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Old 31st December 2017, 12:55 PM   #16
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I'd be scared. She's probably going to be ok, but the risk...
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:00 PM   #17
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Thanks muchly for the thoughts and experiences people,very appreciated.
Just goesto show though, ain't no manual in this stuff , any combo of anything can go on to be fine or turn south l guess,everyones different .

Yeah wasn't crazy about the divorce sitch . Not the ex or any reconcilliation, ain't gonna happen but it's just better all sorted l know. Not walking away for that though , she's explained and it all sounds good to go.

But hey sc,only a yr and half for you , anything could happen for you yet that's not long. Think it was carH said 12mths ago something like that to me and here l am.

eird these days isn't it , if your not together at the time half the relationship is via text tthese days and your often left wondering or puzzled , but she's a funny one, everytime you think ahh, she's just not into this or she disappears or doesn't answer phone or whatever,up she pops later, always takes the time to explain what happened in a really caring way.and boom, restores the faith and l'm feeling guilty again for doubting her .
She takes her time but never lets ya down in the end. Pretty cool really.
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:18 PM   #18
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Funny, think it's all part of her determined to keep chilli on her take it slow plan
lt's always like she's still on this boat for sure in the end, no doubts left later, but for now she just wants to steer the ship.
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:21 PM   #19
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I totally get why you're feeling the way you're feeling, and you're smart enough to know the possibilities of what could happen once her divorce is final, but what's the alternative to what you're doing now? Give up and bail on the MAYBE that you could end up hurt? No, I don't advise that since you seem to really like her . Happy New Year, Chilli!
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Old 31st December 2017, 8:49 PM   #20
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I'd be scared. She's probably going to be ok, but the risk...

Yeah , must admit , the risk , not crazy about that.
Sometimes l;ve thought nope , not gonna let this happen , just can't risk going there again, walk away.

buttttttt !
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Old 31st December 2017, 9:01 PM   #21
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I totally get why you're feeling the way you're feeling, and you're smart enough to know the possibilities of what could happen once her divorce is final, but what's the alternative to what you're doing now? Give up and bail on the MAYBE that you could end up hurt? No, I don't advise that since you seem to really like her . Happy New Year, Chilli!

Thanks for that CO and happy new year to you and everyone too eh.

But yeah that's the thing your spot on , what's the alternative. !
l feel blessed to have met her, so what are we suppose to do just because there "might" , be a hick up.

So far she's done nothin but restore the faith and then some every time.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:23 AM   #22
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Ahh, well , not real good news.
A few cultural concerns , and time,lots of time, can't mention which because l've probably got me a bit of a privacy issue but it doesn't matter which anyway it's just the sitch is what it is.

Well,although she almost looks and dresses western, under the surface she is very deep and traditional and to a T in everything with us so far as l get to know her more.
Problem is while l adore some of it and got no doubt she''d walk through fire with her man in the end, a lot of it though just wouldn't suit me or who l am at all, it's just not me or how l'd live.

l dunno , got some serious thinking to do about it all .
.

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Old 4th January 2018, 9:59 AM   #23
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hmm, well , at least thats something l was thinking about anyway.

But as usual like everything else so far with her, in this last few days she's just taken my concerns and blown them clean out of the water and in about the nicest possible way you could ever dream up.

Man, she is one special lady .
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:03 AM   #24
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hmm, well , at least thats something l was thinking about anyway.

But as usual like everything else so far with her, in this last few days she's just taken my concerns and blown them clean out of the water and in about the nicest possible way you could ever dream up.

Man, she is one special lady .
That's good, but I haven't the slightest idea what you were talking about in your prior post....
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:26 AM   #25
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Hey co.

l know, had to be careful with that one.

She's a different nationality/culture and still quite traditional in some ways that's all.
l was starting to worry if we're gonna gel but , we've been talking a lot and it doesn't look like it'll be much of an issue after all so far soooo, we see how it goes .

Last edited by Chilli; 4th January 2018 at 10:28 AM..
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:31 AM   #26
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Hey co.

l know, had to be careful with that one.

She's a different nationality/culture and still quite traditional in some ways that's all.
l was starting to worry if we're gonna gel but , we've been talking a lot and it doesn't look like it'll be much of an issue after all so far soooo, we see how it goes .
Ahhhh, ok . Sounds promising!
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Old 22nd January 2018, 7:20 PM   #27
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Have to admit , l dunno what to do with her.
lf anyone has any thoughts l'd appreciate it .

Thing is , her divorce hasn't gone through yet and she's only been out on her own bit over 12mths.
But they were in the house separated no same room or any love though for 5 yrs or so before she moved out finally, just trying to stick it for the 2 kids.

Well , since she's been out she's finding her feet and enrolled in courses and started hobbies and has her kids part time , then l come along.

She wants us and me , but she also wants to go really slow . See each other every week or two, few calls , she seems quite happy at that pace so far but in between we hardly message at all. She says she always hated messaging and would rather just call then she's happy for us to call only once or twice a week.
We get along really well and talk for hours when we do call or in person and she says she's never talked like this , but then later she's happy to just go off back to all her stuff.
And doesn't seem to fussed if even a week goes by until we talk again.

She says she's just too buried in all her course stuff and new things she's only just started up and then having the kids and just wants to build up slowly and that's all she has time to squeeze in right now anyway.

She's 48. l get pretty frustrated because really l'm ready to rock and l'm never had anyone wanting to move at this pace before.
Any time l doubt her she has a beautiful way of just putting any worries or doubts out of my mind about how she feels , but then she; seems quite happy to just ho back to this once or twice a week thing.

TBH , l dunno wtf to do with it.
On one hand l feel absolutely blessed having found her and to be given this chance again in life but on the other l just dunno if l can trust it and all this go slow stuff or the reasons for it.

Maybe she's just not feeling enough , maybe we go on like this for a year or longer even then she drops out anyway .
Not sure .

Any thoughts. ?
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Old 22nd January 2018, 7:37 PM   #28
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Any thoughts. ?
She's being crystal clear in telling you what works for her - and you're not accepting it because it's not what you want to hear.

Sounds like you're simply at a different place than she is. I couldn't be happy with an "every week or two" relationship but your choices are acceptance or disengagement. Pick one and quit wishing it was something else...

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Old 22nd January 2018, 8:32 PM   #29
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Chilli,

You are liking this chick and itís causing you anxiety. Iím picking up on the things you are saying like lack of reaching out/taking too long is driving you into a tizzy. The best thing to do is have a non attached attitude and love life for you.

She was married and now has some freedom and wants to experience it. Thatís not to say sheíll want this forever, but right now itís what she needs.

Donít push things too soon or youíll push her away. How long has it been?

Iíve found that men are best served moving at the womanís pace. We want the instant intimacy and relationship but women donít work like us. They fall in love slowly over time.

Itís not about what you want - itís too soon for that. Give it a bit of time and be less anxious or it will drive her away. If within another couple of months itís not enough for you, then you can walk.

I say this with bro love but you are acting like a woman. Most chicks Iíve dated all complained I didnít spend enough time, see them enough, call them enough, etc. itís exhausting that Iím expected to change my life around for someone Iíve known for 6 weeks. Donít be that guy (or girl).

Fill your life with stuff outside of her, and if she comes around great. If not, there will be one following her.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 8:51 PM   #30
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I can understand your concerns. 12 months of freedom is not long. She is saying she wants to go slow but it is very slow. Seeing her once a fortnight is a bit strange. I'm seeing someone mostly once a week, but I get tired easily and work full time so that's partly why, but also I'm not at all sure about this 'relationship' and will probably opt out soon. I would want to see him more, if I did not have doubts.

It sounds like she wants something casual for the moment, friends maybe, nothing committed. You want to know she's yours. My feeling is that rather than hang around waiting for her to match what you would like, back off and leave her for a while, see if she misses you. If she really wants you in her life, she will realise she is not giving out the messages you need and she will take action. I have a feeling though that she does not want commitment and sees you as a fun friend at the moment.

By the way, I would agree with SevenCity that women can sometimes fall in love slowly over a period of time. There can be the instant 'love at first sight' type of crush but really falling in love creeps up on you and is a growing certainty rather than instant.

I think you are in a tough spot here. You could compromise by being around for her some of the time she wants but not all of it. She has to take some initiative too or basically she is just letting you drift away.

I really hope this situation gets clearer for you and in a good way x
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Last edited by spiderowl; 22nd January 2018 at 8:56 PM..
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