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It doesn't matter how much you give, you still get screwed.


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Old 22nd December 2017, 12:27 AM   #1
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It doesn't matter how much you give, you still get screwed.

Just a shoutout to my soon to be ex-wife.

You know you can do everything for someone, give everything you’ve got and they still treat you like 5h1t? Some people just don’t care about anyone but themselves. Lesson learned. Never again.

She has cost me my marriage, my business and my two best friends and their relationships as well. So well done, I hope you get everything back ten times worse.

I dragged her up from nothing to have everything she could want. She had a beautiful house, a great car, a job doing the books for my business, a doting husband. Obviously not enough.

So I run a small business, just me and two others working on the tools and my wife working from home doing the books, chasing money, paying the bills etc. I’ve spent 8 years building this up. It wasn’t unusual for the other two I work with to have to go to my place to pick up equipment, drop in money if they were paid in cash etc.

I knew something was up so I hired a PI. I never expected this. She decides she wants to f@#k them. Both of them. Alone. Together. She didn’t even hide it well. The pictures the PI was able to get are graphic, I nearly threw up. Outside in the jacuzzi, in her car at the beach, anyone could have seen. He tailed her for 6 weeks and it happened 4 times with one, 9 times with the other and once together! One of them trying to make amends tells me it’s been going on for two years. I makes me sick.

So now I have no wife, I have no workers, I virtually have no business, I have nothing. What’s the point of even trying when this is the thanks you get. Looks like Mom was right, she was bad news. Sorry for not listening Mom.

I’m not looking for any advice, I know how to screw her over and I will. I just needed to vent and get some support. I'm done with relationships. Stay single, sex from tinder or the like. At least everyone knows where they stand.

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Old 22nd December 2017, 1:24 AM   #2
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I know it's easy to say this looking from the outside, but the sooner you forget about her and mainly become indifferent to her, the sooner you can move on with your life, rebuild it and be happy.

Don't let ONE woman ruin your feelings about life, relationships and love.

She betrayed your trust, and she's not worth it you becoming bitter. Life has a funny way to shake things up... and it's usually for the better. Every time I was on the floor, I didn't get it right away. Only later it became clear why it had to happen, and it even made sense.

You built a successful business from the ground. You can do it again. Hire 2-3 other people, maybe avoid having a personal relationship with workers.

I feel for you and I am really sorry. But believe me, you will get over all this although it doesn't seem like this right now.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 2:06 AM   #3
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I am so sorry for your situation my friend. That is ****ty. After 8 years it's almost like it didn't even matter huh? Not sure what to tell you. I know it's pretty cliche to hear this but with time you will be fine. It took me nearly 2 years to get over my ex. I thought I would never get over her, but I did. After a while you just kinda realize that they were never worth it in the beginning and you just after a while ask yourself, "Why do I care? Why am I wasting my time?" Again took me 2 years to get to that point and eventually you will too. You deserve someone that doesn't treat you like utter trash. Good luck my friend.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 6:19 AM   #4
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You dont mention kids - if you dont have any then this is so much easier, but still painful.

I have been burned twice by cheating wife's.

I think you have a point that people (women and men) can be selfish and cruel.

If you were smart enough and tough enough to start a business you CAN do it again.

As for staying single and just enjoying sex - nothing wrong with that as long as you are always honest and upfront with your females that you are just looking for casual fun and dating.


If there is ever a next time - prenup.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 7:13 AM   #5
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I am so sorry for your situation my friend. That is ****ty. After 8 years it's almost like it didn't even matter huh?
Yeah, it's not 8 years my friend, it's 8 years I was building the business. We have been together 14 years.

I just don't know where I stand. I know for a fact she's been cheating for the last 6 weeks. It's probably been 2 years because I don't see why Wayne would lie about that. But that's just with them. How many others? For how long? I just feel lucky I'm disease free.

I should have seen it coming. She was always complaining that we didn't spend enough time together or have sex enough. But I'm working 10-12 hour days 6 days a week, I'm exhausted. And it's not like we weren't doing it all, probably 3-4 times a week.

I offered to cut my workload back and put on another employee but that would mean sacrifices for us. We have (had I guess now) a cleaner and a gardener. The lady next door was a semi-retired chef and we even paid her to cook for us. My wife did nothing!!!! My wife knocked that idea back and said we need to do it for a few more years until the business was self sustainable. How gullible was I?

I can't believe she would do it with these two though. If she had to find more sex elsewhere why not some random with no connection to us? Sure she'd still be kicked out but at least it wouldn't have ruined us totally.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 7:24 AM   #6
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You dont mention kids - if you dont have any then this is so much easier, but still painful.

If you were smart enough and tough enough to start a business you CAN do it again.

As for staying single and just enjoying sex - nothing wrong with that as long as you are always honest and upfront with your females that you are just looking for casual fun and dating.
Nah, luckily no kids. Gee imagine if we did, I wouldn't even know if they were mine.... devastating.

I know this will sound defeatist but I'm not sure about the business going forward. I'm probably a lazy and shy person by nature, she was my driving force to start and continue with this business. I'm good an making stuff, but marketing, bookwork, chasing unpaid invoices and the like are a little overwhelming. And in any case my business name will be mud now because I'll have to cancel many jobs or give them to contractors but then I have no control over the quality. She's really done a number on me.

Anyway she doesn't know that I know yet, well unless my worker told her but he said he wouldn't. The two things I'm thinking is to have a copy of the pics under each placemat on xmas day. We have both sides on the family over. Or she's going away to her Mom's after xmas for a week. I was just going to move her out in to a vacant rental property we have and change the locks on this house. Then send her the pics with her new keys and new address and tell her to stay away. I know it's petty but I think I need it.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 7:39 AM   #7
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Sorry for you dude. I just hope you don't live in a 'no-fault divorce state'. See a lawyer. In my state a cheating wife still gets half of the husband's assets. Adultery? Not a problem and not a legal 'cause of action'.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 9:58 AM   #8
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OP, I projected myself into your situation so it took me a while to 'calm down' and think it through. If you're anything like me, the personal relationship with the woman is dead. But after my anger cleared a bit, I'd turn stone cold rational. If it's not too late, save the business. Get a lawyer. The PI may be able to recommend one. Get her the hell out of the business. Hire a temp to handle the books and the other business processes. Keep the (cheating) workers and be searching for replacements. You may even decide to keep them permanently just as assets of the business. These guys may see the handwriting on the wall and quit or start looking to go elsewhere. But keep them as business assets as long as you can and as long as they are performing their work. Good luck. I hope for your sake that whatever damage to your business reputation that has occurred already can be recovered.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 10:28 AM   #9
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OP
For what it is worth, I was once in your shoes. For awhile, I was so devastated that I actually wondered whether some time in the future I might once again laugh.
I got back into dating, but swore off of love. For the next decade plus I had a great social and sex life. I lived alone and loved it, I could do what I wanted, whenever I wanted and had nobody to answer to.
That came to a sudden stop over two decades ago. Second date, first kiss, and I went home that night wondering why I was so lonely.
A few years back I Googled the Ex's name and found a couple of photos. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing over the double century mark in the weight department. While for the past two decades I have shared my life with a gal who is grandmother, who weights a mere 110 pounds, and still has an hour glass figure and a flat stomach. And she is the sweetest, most giving, loving person I have ever met.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 1:22 PM   #10
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it sounds awful.

Whatever you do, do NOT be taken by any "reasons" or justifications she gives for why she cheated. There is no excuse for her totally awful behavior. The correct approach for a partner who is feeling dissatisfied is always to communicate, try to fix it, and then ultimately leave if it can't be fixed. Cheating is never justifiable.

It's horrible when cheating partner try to justify their actions, but the reality is the excuses are for themselves, not you. Some part of them knows they acted atrociously, and the excuses allow them to save face.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 1:46 PM   #11
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So sorry this is all happening to you . The last man I dated was in a very similar situation with regard to his business and his cheating wife being the one who kept it running administratively. I would encourage you not to give up your business. I'm sure it seems very overwhelming right now, but take that part of it day by day. Ask for help from those who care about you.

I agree with whomever said to not behave in a way that will justify her actions/cheating, even after the fact. As far as the big reveal goes, I like your idea of moving her stuff out into your other property over the photos under the placements idea. That could lead to a big scene that might lead to you behaving in a way to justify her actions.

Calm, cool and collected......
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:06 PM   #12
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Are you in fault or no fault state? I would advise against the grain.Do not give her the keys to the property you own. Bad move.

Divorce is ultimately everything about money.Save your assets.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:45 PM   #13
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Thanks for all the words.

I live in Oregon. I don't believe fault is even an option in our divorce, although I'm happy to be proven wrong.

As for the business, there is no chance of keeping my two employees on. I mean from a cold hard purely business position it makes perfect sense, but I just can't work with them, I'd end up in jail or something.

I will do my best to keep it running, I have to focus on something or I'll fall apart. But then maybe it's best to let it die and she can have half of the business that's worth nothing. Then I can start again.

It's horrible being at home at the moment. I just have to get through xmas so all this can come out. She came out last night wearing some lingerie that had a bow on it and asked me to "unwrap my present". This was the same lingerie she wore with one of the guys. I have never raised a finger in anger towards a woman in my life, but believe me it crossed my mind this time. She just has no moral compass at all. What sort of twisted mind would do that? Surely she could have just got a different outfit for each of us.

I'm just going to get through xmas and then she's out and I will be telling the two other partners. I don't want to ruin their holidays but they need to know, this is not just a get drunk, one night mistake.

I just hope when she's confronted with the facts that she admits it all. I would rather her just take her medicine, admit fault, take a reasonable settlement and walk away. If she wants to fight I'll fight for every cent. I loved the woman unconditionally once, I have no idea why this happened. Our communication was the envy of others, if she approached me about this I may have even considered opening the marriage a little. Well probably not, but at least I would have known. I don't know why our communication failed. Why them? Why not her gym instructor, or some random I don't know? Why keep it so close to home? Just to rub my face in it every day? I ate and drank with these guys. She socialised with their wives. Why?

Sorry to rant. I have no-one to talk this through with. No-one knows besides one of the employees who broke down and cried and begged me not to tell his girlfriend. Hopefully it gets better when it comes out and I can lean on some others a bit.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:45 PM   #14
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I don't know if you can just kick her out like that, if that's her legal residence. Even if it's just your name on the house. I would go talk to a lawyer and see what they have to say. While she's still unaware use this time to get as much advantage over her that you can before going into divorce proceedings.

After that if I were you I'd sell everything and move. I don't know how you can continue to do business in that town after that kind of embarrassment. From now on no matter how quality your work you'll always be that guy who's wife was blowing every guy on his crew. A fresh start somewhere else sounds ideal. And learn not to be lazy and shy, without her pushing you.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:54 PM   #15
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I don't know if you can just kick her out like that, if that's her legal residence. Even if it's just your name on the house. I would go talk to a lawyer and see what they have to say. While she's still unaware use this time to get as much advantage over her that you can before going into divorce proceedings.

After that if I were you I'd sell everything and move. I don't know how you can continue to do business in that town after that kind of embarrassment. From now on no matter how quality your work you'll always be that guy who's wife was blowing every guy on his crew. A fresh start somewhere else sounds ideal.

I seriously don't care what the legal ramifications are, I want her out of my house. I built this house with my sweat and tears. There is no way I will allow her to stay. It's mine or it's sold, she will never get it.

Moving is an option. My family are all in a different state, hers are all here, I have no ties holding me here.

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And learn not to be lazy and shy, without her pushing you.
I wish. It's a lot easier said than done. I'm not so much lazy, but I have social anxiety so I tend to procrastinate because fronting to someones house to do a job is daunting. It comes across looking like laziness but it actually not. I would often ring my wife when I was out the front of a job and she gave me the confidence to go inside.
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