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Why women don't approach?


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Whoever wants sex more loses. Historically, that's generally males. If a guy says, nah, I'll wait, well some other guy will step right in front of him.

 

I ran into a subset of this with married women. Other guys were forever hitting on them, hoping to either score or pull them away from their marriage but dumbass me respected the rules and the ring for years and I'll feel pretty righteous about that when I die for all the comfort it'll bring.

 

Why aren't women chasing us? Because they don't need to. Sure, they'll chase a few high value males but most males do the overt approaching with the woman at most 'facilitating', meaning she lets him, sometimes after covert signaling, sometimes not. I saw evidence of that dynamic in a recent thread where opinion (not mine) of an 'obvious signal' was that a woman sent a man a text referencing something he'd shared in passing. Her memory of that and restating it was apparently a 'strong signal' that he should ask to date her.

 

If I had a nickel for every time a married or single woman played that game with me for an attention suck I'd be a rich man. However, the guys always on the prowl for sex are the winners here because they'll pursue any signal, no matter how faint, until it's a dry hole. They don't care about getting played, rather about getting laid. That's the winning strategy in the gene propagation game. That's another reason why guys approach. They want little replicas of themselves running around and women are necessary for that. Of course the reality is dressed up and decorated in a manner pleasing for social consumption.

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Why do guys always have to do the approaching?

 

When I was single, it would depend on the circumstance. If I was talking with a guy at a party and found him interesting, I would make a move.

 

But if it's a cold approach? No way. I've always disliked cold approaches by men towards me because I would never agree to go out with someone I haven't built a rapport with. Likewise, if I haven't built a rapport with someone, I'd never ask them out.

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I have tried everything at one time or another. I would say I was usually who made the first approach a lot of the time. But I didn't do it the way guys seem to think they are supposed to do it. I did it different ways, but with someone I had my eyes on for awhile, I'd do it through a window of commonality, mutual interest.

 

I read the guy before deciding and how I'd do with one I might probably just want to have fun with was somewhat different than one I think I might seriously fall for. One of my old flames was so sought after that I instinctively knew not to let him know I was crushing on him. He was tired of that. So I didn't make a move on him.

 

One, we loved the same band, were on the same career path, and it just seemed unavoidable. I spoke to him first.

 

One, most people don't get why I fell for, and it never worked out in any recognizable way, but we had a relationship unlike any other. I heard he was the new guitarist for my favorite local band and I jumped right in and recommended a great new album. I spoke to him first.

 

If I wanted to meet someone, not even just for romance reasons, I would go talk to them. Like one guy who is still my friend, he and his buddy were running sound in a little local bar and I thought they looked interesting and fun. I just went up to where they were working and talked. Ended up dating one for a brief time and the other is still my friend 35 years later.

 

I will say that after a couple of duds that were too shy (or disinterested, who knows) to approach me that I did all the work on, I mean, they were nice guys, but their passivity extended into everything, not just dating and women, and I could not handle that. So in that respect I certainly agree with many women who want the guy to make the move. I want to know they have it in them at least.

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Because I like them to. I like a man strong enough to ask me. ?

 

Funny, because I like a woman strong enough to ask me.

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It's always been the social expectation that the guy always makes the approach. Approaching is scary and a lot of effort, so not many actually want to do it, but us guys are expected to, so we do.

 

A lot of guys would love to be approached - because it's the easy way out for them. I'm not saying that one or the other should do the approaching - ideally whoever is interested makes the approach. But that's not reality, and if I was single I'd know that it's up to me to make the approach. But to others (whether they be guy or girl), I always suggest making the approach if they're interested. Because how else do you know if it's reciprocated?

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mortensorchid

It's tradition. This may sound strange coming from someone living in a world with the #metoo movement and all because people are far more uptight than they were a scant 10 years ago I think, but I digress ...

 

Remember that communication is key to anything and everything. If one is not communicating their wants/needs correctly in any reasonable situation, it just dies a natural death and people are like "I don't know why this happened". Most of it is because one was not communicating correctly to the other person.

 

I used to be the aggressor in situations, learned the hard way not to be. If he's interested, he will tell me by his actions / words. I stay in my box and don't bother anyone.

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lakerman34

This is funny because on Tinder, a lot of women in their descriptions will say something along the lines of:

 

"Give me your best pickup line."

"Go for something more than just hey."

 

Or my ABSOLUTE favorite:

"Make me laugh!"

 

Whenever I see those, I left swipe. I'm a good looking dude who's in great shape, has quite a lot of charm, am very educated and relatively well off. I don't have to impress you, and if you think I do, well, you're not worth my time.

 

I agree with whoever said a "woman who is strong enough to approach me" is the type of woman I'd go for. I'd ONLY approach a woman who I know is strong enough to approach me. I'm not your dad. It isn't my job to be your laugh or money machine. I expect you to have your own.

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It's always been the social expectation that the guy always makes the approach. Approaching is scary and a lot of effort, so not many actually want to do it, but us guys are expected to, so we do.

 

A lot of guys would love to be approached - because it's the easy way out for them. I'm not saying that one or the other should do the approaching - ideally whoever is interested makes the approach. But that's not reality, and if I was single I'd know that it's up to me to make the approach. But to others (whether they be guy or girl), I always suggest making the approach if they're interested. Because how else do you know if it's reciprocated?

 

It's not up to you to make the approach any more than it's up to you to pay for the date, or put your coat over the puddle for her. Society might generally deem it to be up to you, at least the first two perhaps, but that doesn't make it so objectively.

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This is funny because on Tinder, a lot of women in their descriptions will say something along the lines of:

 

...

"Go for something more than just hey."

 

 

I sometimes double bluff and just say hi or hey anyway. I don't think anyone has figured out my double bluff yet lol

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coolheadal
Why do guys always have to do the approaching?

 

We don't really.. Women can smile, flirt, tease, send kisses with their hands too you if you get the hint? If your not paying attention like most of us men to those signals gestures then your out of luck otherwise.

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Sgthaytham

This is my explanation:

 

Almost every single straight woman out there, from the absolutely 10/10 gorgeous to your average Jill (even uglier women), has a pool of guys surrounding her. Could be 2-3 guys or it could be 5-8 - regardless, there’s no need for a woman to make the move as at least one of those guys will make it for her.

 

For men, it’s a very different story. The best looking guys all the way down to average Joe and uglier men ALL have to make moves to get women they want.

 

Besides, i don’t think many Western women realise how hard it is for many of us to make moves on a woman sending next-to-no signals (or at least ambiguous signals) in this day and age. Now #MeTop has come along - even though I’m happy for it to expose the vile beings from Hollywood, etc... - it does make it even more complicated.

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Sgthaytham
We don't really.. Women can smile, flirt, tease, send kisses with their hands too you if you get the hint? If your not paying attention like most of us men to those signals gestures then your out of luck otherwise.

 

Women who aren’t interested in you romantically will do those things...

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Most women want the man to do the approaching because it shows them that he's strong and confident.

 

I've had occasions when women approached me. And it was a turn on for me for obvious reasons.

 

Some men feel intimidated when a woman approaches them.

 

Some of it has to do with tradition, some has to do with our instinct to procreate.

 

Personally, I don't care who approaches who.

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Why do guys always have to do the approaching?

 

women send the initial non-verbal message for a man to approach. if you know the signals it's almost a sure thing

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l'm always flabbergasted at how many guys round here expect women to ask them out or do the work.

somem must've happened while l was married 20yrs or maybe guys have turned wimp or some shyt , dunno .

Or maybe it's all part of women's movement over there or something , maybe they've made their own bed, dunno.

 

Here though you might expect some subtle glances or flirting maybe touches if your close but it's pretty rare she would be any more forward than that

Someone that was would usually be not too lucky with men or a bit desperate.

Edited by Chilli
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I do think it's a lot of "tradition" wanting to be "valued" and all that crap. I'm not traditional. I like being forward, and when I was dating I asked guys out on dates with great success. I never had any of them viewing me as "easy" or desperate. The cold approach from a guy is ok with me but never had anyone that was attractive do that lol. I did the "traditional" thing and wait and hope for them to make a move....I got tired of the game and took matters into my own hands. It's not as bad as you may think ladies.

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I do think it's a lot of "tradition" wanting to be "valued" and all that crap. I'm not traditional. I like being forward, and when I was dating I asked guys out on dates with great success. I never had any of them viewing me as "easy" or desperate. The cold approach from a guy is ok with me but never had anyone that was attractive do that lol. I did the "traditional" thing and wait and hope for them to make a move....I got tired of the game and took matters into my own hands. It's not as bad as you may think ladies.

 

In the last six months I've been asked out by 4 women. I was flattered but not interested in any of them. Had I been interested I would definitely have gone out with one.

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Funny, because I like a woman strong enough to ask me.

 

Nothing wrong with that, as long as you're not passive about other things in life, because once you have a child with a woman, that woman is going to need you to be about to step up and handle some of the household business and she won't have time to always be the one to argue with AT&T. So what I'm saying is, it's fine to like a woman who'll approach, like I did, but that woman isn't usually going to want a guy to just lay back and let her do everything in life for the both of you.

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Most women want the man to do the approaching because it shows them that he's strong and confident.

 

I've had occasions when women approached me. And it was a turn on for me for obvious reasons.

 

Some men feel intimidated when a woman approaches them.

 

Some of it has to do with tradition, some has to do with our instinct to procreate.

 

Personally, I don't care who approaches who.

 

It is risky in a different way for a woman to approach a man because the double standard is still in play out there. If a woman makes the approach, a man may either instantly think all she wants is sex and it clears his conscious entirely since she approached him to just take that and run; or he may totally just decide she is a promiscuous woman and look down on her.

 

And like Mortenschild said, women soon learn that if they have to chase a man, the man isn't that interested in her to begin with.

 

But that's why it's best to just approach who you're interested in as another person and select ones with common interests when possible and see if you have anything to talk about and see if you both seem interested shortly thereafter enough that things progress. Approaching shouldn't just be a pickup line anyway. It should just be getting to know someone. But because guys are constantly trying to just get laid, it's gotten boiled down to the shortest possible way into the sack.

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Nothing wrong with that, as long as you're not passive about other things in life, because once you have a child with a woman, that woman is going to need you to be about to step up and handle some of the household business and she won't have time to always be the one to argue with AT&T. So what I'm saying is, it's fine to like a woman who'll approach, like I did, but that woman isn't usually going to want a guy to just lay back and let her do everything in life for the both of you.

 

That's funny because I don't want a woman who expects me to do everything for both of us either.

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