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Great relationship.. Mediocre sex.


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Old 30th January 2018, 10:13 AM   #16
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The men you date turn out to be a passionate jerk or a nice guy who is mediocre in bed. Please remember that the nice guy has a big disadvantage in the bed room – he believes that he must be a gentleman, he is not entitled to sex and must proceed with caution lest he offend his date. The jerk believes that he is entitled to the sex and he doesn’t care about your feelings. That being said, here are a few suggestions:

1. Follow the Golden Rule and ripe his shirt off in a fit of passion,
2. When you are planning on sex, wear clothes that are inexpensive and revealing and then play the tease,
3. When he wants sex, tell him if he wants it he must take it by force,
4. Be proactive.

I was looking for a new girlfriend when I met my wife and I was attracted to her, but thought that she was so sweet and innocent that it would be months of holding hands and a good-night kiss. That is until she initiated our first make out session, after that I was all over her. Sometimes you have to prime the pump.
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Old 30th January 2018, 10:46 AM   #17
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The problem is, if you are not that attracted, all the suggestions in this thread are forced. You are just not feeling it. I cringe to think that people actually have to force it that much in the bedroom at the start of a relationship.
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Old 30th January 2018, 10:47 AM   #18
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Gotta disagree...

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Originally Posted by gaius View Post
Nah, you can't have both. At best you might be able to find a jerk who directs most of his jerkness at other people but treats you rather well. Not gonna get high testosterone behavior from some bland nice guy.
Gotta disagree...

My latest R is an example. Great sexual chemistry, really great, and a wonderful affection, emotional, general chemistry that I have never had before.

I have had both with others, but not this good in all areas.
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Old 30th January 2018, 10:53 AM   #19
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You can have a good man, good chemistry, and good sex. Others you mentioned weren't good men, even when you had good chemistry and sex. This one lacks the good sex and there is no passion. Move on.

You can have it all, with some compromises, of course. He may not be the handsomest or the wealthiest, etc., but if the passion and compatibility exist, those things don't really matter.
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:00 AM   #20
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Your situation was completely different though. You were attracted to her, just that you thought she's sexually conservative. But it sounds like it would be a big chore for the OP to do any of the things you suggested. I also think this is not directly related to his objective physical looks per se.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guildford View Post
The men you date turn out to be a passionate jerk or a nice guy who is mediocre in bed. Please remember that the nice guy has a big disadvantage in the bed room – he believes that he must be a gentleman, he is not entitled to sex and must proceed with caution lest he offend his date. The jerk believes that he is entitled to the sex and he doesn’t care about your feelings. That being said, here are a few suggestions:

1. Follow the Golden Rule and ripe his shirt off in a fit of passion,
2. When you are planning on sex, wear clothes that are inexpensive and revealing and then play the tease,
3. When he wants sex, tell him if he wants it he must take it by force,
4. Be proactive.

I was looking for a new girlfriend when I met my wife and I was attracted to her, but thought that she was so sweet and innocent that it would be months of holding hands and a good-night kiss. That is until she initiated our first make out session, after that I was all over her. Sometimes you have to prime the pump.
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:16 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by central View Post
You can have a good man, good chemistry, and good sex. Others you mentioned weren't good men, even when you had good chemistry and sex. This one lacks the good sex and there is no passion. Move on.

You can have it all, with some compromises, of course. He may not be the handsomest or the wealthiest, etc., but if the passion and compatibility exist, those things don't really matter.
...IDK.

In my experience passion has usually comes with a price and it's usually some emotional tension.
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:28 AM   #22
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Sounds like you fell into *friendship* with this man and nothing further.

I don't think good relationships need wild-monkey-sex around the clock but you need 2 people that have a desire and a need for each others body. In a romantic relationship it's the sex that holds everything together, after sex you feel your love and connection to each other renewed. If you don't feel that way than you're not with the right man.
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:05 PM   #23
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Sounds like you fell into *friendship* with this man and nothing further.

I don't think good relationships need wild-monkey-sex around the clock but you need 2 people that have a desire and a need for each others body. In a romantic relationship it's the sex that holds everything together, after sex you feel your love and connection to each other renewed. If you don't feel that way than you're not with the right man.
We desire affection with each other. We like to cuddle, kiss, hold hands. We are always told what a great couple we make. We both seem pretty happy in each other's company.

But the sex feels like, well we're horny so let's do it. We get the job done. But still, I don't feel sparks flying or anything of that nature when it happens. Part of me is fine with that. Other part of me wonders if this is abnormal.
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:10 PM   #24
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...well we're horny so let's do it. We get the job done. But still, I don't feel sparks flying...
You make sex sound like taking out the garbage... get the job done??

Do you think there is anything he can do to get the "sparks flying"??
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:38 PM   #25
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You make sex sound like taking out the garbage... get the job done??

Do you think there is anything he can do to get the "sparks flying"??
Honestly not sure. He could stand to be a bit more aggressive maybe. I will try telling him that. I really don't want to be more aggressive myself but maybe I should try.
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:45 PM   #26
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maybe I should try.
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:10 PM   #27
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^ lol

Yeah, I couldn’t do it... sexual incompatibility is a big no-no
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:12 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LilySun View Post
We desire affection with each other. We like to cuddle, kiss, hold hands. We are always told what a great couple we make. We both seem pretty happy in each other's company.

But the sex feels like, well we're horny so let's do it. We get the job done. But still, I don't feel sparks flying or anything of that nature when it happens. Part of me is fine with that. Other part of me wonders if this is abnormal.
How long have you been dating him and are you developing feelings?
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:20 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by LilySun View Post
We desire affection with each other. We like to cuddle, kiss, hold hands. We are always told what a great couple we make. We both seem pretty happy in each other's company.

But the sex feels like, well we're horny so let's do it. We get the job done. But still, I don't feel sparks flying or anything of that nature when it happens. Part of me is fine with that. Other part of me wonders if this is abnormal.
TBH it sounds like you have a great relationship. If you let this go in hopes of finding a mad passionate love you might end up used, sad and alone.
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Old 30th January 2018, 10:05 PM   #30
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TBH it sounds like you have a great relationship. If you let this go in hopes of finding a mad passionate love you might end up used, sad and alone.
Yes that is where my dilemma lies. We get along so well and have all the same interests, he treats me good, and people say we look great together. That by itself is hard to find. So to run just because it's not hot sweaty sex.. Seems silly. If I keep chasing after the fairy tale of a perfect package, I'll never find it. But I do wish there was more passion between us in the bedroom.

I can't place it all on level of attraction either because in the past I've passionate sex with men who I wouldn't consider the best looking. I'm having trouble understanding why this is missing for us when everything else is so good. I don't like the thought of talking to him about this because I don't want to give the wrong idea that he's not good in bed. How well he performs isn't the problem.
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