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Interracial dating, is society more accepting than 25 years ago


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MWC BlondeKim

Hello:

 

I would like to hear if you believe society is more accepting with interracial dating nowadays as compared to 25 years ago, along with general thoughts and observations on the subject.

 

I am a 45 year old married white female and I first started dating black guys in high school and continued to do so in college. I was an "equal opportunity" dater, in which I dated about an equal amount of both black and white.

 

Back then in general both my family and society were not overly accepting of me having a black boyfriend. My family quietly accepted it but I knew deep down inside they were not happy about. When out in public with a black boyfriend I would hear snide remarks such as " what is an attractive blonde like her doing with a black man". The bottom line was I felt pressure to marry white which I did.

 

Fast forward to the present and at least in my area of the country interracial dating is much more common and for the most part accepted. Both my niece and i young best friend of mine, both white, and married black men with from what I can tell all friends and family members are 100% ok with it.

 

So please share your thoughts on interracial dating along with any first hand experience Looking forward to hearing back.

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i'm of Asian-Indian background and date mostly white women. I can tell you that interracial dating is more tolerated but still not fully accepted or approved of. Certain people are still against it.

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It depends on where you live. In Canada, no one really cares what colour you are. It might be an issue to a traditional family but not publicly/in general. Some parts of the states, oh hell ya it's an issue. Segregation still exists too.

 

 

Interracial dating is not really the issue with people now a days, it's the transgender thing that's got people up in arms.

Edited by smackie9
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In my demographic, it's been pretty normal to experience inter-racial dating and couples, even back to when I was in high school 45+ years ago. I never gave it much thought. Caucasian-Asian was very common, less common was Caucasian-Black and Black-Asian. Although not really inter-racial, Caucasian-Hispanic was real common.

 

My best female friend for many years, an ethnic Chinese lady (parents immigrated) married a local German guy (2nd generation American). That was typical. I never got any weird vibes about acceptance when out and about with them or when she and I went places alone which we did often.

 

In wider society, I have no idea if things are more accepted now than in the past. My close to six decades have been focused mostly on rural California and how things go there.

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Lotsgoingon

Definitely the society is more open to interracial dating ... and people who do so feel less like oddballs than 25 years ago.

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MWC BlondeKim

As I had stated in my original post I had felt pressure to marry white.

 

Even though it is many years later I resent having felt that pressure and worse yet that I gave into it.

 

Long story short, I was dating two men in my senior year of college, the one I was truly in love with happened to be black the other one a white guy who was more in a category of nice guy in which our dates occasionally lead to sex with some low level of love.

 

Moving forward and starting my career my young age had not yet afforded me the maturity and courage to married the man I truly love, my black boyfriend, but chose the white guy due to that be the safer option.

 

I admit I was wrong for not standing up the pressure and married my true love, yet in the long run I am happily married now, and with time truly feel in love with my white husband.

 

I hope I did not confuse anyone.

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stillafool

I don't think anyone notices or cares anymore. Get yourself a Black man OP if that's what makes you happy.

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Many societies are more accepting now, but it’s really up to you and the importance you place on your own happiness versus your family or community demands and expectations. Personally I would gladly be shunned by those who put expectations on me or hold racist views as I would rather find true love than be around those close minded people. It’s my life.

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Interracial dating is definitely more accepted than it was 25 years ago...no doubt. Twenty-five years ago was early 90's, and absolutely more open-minded, even in the realm of same-sex relationships and homosexuality. We have a long way to go, but it's definitely better.

 

Demographics, where you live, can be problematic...religion, culture, being sequestered...these issues play a role.

 

I think when I have been met with negativity, it's been more at the hands of family members or cultural community...religion or skin color. Strangers have been a non-issue. In my personal world, no one seems to care...black, white, yellow, green.

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I think overall people are more accepting or at least more resigned. I spent the summer of '93 in Alabama and then moved down there in 2000 and when I got back I could see a huge difference, it was not at all common to see interracial couples together in public the first time but much more so the second.

 

I don't think we're totally over it though. I am white and about a year ago I was on a date with a black man who was 6'8". After dinner he walked me to my car and we were standing there talking and laughing. I was having a great time, definitely not looking worried or in any kind of jeopardy. But we got totally harassed by a couple of cops. They circled the lot six times slowing down and staring when they passed us. It was really creepy and I was scared they were gonna pull us over just because of our races. They were purposely and pointedly making us feel uncomfortable. I mention his height because I think that might have initially attracted their attention, but I very much doubt they'd have been that rude if he was a 6'8" white guy.

 

My current boyfriend is black and I doubt very much that I'll ever introduce him to my mother because I don't trust her to treat him normally. I think she'd probably oscillate between fawning over him because he's different and exotic and makes her feel cool (like she used to always feel tickled about having gay friends because that was so edgy) and saying horribly racist things that she would swear couldn't possibly be racist because (according to her) they are just truth. For some reason it's always stuck with me that when I was 15 or 16 she told me I should never date black men because they all beat their wives. Yuck.

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We’re discussing society in very broad terms here, at least American society, but from my personal experience, when it comes down to brass tacks (marriage) most members of racial, ethnic and religious groups prefer to marry within their group.

 

Caucasians want to marry Caucasians, blacks want to marry blacks, Chinese-Americans want to marry Chinese-Americans, Jews want to marry Jews. Hindus want to marry Hindus, Muslims want to marry Muslims and Catholics want to marry Catholics. Greek-Americans want to marry Greek-Americans, Italian-Americans want to marry Italian-Americans and Polish-Americans want to marry Polish-Americans. Hispanics want to marry Hispanics and Irish-Americans want to marry Irish-Americans.

 

Sometimes a person might find another to be attractive, but they avoid establishing a connection due to preconceived notions or stereotypes about that person’s culture and customs, going by their skin color or racial or ethnic origin, or perceived origin even.

 

Add to that socio-economic divisions and we end up with a mixed salad, not a melting pot.

 

I have the impression that all the couples from different backgrounds who tend to intermingle in their 20s or early 30s do so out of curiousity and a desire to experiment. Only the serious ones stay together, ready and willing to weather the proverbial storm that is society, their own community or their family.

 

And the more pronounced the difference in skin color the less likely that two people are to consider each other, especially on the Caucasian/white side as possible future partners. It’s silly, but that’s how it is.

 

People give in to social pressure, community pressure, peer pressure or even pressure from their families.

 

Personally, I don’t care about a person’s race or ethnicity as long as I find her physically and mentally attractive.

 

Do I have a ‘type’? Yes, but only within the confines of physical attraction and not due to racial, ethnic or religious considerations.

 

By the way, just the other day, I heard an ignorant person say — as she stood among her group of friends — that so and so is sort of “ethnic looking”. What does that mean?

 

Then there are some chain department stores that have an “ethnic personal grooming products” section where I saw mostly packaging with stock images of black men. Huh?

 

I had to laugh and check my watch just to make sure it was 2018.

Edited by Logo
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Another Canadian here.

 

I am a white woman dating a black man. I don't feel any type of prejudice or presssure from anyone around. My family adore my boyfriend and as far as I can remember, and I'm 52, I don't remember any racist opinions in my environment.

 

That being said from time to time bf & I get the *looks* not because we're not approved but because we're different as I live in a white-white neighborhood. If we're downtown Montreal we blend in with 100s of other interactial couples.

 

As an interacial couple we feel safe here. We do live in a great country. My boyfriend is often amazed at the equal opportunity he's finding here.

 

 

.

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We’re discussing society in very broad terms here, at least American society, but from my personal experience, when it comes down to brass tacks (marriage) most members of racial, ethnic and religious groups prefer to marry within their group.

 

Caucasians want to marry Caucasians, blacks want to marry blacks, Chinese-Americans want to marry Chinese-Americans, Jews want to marry Jews. Hindus want to marry Hindus, Muslims want to marry Muslims and Catholics want to marry Catholics. Greek-Americans want to marry Greek-Americans, Italian-Americans want to marry Italian-Americans and Polish-Americans want to marry Polish-Americans. Hispanics want to marry Hispanics and Irish-Americans want to marry Irish-Americans.

 

Sometimes a person might find another to be attractive, but they avoid establishing a connection due to preconceived notions or stereotypes about that person’s culture and customs, going by their skin color or racial or ethnic origin, or perceived origin even.

 

Add to that socio-economic divisions and we end up with a mixed salad, not a melting pot.

A lot of those points are true - but I might also add that it's not so much people choose not to make a connection, as much as despite attempts, it is often just more difficult to make a connection because of the cultural differences. Differences in values often lead to incompatibility. If someone stays within their ethnic group it is much easier to find someone compatible. The first girl I ever dated was from China - it was very difficult to connect with her so we didn't last any longer than 2 months.

 

To the point of the thread, I definitely think people here (Australia) are a lot more accepting of interracial dating than they were in generations past. Unfortunately judgement based on stereotypes still exists in some demographics. Many people in my generation may see "race" as a description of someone akin to height or hair colour or whatever - some might have vague preferences but ultimately it doesn't matter.

Edited by snowboy91
clarity
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CautiouslyOptimistic

I think it definitely depends on where you live and how old you are. Where I live, it's accepted. I know many interracial couples.

 

There's still prejudice among a lot of older folks, I think. A few years ago my mom, who insists she's not racist in any way, said something like, "she's dating a black guy so I think she must have very low self-esteem." I was shocked, angered, and called her out. Honestly, I think SHE doesn't know what the word racist even means (no excuse). She makes maddening comments about Jewish people, too. Not mean-spirited, just SO ignorant.

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thefooloftheyear

There is still a stigma for a segment of the population, but it's less now, than it was 25 years ago, and will be even less 25 years from now...

 

I don't really care who anyone dates as long as they are happy...If my daughter dated a black guy, I would be fine with it, as long as he wasn't some hood rat/gangsta type...But the same would apply if the guy was a lowlife white kid as well..So it's not about race as much as it is character..

 

What C-O's mom said is pretty common...You also hear that white women that choose to date black guys do it because they had trouble attracting white guys or that they had some features that white guys are less tolerant of than black guys are(big/heavy/obese) etc,,White guys with Asian/filipino/some Hispanic women have to deal with the stigma that they do it because white women don't want them so they had to get a mail order gf/w...So both genders feel it in some arenas..

 

If you are happy with your choices, then you just need to deal with it..If it's going to bother you, then you need to decide whats more important...I know some people that won't do it for that reason, I am not sure that makes them racist, and I don't think it's fair to label them as such, just that its more important to them to not get outcasted by family(whether they are right or wrong) or deal with societal pressures...I can relate to that and respect it..

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
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White guy here living in a not so white anymore region of Western Europe.

 

My observation even though I am younger than some previous posters are that - yes. Its socially accepted for the most part. Widely accepted by the people under 40 at least.

 

The common stereotypes cited by TFY above are not unheard of. Hell, even in Australia some years ago an old bigoted lady made a comment to a man apparently dating an Asian : "Is it really so small you have to date a g*** (racial slur aimed at Asian). Yeah, some people are still like that.

 

It has to be said though that not only white folks are racist, another recent incident involved a girl friend of mine who was dating a black guy and in the queue at a park, said black boyfriend was rudely asked ''why are you dating a white chick''.

 

Pretty sure that Asians, Latinos, Blacks, Jews can in some case be racist when their offspring are dating someone from a different and ''unwanted'' background...

 

Personally I have dated one black woman and two mixed race too. We never got bad look where I live. No one care and those who do shut their mouth and move on with their days.

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Hopefully one day we will get past this ridiculous concept of race entirely. The "races" as we currently list them are not much more valid than "breeds" of dogs are. By the way, Asian is not a race according to the US Census. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, and several more are considered separate races by the US government. Just like Italians and Irish used to be separate races. If you think that is silly, tell me what the correct list of races should be. My vote is for just one, "human".

 

Obviously in the US and other societies, the construct of race has been used to discriminate and has power to this day. But why would you want to carry that **** into your personal life is beyond me.

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The first girl I ever dated was from China - it was very difficult to connect with her so we didn't last any longer than 2 months.

 

To the point of the thread, I definitely think people here (Australia) are a lot more accepting of interracial dating than they were in generations past. Unfortunately judgement based on stereotypes still exists in some demographics. Many people in my generation may see "race" as a description of someone akin to height or hair colour or whatever - some might have vague preferences but ultimately it doesn't matter.

 

 

That's a valid point, but I was strictly referring to people who are perhaps second generation Americans, for example, hence ABCD-Americans.

 

 

Among many, even third generation groups, there's still talk about "the old country" and "old country values".

 

 

 

There is more intermingling these days than there was in the 1990s, for example, but for the most part, many individuals in racial, ethnic or religious groups tend to outright dismiss the notion of marrying someone from a different group. "Oh what about the values?" "Oh what about our traditions?"

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I've dated across the board racially over the years. While I've had negative comments made towards me or the person I was dating, it hasn't been common. I live in a very tolerant city though so I wouldn't expect it here.

 

I find that the differences that caused the breakups were more cultural or religious than racial. Dating a third generation immigrant is far different from dating someone who just moved to the country. Sometimes those cultural differences cause problems that are difficult to overcome.

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Pretty sure that Asians, Latinos, Blacks, Jews can in some case be racist when their offspring are dating someone from a different and ''unwanted'' background...

 

Unfortunately, this is true. Hopefully it won't be true when this thread pops up 25 years from now.

 

I dated a Caucasian Jewish woman from NYC and her family and friends never accepted me, even after we got engaged and were ready to marry. They eventually talked her out of it.

 

I dated a Filipino woman whose daughter wanted to go out with a black man and she absolutely forbid it. My relationship with her didn't last much past that as I got a glimpse into who she really was.

 

People should be free to date and marry anyone they want. Unfortunately it's going to take some time to get to that level of acceptance.

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It is more accepted these days by far but there are some people who will never accept and the best thing is just not to let it get to you. There have always been bigots and there always will be bigots.

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It is more accepted these days by far but there are some people who will never accept and the best thing is just not to let it get to you. There have always been bigots and there always will be bigots.

 

there are a lot of closeted racists out there

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there are a lot of closeted racists out there

 

Tribalism is an easy trap to run into, including racism. Nowadays I wonder if people are more accepting of interracial dating than they are inter-political party dating!

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there are a lot of closeted racists out there

 

True but I do feel that people are more accepting of it than they used to be. If a black woman married into the royal family forty years ago there would have been much more fuss.

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The best people can do is carry on and date who you are attracted, admire and respect.

 

Don't let some dirty thinker or talker take you down.

 

As for this guy and some other southern people, the line is drawn at not marrying. That is the line.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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