faked a friendship to get in my pants but I'm not a mind-reader and you can't stop yourself from getting to know people just in case, really. I have no qualms in letting these go but occasionally you just have natural friendship bonds you can't quite explain. It takes an impossible amount for me to be attracted to someone; a friendship is much more natural and easy for me, but I guess I can see why others can't do it.

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Mid 20s male here, and most of my friends are female. Sure, some of them are bi, lesbian, trans or asexual, but most are not. Most of the time I just wasn't attracted to them but enjoyed their company, and I was in a relationship anyway which was always respected by other girls I met. Some of them are probably what others would consider attractive, but I just never saw them that way. When I think of these friends, I just feel that a platonic friendship is perfectly fine, and trying anything more would just be messy and feel wrong. Especially since most of them are in relationships.

 

Of the male friends I do have, they feel the same way about female friendships. However I get the feeling that I'm in the minority here at LS though.

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MWC BlondeKim

Hello,

 

Quick background to better answer the question.

 

My husband and I are recently became empty nesters, hubby and I are very much in love, I have always been a natural flirt, which hubby enjoys as part of my outgoing personality, hubby has zero jealousy.

 

I am a teacher with lots time off such as now with my summers off, hubby has always been a corporate worker and works long hours with limited time off. Therefore, I have a lot of spare time without hubby being available.

 

I have lots of male friends that are platonic, and yes it does involve flirting with some of them. For example today I will go out biking with a male friend when hubby is off at work. Hubby is perfectly ok with it, everyone is happy, flirting here yes but no FWB situation.

 

So yes you can be friends of the opposite sex that does not include sex.

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I am a man and I actually get along much better with women than men. And even though I have been married for a while and have kiddos, I still have a good number of women friends with no benefits. Like someone said: it is all about boundaries.

 

I do have to say, there is always a bit of flirting with my female friends. I have no problem complimenting or making my female friends feel special (and just plain laugh and have fun with them). My relationship with other women was a bit of an issue with my wife at the beginning (and previous girlfriends) but once they realize these women are truly my friends (with no-benefits), it wasn't a problem anymore.

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