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My BF used my gift card to buy me an XMAS Present


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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:46 PM   #1
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Exclamation My BF used my gift card to buy me an XMAS Present

I don't make a ton of money and work hard for every penny I make. My boyfriend, on the other hand, makes over 100K a year and does not struggle with money at all, but is super cheap.

I bought $150 of Best Buy gift cards because I was waiting for the perfect sale to buy a TV for the apartment and got a good deal on the gift cards. This never came up and then Christmas was around the corner. He is a tech guy and I told him to hold on to the $50 gift card and if some tech gadget that we both could use was available then he could use that card. No way was I giving him $50 to spend on his own free will.

For Christmas, he bought me a nice smartwatch and told me how expensive things were. I bought him an Amazon Plus Echo that he never opened since he wanted a more expensive gift than this. I went to his room to put clothes away and saw my gift card on his stand. I thought to myself, let me check the balance, which was 0. I was suspicious because my Starbucks gift card magically got into his drawer the other day and he said he didn't know why he put it there. I then proceeded to ask him where he got that $50 Best Buy card and if it was mine. He said no he will give me my $50 card later. I said, "No I want the card now." I asked if his boss gave it to him, and he says "yeah something like that." Now he is getting pissed. I said I really hope you did not use my money to spend on my Christmas gift. Then he proceeds to tell me I am cheap he wants nothing to do with me and now he wants to move out.

I investigated more and found the receipt for the present he gave me and matched it with the gift card which was mine. He also had stated, "how do I know if he even used on me, he may have bought stuff for the home for us but now he is not going to tell me." Which is not the case since I figured this out.

Now I don't know what to do because he won't discuss anything with me. But I feel so hurt since I put so much time and money into the relationship. He makes more than double what I make and then to use my own money on my Christmas gift. I just have never experienced this before and need any advice or feedback about this situation.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:53 PM   #2
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Spractor,
You said it yourself ;

Quote:
My boyfriend, on the other hand, makes over 100K a year and does not struggle with money at all, but is super cheap.
Cheap? That's an understatement, the guy is so tight he squeaks !

I dated someone like this who was a university lecturer but as mean as muck. The only time he took me out for a meal was after he dropped the jackpot on the one-armed bandit at a pub.

I dumped him and you should do the same with this guy - he won't change.

Sorry x
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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:59 PM   #3
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How odd. Trying to think how I would handle that. I believe I would have done one of two things: 1. Have been so turned off that I would have told him the relationship wasn't going anywhere and not mentioned what he'd done or why I was breaking up. Just said something like I wasn't feeling it anymore and broken up with him. Or 2. Have given it some time and watched for other odd signs that indicate deviant behavior, because to me, what you described is devious. Then break up with him after seeing several odd things. Because I believe anyone who would do this type of thing will probably do other weird stuff.

Honestly, though, to me that would be a major turn off and I doubt I'd even care to discuss it with him were I certain of the facts.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:59 PM   #4
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he totally lied to you and got mad at you for calling him out on it?

let him move out, having to pay all the bills himself will probably make him see your value better, not that you should care...
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:08 PM   #5
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He said he would move out

I don't want him to move out since my rent is so cheap now. I am fine staying in my room alone since it was hard enough to find a good place at a decent price. I am going to get a fire safe for stuff that is in my room since I do not trust him anymore.

BUT now that I caught him in a lie, is there no point in even talking about it. It doesn't seem like he is going to admit anything and now he wants all of our stuff to be completely separate.

I want to prove to him how I know he is lying but he will deflect all of this and say he wants nothing to do with me ever again and tell me on repeat how I will never get married blah blah a typical American white girl. He is from India and this I think is my first and last time with one. But also I didn't want to admit that I found the receipt because he will flip his lid to know how great of detective I really am. I am going to return the stuff to get the money back, but I never had a guy use my money to buy me gifts. I feel like my self-esteem is so low to allow myself to still live here. He blames it all on me and that I am worthless over this situation. I just cant fathom where he is coming from.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:17 PM   #6
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He sounds like a real catch

Here's the thing. None of this is really about the gift card.

It's about the fact you two are completely incompatible when it comes to finances, respect, trust.... Things that are vital to a healthy and happy relationship.

When I got to the part where you mentioned you two lived together my jaw dropped. I thought for sure you two were just casually dating (I wondered how he had access to your cards).

Any way.... Better now than before more energy was invested. In the future play close attention when incompatibilities surface, and be careful about compromising too much.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:38 PM   #7
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He stole from you then lied to you.

Why isn't he simply your EX BF at this point? Get a different roommate.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:42 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spractor View Post
I don't want him to move out since my rent is so cheap now. I am fine staying in my room alone since it was hard enough to find a good place at a decent price. I am going to get a fire safe for stuff that is in my room since I do not trust him anymore.

BUT now that I caught him in a lie, is there no point in even talking about it. It doesn't seem like he is going to admit anything and now he wants all of our stuff to be completely separate.

I want to prove to him how I know he is lying but he will deflect all of this and say he wants nothing to do with me ever again and tell me on repeat how I will never get married blah blah a typical American white girl. He is from India and this I think is my first and last time with one. But also I didn't want to admit that I found the receipt because he will flip his lid to know how great of detective I really am. I am going to return the stuff to get the money back, but I never had a guy use my money to buy me gifts. I feel like my self-esteem is so low to allow myself to still live here. He blames it all on me and that I am worthless over this situation. I just cant fathom where he is coming from.
Of course he blames it on you. A guy this devious is not going to own up to the truth.

To the above: what do you gain if you prove you're right? Nothing. You still don't want to be with him. The situation just gets more nasty the more you try to deal with it. This guy will never admit what he has done.

Furthermore, he is already, at the very least, exhibiting odd behavior. He very well could become nasty and a real problem for you.

The reason he's breaking up with you is because he doesn't want to deal with his problem so if you force the issue he is going to do other things that are more severe than just telling you he wants to separate to try to push you away and those other things could cause you some real difficulties.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:46 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
Of course he blames it on you. A guy this devious is not going to own up to the truth.

To the above: what do you gain if you prove you're right? Nothing. You still don't want to be with him. The situation just gets more nasty the more you try to deal with it. This guy will never admit what he has done.

Furthermore, he is already, at the very least, exhibiting odd behavior. He very well could become nasty and a real problem for you.

The reason he's breaking up with you is because he doesn't want to deal with his problem so if you force the issue he is going to do other things that are more severe than just telling you he wants to separate to try to push you away and those other things could cause you some real difficulties.
Thank you for this, I really needed this side of things. I sometimes like to prove I am right in a situation, but in this one who cares. I know deep down and I do agree that he could cause further difficulties. This is why I need to keep my distance. Great advice!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:48 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
He stole from you then lied to you.

Why isn't he simply your EX BF at this point? Get a different roommate.
I know, totally easier said than done. But the time and energy in this situation should be towards getting a new roommate. Thanks.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:50 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
He sounds like a real catch

Here's the thing. None of this is really about the gift card.

It's about the fact you two are completely incompatible when it comes to finances, respect, trust.... Things that are vital to a healthy and happy relationship.

When I got to the part where you mentioned you two lived together my jaw dropped. I thought for sure you two were just casually dating (I wondered how he had access to your cards).

Any way.... Better now than before more energy was invested. In the future play close attention when incompatibilities surface, and be careful about compromising too much.

You are 100% right. Great advice, now the plan to get out or get him out.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:53 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
How odd. Trying to think how I would handle that. I believe I would have done one of two things: 1. Have been so turned off that I would have told him the relationship wasn't going anywhere and not mentioned what he'd done or why I was breaking up. Just said something like I wasn't feeling it anymore and broken up with him. Or 2. Have given it some time and watched for other odd signs that indicate deviant behavior, because to me, what you described is devious. Then break up with him after seeing several odd things. Because I believe anyone who would do this type of thing will probably do other weird stuff.

Honestly, though, to me that would be a major turn off and I doubt I'd even care to discuss it with him were I certain of the facts.
I wish I did this and actually thought it through before accusing him. I was just in total shock and couldn't believe he did this and thought he would apologize or something. But now it is a sticky living arrangement and I am glad I found out now and need to trust my gut more often. These are not normal and I needed to get advice since I was going crazy in my head about someone doing this. Thanks for your sides.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 1:02 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Spractor View Post
I wish I did this and actually thought it through before accusing him. I was just in total shock and couldn't believe he did this and thought he would apologize or something. But now it is a sticky living arrangement and I am glad I found out now and need to trust my gut more often. These are not normal and I needed to get advice since I was going crazy in my head about someone doing this. Thanks for your sides.
"Live and learn," is what I always say!

It's one thing to be sitting at a computer or holding a phone responding to someone else's predicament than to be actually emotionally involved and have something nutty happen!

You're doing fine. Actually better than fine because you're seeking counsel, always wise!

Just play it as cool as possible, imo, then get away from him as soon as you can afford to.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 2:05 AM   #14
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We should have award ceremony for clowns like this guy ! I can’t believe how men today act just wow !
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:23 AM   #15
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We should have award ceremony for clowns like this guy ! I canít believe how men today act just wow !
Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe a generation thing. But when I see a thread like this, I shake my head and wonder 'how women today act'. They're living together, right? To me that is super serious to begin with and implies they are also sleeping together which is also serious. OP (or any of the other flies on the wall), what about this guy prompted you to live with him?
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