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Any ladies who became the "wife" after starting out as the "other woman"?


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abandoned2018

Is there no happy endings at all...?

 

 

i know i might be chasing a dream.

 

 

but,

 

 

 

may be there are some ladies who were loved enough by the affair partners that they divorced and got married to the said ladies who entered the men's lives as the "other woman"?

 

 

 

Is there no true love stories ever between the "other woman" and the affair partner...?

 

 

 

 

thank you

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I've chronicled one known to me personally, actually a former MW of mine, who worked on a married guy for a long time, including using me in her quest, and did finally get the whole smash after a decade or so and to my knowledge they are still together. I knew both parties and can opine that they were both pros at this stuff and know the gig and how to balance a M based on infidelity beginnings.

 

While I can have a negative opinion regarding infidelity in general, I gotta admit that gal, pushing nearly 60 like I am, went a long ways from a pregnant 18 yo escaping an abusive home. Two long marriages to two pretty wealthy and powerful guys. Two wonderful children, now long adults, and a number of grandchildren. Impressive.

 

I think the key is to look forward and not spend too much time worrying or being concerned with the feelings or opinions of others. Do what you want in life and let the chips fall where they do. My reflection here and on LS in general disqualifies me. Never would succeed. Interesting journey though. Good luck with yours.

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somanymistakes

There was at least one who used to post here though I haven't seen her in a while, and with the long outage a lot of people have gone missing. As best I recall, she and her MM decided very quickly in their affair that their marriages had been a mistake, so they split up and married each other.

 

There are many other posters here who've gotten to at least the middle range, where a guy says he's going through a divorce, appears to be filing a divorce, or actually gets a divorce. Those still don't always work out. A lot of people waffle. Sometimes they seem to be leaving their wives, only to suddenly swerve back and stick with the marriage. Sometimes they seem to have left the affair, only to suddenly swerve back and leave the marriage for good. Sometimes they get a divorce and then realise there's a whole world of women out there so they no longer need the OW.

 

Me, I'm still in that gray range of fighting through the slow divorce against a wife who does not want to let go. Because of the laws where we live it's going to take a long time for the ruling to be final, and we're certainly not going to jump right into a new marriage the minute he's free, that feels wrong to me. Plenty of things could still go wrong, we need time.

 

Pretty much nobody reading my story here believed he would leave his marriage... but he is! It's taking a long time, partly because of our laws and partly because of life complications. But for ages and ages his story was consistent that he wanted to leave he was just trying to figure out HOW. He was always trying to move forward, trying to find the best solution.

 

However, I didn't enter his life as the other woman, I'm his old flame from way back.

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I've seen a few posters who wound up married to their MW/MM. A very tiny fraction of all the OW who have posted here. And a couple of these OW who thought they were getting their happy ending did come back a year or two later to declare that it wasn't a happy ending at all because after they married they soon discovered that the reason the MMs prior marriage failed was because of the MM himself.

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I've seen a few posters who wound up married to their MW/MM. A very tiny fraction of all the OW who have posted here. And a couple of these OW who thought they were getting their happy ending did come back a year or two later to declare that it wasn't a happy ending at all because after they married they soon discovered that the reason the MMs prior marriage failed was because of the MM himself.

 

This is it. The success rate is poor. The divorce rate for second marriages is high, more so when the partners are deceptive and unfaithful. And, the saddest posts to read are those who win the "prize" only to realize that he wasn't actually a "prize" worth winning...

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An affair is a different planet that the two of you get to live on.

 

Very rarely does that planet orbit into the actual realms of reality. People in affairs are usually broken and looking to be fixed. Two broken people living in a different world is easy to make a future around. Two broken people with the shards of their lives after an affair in the real world is almost impossible to build a future out of.

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Before loveshack went dark we had TWO OW turned wives. I knew of 3 other but they all came back with stories of more infidelities, which shocked no one.

 

Affairs turned marriage are doomed to fail, and do so at an alarming high rate. Not because they started as affairs but because they contain two people with horrible coping skills and are usually emotionally immature.

 

They can work but usually don't. Success is dependent upon the AP's turned spouses getting a true grasp of how they actually got involved, accepting responsibility and working together to to make one another feel safe in the relationship. But nah, most will continue to blame others so more cheating is most likely.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I can think of one I know from here, but I kinda doubt she's going to pipe up and give you any kind of encouragement because it really doesn't sound like yours is a love story in the making, sad to say.

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Less than 1% of all affairs work out.

 

62% of all second marriages fail.

 

It doesn't work. Too many stressors.

 

Divorced comes with a price. 50% of wealth gone, child support, alimony, resentful children, ostracized by friends.

 

You're not with that person on a day to day basis you only see their best side.

 

Hormones fade and the thrill of the chase, the thrill of sneaking around, is gone. You become just like you were before, having sex with the husband in starfish position, hopefully he finishes quickly.

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abandoned2018
Less than 1% of all affairs work out.

 

62% of all second marriages fail.

 

It doesn't work. Too many stressors.

 

Divorced comes with a price. 50% of wealth gone, child support, alimony, resentful children, ostracized by friends.

 

You're not with that person on a day to day basis you only see their best side.

 

Hormones fade and the thrill of the chase, the thrill of sneaking around, is gone. You become just like you were before, having sex with the husband in starfish position, hopefully he finishes quickly.

 

 

 

 

that's depressing...

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that's depressing...

 

Reality bites sometimes.

 

There are many graveyards of broken dreams for those who thought their situation was different

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Not sure why that would even be a "happy ending", in the very rare occasion that it might happen. If he's the sort of person who can have an affair with you, surely he is likely to have an affair with someone else when he's married to you?

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not me but ex mm has with his kids mum she was the other woman. they were both marry to diff people cheated and then few mths later got together get pop out 2 kids. one year after they got married he cheated on her with me. I told his wife, I was getting unwell with all the lies only way to free my self

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It usually doesn’t happen. They don’t leave, or they’re not actually right for you when you get out of the affair fog. Second marriages have a pretty low success rate anyway, probably because at least some people marrying and divorcing and remarrying are kind of screwed up when it comes to relationships.

 

I actually am (so far) one of the rare “success stories” if you want to call it that. It was a horrifically painful and shameful way to begin a relationship and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Nonetheless, we’ve been divorced from our spouses for 2 years and openly together, I am pregnant, and we’re planning an elopement this summer. We are very happy and trust each other completely, in part because of the painful lessons we learned during the whole process.

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his wife that his got kids too took him back so i guess they got a happy ending. she knew he was a cheater so i guess just turns the other way now or naggs lol

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abandoned2018

 

I actually am (so far) one of the rare “success stories” if you want to call it that. It was a horrifically painful and shameful way to begin a relationship and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Nonetheless, we’ve been divorced from our spouses for 2 years and openly together, I am pregnant, and we’re planning an elopement this summer. We are very happy and trust each other completely, in part because of the painful lessons we learned during the whole process.

 

 

 

 

did he decide to divorce his ex wife without any input (requests/ultimatums) from you...?

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It usually doesn’t happen. They don’t leave, or they’re not actually right for you when you get out of the affair fog. Second marriages have a pretty low success rate anyway, probably because at least some people marrying and divorcing and remarrying are kind of screwed up when it comes to relationships.

 

I actually am (so far) one of the rare “success stories” if you want to call it that. It was a horrifically painful and shameful way to begin a relationship and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Nonetheless, we’ve been divorced from our spouses for 2 years and openly together, I am pregnant, and we’re planning an elopement this summer. We are very happy and trust each other completely, in part because of the painful lessons we learned during the whole process.

 

Your story is a complex one, and I (like we have discussed in the past) believe you have a lot of unresolved issues surrounding your ex husband that will hit you like a truck in the near future.

 

These relationships can work, but it's kinda like using Bernie Madoff's financial system NOW. If one truly learns HOW they are personally responsible for it happening and don't go with standard bs like, it just happened or it wasn't my intention, then one would understand how to correct what lead them to stray in the first place.

 

Remember, you were not in love with this person when you first crossed boundaries....ps second half was not directed at Birdies only the first paragraph.

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Your story is a complex one, and I (like we have discussed in the past) believe you have a lot of unresolved issues surrounding your ex husband that will hit you like a truck in the near future.

 

These relationships can work, but it's kinda like using Bernie Madoff's financial system NOW. If one truly learns HOW they are personally responsible for it happening and don't go with standard bs like, it just happened or it wasn't my intention, then one would understand how to correct what lead them to stray in the first place.

 

Remember, you were not in love with this person when you first crossed boundaries....ps second half was not directed at Birdies only the first paragraph.

 

I know you think this, and I appreciate your concern for a stranger. It’s really off-base, but I know telling you that won’t change your mind. I adore my ex as a person, and it’s a relief to like him from afar without feeling the resentment of all the ways he was a difficult husband. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting as part of my desire to learn from this experience, but that reflection shouldn’t be viewed as regret or unrequited feelings. If I didn’t feel that I *should* be reflective as a way to learn from my mistakes, it’d be very easy to be entirely forward-focused because my partner and I are extremely happy and well-suited for each other and happy about our child to come :)

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did he decide to divorce his ex wife without any input (requests/ultimatums) from you...?

 

His was basically an exit affair. He wanted a divorce either way. I was the one who didn’t envision leaving my husband.

 

Your situation sounds pretty different. Trying to move on ASAP will be the easiest solution for you. Good luck.

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ViridianBlue

I dont have any sucess stories to share. I’m currently in my own debacle riding the tide so to speak. Here’s an interesting article about the diffrent kinds of affairs people get involved in. There seems to be one type that has potential to be sucessful, but is the rarer of the bunch.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-new-resilience/201004/having-affair-there-are-six-different-kinds?amp

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somanymistakes

I'd take that article with a big grain of salt though as it mostly puts things in a way that's going to make any lovesick person think they're in that last category.

 

What they're listing there comes down to

 

Just to annoy your spouse (obviously won't last)

Pure physical attraction (obviously won't last)

Pure emotional affair (they don't even explain why they think this won't work)

Emotional and physical, and then they claim this is the one most likely to make people divorce and remarry and be happy.

 

But many affairs have at least some of both the emotional and physical component, without actually having any chance of working out. And almost anyone swept away is gonig to read that 'felt like soulmates' bit and think "That's us! We're so in love!" whether they are or aren't.

 

Then they randomly add two other types which don't make sense as categories:

 

Sleeping with your inlaws (Why is this separate? I mean, it's a terrible idea, but you could still have either physical or emotional or both with them)

 

Deluded single person dating lying married person (which only makes sense as a category if you know from the start that you're deluded and they're lying)

 

 

Not critiquing you here, just nitpicking the article. I generally think Psychology Today tends to be trash.

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I've seen a few posters who wound up married to their MW/MM. A very tiny fraction of all the OW who have posted here. And a couple of these OW who thought they were getting their happy ending did come back a year or two later to declare that it wasn't a happy ending at all because after they married they soon discovered that the reason the MMs prior marriage failed was because of the MM himself.

 

LOL ..... priceless

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Prudence V
I can think of one I know from here, but I kinda doubt she's going to pipe up and give you any kind of encouragement because it really doesn't sound like yours is a love story in the making, sad to say.

 

Sadly I agree with this. I am a wife who started out as other woman, but reading your story I don’t think your relationship has the makings of success. I don’t think it is one you want to prolong anyway. You might want a relationship with this man, but not the one you had. Unfortunately I think that’s all he is able to offer. Even his wife doesn’t get any better. You’re better off not being undermined by him.

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