Ex resurfaced after years of NC

[JDJ]

I don't know if this is karma or what. My ex-wife from this thread hadn't contacted me directly for about 14 years. I haven't seen her in person since the day of our divorce. I was her second husband. I heard that she had remarried to the guy she cheated on me with. Last fall, a few months after I had posted here the first time, she e-mailed my work address (easy to find that, it is public).

 

She said she had moved to another country and needed a copy of our divorce decree so that she could marry again. I assume that is husband number four. Ok, whatever. I e-mailed a copy of the document and said only "Congratulations". Her e-mail included an apology for contacting me, saying if she had any other way of getting the document she would have done so.

 

I was fine with all that. But now, three months later, she e-mailed again, just asking "How are you?" This being the day before Valentine's Day adds another wrinkle. I am going to ignore the message, but I am just wondering if others have some insights. Is this likely to be a one-time thing? Or is it going to escalate into her trying to contact me more often? I thought after 14 years, it would be enough of a signal...

[Chilli]

Wow , that must've blown you away.

l'm nowhere public, l can't even find myself haha but l often wonder who l'd hear from if l was.

 

And women always complain about the guys lack of intro , but that's about as much as l ever get too, hi how are ya , if that. !!

Not much to go on l'm afraid but l'm thinking her latest marriage didn't go ahead and maybe she's thinking of recycling again , with you this time.

 

But really , maybe my imagine's just getting carried away.

[Justanaverageguy]

Read your previous thread ..... and it could be one of many things. I would say from your side just be careful about how you approach the situation. I can see you're analyzing it very closely which means there is still quite a bit of emotion tied up in her. I'm not saying you want to get back with her or anything at all like that - but after going through a very painful ordeal like you did there is clearly some unresolved issues and energy there even after 14 years. Perhaps just a need for closure. Perhaps this contact could provide that closure if managed the right way.

 

From my experience the wheel of time and karma turns slowly - but also inevitably. I would expect she may be reaching out to you because she has personally gone through a very difficult time recently herself. Potentially with the break down of her last marriage .... and has been forced to come face to face with some hard truths and her own past actions.

 

Hard times make us reflect on how we have treated others. They forcibly give us an understanding of and compassion for others we have wronged. It could be that she is reaching out because she has been forced to face how horribly she treated you (something she probably tucked away deep down and avoided having to face) and wants to apologize - it could also be that she is now having the "rose tinted glasses" effect on the past and she is looking back and wondering what it would have been like if you stayed together.

 

How you approach the situation is really up to you. I would guess its clearly not in your interests or current trajectory to want to get back with her. But closure - and forgiveness. These are potentially things that are available and desirable.

 

And as for the forgivness - its clearly a personal decision on your side and probably will depend on what she says. But I would say simply - holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison in the hope it will kill your enemy. It damages only you. After 14 years perhaps the universe decided its time to release that residual negative energy from your body/mind/soul and her contact is providing a way for that to occur.

Edited February 14, 2018 by Justanaverageguy

[road]

I call baloney on needing to get a copy of any government issued

document. All she had to do was to go online, make a phone call,

write a letter to the government agency that issued the original

document and ask for a copy. Usually she would be given a form to

fill out and write a check to cover the small fee.

 

The VD contact is her just fishing.

[Popsicle]

I don't know if this is karma or what. My ex-wife from this thread hadn't contacted me directly for about 14 years. I haven't seen her in person since the day of our divorce. I was her second husband. I heard that she had remarried to the guy she cheated on me with. Last fall, a few months after I had posted here the first time, she e-mailed my work address (easy to find that, it is public).

 

She said she had moved to another country and needed a copy of our divorce decree so that she could marry again. I assume that is husband number four. Ok, whatever. I e-mailed a copy of the document and said only "Congratulations". Her e-mail included an apology for contacting me, saying if she had any other way of getting the document she would have done so.

 

I was fine with all that. But now, three months later, she e-mailed again, just asking "How are you?" This being the day before Valentine's Day adds another wrinkle. I am going to ignore the message, but I am just wondering if others have some insights. Is this likely to be a one-time thing? Or is it going to escalate into her trying to contact me more often? I thought after 14 years, it would be enough of a signal...

 

Yes, ignore her. She is definitely up to nothing good (for you).

I really feel sorry for you and your wife because now this woman who can do nothing good for you is is taking up your mental space. If you don't want to be bothered, hen please just ignore her and forget about it. If you are bored, then you have bigger problems to worry about. Refocus.

[JDJ]

I appreciate the advice, and the generous spirit that JustAnAverageGuy shows. But I don't think I will reply. It just will lead to more energy and distraction, plus some risk of some weird incident down the road. I will try to follow Popsicle's advice and refocus. Some kind of meditation just to let it go completely. Easy to do being at home with my true loved ones on Valentine's Day