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I might have been drugged?


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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:20 PM   #16
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Nobody would mix ecstasy with alcohol.

You mostly drink water.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:24 PM   #17
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You and your husband need to figure this out. Was he into this? Is he still in contact with them/her? If so then you two have to cut the rest of that group out of your lives. And you two go to marriage counseling to help fix this. Does he want to do it again or is he horrified that he had sex with someone else in front of you?

Something isn't right though, this is more than just being drunk. The other thing is ALL of talk to see who knows what, inlcluding others who were there and what they saw, etc.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:44 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
Nobody would mix ecstasy with alcohol.

You mostly drink water.
What if you weren't educated in the use of it? I probably would mix it if I was inclined to ever take it because I'd have no clue....
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:05 PM   #19
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What if you weren't educated in the use of it? I probably would mix it if I was inclined to ever take it because I'd have no clue....
I think you'd dehydrate and pass out but not completely sure.

She remembers the whole night.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:41 PM   #20
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There are some drugs that can enhance sexualized behavior and not cause blackouts. However, they are very dangerous mixed with alcohol and I have no idea what they would feel like mixed with alcohol. In fact, I would question not noticing feeling a difference. A drug like X or MDMA would make you feel VERY different than standard drunk. Perhaps a super low dose of ketamine.

OP, I want to caution you against blaming yourself, even if it was *just* alcohol. Regardless of whether you think you are "in control" of yourself normally, you have no idea how alcohol will affect you in a given situation, under whatever conditions you are in. Perhaps you are taking medicines that impact how alcohol was metabolized in your system, etc. I DO wonder what happened. I don't think you should brush aside a gut feeling. It is interesting that you behaved very out of character and no one is questioning you. However...maybe your "friends" are also trying to be "cool" about this and not make anyone feel bad. Who knows.

You may never know what happened, but I hope you can put your guilt away. I know it may be hard. Something was certainly off about this event. I would make yourself VERY heard that you are regretful of what happened and are drawing the line there. Perhaps you can have a more serious talk with your H.

I am sorry about your experience. You must feel violated.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:03 PM   #21
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Fair point. And has been raised with no real answers.
Maybe if you take action and file for divorce you may get answers.

Seriously, if you can't trust your husband and you can't trust your best friend then they aren't friends worth trusting.

When trust is lost there's nothing to work with.


Cut them all out - since they watch you participate in something they KNEW was going against your character.

Do it now. When they realize it will cost your marriage they MIGHT offer up some truth.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:42 PM   #22
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Sounds like your husband was in on it and is covering for them. Whatís even the point of having a husband if you canít trust him not to participate in drugging you?

Even if he didnít know about you being drugged or you werenít drugged, do you really want a husband who will sleep with your best friend the second you have too much to drink at a party?

Also, it seems like if you were drugged, they tried to cover their bases to make sure plenty of people who werenít involved in the sex knew that the whole thing was your idea. So that afterwards you would get confirmation from ďwitnessesĒ other than your husband and bff that you wanted this all to happen. Thatís strange and seems like it could be part of a cover up that was planned beforehand.

The real question is why isnít everyone reacting the way that youíre reacting. Your reaction is normal, theirs isnít which makes me think that this was all planned, and if it was planned, there is no trust, and without trust thereís no marriage or friendship.

Your bff should at least be slightly concerned that you slept with her husband, the fact that she isn't is just not normal.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:45 PM   #23
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Some people swing. To them monogamy isn't normal.

Maybe that's why they don't have a problem with it. They're swingers.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 5:17 PM   #24
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I have had my drinks doctored probably four times. Mostly, it made me sick. If anything was put in yours, it sounds like something like "X" which makes you all lovey with everyone. Even my worst enemy tried to sidle up to me once when she was on it at a party, which I wasn't having any of, so it can do strange things. Ecstacy can only be tested for 24 hours. But if you start suspecting either your bf or his friend colluded to do this, you need to dump him because that's not funny. He seems a little too okay with it to me. Has he ever tried to get you to try Ecstacy or anything like that?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 5:51 PM   #25
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I agree your H and bestie is in on it... the way they have (non)reacted is not normal.

It's like they planned it. Group sex - looks like rape - I'd have NOTHING to do with them ever again!
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Old 3rd January 2018, 2:29 AM   #26
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Thanks for all the replies.

I must say that after reading these latest replies that I don't think I was drugged anymore. I didn't experience any of the symptoms asked about and if I was drugged I didn't experience any nausea despite the alcohol. That's both good and bad, it's nice to know I wasn't drugged, but I'm ashamed that what happened was all my bad choices. I have nothing to blame but myself now.

I think I need to clarify our relationship with this other couple too to help peoples understanding. We are close, very close, we would flirt which each other, with an understanding that it would never go further. Onlookers have commented a few times that they thought we acted inappropriately with each other, but we were always comfortable with it. My best friend and I also dated in our late teens for a few years but there has been nothing at all between us since. I'm not saying all this as an excuse for anyone, but more as an understanding exercise as to why no-one stopped me when I was hugging my best friend and sitting on her lap and propositioning them for sex, in a weird sort of way, it was normal. It would have seemed like a drunk woman making stupid comments with no intention of any of it being even remotely true.

The question still remains however, as to why when I kissed her she didn't say no and why when I told her we should show the boys a good time tonight that she said yes. My husband also need to explain to me why he would have sex with someone else and why he would allow me to. I mean sure we've discussed this as pillow talk but he should have known me well enough to know that it was never going any further than that. After 15 years together I would have hoped he knew the difference between a fantasy and something I wanted to actually act upon.

I have reached out to them to get us all together this weekend so we can discuss this openly and frankly, without judgement, so it can be sorted. My husband is right behind me on this and I see no issue with my best friend and her hubby coming. So one way or another I should have some answers soon. To be honest though, just feeling as though I was not drugged is a huge weight lifted. I believe the rest can be worked through and then I just suffer the lifetime of eternal embarrassment for being the instigator of this.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:39 AM   #27
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If you are basing your newfound sense of relief solely upon your symptoms (or lack thereof), it's misplaced. Not everyone reacts the same way to mind and mood-altering drugs. For all you know it wasn't even a prescription-strength anything. It could have been some shady aphrodisiac from a sex shop containing God knows what. In my personal experience with a common date rape drug, I passed out almost instantly and had no symptoms beyond being very, very disoriented for a few hours the next morning.

You already have indisputable evidence that something very wrong happened here: namely, how everyone reacted to your behavior. Let's assume for a second that you really were just drunk and acting out. Shouldn't your friends and husband reassured you they understood it was too much booze, promised bygones would be bygones and they could all pretend it never happened? That's what I would want, whether it was kissing someone or starting a fight. But not only did everyone involved laugh off your behavior, they outright encouraged it and said it would be fine if it happened again (?!?!). Try to imagine that response had you done literally anything else. It's nonsensical.

You were the instigator, yet you were the only one who is uncomfortable. You are the only person who is adamantly against this and would never have dreamed of such a thing, yet somehow you started it. And everyone else thinks it's fine, so much so that they welcome you doing it again.

We can't know for sure what happened to you, but I am highly skeptical a few drinks just magically motivated you into a swinging situation you never asked for. Don't doubt yourself. Don't question your instincts. And for God's sake, communicate all this to a close friend or relative. You need someone in your corner.
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Old 4th January 2018, 4:00 PM   #28
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I don't understand why they are all to blame and you aren't when you were all drunk. And especially the fact that no one thought this seemed out of character for you, and the fact you've flirted with the idea before, makes it seem like it's been on your mind before this.

I can't tell from your post how far this went, was this just kissing, or was there actual swinging sex involved after?

But regardless you shouldn't drink that much if you can't control yourself and you shouldn't flirt with the idea of swinging with them if it bothers you this much.
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Old 4th January 2018, 5:23 PM   #29
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What Gun said plus what part is out of character for you...the girl on girl or the sex with the other partner? It doesn't sound as if the others were that taken aback by this....
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Old 4th January 2018, 5:31 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by GunslingerRoland View Post
I don't understand why they are all to blame and you aren't when you were all drunk. And especially the fact that no one thought this seemed out of character for you, and the fact you've flirted with the idea before, makes it seem like it's been on your mind before this.

I can't tell from your post how far this went, was this just kissing, or was there actual swinging sex involved after?

But regardless you shouldn't drink that much if you can't control yourself and you shouldn't flirt with the idea of swinging with them if it bothers you this much.
I don't think she's blaming them and not herself at all. The big issue now is why none of them feel regretful like she does.
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