bradt93 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Why do I feel like no woman in my town likes me? Every time I see an attractive woman at a store or school, they give me this "weird" look for no reason? Yes, I don't dress fancy why would I? I just go to the store and school. Can they sense I have aspergers and think I'm socially awkward? I wear a t-shirt and sweat pants. They are not dirty or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I don't know what to tell you in your case, but you will get a lot of replies from women who will tell you that you need to be more social, you need to dress nicer, you need to smile more..etc...blah...blah... They are well intentioned, but it really doesn't help or may only marginally help...It won't make you into Mr Desirable....If it was that easy all guys would do it.. Attractiveness/desire in women is very easy to quantify/measure....With men, its not as easy...Sure, most guys with stunning good looks will get attention...But then there are also guys that aren't nearly as good looking, yet get tons of female attention...sometimes even more than the attractive one's that don't have "it"... Some guys will never get "it"...But that doesn't leave you out in the cold...My only advice is do what you think is best for you and don't worry about what "they" want...It usually pays dividends down the road.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Why do I feel like no woman in my town likes me? Every time I see an attractive woman at a store or school, they give me this "weird" look for no reason? Yes, I don't dress fancy why would I? I just go to the store and school. Can they sense I have aspergers and think I'm socially awkward? I wear a t-shirt and sweat pants. They are not dirty or anything like that. What happens if you see a woman who's average looking? Do they give you a "weird" look too? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 It’s hard to tell with so little details. I don’t think it’s a matter of having expensive clothes, I think it’s a matter of attitude. Smile, be approachable, be vulnerable (we love that!! Because if you’re vulnerable you’re not threat to us!), be gentle and respectful and also empathetic. Whatch your body posture. Just relax Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Part of your condition is that you mis-read social cues. Perhaps these weird looks are not so odd but it's just how you perceive them. You recently attained your AA degree so you have the ability to achieve. Perhaps worry less about the world at large & find a circle where you fit & feel comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I am also asking what Basil asked: Is it all women or mostly the ones you think are attractive? Because if it's only the ones you think are attractive, then it's a classic case of going for the wrong women. And we've talked about the sloppy way you dress before, so don't act like we didn't. Sweat pants -- no one's looking at a person in sweat pants. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 NTs have this thing about appearances. A well-dressed person is more relatable than one who isn't, apparently. As they are the majority, their type of 'normal' rules; sure a well-dressed person can be a rotten person on the inside but somehow it matters less when they wear a three-piece suit... I don't get this either but I dress up for work, mainly to save me some hassle. I'll save you some time and tell you straight up this is not a battle you're going to win, at least not in the short term - swap your sweat pants for jeans once or twice a week for a bit and see how that feels. Consider this a 'meet half-way' kind of gesture. Also, your senses are heightened when you see attractive women; theirs aren't. They don't know you have aspergers, they likely don't give you weird looks either, unless by 'every attractive woman' you mean it's happened once or twice. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I agree that NTs have an expectation about appearances. I don't expect height or perfect facial structure, but I am far more attracted to a man who does the best he can with what he's got. He doesn't need to be styled to the max, but I'd like to see decent jeans, shirt and a good haircut. Out of curiosity, do you wear track pants because you don't see the point in jeans? Or is it a sensory thing? My ASD son doesn't like jeans because they aren't soft and he also struggles with the button and zip - so we compromise with really soft jeans and I cut the button hole a little further open to make buttoning easier. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 no one's looking at a person in sweat pants. Wrong...... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Wrong...... TFY True, but probably no trendy fashionable girl is looking at a guy in sweat pants. It all depends on who's into what, and what their values are. A woman who really cares about fashion and maximising her appearance probably prefers to be with people who share those interests. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Why do I feel like no woman in my town likes me? Every time I see an attractive woman at a store or school, they give me this "weird" look for no reason? Yes, I don't dress fancy why would I? I just go to the store and school. Can they sense I have aspergers and think I'm socially awkward? I wear a t-shirt and sweat pants. They are not dirty or anything like that. how old are you bradt93?? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 (edited) True, but probably no trendy fashionable girl is looking at a guy in sweat pants. It all depends on who's into what, and what their values are. A woman who really cares about fashion and maximising her appearance probably prefers to be with people who share those interests. Wrong again.... So what are we trying to accomplish here??.....How to make Gisele or Kate Upton notice Brad in his sweats?? Even a woman who values appearance won't judge a guy who she finds attractive because he wore sweats to and from the gym, to pick up something at Home Depot or grab a quick sandwich...C'mon people... OK.....I went back and re read the OP...If all he's wearing is sweats and a t shirt and is a socially awkward student, then unless he's the star athlete on campus, a switch to regular clothes might be a step in the right direction...I stand corrected... TFY Edited March 25, 2018 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 how old are you bradt93?? Born in 1993 surely? I don’t know what else we can do to help you Brad, you have started a plethora of threads, usually short on details about how women don’t notice you or get to talk to you. I don’t remember every of your thread or if you usually bother to reply afterwards. You have asperger and you assume women gives you weird look because of it? Not every asperger is a walking dead zombie with a heavy dose of downers. If that’s your case and I hope it isn’t then yeah bad looks being given could be understandable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 I agree that NTs have an expectation about appearances. I don't expect height or perfect facial structure, but I am far more attracted to a man who does the best he can with what he's got. He doesn't need to be styled to the max, but I'd like to see decent jeans, shirt and a good haircut. Out of curiosity, do you wear track pants because you don't see the point in jeans? Or is it a sensory thing? My ASD son doesn't like jeans because they aren't soft and he also struggles with the button and zip - so we compromise with really soft jeans and I cut the button hole a little further open to make buttoning easier. What kind of soft jeans are this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 how old are you bradt93?? I'm 29 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Wrong...... TFY Literally nobody gets up in the morning and says, Oh, I hope I meet a nice man, you know, one who wears sweats out in public, today. It's for gym and in front of the tv. Even in front of the tv with wife, it would be appreciated if the man occasionally dressed up a notch on occasion and looked nice and neat and handsome instead of slobby. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 What kind of soft jeans are this? I'm in Australia and I assume you're in the US. We don't have near the range of clothing that you have so suggesting a particular type of jean isn't going to help. Also, my son is really small so he still wears teenage sizes. Some denims are softer than others. It's really a matter of feeling the fabric before I buy it. I did a quick Google of soft men's jeans and got the following sites. Perhaps it will help. https://www.menshealth.com/style/a19546067/25-best-jeans-for-men/ https://www.smartertravel.com/2016/12/29/best-travel-jeans/ To keep jeans soft, avoid washing unless they are actually dirty. Then when you do wash them, use a dryer instead of line drying. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 If you don't like jeans, wear khakis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Literally nobody gets up in the morning and says, Oh, I hope I meet a nice man, you know, one who wears sweats out in public, today. It's for gym and in front of the tv. Even in front of the tv with wife, it would be appreciated if the man occasionally dressed up a notch on occasion and looked nice and neat and handsome instead of slobby. More than literally-nobody do not give a crap what people wear, or have different standards for what they'd like to see someone in. That's why I specified 'people who care about fashion' in my version. Some people will not notice or care if you are wearing sweatpants or a ragged t-shirt. Some people think a ragged t-shirt is sexy. Some people are nudists! There's basically nothing that is true for everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 I'm 29 years old. well, you're still fairly young. you'll learn more about women as you go along in life... Link to post Share on other sites
WorldInMyEyes Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Why do I feel like no woman in my town likes me? Every time I see an attractive woman at a store or school, they give me this "weird" look for no reason? Yes, I don't dress fancy why would I? I just go to the store and school. Can they sense I have aspergers and think I'm socially awkward? I wear a t-shirt and sweat pants. They are not dirty or anything like that. If you're trying to attract women, change your focus from how you want to dress to how you think they would like to see you dressed. Think about how girls dress themselves when they're out clubbing. High heels and tight dresses can't be more comfortable for them than sweats and sandals, so why do they dress that way? To attract us guys. They want us to notice them. Same concept, broski. Invest in a few button-down shirts and some slacks/khakis and you're good to go. Tuck your shirt in, wear a belt. Roll into school dressed like that and notice the difference. It will work wonders for your confidence too. And for the love of all that's holy, stop wearing sweat pants to school, man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 If you're trying to attract women, change your focus from how you want to dress to how you think they would like to see you dressed. Think about how girls dress themselves when they're out clubbing. High heels and tight dresses can't be more comfortable for them than sweats and sandals, so why do they dress that way? To attract us guys. They want us to notice them. Same concept, broski. Invest in a few button-down shirts and some slacks/khakis and you're good to go. Tuck your shirt in, wear a belt. Roll into school dressed like that and notice the difference. It will work wonders for your confidence too. And for the love of all that's holy, stop wearing sweat pants to school, man. This. Although I'd tilt this statement slightly and say you shouldn't necessarily dress in something you don't feel comfortable in. You can never go wrong with a pair of jeans that you feel comfortable in. And some nice new T-shirts might help too - I've got some that fit my figure quite well and will work if I go to a casual bar or restaurant. A belt and button-down shirt is probably a little excessive for school every day - but that's just my opinion, I save that for nicer bars or clubs when I want to step it up a little. Ultimately you want to present yourself in a neater fashion that is still in your unique style. You won't feel comfortable in clothes that don't suit you - going shopping with a fashion-conscious friend will help heaps. Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoNight Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 I have met men in sweat and a hoodie, and been attracted. I have met men in a suit and ignored them. What I look for is someone who is comfortable with who they are. I don't like overly confident men, just as I don't like men who look away as soon as I try to make eye contact. Aspergers has quite a spectrum, so depending on where someone falls on that spectrum depends on how in tune with social cues they are. My son has Aspergers, and has very few issues with social interactions most of the time. Certain things can overwhelm him, but we work through them when those situations happen. Sometimes he has issues which he'd never had before if he is stressed or nervous. He know he has our full support, and always will. So, we just deal with situations as they arise, and help him become more confident in dealing with others. It has taken his lifetime, and no doubt there will be more situations that we have to help him understand. It is just a part of his life that we understand, and deal with together. Or as he says "Aspergers doesn't define me. I was deaf once too, and got past that. It is just another trial of life." Sometimes when comments like "women/men don't like me are made" my first thought is perhaps you are seeking attention from the wrong man or woman. I have had a LOT of friends who expect supermodels, and get mad when only average women respond to them. So, be realistic, and take a chance once in a whle with someone who isn't your "type". I did 19 years ago, and we're happily married. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Why do I feel like no woman in my town likes me? Every time I see an attractive woman at a store or school, they give me this "weird" look for no reason? Yes, I don't dress fancy why would I? I just go to the store and school. Can they sense I have aspergers and think I'm socially awkward? I wear a t-shirt and sweat pants. They are not dirty or anything like that. Unless a guy has movie star looks it's mostly about the interaction. Since the man is largely the active part when making contact, at least due to conventional wisdom, it is mainly about what you do. While nice pants are a plus, they are unlikely the root of the problem. People in general go about their business in public, they don't react to you in most cases, unless you smile or stare at them or make it otherwise hard to ignore you. My gut feeling is that you are misinterpreting their body language or are doing something that confuses them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 There's basically nothing that is true for everyone. Very true. However those of us on the spectrum are accutely aware of the fact that there is a certain standardised, homogenised way we need to talk, dress, behave that is not natural to us that we need to be aware of or things can quickly become confusing or alienating. I can't really turn up to my lectures wearing old leggings, a baggy shirt and my favourite trainers because while a minority of people won't care, enough will assume I'm unkempt and unprofessional. The way I dress or do my hair make zero difference to the contents of my lectures, yet to a degree, my appearance will play a part in how they are received. I make an effort at work to avoid these types of reactions. Someone who isn't on the spectrum can allow themselves more liberties because they know they can fit in in other ways - we have to be a bit more mindful, at least about the potential consequences if we choose to carry on as we are. Link to post Share on other sites
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