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Sexual Compatibility-How important is it? (Is loving someone enough?)


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Old 1st February 2018, 9:13 PM   #1
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Sexual Compatibility-How important is it? (Is loving someone enough?)

How important of a role does sexual compatibility play in a relationship. Can love alone drive and maintain a LTR? What are your experiences around this issue?
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:26 PM   #2
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I think that love alone can do it, but you'd probably have a much happier life if the sex was awesome and you you're really desiring each other.

I was married for 25 years with a guy I wasn't very compatible with sexually. I probably would've stayed with him forever (he left me), but as soon as I started having sex with other people I realized that I had just shut down that part of myself for all those years. I did love him, but now I wish I had spent that time with someone I was wild about.
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:32 PM   #3
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For me? It's HUGE.

Priority #1.

How many threads do we have on here about sexless marriages, marriages that lack intimacy, resulting in at least one miserable spouse and talks about divorce?

MANY!

If sex doesn't matter to you at all (perhaps a bit A sexual), and you do not have yearning to feel desired by your spouse, and your partner feels the same way, doesn't care about sex, intimacy, feeling desirable, doesn't need that physical release etc.

Then I say... Well it might work.

For me and my relationship, our sexual compatibility is the glue that binds us.
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:54 PM   #4
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i feel physical intimacy in a relationship is important.....physical intimacy doesnt only involve sex.....but also physical touch that isnt sexual and more affectionate...you can be highly sexually compatible and long term ....but if your relationship if based solely around this compatibility will most likely fail....

what I believe is more important....are common goals and values.....emotional intimacy(communication,affection love languages etc) and spiritual intimacy(where compassion empathy and understanding of a partners needs lie in spiritual togetherness) are far more important......if you base a relationship on the emotional and spiritual union you have together and build upon those two anchors..... then your sexual union should become a satisfying and fulfilling experience....you will become over time more compatible in all areas not less.....

if you base a relationship around sexual compatibility what happens when sex might not longer be an option for one of the couple.....due to illness accident or some unforeseen happening.....the sex is out..and the other half still has the same drive.......what is left to carry a couple long term if sexual compatibility was the predominant reason why you were together....and im not saying being sexually compatible doesnt have a place in a long term relationship...im just saying it shouldnt be the pedestal.....

i dont know how common it would be for a couple to have exactly the same sex drive all the time they are together anyway....sex drives change...ebb and flow as life does.....they can be adapted...deb
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:59 PM   #5
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Quote:
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For me? It's HUGE.

Priority #1.

How many threads do we have on here about sexless marriages, marriages that lack intimacy, resulting in at least one miserable spouse and talks about divorce?

MANY!

If sex doesn't matter to you at all (perhaps a bit A sexual), and you do not have yearning to feel desired by your spouse, and your partner feels the same way, doesn't care about sex, intimacy, feeling desirable, doesn't need that physical release etc.

Then I say... Well it might work.

For me and my relationship, our sexual compatibility is the glue that binds us.
i understand recent ....can i ask a question though...if you and your partner were no longer able to have sex ......what would be the glue that bound you together...would you leave or expect they would leave with no glue to bind you two together....im not trying to be smart ...i really would like to know what you think....deb
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Old 1st February 2018, 10:18 PM   #6
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i understand recent ....can i ask a question though...if you and your partner were no longer able to have sex ......what would be the glue that bound you together...would you leave or expect they would leave with no glue to bind you two together....im not trying to be smart ...i really would like to know what you think....deb
Honestly I am having a hard time imagining a scenario where we couldn't have any form of sex at all... No oral, no manual stimulation? No mutual masturbation, no making out kissing, nothing?

I think it still would be important for us to desire each other that way. To give each other that wonderful feeling of being wanted, and having a partner that wants to bring you pleasure.

We also give each other massages, head rubs, foot rubs combined with tender kisses etc just about every day.

I say the glue that binds, because these are the things that make us lovers, not just "good friends".

Without it, I think neither of us would be content, and would be quite susceptible to the temptations of others if we didn't have it.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 9:10 AM   #7
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I have shared before that my H is impotent. He has had counselling, surgery and is having further treatment. I love the bones of him, our lack of sex isn't my choice, far from it, but we are more than 'just' sex. For over 25 years we had a wonderful sex life, then circumstances meant that we are where we are now. We are still loving, intimate, but sexually he is unable. You ask is loving enough?, maybe if we had just met, maybe if our relationship wasn't built on years and years of love, sharing etc it would be an issue. As it is, I could no more imagine using it as an excuse for an affair than flying to Mars.

My answer is, it depends. It depends on the relationship, the couple, what they value in a relationship and the love.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 9:20 AM   #8
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Honestly I am having a hard time imagining a scenario where we couldn't have any form of sex at all... No oral, no manual stimulation? No mutual masturbation, no making out kissing, nothing?

I think it still would be important for us to desire each other that way. To give each other that wonderful feeling of being wanted, and having a partner that wants to bring you pleasure.

We also give each other massages, head rubs, foot rubs combined with tender kisses etc just about every day.

I say the glue that binds, because these are the things that make us lovers, not just "good friends".

Without it, I think neither of us would be content, and would be quite susceptible to the temptations of others if we didn't have it.
thanks recent.....deb
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Old 2nd February 2018, 11:55 PM   #9
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I Agree. I've always said the difference between good friends and good lovers (someone. you love) is romance and intimacy.

Another way put, if you have connection but no chemistry, you have a friend.

If you have intimacy and no friendship, you have a F.Buddy.

If you have intimacy and a good friendship, you have a partner.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 11:57 PM   #10
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In retrospect, do you feel like ultimately lack of sexual compatibly is the cause of your parting ways?
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Old 3rd February 2018, 12:00 AM   #11
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I agree with your point. If you are in the beginning of a relationship, then defiantly you need that spark to ignite it. I think it's wonderful you have had 25 years of a good sex life prior to your partners medical challenges.

How do you both handle this challenge?
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Old 3rd February 2018, 7:15 AM   #12
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Compatibility is very important.

Of course, how compatibility is defined varies. If you have a high sex drive but are WILLING to forgo having frequent sex in favor of self-pleasure or whatever, then you might still be 'compatible' with someone who doesn't want such frequent sex.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 8:59 AM   #13
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Depends on the people involved. It works for some people.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 9:11 AM   #14
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I can't imagine falling so deeply in love with someone who I was not sexually compatible with that it would become a non-issue. That would have to be some pretty strong love.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 10:03 AM   #15
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I can't imagine falling so deeply in love with someone who I was not sexually compatible with that it would become a non-issue. That would have to be some pretty strong love.
Yeah sex is very important to me in a relationship but to some it isnt.
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