bradt93 Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I went from 250 to 234, but yet I still look fat, because I took a picture with a camera and my stomach is still pudgy and it still looks like I have "man boobs" Okay, now I see why I never had a relationship. I know I have an attractive face, but damn do I still feel ashamed. Should I feel guilty or should I proud I reached a goal? I still have low confidence:( Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 You should feel proud. Use what you have already achieved to spur you forward to lose more weight & get in even better shape. Imagine how great you will feel when you get under 200 & stay there. Maintenance is tough but persevere. Your weight in only one factor in getting a date but those visuals are important. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I remember going through this back in my early 30's while still a virgin and wondering what was so hard about it (relationships, not virginity per se) so dove into endurance cycling and got down to a very fit 185-190 lbs, compared to my football weight of 220 in high school, and noticed no difference at all. The main change occurred in mid-late 30's after I had used the success of my work to travel around the planet and experience more stuff and women seemed to like that. The thing to watch for if you're not otherwise attractive is, if they like the other 'stuff', and you slip for whatever reason, there's a large risk of being replaced. It can happen in a flash. That's why being attractive, especially to a wide range of women, is so important. It keeps the power dynamic balanced if any temp slips occur in other areas; keeps them in the game. Far down the road and having done all that stuff I just laugh at myself for all the stupid offerings I made at the altar of women-kind. It's comical really. You're in reproductive mode so you'll go to the mat to replicate those genes. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 Amazing job. I don’t judge a person’s worth by their weight, and neither do lots of women 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted May 20, 2018 Author Share Posted May 20, 2018 I remember going through this back in my early 30's while still a virgin and wondering what was so hard about it (relationships, not virginity per se) so dove into endurance cycling and got down to a very fit 185-190 lbs, compared to my football weight of 220 in high school, and noticed no difference at all. The main change occurred in mid-late 30's after I had used the success of my work to travel around the planet and experience more stuff and women seemed to like that. The thing to watch for if you're not otherwise attractive is, if they like the other 'stuff', and you slip for whatever reason, there's a large risk of being replaced. It can happen in a flash. That's why being attractive, especially to a wide range of women, is so important. It keeps the power dynamic balanced if any temp slips occur in other areas; keeps them in the game. Far down the road and having done all that stuff I just laugh at myself for all the stupid offerings I made at the altar of women-kind. It's comical really. You're in reproductive mode so you'll go to the mat to replicate those genes. Good luck! As far as attractiveness goes, this girl way back in high school said I was cute and lots of girls online have said it, but my face wasn't the problem, it was always my damn weight. It's not just relationships, I want to keep losing weight for myself so I can be healthy. Screw the women, no offense to the ladies on this board, but my health should come first before anything else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Attractiveness, beyond model looks (universal attractiveness, enough to make a living from looks), is grooming, how one carries oneself (posture/gait/mannerisms) and social skills. Ha, I ran the scale yesterday and weighed 230. Day before, after going to bed that morning at 3am blitzed from some real drinking fun, got yanked out of bed and marched on a six mile mountain hike with zero food and one bottle of water. I was dying on the trail but did manage to make eye contact with and talk to a number of ladies. Surprised a body pushing 60 could do that at altitude with no prep. I seriously doubt a sweating old guy was attractive to the ladies but hey it was healthy, I guess. Tip: Ratchet down expectations with women and life gets easier. Enjoy the journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 (edited) I went from 250 to 234, but yet I still look fat, because I took a picture with a camera and my stomach is still pudgy and it still looks like I have "man boobs" Okay, now I see why I never had a relationship. I know I have an attractive face, but damn do I still feel ashamed. Should I feel guilty or should I proud I reached a goal? I still have low confidence:( Excellent progress! However, without knowing your height and frame size (measure your wrists and ankle circumferences) it's impossible to know what an appropriate weight for you is. For example, at 5.11" with a fairly small frame, I'm sitting at about 170 in my avatar. So, next goal 220 or 225? See how you look when you get there. Edited May 21, 2018 by Andy_K 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Some people are actually happy to be with bigger partners - don't shoot yourself down too hard. Weight is not the only factor when it comes to attractiveness, as carhill pointed out. However, do celebrate doing something positive for your health. If you feel like it's progress, then embrace it, keep in mind how great it feels. Use that as your motivation to keep going. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 As far as attractiveness goes, this girl way back in high school said I was cute and lots of girls online have said it, but my face wasn't the problem, it was always my damn weight. It's not just relationships, I want to keep losing weight for myself so I can be healthy. Screw the women, no offense to the ladies on this board, but my health should come first before anything else. Don't put too much stock when a girl says you are "cute" ,,Especially a random online thing..,Puppies and babies are also cute...It can come across as patronizing..You will know when you have it down when a woman calls you hot, handsome or sexy... Anyway, good job on the weight loss...I would only add that dont make the same mistake a lot of people do...Both men and women...Incorporate some exercise(if you aren't already), esp weight training...This will allow you to truly transform your physique. not just lose weight.....Otherwise most people just look like a slightly deflated version of their old self...Sometimes that is even worse than the chubby version...Aesthetically speaking anyway... Keep it up, man.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted May 22, 2018 Author Share Posted May 22, 2018 Don't put too much stock when a girl says you are "cute" ,,Especially a random online thing..,Puppies and babies are also cute...It can come across as patronizing..You will know when you have it down when a woman calls you hot, handsome or sexy... Anyway, good job on the weight loss...I would only add that dont make the same mistake a lot of people do...Both men and women...Incorporate some exercise(if you aren't already), esp weight training...This will allow you to truly transform your physique. not just lose weight.....Otherwise most people just look like a slightly deflated version of their old self...Sometimes that is even worse than the chubby version...Aesthetically speaking anyway... Keep it up, man.. TFY Well, I always wondered this? why do the party girls, the attractive ones at least go with the guy with the abs instead of the average weight looking guy? I mean have you ever seen the "popular" girls go out with an average weight nerdy type guy? I mean what am I supposed to be? Do I have to change myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted May 22, 2018 Author Share Posted May 22, 2018 Also, my problem with food is I eat late at night and it's not good to do that, because you can't work it off and the food settles. So I changed my routine if I'm hungry in the middle of the night, I eat fruits. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Brad, the only person you should be making all this effort to remain healthy is yourself. The party girls will not always like the ones with the abs (not IRL anyway) - is that who you're trying to impress by getting shape, out of interest? Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Well, I always wondered this? why do the party girls, the attractive ones at least go with the guy with the abs instead of the average weight looking guy? I mean have you ever seen the "popular" girls go out with an average weight nerdy type guy? I mean what am I supposed to be? Do I have to change myself? I dated the hot (popular, not so sure) girl in school and college when I was just average looking. For reference sake, I’m 5’9” and have weighed between 150-160 since high school. I don’t have abs lol but I’m not fat either. Clearly. From your last post, I gather you’re trying to lose weight to become more successful with women. While having a good physique definitely makes one more attractive, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll become good with women automatically. I know lots of guys who have good bodies but are clueless when it comes to women. You should continue to lose weight and become healthy but work on the other aspects of your personality as well. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 Well, I always wondered this? why do the party girls, the attractive ones at least go with the guy with the abs instead of the average weight looking guy? I mean have you ever seen the "popular" girls go out with an average weight nerdy type guy? I mean what am I supposed to be? Do I have to change myself? I'm not an average weight nerdy type of guy, lol, but there are tons of them out there getting laid and in successful relationships...If you don't believe me, just go anywhere that people congregate like a mall and see who's paired up...Its not all John Cena's with tight assed hotties.. Popular doesn't mean shyt past high school...Do you like her/turned on by her and are you compatible on the important things in life...Nothing else really matters.. No, you don't have to change yourself...Get fit if you want, because it makes you feel better and improves your health... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted May 22, 2018 Author Share Posted May 22, 2018 I want to try to reconnect with someone from my past, I found out a friend where she works, but I'm scared to death she'll reject me, what do I do? She works at a restaurant. If I go there and she doesn't talk to me, I'll blow up. I mean is it even worth it giving my fear of rejection? Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted May 22, 2018 Share Posted May 22, 2018 I want to try to reconnect with someone from my past, I found out a friend where she works, but I'm scared to death she'll reject me, what do I do? She works at a restaurant. If I go there and she doesn't talk to me, I'll blow up. I mean is it even worth it giving my fear of rejection? I wouldn't show up at this 'someone's' job. You'd risk putting her on the spot and making her look 'unprofessional' to her supervisor. Seems to me that you'd be more likely to be rejected if you do something that jeopardizes her job. Maybe instead get her phone number or the phone number of one of her friends from the 'friend'? And, uh ...., doesn't this reconnection deserve a different thread from losing weight? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts