Riot21 Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 I’m a very giving and forgiving person. I give all of myself to others and enjoy making others happy, sometimes at my own expense. How do I make a man I am interested have respect for me and not take advantage of this trait I have? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 Being giving is a good trait BUT you need to have some edge/ego. People who are people pleasers are considered as insecure, a push over. Show a little more confidence, and pull back on trying so hard to be accepted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 Show a little more confidence, and pull back on trying so hard to be accepted. Bingo. In short, whether romantic, friendship or professional, let the relationship develop at its own pace rather than trying to force things. Gifts, excessive texting or other contact, inappropriate or premature expressions of feelings, all lead others to suspect your sincerity and motives. It's great to be a giving person, just do it in the right settings and with those that give back... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 I’m a very giving and forgiving person. I give all of myself to others and enjoy making others happy, sometimes at my own expense. How do I make a man I am interested have respect for me and not take advantage of this trait I have? You earn respect by having an abundant, happy life, needing less, being kind, pro-social yet taking no nonsense from anyone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 By having respect for yourself. Being generous is fine. Being self sacrificing is not healthy. You need to have heathy boundaries. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Simply don't keep someone around once it's clear they're not respecting you. Move on. Write down some rules for boundaries. Like "He can't belittle me." or whatever, and even if it's a small slight and you are thinking, I don't want to make a big deal because it was so trivial, that is how disrespect begins and can turn into full abuse in some cases. Don't keep someone around who isn't treating you right!! Filter those out as soon as it happens. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Don't deal with people who refuse to show you respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Care less about the lives of others. It takes practice, especially losing the empathy thing, but you'll get there. For assistance, just watch how others treat you. That's reality. Accept it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 You can't "make" anyone have respect for you. Some people just aren't going to like or respect us no matter what we do. However, what you can do is have sufficient respect for yourself so that you can walk away from those who don't respect you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 You can't "make" anyone have respect for you. Some people just aren't going to like or respect us no matter what we do. However, what you can do is have sufficient respect for yourself so that you can walk away from those who don't respect you. Exactly. Some people don't like me and as long as they can't affect my life then so what. You have to realize in life that you can never please everybody. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 There has to be a balance between the giving and the receiving. It can be a different kind of giving and receiving but it has to be of equal value. If you do an act of kindness to a man you're dating and it's not returned in some way then keep your generosity under control. It sucks keeping count but at the beginning you do. When the person has proven to you their good character then you can spread your generosity more freely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 OP, my last reply was a bit over the top but it is what natural givers need to ramp down to find a modicum of reciprocity in life. IME, your type of personality can not only be taken advantage of, people can also find it annoying. As a woman you should be OK, pushing back to a more neutral state. With guys among ourselves we're more violent so pushing back can have really negative consequences women don't normally have to deal with. Trust me, I've done it plenty and have the scars to prove it. The right guy for you will respect, cherish and reciprocate your giving and loving spirit. Accept no substitutes and try to sour the milk just a bit. Some people won't like you. Cruel reality. Part of life. There's billions of us so individually we're really not that important in the scheme of things. Tear down that pedestal you have other humans on. Bring them to your level and treat them as equals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 I’m a very giving and forgiving person. I give all of myself to others and enjoy making others happy, sometimes at my own expense. How do I make a man I am interested have respect for me and not take advantage of this trait I have? Bit in bold - I know how you feel, I used to do that a lot. People can be awful sometimes. If someone can take advantage of you, they probably will, so don't let them. If they can't take advantage of you, the wrong people will leave you be, the right people will respect you for that. Love, give, but learn what your boundaries are and maintain them. Don't allow anything you do for others to be at your own expense. Sometimes being a bit selfish is necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
BaronChairman Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Being proper and blunt always gets my attention, and I mean that in a good way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 All the guys who seem super interested in me initially end up ghosting me. Why does this happen? I’ve lost all hope in online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 Don't deal with people who refuse to show you respect. What does it look like to be respected? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 Being proper and blunt always gets my attention, and I mean that in a good way. How is one proper and blunt? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 The ones who come on strong can often ghost. IF it is online, I also did this to men all the time - there is, seemingly, an abundance of people online to choose from.... I remember being so busy dating and seeking the spark/connection I was after, that I would talk to many men and once I found one I sparked with, I would stop talking to men online; I Would even stop seeing men I already went on a date or two with if I found one that knocked my socks off. Just move on, and realise that nothing is a given; it takes time to establish a relationship where it is clear that the guy is invested. Do not get hopes up or assume a man is into you just because he came on strong and called you beautiful a few times:lmao: Basically... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 What does it look like to be respected? I can't explain but you know it when you see it. I respect those who respect me and if people refuse to they get shut down. Even if I have no choice but to deal with them I never let them walk all over me. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Because they are impulsive and only care about the moment. They do whatever their feelings tell them to at the time instead of actually building something worthwhile. If there feelings tell them to fall in love then they will do it and if their feelings tell them to drop you then they will do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 What makes you think these guys are "nice"? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 What makes you think these guys are "nice"? They act all interested and text everyday and make plans for the future then just stop talking to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 What makes you think these guys are "nice"? How do I get respect and people to admire me in the way I act on a first date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 What can I do to attract decent men? I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have a good job, pay all my bills, am totally independent, am very educated, workout, travel, exercise, play and watch sports, and am very talkative and am friendly to everybody and like to always joke around. Guys never seem too interested in me and if they do they ghost me or stop talking to me or flake or don’t seem that interested. I am at a loss. I’ve been trying to date for a year now and no one sticks for more than a month. It ****ing sucks and I am just giving up and wanting to be alone so I’m not hurt anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Need more information. How old are you? How are you meeting/selecting guys? How attractive are you, objectively speaking? What sort of area do you live in? All these factors will have a big impact on your subjective experience of dating, and the ways you can start to address your problems Link to post Share on other sites
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