Lovezen_30 Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 Tonight I got a Facebook 'add friend' recommendation for my ex's new girlfriend (whom he was dating a few days after our break up and maybe before, god knows). Why? Because of our mutual friend, his dad! We haven't even been broken up for a few months. So his family knows her already? And I spent Christmas and New Year with his family, with the assumption on all our parts that there would be many more to come. We had plans to move in together this summer and he consistently said he viewed me as his 'long term partner'. My self esteem has taken a massive hit from this. To have given no time at all to getting over me, when I thought we were building a life together. It makes me feel so unvalued and worthless. It's awful Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 Hey Lovezen, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Last year, I met my ex gf’s parents in March where there were discussions about getting married and in June she left me for a guy she knew for a few days. We had dated for 5 years and were close friends for 2 years prior to that. For months i was devastated and desperate to get her back. Eventually I realised that this can happen with any person at any time and I accepted it. Surprisingly, that has had a freeing effect on me and I’m able to enjoy life again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovezen_30 Posted May 23, 2018 Author Share Posted May 23, 2018 Hey Lovezen, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Last year, I met my ex gf’s parents in March where there were discussions about getting married and in June she left me for a guy she knew for a few days. We had dated for 5 years and were close friends for 2 years prior to that. For months i was devastated and desperate to get her back. Eventually I realised that this can happen with any person at any time and I accepted it. Surprisingly, that has had a freeing effect on me and I’m able to enjoy life again. Were you left with the feeling that the relationship had been a lie? Because that's how I'm feeling at the moment. I am glad that you were able to let go and enjoy your life again. At the moment I am struggling to move past it as the summer is approaching (the time when we were due to move in together). And yet he has a new girlfriend and has forgotten me. I have this awful feeling that maybe I can't make someone happy enough to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 At the moment I am struggling to move past it as the summer is approaching (the time when we were due to move in together). And yet he has a new girlfriend and has forgotten me. I have this awful feeling that maybe I can't make someone happy enough to stay. I know you are upset, but making a sweeping generalization that "maybe you can't make someone happy enough to stay" is not helpful and quite destructive to your emotional state. You need to ask yourself if you were the best person you could be in the relationship. Were you petty?? Were you demanding?? Did you accuse him of cheating?? Were you generous?? Did you pick up the check for a date (now and then)?? If you were the "best person" you could be and he still left, then there is nothing more to say or think about. He made the decision that you were not right for him and he moved on. You can't control other people's actions, just your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovezen_30 Posted May 24, 2018 Author Share Posted May 24, 2018 I know you are upset, but making a sweeping generalization that "maybe you can't make someone happy enough to stay" is not helpful and quite destructive to your emotional state. You need to ask yourself if you were the best person you could be in the relationship. Were you petty?? Were you demanding?? Did you accuse him of cheating?? Were you generous?? Did you pick up the check for a date (now and then)?? If you were the "best person" you could be and he still left, then there is nothing more to say or think about. He made the decision that you were not right for him and he moved on. You can't control other people's actions, just your own. Its simply a concern I have at the moment. Yes, I was generous. One week before we broke up I had 2 lunch hampers sent to his home because he was exhausted at work and it was one less thing for him to think about (making lunch). We were LDR at this point btw, with only a few months left to go. Last year my ex repeatedly had emotional affairs (thread is on here). He lied to my face about meeting another woman and when I asked why he would lie, he blamed a 'jealous' ex who wouldn't allow him female friends. Two weeks later he was doing the same with a different woman. He went to see a counsellor because he said he needed to 'fix my need for attention from women' but obviously it fixed nothing. Well he moved on within a few days which suggests he started dating her before. I never thought the relationship would end in dishonesty. Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 Were you left with the feeling that the relationship had been a lie? Because that's how I'm feeling at the moment. I am glad that you were able to let go and enjoy your life again. At the moment I am struggling to move past it as the summer is approaching (the time when we were due to move in together). And yet he has a new girlfriend and has forgotten me. I have this awful feeling that maybe I can't make someone happy enough to stay. I didn’t feel like our relationship was a sham because there were many parts to it. I know i had messed up a lot and I some times still feel guilty for the mistakes I made. We had LOTS of great moments over the last 7 years and since she was the most integral part of my life, it sucks big time that we can’t communicate properly. However, in your case as well as mine, there’s no point worrying about the past and just accepting it for what it is provides great relief. You should try it, acceptance. I wouldn’t say I’m completely over her and since we broke up at around this time last year, I keep getting flashbacks. If anything, it’s the guilt from the mistakes I made that pulls me down. I forget that she had an equal part to play in our relationship’s demise. About you not being able to keep someone happy to stay, I would say it’s possible to make a person really happy and still have them leave. I’m sure you’ve read threads here where one partner has been great but the other wasn’t grateful and seeked another partnership elsewhere. These things happen and some times has nothing to do with you. You’re better off just being the best version of yourself and hoping for the best but also being prepared for the worst. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Things will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts