Tigger2402 Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 So I'm having a few insecurities about my partners relationship with a work colleague and I'm not whether the issue has been exaggerated in my head so I'll give you some back ground and maybe you could give some advice. They've been working together for 7 month and she is 8 years younger so I guess she has turned to my partner as a older guidance figure however behaviour and conversation lately has made me think its not as platonic as I first thought. I accidently got a glimpse of his Facebook conversation with her as he left the tab open on his laptop and I'm not gonna lie, I looked! A lot of the conversations go along the lines of talking about how much they appreciate that both of them are there for eachother and how close they've grown in 7 month. Also a lot about the problems she has with her partner and how they are close intimately and my bf reassuring her that she deserves better. She also bought him a birthday gift which I made clear I wasn't happy about as I think it crosses a male/female friendship border in my opinion. I'm not an overly jealous or overbearing person but this situation has really got me feeling insecure about there ffriendship Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 I can see why. I mean, this can happen at any workplace. Sometimes men are flattered if a woman is turning to them for advice. Plus she's younger and may be attractive to him. There's only one real thing you can do about it -- and that is to start making your presence known at his workplace. Take him to lunch and go in and pick him up (if he tells you to wait outside, say you arrived early and go on up) If there's any company function, go be on his arm. In other words, throw a bucket of cold water on her. You're not married, so in his mind, he may consider the door open. Probably talking to him about it isn't going to get you anywhere. Just my opinion. Send him flowers at work or balloons with obvious hearts, etc. Since he's being sort of open about her, you could invite her "and her date" to have dinner with you. I hope it turns out to be nothing. Have you gotten a look at her? Is she pretty? Does she dress dignified or inappropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tigger2402 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 I can see why. I mean, this can happen at any workplace. Sometimes men are flattered if a woman is turning to them for advice. Plus she's younger and may be attractive to him. There's only one real thing you can do about it -- and that is to start making your presence known at his workplace. Take him to lunch and go in and pick him up (if he tells you to wait outside, say you arrived early and go on up) If there's any company function, go be on his arm. In other words, throw a bucket of cold water on her. You're not married, so in his mind, he may consider the door open. Probably talking to him about it isn't going to get you anywhere. Just my opinion. Send him flowers at work or balloons with obvious hearts, etc. Since he's being sort of open about her, you could invite her "and her date" to have dinner with you. I hope it turns out to be nothing. Have you gotten a look at her? Is she pretty? Does she dress dignified or inappropriate? He is pretty open about there friendship, I think as time goes on I can see they are getting closer and they talk about the appreciation they have for each other and it just doesn't sit right for me. It's almost as if I'm just waiting for something to happen between them which I know I shouldn't. To be honest I've been to his works place once and met her, apparently she was very happy to meet me but then again what else could she say? She is very pretty and outgoing, I don't feel threatened by her per se, however like I say I think i think I feel threatened by the thought that something could develop. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Odds are that it is developed... You are being a little naïve here. But first... Why do you feel bad about looking at his social media. If you guys are together, then you have ever right to look. He is either grooming her, or he is really stupid and she is grooming him. You need to see what else you can find out, because more than likely, this is going to be a problem... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 He is pretty open about there friendship, I think as time goes on I can see they are getting closer and they talk about the appreciation they have for each other and it just doesn't sit right for me. It's almost as if I'm just waiting for something to happen between them which I know I shouldn't. To be honest I've been to his works place once and met her, apparently she was very happy to meet me but then again what else could she say? She is very pretty and outgoing, I don't feel threatened by her per se, however like I say I think i think I feel threatened by the thought that something could develop. It's already developed, at least emotionally. Doesn't mean it's physical (yet) but right now it's dangerous. He's detaching from you unknowingly and putting more energy and thought into her. That's totally inappropriate and you need to call him on it. He's spending time with her that could be better spent with you (the contact outside of work etc). He has to distance himself from her and focus on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Sorry but 8 yrs is nothing let alone an older figure especially with her being the younger one but yeah , l'd be very concerned . l too doubt it's gotten physical yet though but l'll leave it though to others to make suggestions on what to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tigger2402 Posted June 5, 2018 Author Share Posted June 5, 2018 Odds are that it is developed... You are being a little naïve here. But first... Why do you feel bad about looking at his social media. If you guys are together, then you have ever right to look. He is either grooming her, or he is really stupid and she is grooming him. You need to see what else you can find out, because more than likely, this is going to be a problem... I don't feel bad for looking as I know that if I'm feeling insecure about it then there maybe more going on than meets the eye and I'd rather know. I've seen some more of their conversation and I will just point out that there was no dirty talk at all and very little obvious flirtation. The thing that struck me was how needy she come across, so messaging asking what he's up to and how his day has been etc. I must admit his responses to these are inconsistent in the sense that sometimes he forgets to reply or falls asleep. However on odd occasions they will be up until 2 in the morning chatting and he shares things that have happened in the day with her, like him buying a new suit or having to take his car to the garage. Like I say I don't think the problem for me currently is that something is going on its that something could happen, and it will make me.extremely uncomfortable if they ever have to spend time together outside of work at functions or events. Any advice on how to approach this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 I've seen some more of their conversation and I will just point out that there was no dirty talk at all and very little obvious flirtation. The thing that struck me was how needy she come across, so messaging asking what he's up to and how his day has been etc. I must admit his responses to these are inconsistent in the sense that sometimes he forgets to reply or falls asleep. However on odd occasions they will be up until 2 in the morning chatting and he shares things that have happened in the day with her, like him buying a new suit or having to take his car to the garage. Like I say I don't think the problem for me currently is that something is going on its that something could happen, and it will make me.extremely uncomfortable if they ever have to spend time together outside of work at functions or events. Any advice on how to approach this situation? Yeah, I have an idea... What you are describing is an emotional affair. They don't have to talk sexy or say I love you for it to be an emotional affair. You need to put a stop to it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ItsJustMyOpinion Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 So I'm having a few insecurities about my partners relationship with a work colleague and I'm not whether the issue has been exaggerated in my head so I'll give you some back ground and maybe you could give some advice. They've been working together for 7 month and she is 8 years younger so I guess she has turned to my partner as a older guidance figure however behaviour and conversation lately has made me think its not as platonic as I first thought. I accidently got a glimpse of his Facebook conversation with her as he left the tab open on his laptop and I'm not gonna lie, I looked! A lot of the conversations go along the lines of talking about how much they appreciate that both of them are there for eachother and how close they've grown in 7 month. Also a lot about the problems she has with her partner and how they are close intimately and my bf reassuring her that she deserves better. She also bought him a birthday gift which I made clear I wasn't happy about as I think it crosses a male/female friendship border in my opinion. I'm not an overly jealous or overbearing person but this situation has really got me feeling insecure about there ffriendship I just broke up with someone because they had work relationships exactly as you described. No thanks, that's an affair. **** that. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 I don't feel bad for looking as I know that if I'm feeling insecure about it then there maybe more going on than meets the eye and I'd rather know. I've seen some more of their conversation and I will just point out that there was no dirty talk at all and very little obvious flirtation. The thing that struck me was how needy she come across, so messaging asking what he's up to and how his day has been etc. I must admit his responses to these are inconsistent in the sense that sometimes he forgets to reply or falls asleep. However on odd occasions they will be up until 2 in the morning chatting and he shares things that have happened in the day with her, like him buying a new suit or having to take his car to the garage. Like I say I don't think the problem for me currently is that something is going on its that something could happen, and it will make me.extremely uncomfortable if they ever have to spend time together outside of work at functions or events. Any advice on how to approach this situation? bolded part is a big NO. that behavior should be ascribed for to their respective partners. If my significant other was texting at 2am another woman like that he'd be making other living arrangements. and if another woman was being 'needy' with my partner I'd tell my significant other to quash that. would your partner be ok with the above behavior if you were doing the same? of course not, unless he's completely unavailable emotionally for you and wouldn't mind another man taking his place Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Oh... There is no question they will be banging, if there is a question it is not if it will happen, it is when it will happen... Not much you can do here besides weight your options... Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 (edited) This is what I hate about relationships. You’re in a relationship, you think everything is going well, then you get that rude awakening. Is your partner the rebellious type? Is he anti-authority? If so, then confronting him will only make it worse. He’ll rebel against what he’ll perceive as an attempt by you to “control him” and then he’ll go and sleep with her. He’ll rationalize it in his head to ease the guilt. You have a decision to make. You can either put a stop to it by defining the boundaries. In the animal kingdom they urinate to mark their territory. Well, you have to mark your territory by showing up more often at his workplace, send him some flowers, but don’t over do it. Peraph summed it all up. Or you can end it. Sometimes emotional affairs are worse than physical ones. If you can’t or don’t trust him anymore, it’s time to eject from the relationship. Edited June 8, 2018 by Logo Link to post Share on other sites
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