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Is it stealing or no big deal?


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Old 9th February 2018, 12:44 AM   #1
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Is it stealing or no big deal?

Boyfriend in his 60s used his motherís credit cards for a while. He says she owes him money from the past and told him he could use the card. He even has her card with his name. He is her power of attorney. However I found out he was using her card for his personal stuff including dinners out I confronted him. I was very upset. I couldnít imagine why he would use his elderly moms money. She doesnít have that much of anything and lives in assisted living.

After I got upset he took her cards out of his wallets but meanwhile he deposits her utility refund check into his account and I found out and asked him about it. He says he buys her things all the time. I donít think so really.

Is his behavior just reckless or worse or is it no bid deal?
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:37 AM   #2
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A POA is sometimes called a license to steal. I had a POA that gave me power to do whatever I saw fit with my father's property without limitation. He isn't stealing but he may be abusing his fiduciary duty as her agent if he is not managing the money in her best interest and in accordance with her wishes.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:51 AM   #3
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If she's otherwise healthy and cared for, it's a personal matter, especially if she deemed him her attorney in fact prior. If he has in any way overstepped his authority, he could face elder abuse charges. Else, it's your preference and choice whether or not you want to be with a guy like that.

If his mother is competent, she can revoke the financial power of attorney at any time or name a replacement. I doubt she will.

One way to look at it is like when a couple is married. They're legally partners. One can spend any monies available to the partnership as if it were all theirs. Is a husband stealing from his wife if he spends the grocery money at the track on the horses? No, but he's likely to catch hell for it

If anything, this experience is good information. Definitely know and trust any person you give such authority to. Same with trustees. I was both and the court gave me additional authority due to my mother being incompetent. Lot of responsibility.

IMO, unless you witness his mother suffering or experiencing an imminent threat to her safety or well-being, I'd stay out of it. I had a few relatives butt in and promptly told them to go off and die somewhere. Nunnya business. That's also part of the job. Being a dick. There's vultures everywhere. Good luck!
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:32 AM   #4
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The IRS would certainly call it a big deal. It is inheritance tax evasion.
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:38 AM   #5
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In UK a person/s with POA has/have to keep extensive records of all transactions that are on the a/c.

If the Office of the Public Guardian investigates and finds there has been financial abuse then the perpetrators can be prosecuted.

I have had POA for several elderly relatives, one of whom lived 300 miles away. When we were arranging their funeral my brother and I had to stay in a guest house and we booked that down as a legitimate expense, as well as travel and meals. However, we did not list drinks(alcohol) as we did not feel that it was morally right to claim that.

OP, I would tread warily. If you are benefiting from having meals bought for you from the POA a/c then it would appear that you were supporting his behaviour.
I would ask more questions - unless he has her written permission to do this it sounds dodgy.
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:57 AM   #6
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I should add to my post that: he wants to marry me soon, I am financially settled with retirement money and he has none and he has told me that he was using his debit card to avoid his large credit card debt that he is now getting paid but in reality he has been using his credit card for certain purchases recently.
Is this still lying and can I trust him?
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Old 9th February 2018, 8:44 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by lies728 View Post
I should add to my post that: he wants to marry me soon
Frankly, you would have to be nuts to even consider someone who is guilty of financial misconduct. If he's playing the rules so fast and loose with his mother's money, don't you think he would do the same with yours?

Don't risk your retirement by getting involved with someone who is financially irresponsible. You need to use your head here. Marrying this man would be an incredibly stupid thing to do.
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Old 9th February 2018, 9:54 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
The IRS would certainly call it a big deal. It is inheritance tax evasion.
I dont think theres any inheritance tax up to a million dollars, so he'd have to really use that card to get to a million. Plus I dont think its inheritance until she is dead.
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:15 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lies728 View Post
I should add to my post that: he wants to marry me soon, I am financially settled with retirement money and he has none and he has told me that he was using his debit card to avoid his large credit card debt that he is now getting paid but in reality he has been using his credit card for certain purchases recently.
Is this still lying and can I trust him?
I think you know deep down he is lying but would like to believe him. You see an unbecoming character trait. You see he is stealing from his own mother.
This is why your upset.
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:24 AM   #10
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I see people doing that all the time..I think like someone earlier said...A power of attorney is pretty much a license to steal for some that are bent on that..

Yeah, I guess if he's just pre spending his inheritance, OK, but what if there are other siblings/heirs that have no knowledge of this??

I do the opposite...I have a card that mom uses and I rarely do, but I get the statements and pay the bills...

I think it's bush league on his part....I mean, paying for dinner dates with your elderly mom's credit card?? Nah...

TFY
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:36 AM   #11
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Like we answered in your last thread, do not marry this man. He's a parasite and what he does to his mother (parents) is immoral and yes it's stealing. Why would a woman like you associate with a man like this at all?
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:51 AM   #12
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No you can't trust him. He's stealing from his own mother.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:55 AM   #13
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This is the same guy who can't hold a job right?

Can't afford dinners out unless it's on his mommy's credit card - correct me if I am wrong here.

Personally, from what you have said about him before, it sounds like he is abusing the power he was given.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:10 PM   #14
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If he steals from his own mother imagine how he won't hesitate to steal from you.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:27 PM   #15
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OP, ALF's are expensive. I paid over 4300 a month for the one my mom was in. Who's paying that? If BF is in his 60's, he's likely got SS (presuming US citizen) and his mother is likely in her 80's/90's. What's their compensation agreement? Attorneys and trustees get paid for their work. If they're third parties, they get paid quite handsomely, far beyond eating out and grocery money. Attorneys don't work for free

I remember when my best friend, a quite wise man, shared a tidbit of advice with my now exW, to not get in the middle of a man caring for his mother. His wife was smart enough to stay out of his business when he did end of life care for his mom. I was the same, since my wife's mother was elderly at the time as well. Her business, remained on standby to assist if asked. Offered opinion if asked. Otherwise, it was their family business.
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