Should I call him again or is he just not interested?

[phyrespryte]

Sometimes I wish people would just say what they mean and do what they say.

 

So the guy I like spent the past two weeks telling me that he was going to get his cell phone reactivated. On Friday he's all excited and tells me that his phone is working. He asks for me for my new # and takes my picture. Then before he leaves for the day he says, "call me if you're doing anything this weekend".

 

So I call him on Saturday and left a message. It's Sunday and he still hasn't called back. Huh? Why ask me to call if you don't want anything to do with me?

 

Did I read him wrong? I always thought he was interested in me. He's always acting all silly around me, singing real loud and real bad, and he's always acting like a jealous jerk whenever I'm talking to my one guy friend.

 

Part of me wants to call him again, but then I think maybe he's just a waste of time.

[justagirl1121]

You're not a lone. the guy i like, seemed to be all chummy and flirty when we worked together but he isnt calling me either, so i honestly don't know what's what.....i decided to let him be the one to call ME next. it's been 9 days, but who's counting. I wish people WOULD say what's on their minds. He says he wants to hang out with me and my friends, so to keep him updated.....but there's only so many times you try before you give up, or else be a pest or a stalker, u know?

 

So, maybe give it a few days, and if you see him, say, hey did u get my msg, or else if you don't see him, give it a week and call again. But don't call too many times. If he doesn't call back after 2 or 3 times, leave it up to him.

 

I know here, it's really hard, but we can't just keep calling and calling....

[phyrespryte]

Thanks justagirl. I read your thread and it seems like we're in the same situation. I saw him today and he said the reason he didn't call was because he was "lost". I asked him to explain what that meant and he kept changing the subject. Eventually he just said he was real hungover. I seriously think he was smoking something.

 

But still, hang over or not he couldn't have called later? Like on Sunday or Monday? What a waste of time. I'm not asking him out anymore. And you're totally right we can't just keep calling and calling. He's got a phone he can use it.

[justagirl1121]

i hate not knowing why they wont call back. Like me, i figure they dont like me, but then, i get these txt msgs on my phone saying GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOB INTERVIEW! and stuff like that so i think shucks, they do love me so this guy can't HATE me......i wish i knew what was on thier mind.

 

one thing i think of is maybe they're not calling us for the same reason we're not calling them??? i keep thinking, maybe if i can get him to come hang out as buds, i could just make my move u know? but then i think, what if he's really not interested in that and i ruin it all and embarrass myself? why can't he just make the move on me and everything will be hunkky-dory? but then i'm like, maybe he's not going to make a move for the same reason i'm not???

 

how do relationships work? geez, its an evil endless cycle!!! good luck tho!

[laRubiaBonita]

and when, a pusdo-relationship is more trouble than it is worth, or seems to be in the "show-your-best-side" it is tme to move on to someone worth, and acting like YOU are worth the effort.

[blue16]

Ya don't bother calling. If he was interested he probably would've called back explaining like "Ya I got your call but I was busy, let's do something next weekend." or something like that. You made the effort and gave him a ring and he just ignored it and made phony excuses for not returning the call. Now it's his turn to call you if he wants to get together with you.

[phyrespryte]

one thing i think of is maybe they're not calling us for the same reason we're not calling them???

 

I considered that for a moment, but then it just doesn't make sense. I call my friends and if I can't get in touch I leave a message and they always call back eventually. It's such a simple process. Plus I called him first, so if he was a little shy he already had an excuse to call me.

 

So yesterday was my last day working with him, I'm transferring to another store. He comes up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders then he says, "Maybe next weekend after you're all settled from moving, I could come down and we could go to the beach. Give me a call".

 

 

I don't know why he's always flipping it back at me. Part of me really wants to call him, but it makes me feel all desperate.

[scratch]

Originally posted by phyrespryte

He comes up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders then he says, "Maybe next weekend after you're all settled from moving, I could come down and we could go to the beach. Give me a call".

 

I don't know why he's always flipping it back at me. Part of me really wants to call him, but it makes me feel all desperate.

 

If a guy likes you, he doesn't say "give me a call." He calls you. That's pretty much the end of the story.

 

He may like you some, enough to hook up with you, or hang out if he's in the mood to hang with a female. But he doesn't like you nearly as much as, I assume, you want him to like you. Calling him and asking him out won't move you in the right direction, unfortunately.

[justagirl1121]

i'm trying to move on, but to me it's kinda rude, i'm kinda annoyed. I mean even if this guy i like doesnt like me back the same way, i figured we were friends enough to keep in touch.

 

i'd really like to meet someone but it just does NOT happen for me. I am starting a new job on tuesday. i hope that i'll make a friend with some guy sort of close to my age u know, but it never happens. no one is ever interested. i thought i had a chance this time, ppl at work were making comments about how 'we were going to end up going out' and all this stuff that sounded good, so why can't i get a chance?

[phyrespryte]

But he doesn't like you nearly as much as, I assume, you want him to like you. Calling him and asking him out won't move you in the right direction, unfortunately.

 

I kind of had a feeling that was how things were when he told me to call him for the second time. I just wish I could change things.

 

I agree with you and blue16, calling him and asking him out isn't a good idea. But maybe I could not call him for a couple of weeks then out of the blue call him? I could just be like, "Oh sorry I didn't call you sooner, but I've been real busy". Then maybe just talk to him without asking him out and then end the conversation? Maybe that would mess him up a bit?

[phyrespryte]

I wish you luck with the moving on justagirl and congrats with the new job!

 

i'd really like to meet someone but it just does NOT happen for me.

 

Maybe work isn't the place to meet a guy? I swear this guy has stressed me out more than I ever wanted. If he wasn't so darn cute I probably would've moved on by now. He's always treated me special so I guess I keep thinking there might be hope. He was like the store a-hole and treated everyone like crap except for me.

 

Oh well. I think since you've got a new job a lot of opportunities will open up for you. Don't be too set on making a guy friend b/c you never know if one of the females you work with could introduce you to someone. Also maybe there has been lots of guys who were interested in you and you've never noticed? That's one of my problems. I always take signs of interest the wrong way. One time a guy asked me out and I said, "what you think I'm a home body"?

 

It's such a pain trying to read guys. Once again good luck!

[justagirl1121]

thanks. My job is actually super boring. i'm like Oh. My. God. the people are kind of more....stand offish and i realize how much i want my other temp job back, so hopeully they'll hire again.....i see ppl from th eother building all th etime whic is weird. apparantly they're all betting on how long i stay before i quit, b/c apparently 2 mo is the longest and the guy who's kinda training me is just a temp and thinks im replacing him b/c that's what they do. i feel bad. but if they make bets each time, it must be a REALLY boring job!!! oh well

 

 

so what do u think of this, i should perhaps just give up, but when i kinda start to get him out of my mind b/c he'll never like me but then i think of all these things from work that make me think i think maybe he does like me in someway....so i shouldnt just forget about him completly. so i left him a msg on tuesday thru voicemail. i was like 'i was just callin to see what u were up to and to tell u about my fun work story. i do have a question for u tho, its not hard, so give me a call if you get a chance.....'

 

i did have a quest for him, so i used that as like a reason to call...i dont know if he'd ever call me other wise tho

 

he called back thur night and left a msg, i called a bit later. (im not sure how to do that, like should i wait a day and not seem desparate, etc or call right back and not draw things out further...) so i called and left a msg like 'thanks for calling me back, its like 9:40, i guess its past your bed time so we'll try again" and he called back like 20 min later and i was like 'oh so u decided to get back up?' so we talked for like half and hr...then we got off he was like 'i gotta go, my battaries dying, but i'll prob give u a call sometime next week' and we hung up...

 

 

so to teguys out there, i've been reading things about th ecalling stuff nad what it means depending on what's said. so he didnt say "call ME sometime" he said "i'll call you" so was he just saying that as like a filler to end the convo or what? i dont know if he'll really call me back or not. but i'd rather leave it up to him. it IS definitely his turn. is 22 1/2 too young for a guy who just turned 28???

 

 

Phyresprte, i guess we're in the same boat. I'm really trying to notice reactions more, like if they smile and what do they mean when they smile? just being friendly passing by or kinda like being like you're cute, so i'll smile at you as i walk by? u know what i mean?

 

we went on vac a bunch of us from college and i do kinda have a small crush on this one guy but there's so many reasons why i wouldnt do anything b/c when he dated my friend years ago and my other friend's trying to hook them up again etc u just dont mess with that. anyway weeks after we're talking about stuff me nad my friend and my friend (not involved) is like 'he was so hitting on you" i was like whatever and she's like 'u know when he said 'wow you get lots of text msgs' that was his way trying to get your num...'' i didnt see ti that way AT all so i'm like......ooookkk. whatever yeah right....so what, other ppl can always tell but you can never tell when its yourself. maybe i should have taken a psych course....

[justagirl1121]

ok so in addition to my last post, i guess the 'i'll prob call u next week' was a bit premature b/c like an hr ago my cell rings and it's him! i'm like hmmm! he called to give me the number for tepresident ofthis place so i can call him and see about a job and then we ended up talking for like half an hr. which IS quite a long phone call dont u think? anyway it puts me in a good mood i guess. he obviously didnt have to call with the number and help me out...or talk to me that long. could have given me th enum and said i got to go....one funny thing was there was a buffett concert a few weeks ago and he's talking abouta it and i wa slike you were at the buffett concert? 'yeah." so was i! we were almos tin th esame spot. HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?!?!?!!?!?

[justagirl1121]

ok so in addition to my last post, i guess the 'i'll prob call u next week' was a bit premature b/c like an hr ago my cell rings and it's him! i'm like hmmm! he called to give me the number for tepresident ofthis place so i can call him and see about a job and then we ended up talking for like half an hr. which IS quite a long phone call dont u think? anyway it puts me in a good mood i guess. he obviously didnt have to call with the number and help me out...or talk to me that long. could have given me th enum and said i got to go....one funny thing was there was a buffett concert a few weeks ago and he's talking abouta it and i wa slike you were at the buffett concert? 'yeah." so was i! we were almos tin th esame spot. HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?!?!?!!?!?

 

we had some strange convo. mostly iguess we just talk about work related stuff...we got on some topic about how his family always knows he's dating someone new if his car is clean and stuff and i'm like here he goes again talking about dating and girls.....why's he always do that? i've never dated anyone, so i dont really have much to come back with on that topic and i dont want him to know really that i neve have dated anyone. i guess i wouldnt lie right but lets not let it be known here, im not going to volunteer it like that. so anyway....

 

so what do u think of that. i guess i am reading too much into it?

[phyrespryte]

I finally decided on Saturday that I would call him on Sunday despite my instincts and what everyone else has told me. I know it wasn't a very good idea, but I was going crazy. So I was all set to call him except an amazing thing happened...

 

He called me!

 

Well actually he ended up leaving a message because I didn't have my phone with me when he called. I called him back and left a message. I really really hate phone tag.

 

Oh well I'll probably call him again later this week. I think it will be nice just to talk to him. I don't know. Whatever happens, happens.

 

 

 

Oh and for justagirl:

 

I think the whole talking about dating is just his way of letting you know more about him. It could also be his way of talking himself up. You know, to make himself look good in front of you. I wouldn't stress too much about it. Just be glad that he's not just talking about work and that you're getting to know more about him. I wouldn't worry about telling him about your dating history unless he asks. It's like talking with friends. Just because a friend says she has toe fungus doesn't mean that you have to share that you once had an equally bad growth somewhere. It all depends on how well you know them.

[justagirl1121]

i absolutely hate phone tag as well!! Plus, when u dont actually get a hold of them, you're kind of relieved but then, in my case i'll leave a stupid vmail. like i left an um at the end and didnt say anything else, then just hung up, i was like just great. i sound like a moron.

 

it's worse when u dont know when or if they're going to call back. i use a cell phone so it's usually sorta with me all the time, but i dont take it with me to use th ebathroom, etc so i tend to get calls for the 2 minutes i'm away.

 

in your case, it's great when they actually call you, it like raises that spark of hope! which i dont know is a good thing or a bad thing....it's a nice feeling but it can be very depressing too.

 

it's like, what are they thinking about me??? in both our cases, they just recently called us, so we've obviously popped up in their minds and they were like 'hey, i wanna call .....!" and so they do.

 

I hear little tips about calling ppl back and the time span for it. Like, don't call back RIGHT away and seem like you're desparate or don't have a life...but don't wait too long that they decide you're not very responsible to call them back. I tend to pretty much call people right back, not wait a few days till you find time. It does get hard when everyone is on different schedules, but it's still hard when you're like "WHY AREN"T THEY CALLING ME BACK?!?!" again like what was said earlier, who ever really knows wtf is going on in peoples lives...but also no one has any excuse for not calling someone back within a few days.

 

it is nice just to talk to them. on thur and fri when i talked to him, i felt so much better afterwards, i dont know what's about him that like brightens up my day.

 

 

i reemember one friday at work, i came back to my cubical and he had come into work, and i know i just lit up, i've never been so happy to be in people's company like that. i dont know what it is that has me hooked on him.

 

anyway, keep me updated phyrespryte! i want to hear if you talk to him again.

[justagirl1121]

hmmm i guess my big quesetion now is, since he called me 2x in a row, even tho at the end of the first call he was like 'i'll prob call u sometime next week" he called again the next day, and i figure he should keep his word and call me this week, or is it kinda my turn again? i feel like it should be his turn on his own initative since i was th eone who was trying to get him to call me back the first time.....i mean, i need him to call me all on his own, rather than return my call to see if he actually wants to talk to me, and isnt just answering the phone when I call.

 

i feel that it's still his turn, but it sorta i guess could make it my turn.....

[justagirl1121]

I feel like this is my online journal or something, but maybe you'll all get a kick out of this...

 

wed night, i wasnt around my phone so when i came back to it i noticed i had a voice mail. usually if i have anything its a txt msg, but i checked the missed calls and it was him! so my heart kinda lept. usually like if it rings i HOPE it might be him, if i am kinda expecting him, but its usually not. so i was like is this real? so i go to listen to his message and i'm just like OH. MY. GOD. i dont know whether i find it funny, which i do, or if i should be a bit worried, or a bit scared. (i certainly hope to god he doesnt every find this board.....)

 

but he's like, in this high voice

 

OH NO U DIDNT!

OH NO U DIDNT!

OH GIRLFRIEND

NO U DIDNT! make me see your voicemail!!

that was (chuckle) well that was me doing an impersonation of an african american woman from the hood

haha yeah congratulations u heard it here folks

ok i was just calling to see what u were up to, i'll catch ya later

 

i mean, what WAS THAT??? im not sure what some one from th ehood should really sound like but he sounded more like some straight guy impersonating a gay guy impersonating a gay guy....

 

is it from a movie or something or did he make that up?

 

lots of things, if not everything, to me points to he would be interested but i still dont know! what's going ON???????? i cant make a move first, there's just no way. it's almost like a rejection would be worse than actually knowing in this case......

[phyrespryte]

Originally posted by justagirl1121

OH NO U DIDNT!

OH NO U DIDNT!

OH GIRLFRIEND

NO U DIDNT! make me see your voicemail!!

 

I think he was just making a joke. That's cute. He likes you. Ask him out! Or like hint at something so that he could ask you out. I don't know how exactly...my head is all confused right now. But I'm positive he likes you.

 

So I called the guy I liked last Tuesday and we talked for almost half an hour. Then he asks "when are we going to get together"? So he suggests that we do something this weekend. Anyways this past weekend I went back to my old store to pick up extra hours and I worked with him. It was great, Saturday we were pushing each other's buttons and on Sunday we were helping each other out. On Sunday I worked two shifts, during the second shift he asks me if I was leaving that night and what time I had class the next day. I swear he was going to ask me out after work, but he didn't.

 

So after work I decide to be ballsy and ask him out. He tells me that's he's tired, but he really wants to visit me this weekend. He's like we could go to this resteraunt and blah blah. I know I should be excited, but I was so heart broken. I wonder if he really was tired. I just have this feeling that if I had asked him sooner we would've done something that night. Oh well.

 

Justagirl, don't wait too long! Don't worry too much if he likes you and who should call who. Take a risk! Don't be like me.

 

Sorry!

 

I'm being dramatic. He did ask me out and we have sort of plans. I think I'll call him tomorrow to see if he still wants to visit and get times and all that good stuff. Hopefully i'll see him this weekend if things don't get all screwy as they usually do in my life.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Originally posted by scratch

If a guy likes you, he doesn't say "give me a call." He calls you. That's pretty much the end of the story.

 

Not sure I agree with this statement. How many posts on here are from GUYS wondering why GIRLS haven't called them when they've asked them to?

[justagirl1121]

Question: How many times should you ask someone to hang out before you give up? I can see already having plans, that's no problem, but when they give an excuse, whether or not valid, how much should you keep at it, if you think they might be interested? B/c I want to ask again, but i just feel like a retard, and am not wanting to "not get the picture" you know?

 

Sounds like you got things starting phyresprte! Good luck! Just curious, how hold are you, where u from, etc?

im almost 23, i live in pittsburgh.

 

i'd tell u why myself as a girl never called someone but i never had that opportunity....

[phyrespryte]

Originally posted by justagirl1121

Question: How many times should you ask someone to hang out before you give up? I can see already having plans, that's no problem, but when they give an excuse, whether or not valid, how much should you keep at it, if you think they might be interested? B/c I want to ask again, but i just feel like a retard, and am not wanting to "not get the picture" you know?

 

Good question. I'm not really sure. I guess it depends on the situation. I would keep asking, but only if I felt that he was still interested. But even then I wouldn't be too persistent about it. If he says no then I wouldn't be like what about tues? what about wed? what about thurs? Maybe you should just be like, "Would you like to do something one day"? If he says yes then you can just ask when he's available and you could figure stuff out. I think that since he's calling you he wouldn't be bothered by you asking him. If he isn't interested, I think that he would've made it real clear to you by now.

 

By the way I'm almost 24 and live in the southern half of the country close to the beach. I don't really have much experience in the whole dating scene. I'm more used to a guy approaching me, but I noticed I always went out with guys I wasn't really attracted to. So I find this whole asking a guy out thing very liberating and scary. Rejection sucks, but at least you know what's going on.

 

I called him tonight and he said he's definitely coming down this weekend. He's like we could go to the beach and I'll show you the city. He said that he'll call me on Friday to figure things out. I'm freaking out now. What do I wear? What do people bring to the beach? It's been years since I've gone. Ahhh! I have to buy a new swimsuit!

[justagirl1121]

how are things working out for you and your boy??

I finally got internet service back, i am sooooooo excited!!!

 

my situation is still like wtf? i've confided in my friend and she agrees its weird. he gives all these signs, SHE thinks he's interested, and he's been calling me a lot more but the other day he was like 'i have a question, how would you feel being set up with one of jen's friends?"

 

he hasn't brought it up but he will say things that make me wander what he's gettin at....i guess i'll just waiting since the whole phone situation seems to maybe be heading in a good direction.......

[phyrespryte]

Originally posted by justagirl1121

how are things working out for you and your boy??

I finally got internet service back, i am sooooooo excited!!!

 

my situation is still like wtf? i've confided in my friend and she agrees its weird. he gives all these signs, SHE thinks he's interested, and he's been calling me a lot more but the other day he was like 'i have a question, how would you feel being set up with one of jen's friends?"

 

he hasn't brought it up but he will say things that make me wander what he's gettin at....i guess i'll just waiting since the whole phone situation seems to maybe be heading in a good direction.......

 

Hi justagirl! I was wondering what happened to you. Glad that you're back!

 

My situation has taken a turn in the wrong direction... here's a link to the thread explaining how wonderful things turned out

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=67632

 

Long story short, he's an idiot. I'm slowly moving on, but every once in awhile I'm tempted to call him and curse him out.

 

Anyways, that whole being set up question is really odd. What did you say to him when he asked you that? Maybe you should ask why he said that? I still think that it looks positive that he's calling you so much, but it's really weird that he'd ask about you being set up. Oh well he's still calling you so that's a great thing.

[justagirl1121]

i read your other post. that's really ****ty of him to do!!!! how would HE like it? I bet he wouldnt!!!

 

but think of this new city as a good start!!! you can be who are want to be without anyone having any expectations to fit you into a mold. start making friends!!! i've found, at least with my cell phone, the more i call people, the more they're likely to call me, and it's working, my phone actually rings once in a while, so talk to people and they'll talk back!

 

It's just hard to get your mind off something when it's caught there, esp with a boy. I suppose u DO move on eventually...i had a crush on a kid and i told him i liked him and he said he liked his friend, and i didnt ever think i'd get over it but now i'm like jimy who??? who cares!

 

 

my current problem seems a bit more serious though. i don't know what it is, it just...happened, i wasnt looking for it. i am not usually comfortable around some guys, most guys, but him i feel COMPLETELY at ease with him. like i can talk to him about anything. we talk for like 40 min and stuff on the phone and there's never like dead air...

 

 

I don't know what the whole setting me up with another guy thing was about.....near the end of the convo he was like "i have a question for you. what would you say to being hooked up with one of jen's friends?" i was like (suspecisous sounding) "whhhy" and he went on to say he was a nice guy, kinda shy so i should be easy on him, etc... all i could think about was how my one friend teases me about all my guy friends and here HE is doing the same thing....but i also was like 'wait, i want to hook up with YOU, not some friend!!' but then i was like 'maybe he IS the friend...." oh i dont know!!!

 

i've sent him 2 txt msgs about a couple things past week ,and he called me laster that day so i was like hmmm i send a txt he calls!! lol....but he called me monday while i was still at work for a while and so i was like can i call you later and he was like 'yeah call me later' so i did and we talked for like 40 min. then he was like 'i'm tired, i think i'm gonna go to bed...' at 8pm....i was like you're a dork.

 

so next morning at like 9:30 am i get this txt from him saying: "i fell asleep right after i got off the phone with you. i woke up at 5am on my moms couch. :)" the smiley face confuses me. i dont see guys doing smilies...and why'd he send that txt. like for no reason did he have to send it. which means he thought of me. so i'm on his mind to a certain degree...i dont know. i mean i'd still like to see him and hang out even if we were just friends...can't seem to fit it into the schedule tho with work. working weekends or opposite weekends really balls things up. i just dont know why it's so hard, and i really want to be with somebody and have that person there to care about and to care about me and be happy with.