Jump to content

How men treat women


Recommended Posts

caveman621

Is it just me? Or has my wife just had HORRIBLE men in her past?

 

I'm really not trying to brag, but she can't stop telling me how wonderful I am. And, seriously, for the simplest things. For example, showing up when and where I say I will ready to assist with whatever thing she has asked for help with. Basically doing what I promised I would do. Apparently, that was not the case with all, or at least most, of her prior romantic interests. I just can't believe how she's been mistreated in the past. Am I the exception, or the rule?

 

Do you ladies experience that a lot? Partners who are just undependable or downright hurtful?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Those men were around because she was too tolerant and LET them stay around. You have to teach people how to treat you by setting boundaries and not rewarding bad behavior. Yes, lots of women get trampled all over like that because lots of women are either tolerant OR they think love can change a man. In other words, they're certifiably deluded....

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear

It might not be an issue of "undependability" or that they are"horrible" men ....

 

There are men that tend to lead busy lives, they may(like myself) be running companies and work long hours/travel...They may have hobbies that no woman would ever care about, etc...

 

SO that may make them less accessible, not necessarily "bad"...

 

But you do bring up a point...Some women like men who constantly dote on them and make them the center of their universe...Other men just don't have that type of personality..They are less inclined to have themselves buried in whatever their woman wants or needs at any given time..

 

And some women don't need guys to dote on them and are always available...I'd even go as far as to say that many women find this behavior in men to be a turn off..

 

It's even a cultural thing...In my culture, its not really a thing most guys do...If you ever attend a family function, the men and women are completely separate and the men talk among themselves as do the women...I'd think that most women in my culture would find it weird if they found themselves with a "yes, dear" type of guy...

 

So, sure, maybe these guys were truly horrible...But then again maybe all your wife needed is the type of attentive guy that you are, so it works...Good...:)

 

TFY

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic

I've never been with a man who was undependable. But downright hurtful? Yes. If you're kind to me and my mother, and strangers who've done nothing to you to make you have disdain for them, you'll be 90% of the way there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
salparadise
Those men were around because she was too tolerant and LET them stay around. You have to teach people how to treat you by setting boundaries and not rewarding bad behavior. Yes, lots of women get trampled all over like that because lots of women are either tolerant OR they think love can change a man. In other words, they're certifiably deluded....

 

I don't think I agree (the bolded part). I think there are people who are inherently reliable, and those who are not. You might get someone to change briefly by applying pressure, but then they'll just go back to doing what they do. Who wants to constantly have to be an enforcer to keep people from disrespecting you––not me.

 

Only people with soft-soft boundaries would have to even think this way. If you are punctual and reliable yourself, true to your word, etc., then people you deal with just know that's what your expectation is going to be. People who don't approximate your standards are usually dismissed before it gets personal.

 

Yea, there are exceptions. My ex-wife was never on time for anything in her life. It took me waaaay too long to dismiss her.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, I've seen the same man treat one girlfriend like a doormat and the next like a queen. I agree you either have propensities or you don't, but I think the propensity can also just be to get away with as much as someone will let you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Is it just me? Or has my wife just had HORRIBLE men in her past?

 

I'm really not trying to brag, but she can't stop telling me how wonderful I am. And, seriously, for the simplest things. For example, showing up when and where I say I will ready to assist with whatever thing she has asked for help with. Basically doing what I promised I would do. Apparently, that was not the case with all, or at least most, of her prior romantic interests. I just can't believe how she's been mistreated in the past. Am I the exception, or the rule?

 

Do you ladies experience that a lot? Partners who are just undependable or downright hurtful?

 

many women choose these types of men of their own free will

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is it just me? Or has my wife just had HORRIBLE men in her past?

 

I'm really not trying to brag, but she can't stop telling me how wonderful I am. And, seriously, for the simplest things. For example, showing up when and where I say I will ready to assist with whatever thing she has asked for help with. Basically doing what I promised I would do. Apparently, that was not the case with all, or at least most, of her prior romantic interests. I just can't believe how she's been mistreated in the past. Am I the exception, or the rule?

 

Do you ladies experience that a lot? Partners who are just undependable or downright hurtful?

 

If we're talking about a guy who's undependable and not always available to assist, I wouldn't describe him as HORRIBLE. Nor would I describe his behaviour as mistreatment of a woman. I'd simply describe him as not worth waiting around for.

 

To me, a guy who's horrible or mistreats a woman is more likely to be described as: obnoxious, domineering, controlling etc.

 

In short, while their behaviour could have been better (and I wouldn't bother with them), it gets a whole lot worse than this.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Congratulations, your wife loves you and appreciates you. I hope it lasts a lifetime.

 

'Treatment' varies by perception and perception varies by moment. No guarantees.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been in 2 long term controlling relationships, then I was single for 7-8 years and met my current boyfriend. I thought I was over those relationships but how it affected me will remain with me forever.

 

 

 

I met a sweet considerate loving and patient man. He surprises me often with his patience and his kind nature. Every time I spill milk I am surprised he doesn't blow up at me but instead he cleans everything up with loving words. I often have 'wow' moments and cannot beleive he doesn't get mad or yell at me. I told him a few times he's the kindest and most patient man I had in my life.

 

 

 

Why we allowed controlling and unrealiable men in our life is unique to each woman. The past is the past. What is important is that we grew and learn to make better choices in men because after all we got a kind and loving man this time around :-)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
FilterCoffee

I’m not saying this about your wife and I’m glad she appreciates you. However, there are some women (and men) who only have crap to say about their exs and conveniently forget all the good times or fail to acknowledge the role they played in that relationship ending. I’m particularly careful with such women because even though I might be great right now, I know it’s only a matter of time when she pools me into the terrible exs group.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Those men were around because she was too tolerant and LET them stay around. You have to teach people how to treat you by setting boundaries and not rewarding bad behavior. Yes, lots of women get trampled all over like that because lots of women are either tolerant OR they think love can change a man. In other words, they're certifiably deluded....
It goes for women too, men think they can "save" a woman from herself. For example, I'm attracted to the wrong women, the women I'm attracted to are the "bad girls" and the "party girls"
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is it just me? Or has my wife just had HORRIBLE men in her past?

 

I'm really not trying to brag, but she can't stop telling me how wonderful I am. And, seriously, for the simplest things. For example, showing up when and where I say I will ready to assist with whatever thing she has asked for help with. Basically doing what I promised I would do. Apparently, that was not the case with all, or at least most, of her prior romantic interests. I just can't believe how she's been mistreated in the past. Am I the exception, or the rule?

 

Do you ladies experience that a lot? Partners who are just undependable or downright hurtful?

 

Some women do experience this often, depends on how long it takes them to figure out why they continue to choose people that may not have their best interest at heart.

 

I agree with Carhill, your wife loves you and appreciates you. My picker was off for many years of my life and now I have a very thoughtful partner in my that never ceases to amaze me by showing me thoughtfulness and that he's always got my back in life.

 

You do sound exceptional caveman621 and I'm sure your wife would agree.:love: sweet....

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BluesPower
Is it just me? Or has my wife just had HORRIBLE men in her past?

 

I'm really not trying to brag, but she can't stop telling me how wonderful I am. And, seriously, for the simplest things. For example, showing up when and where I say I will ready to assist with whatever thing she has asked for help with. Basically doing what I promised I would do. Apparently, that was not the case with all, or at least most, of her prior romantic interests. I just can't believe how she's been mistreated in the past. Am I the exception, or the rule?

 

Do you ladies experience that a lot? Partners who are just undependable or downright hurtful?

 

Yes this is a thing. For my GF, I don't know whether to chalk it up to bad luck, or to her bad picker. Maybe both.

 

But I get the same thing, I am the most wonderful man ever, this is the best sex I have ever had, you really know how to communicate, why are you so good to me.

 

Sometimes she says thing and I look at her and say, "Honey, this is the way that it is supposed to be".

 

Frankly, I don't get it either. While I understand how completely wonderful I am, I simply cannot be the only man out there that is equally wonderful...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
While I understand how completely wonderful I am, I simply cannot be the only man out there that is equally wonderful...

 

LOL!!

 

I think we women who are not crazy can say the same thing. I've dated a lot of men who have told me about crazy women in their past and I'm quite happy to say I'm not crazy :).

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
salparadise
...and I'm quite happy to say I'm not crazy :).

 

Hey, I'm right there with you. Delusions of non-crazy are the best. It's the rest of the world that's off it's rocker.

Link to post
Share on other sites
somanymistakes
I’m not saying this about your wife and I’m glad she appreciates you. However, there are some women (and men) who only have crap to say about their exs and conveniently forget all the good times or fail to acknowledge the role they played in that relationship ending. I’m particularly careful with such women because even though I might be great right now, I know it’s only a matter of time when she pools me into the terrible exs group.

 

Yeah this is definitely a thing.

 

Most relationships have their ups and downs. MANY people right after a breakup will focus on the worst parts of the relationship to help themselves get over it. Over time some of them will regain perspective and remember both the good and the bad. Some people will continue to harp on the bad forever.

 

To me it's slightly worrying if soemoen claims to have had only horrible abusive exes. While bad luck happens, it seems likely that either their picker is broken or they're vindictive and drama-prone, which will eventually be a problem for their new relationship as well.

 

That and I've known people who told stories about their abusive exes that later turned out to be a pack of lies.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BluesPower
LOL!!

 

I think we women who are not crazy can say the same thing. I've dated a lot of men who have told me about crazy women in their past and I'm quite happy to say I'm not crazy :).

 

Hey, I'm right there with you. Delusions of non-crazy are the best. It's the rest of the world that's off it's rocker.

 

And I am not saying that I am not a little crazy, I am just saying that I am not THAT crazy...

 

And yes, I am truly astounded by how crazy all the other people are...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear
I’m not saying this about your wife and I’m glad she appreciates you. However, there are some women (and men) who only have crap to say about their exs and conveniently forget all the good times or fail to acknowledge the role they played in that relationship ending. I’m particularly careful with such women because even though I might be great right now, I know it’s only a matter of time when she pools me into the terrible exs group.

 

 

True....

 

The ex's have the smallest dicks. the exes had the worst physique, the exes were the most lazy and most broke, the exes were the most dumb....blah, blah.....:rolleyes:

 

It's also quite common, IME, for women to use that logic(pump up current bf) to try and psychologically break themselves of the guys they find most sexually attractive(maybe the more independent/ more desirable/"bad boy" type?), now that they have settled for the less sexually attractive type that may be the type that has his head buried up her behind, so to speak..

 

It's almost as if they need validation or reassurance that they made the right decision, or that things happened for the best....So they put the new one on a pedestal.....It's the old story of sour grapes..."I can't have it, so then they must be horrible..."

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady

I can not even describe 2 of my past 3 encounters with men to anyone on this site due to the fact that I get a random communication every few months from one of these guys telling me how disgusting my posts online are, how worthless I am and how I will always be sexually used (gang or narc stuff I guess) and how horrible my life is now...I continually run into his old friends out in public and strangers approach me often like I am a hooker when I am out in public. I wax told I will never be free from this, and my life will be sabatoged until I am left with nothing and forced to beg him to take me back...as if! All I know is that p**sy doesn't come say it to my face...he uses cyber and people he knows and spreads lies everywhere...but the proof is in the pudding...my life produced good fruit before he stepped in the picture and I have no regard for a man who uses and treats women like crap, so...I'm over it

Link to post
Share on other sites

I compliment the SO a lot for how he treats me.

 

IMO that has less to do with "how other men behave" and more to do with simple appreciation. People don't enjoy their loving actions being taken for granted - as you may find if you were with a woman who never expressed appreciation for it. I'm not even thinking about what other men do or don't do when I say it. All I'm thinking about is that it would be nice to express my appreciation and I want to make him feel good about what he did.

 

That being said, lots of people (of both genders) are extremely undependable, sadly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ItsJustMyOpinion
True....

 

The ex's have the smallest dicks. the exes had the worst physique, the exes were the most lazy and most broke, the exes were the most dumb....blah, blah.....:rolleyes:

 

It's also quite common, IME, for women to use that logic(pump up current bf) to try and psychologically break themselves of the guys they find most sexually attractive(maybe the more independent/ more desirable/"bad boy" type?), now that they have settled for the less sexually attractive type that may be the type that has his head buried up her behind, so to speak..

 

It's almost as if they need validation or reassurance that they made the right decision, or that things happened for the best....So they put the new one on a pedestal.....It's the old story of sour grapes..."I can't have it, so then they must be horrible..."

 

TFY

 

This right here.

 

In the beginning of a relationship, you'll be the best sex she ever had, best boyfriend, she's so in love, blah blah blah.

 

If you break up badly, you'll now be the worst sex she's ever had, smallest dick, overweight, stupid, etc.

 

It's whatever really. More often than not, you're just hearing her mood in that moment rather than the truth.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...