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What am I to do?


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AnotherGuy1234

Girlfriend and I have been together for about 11 months. Lives about a couple hours away. I visit her time to time and she comes and stays once in awhile.

 

I did break up with her recently, but only for a few hours. I did it out of anger and felt being led around. We made up and still are together.

 

We communicate about things like we need to.

 

She has been hurting lately and had her two friends which are a male and female help her out. I told my girlfriend to tell them I said thanks for helping her out since I couldn't be there.

 

Well, I texted her guy friend and female friend later and thanked them again for being good friends and helping her. They both said thank and no problem and its what friends do.

 

Well, i was texting my girlfriend and she is irritated with me and frustrated at me for texting her friends and thanking them. She said it is overkill for doing it when she tells them and i go "behind her back" and tell them.

 

She is frustrated with me about it, because she already told me she didn't like me doing that. I just told her that I wanted to thank them again for being so good to you. And it doesnt hurt to thank people and make them feel appreciated.

 

She says that her friends did it for her and not me. I told her I know that and didnt say they did it for me. And she went on saying her friends will be with her until the end and I know that.

 

I am tired of being nice and being a good boyfriend. I mean come on! If she did that to my friends then i have no problem with it. She is only trying to be good with my friends and cares about me.

 

I told her I wont text them or anything anymore unless they contact me first. It just doesn't seem right with all of this.

 

What am I to do? I love her to death and I know she loves me, but come on! This is nothing to get upset over...its good enough for me to get along with her friends when many other relationships have people who dont get along with their S/O friends.

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stop being nice guy and tell her that they are your friends too and you can talk with them at any time about anything

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AnotherGuy1234
stop being nice guy and tell her that they are your friends too and you can talk with them at any time about anything

 

Well, I am going to see her tomorrow. I'll talk to hee face to face.

 

I mean this is so petty for her to be upset over.

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She feels you're crossing a boundary. Like she probably doesn't want you to get started doing that because what if things get messy one day and she doesn't want you texting her friends getting info on her, say, during a breakup, which would be stalkery. Also, she might have some doubts about some of the women, like maybe there's one who can't be trusted with her friends' boyfriends. You need to just ask her to go into more detail and find out.

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AnotherGuy1234

I texted one of her friends that I consider a friend to. We spoke for a few. She just says I am nice, but my girlfriend is very independent. My girlfriends friend hasnt texted back since I spoke last- must be busy, but she explained.

 

I will talk to my girl tomorrow about it.

 

I haven't texted her anymore today. I'll let her come to me.

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"What am I to do?" You ask. Ummmm well....how about stop texting her friends to thank them for being a friend to her, just as she already told you to do the first time :confused:

 

 

Seems pretty simple to me. She told you something you do RE her friends annoys her. And instead of not doing it anymore, you do it again and she is even more annoyed. Makes sense. So stop doing it, as she already asked you before.

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AnotherGuy1234
"What am I to do?" You ask. Ummmm well....how about stop texting her friends to thank them for being a friend to her, as she already told you the first time :confused:

 

 

Seems pretty simple to me. She told you something you do RE her friends annoys her. And instead of not doing it anymore, you do it again and she is even more annoyed. Makes sense. So stop doing it, as she already asked you before.

 

 

Well, I consider them as my friends as well. We hang out from time to time as well.

 

But if she doesn't want me friends with them....then I figure thats an issue.

 

She can be friends with mine. Thank them. I don't give a crap. I just can not understand the big issue with it.

 

 

I was just thanking them for helping her since I couldn't be there, as her boyfriend, to help her.

 

I could be like a lot of other men and hate my woman's friends and try to keep her from hanging with them and talk crap about them because that's what seems to work.

 

I guess people do not like compliments.

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but my girlfriend is very independent.

 

My wife is the same way. Nicest person in the world but certain things, which aren't significant to me, are important to her.

 

So I decided a long time ago, on small things like this, I could be right or I could be happy. And having chosen happiness, I've realized over the years, she gives me the same latitude.

 

I'd guess you may have the same choice...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Well, I consider them as my friends as well. We hang out from time to time as well.

 

But if she doesn't want me friends with them....then I figure thats an issue.

 

She can be friends with mine. Thank them. I don't give a crap. I just can not understand the big issue with it.

 

 

I was just thanking them for helping her since I couldn't be there, as her boyfriend, to help her.

 

I could be like a lot of other men and hate my woman's friends and try to keep her from hanging with them and talk crap about them because that's what seems to work.

 

I guess people do not like compliments.

 

Who knew these friends first, you or her?

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AnotherGuy1234
Who knew these friends first, you or her?

 

Her. And yes. I KNOW. They are her friends, but we have made a friendship as well.

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AnotherGuy1234
My wife is the same way. Nicest person in the world but certain things, which aren't significant to me, are important to her.

 

So I decided a long time ago, on small things like this, I could be right or I could be happy. And having chosen happiness, I've realized over the years, she gives me the same latitude.

 

I'd guess you may have the same choice...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

So, basically just deal with it?

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AnotherGuy1234
In that case, they are most likely HER friends and will remain her friends only after you guys break up, which is likely inevitable given all of the little problems you seem to be having. I mean, you got angry and just broke up with her one day? You're lucky she took you back after that. You may be walking on thin ice with her, and if you keep it up, you will find yourself posting in the breakup section asking how to get back with your ex.

 

Well. I broke up with her because she was wishy washy. She even said she was. Long story. But we are back together.

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So, basically just deal with it?

 

As they say in battle, choose the hill you'll die on. I try and save the level of angst you're feeling for important issues - is that what this is to you?

 

Mr. Lucky

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Another reason she could be so annoyed with you for going behind her back is that the reason she got help from the friends was NOT the reason she told you about. By you doing what you did, her friends assume you know the full story, and that presents a problem for her because how is she going to tell them she is keeping you in the dark on certain things? Also, her shenanigans mean she is valuing her relationship with the friends more than the relationship she has with you . This is especially true is she has already implied that they are her friends now and forever - where does that leave you ? As the fifth wheel. IF it comes to it, she will choose her friends over you . When this happens to me, I leave. And that is what you should do before she boots you out, which will happen eventually...

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And already having problems again, over something as silly as this. If the problem is so silly, why not just do what she asks? Why is it such a big deal to stop texting her friends?

 

Maybe your girl is being irrational in this case, none of us here really know this. What I do know is that if you truly care for her, you will overlook silly little things like this. If she has a tendency to react irrationally towards you and it becomes a problem in your relationship, maybe you two aren't right for one another. But this situation? Yeah, the best thing to do is just stop texting her friends to talk about her. In her shoes, I might not like it either.

 

This is petty. I really see no problem with it. Her friends did text back and said it's no problem after I thanked them.

 

I'll stop talking with her friends even though I consider them my friends as well.

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Another reason she could be so annoyed with you for going behind her back is that the reason she got help from the friends was NOT the reason she told you about. By you doing what you did, her friends assume you know the full story, and that presents a problem for her because how is she going to tell them she is keeping you in the dark on certain things? Also, her shenanigans mean she is valuing her relationship with the friends more than the relationship she has with you . This is especially true is she has already implied that they are her friends now and forever - where does that leave you ? As the fifth wheel. IF it comes to it, she will choose her friends over you . When this happens to me, I leave. And that is what you should do before she boots you out, which will happen eventually...

 

I am planning to talk to her. I am going to be blunt to her...does she value our relationship or am I not really important. Should I say that?

 

I don't like drama. Her and I talked before. She loves me as I do her. She wasn't at the same level as I was with the relationship. She wants to take it slow, so I am. She said then she wasn't ready for a commitment. She also said she loves me, but wasn't in love with me. THATS why I did break up with her that time. She was wishy washy with her feelings toward me.

 

And we did get into it before because she lets her guyfriend spend the night sometimes. I am there when he has stayed before. She says they're just friends. I told her I didn't like it and she said she wasn't going to stop him from staying because she knew him before me. So I just said ok...I trust you. And I do trust her. Just was something new to me

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I am planning to talk to her. I am going to be blunt to her...does she value our relationship or am I not really important. Should I say that?

 

I don't like drama. Her and I talked before. She loves me as I do her. She wasn't at the same level as I was with the relationship. She wants to take it slow, so I am. She said then she wasn't ready for a commitment. She also said she loves me, but wasn't in love with me. THATS why I did break up with her that time. She was wishy washy with her feelings toward me.

 

And we did get into it before because she lets her guyfriend spend the night sometimes. I am there when he has stayed before. She says they're just friends. I told her I didn't like it and she said she wasn't going to stop him from staying because she knew him before me. So I just said ok...I trust you. And I do trust her. Just was something new to me

 

Wow. So much extra information. If you had included these facts it would make giving you advice so much easier. Just dump her. She is a classic cake eater and if you speak to her, you will get the same old wish washy arguments, and her guy friend will still get invited over for the night. Nothing will get solved, and you will continue to be the fifth wheel in this love rectangle... I'd just leave them to each other. I am sure you wouldn't even be missed... :(

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AnotherGuy1234

I have no problem with the guy friend. I trust my girlfriend to not mess around with him.

 

I am talking with her today.

 

I am going point blank of

 

"I am not here to argue. I want to solve this issue. So either you speak what is on your heart or I will mine."

 

I will go in my term of, "We've been with each other for over 10 months. You should already know how I feel about you AND you should know how you feel about me. Many things have bothered me. You say they are YOUR friends...well, I figured we were to the point of our relationship that your friends are mine just like mine are yours. I consider your friends to be mine."

 

Then I will tell her that. "You should've told the guy we work with that emailed her asking for dinner, that her and I were together and not "I will text you later". I appreciate you telling me he emailed you that, but you failed at responding that we were together and makes me feel that you really want out of the relationship."

 

"It seems you want me when it it convinent for you and when its not..you push me and my feelings aside.

 

I feel you love me, but then you get into your wishy washy mood and basically go that you need space because you do not know what you want."

 

 

That sound good? Cause I am going to talk with her once she gets here to her house.

 

I love this woman and her kids so much, but I am tired of feeling like this. I felt when I broke up with her that it would hit her in the head

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Maybe her friends tried to convince her not to take you back, and she didn’t want them to know she did.

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AnotherGuy1234
Maybe her friends tried to convince her not to take you back, and she didn’t want them to know she did.

 

Her friends like me. Her one friend even told me when i texted her that she didn't want to lose a good guy. They know I am good to her and her kids. I spend as much time as I can with them.

 

But my girlfriend likes "bad boys" but like I told her..where are they when you need them? In jail.

 

But we are going to talk. I have feelings too.

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But my girlfriend likes "bad boys" but like I told her..where are they when you need them? In jail.

 

Starting to sound like the proverbial square peg and round hole, you seem to be looking for something that just isn't there. Prepare accordingly...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Starting to sound like the proverbial square peg and round hole, you seem to be looking for something that just isn't there. Prepare accordingly...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Well, like I told her...she is old now and has kids. She needs to know what she wants. Period. Especially for her kids.

 

I am 13 years younger than her too.

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I have no problem with the guy friend. I trust my girlfriend to not mess around with him.

 

I am talking with her today.

 

I am going point blank of

 

"I am not here to argue. I want to solve this issue. So either you speak what is on your heart or I will mine."

 

I will go in my term of, "We've been with each other for over 10 months. You should already know how I feel about you AND you should know how you feel about me. Many things have bothered me. You say they are YOUR friends...well, I figured we were to the point of our relationship that your friends are mine just like mine are yours. I consider your friends to be mine."

 

Then I will tell her that. "You should've told the guy we work with that emailed her asking for dinner, that her and I were together and not "I will text you later". I appreciate you telling me he emailed you that, but you failed at responding that we were together and makes me feel that you really want out of the relationship."

 

"It seems you want me when it it convinent for you and when its not..you push me and my feelings aside.

 

I feel you love me, but then you get into your wishy washy mood and basically go that you need space because you do not know what you want."

 

 

That sound good? Cause I am going to talk with her once she gets here to her house.

 

I love this woman and her kids so much, but I am tired of feeling like this. I felt when I broke up with her that it would hit her in the head

 

This is too many issues to raise at once.

It's like a laundry list of what you don't like in the relationship.

 

I think the real issue is the part where you said you feel like she just wants you when it's convenient.

If that's how you really feel then you probably should have stayed broken up.

Only if she had proven to you that was not the case should you have gotten back together.

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Hey AnotherGuy -

good luck, I hope you feel like you at least understand what's up and can make a choice after you meet with your girlfriend.

 

 

Really small potatoes here, but if you think of it, I would be very interested to hear what happens with you two if this talk does come up - if you care to post about it.

 

 

I've got a somewhat similar situation myself, and am trying to figure out what is in my head, and what is in her heart.

 

 

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

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I think the real issue is the part where you said you feel like she just wants you when it's convenient.

If that's how you really feel then you probably should have stayed broken up.

Only if she had proven to you that was not the case should you have gotten back together.

For myself, thanks for that clear post olivetree...
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