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The problem with "nice guys"


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Old 9th February 2018, 2:28 PM   #211
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Just keeping the thread going with topical material and I grew up being raised by and admiring men like General Mattis. Those were my role models. The houligans, not so much. However, those guys were breeding at a young age so can't deny reality. They were attractive. That's the lesson I try to share with young guys who face this problem. Accept reality. It is what it is.
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Old 10th February 2018, 4:36 PM   #212
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Well all I can say, that I consider myself to be nice guy type. End up as 29 old dude who never had girlfriend. Quite successful in life, but still friendzone is my second name Week ago I was rejected again.
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:12 PM   #213
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Well all I can say, that I consider myself to be nice guy type. End up as 29 old dude who never had girlfriend. Quite successful in life, but still friendzone is my second name Week ago I was rejected again.
That's a bummer.

Give us a sales pitch on yourself. Besides being a nice person, why would a girl want to go out with you?
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:25 PM   #214
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Well I things I do finding as positive and attractive are not apparently the same for girls. I donít smoke, donít drink(mother alcoholic, she was biting me, so I donít feel comfortable with alcohol and people who are drunk), donít do drugs. Never did those things. I was called by lots of people ďoutsiderĒ because I preferred books, cinemas, planetariums rather than clubs, bars. BORING!!
Hard working person, 2 own apartments, no debs, passionate in martial arts. I donít follow faction and never did.

Donít know what you actually want to hear.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/gene...e-not-everyone
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Old 10th February 2018, 6:18 PM   #215
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Well I things I do finding as positive and attractive are not apparently the same for girls. I donít smoke, donít drink(mother alcoholic, she was biting me, so I donít feel comfortable with alcohol and people who are drunk), donít do drugs. Never did those things. I was called by lots of people ďoutsiderĒ because I preferred books, cinemas, planetariums rather than clubs, bars. BORING!!
Hard working person, 2 own apartments, no debs, passionate in martial arts. I donít follow faction and never did.

Donít know what you actually want to hear.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/gene...e-not-everyone
What I wanted was a positive sales pitch about yourself. Especially about the things which make you interesting and good company to be around.
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Old 10th February 2018, 6:23 PM   #216
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Well, now you have it. Anything you would like to comment?

Last edited by ffar; 10th February 2018 at 6:32 PM..
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Old 10th February 2018, 6:47 PM   #217
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Well, now you have it. Anything you would like to comment?
Only that if your previous description was the best you can come up with, it's no surprise you are single.
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Old 10th February 2018, 6:53 PM   #218
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No, not really. I did not expect longer conversation however at least I am hoping that I was able to make your day, because it seems like, you love to asking people questions and then make fun of them.

Last edited by ffar; 10th February 2018 at 7:02 PM..
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Old 10th February 2018, 7:13 PM   #219
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No, not really. I did not expect longer conversation however at least I am hoping that I was able to make your day, because it seems like, you love to asking people questions and then make fun of them.
I'm not making fun of you.

Thing is, I asked you to sell yourself and you replied with a really depressing description of yourself and your life. Now I don't know you well enough to even begin giving any input which will counter your approach to life.

The very first steps in getting dates is to be fun, positive and engaging. This is what I was hoping to see when I asked you for a sales pitch. I wanted to see the other side to you.
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Old 10th February 2018, 7:21 PM   #220
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No, not really. I did not expect longer conversation however at least I am hoping that I was able to make your day, because it seems like, you love to asking people questions and then make fun of them.

You're new....She(basil) is one of the kindest women you will ever find on this board and I am sure in real life as well.....Work with her....She's trying to help you, man....

TFY
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Old 10th February 2018, 7:32 PM   #221
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Well then we both read things in different way we were should.

I gave some description of my situations to make understanding why some things are in the way they are and not because I feel sorry for myself.

Instead of writing I am emphatic and helping a lot of people in hard moments, I would tell you for sake of this discussion that I was in hell when I was child, and thanks to that I learn and became emphatic. Not because I feel sorry for myself but because I know how it is, and I know it is hard. All for that to give a better understanding.

Yet if that’s depressing for you, then alright. I was finding lots of things in me as positive… looks like my values were rubbish. When I was saying BORING! it was referring how other people finding this. But I won’t start to smoke or take drugs, quit my passion, because I want to be liked by others. I will stay me.

Last edited by ffar; 10th February 2018 at 7:36 PM..
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:01 PM   #222
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Well I things I do finding as positive and attractive are not apparently the same for girls. I don’t smoke, don’t drink(mother alcoholic, she was biting me, so I don’t feel comfortable with alcohol and people who are drunk), don’t do drugs. Never did those things. I was called by lots of people “outsider” because I preferred books, cinemas, planetariums rather than clubs, bars. BORING!!
Hard working person, 2 own apartments, no debs, passionate in martial arts. I don’t follow faction and never did.

Don’t know what you actually want to hear.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/gene...e-not-everyone
I don't mean that you or your interests are boring and depressing. You may be a really fun guy, but it doesn't come across that way when you describe yourself. If you were trying to sell a product, would you talk about what it doesn't and can't do? Would you acknowledge the negatives that people have called the product? Of course not! So don't do it to yourself.

Let me turn around what you wrote and give it a positive spin. It would help if you gave more positive descriptions too.

I'm a lover of books. I particularly enjoy books in the XY &Z genre. A perfect afternoon for me might involve seeing a new film or going to a technology museum. I enjoy both eating out and cooking up a feast at home. In my spare time I hang out with friends doing X and Y (I'm making this stuff up now)

I work hard and enjoy my job. I've got a good amount of work/life balance.
Financially secure.

I've been doing martial arts for a number of years and have found a great passion for it. Not a follower of fashion, I prefer those who live to the beat of their own drum.


It's this positive persona which you need to put on when engaging with women.
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:03 PM   #223
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You're new....She(basil) is one of the kindest women you will ever find on this board and I am sure in real life as well.....Work with her....She's trying to help you, man....

TFY
Thanks TFY....
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:17 PM   #224
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I agree that basil7 is awesome...

BUT I would never suggest that a guy try to "sell" himself. You just can't "logic" anyone to feel attraction for you, it just doesn't work that way. If it did, many of the Nice Guys here wouldn't have their dating issues, and there wouldn't be so many women coming on here hopelessly devoted to some dude who can hardly hold a job.

You are likely to be doing much better if SHE is the one doing the talking and you are getting her to laugh.
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Last edited by Imajerk17; 10th February 2018 at 8:27 PM..
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:27 PM   #225
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I agree that basil7 is awesome...

BUT I would never suggest that a guy try to "sell" himself. You just can't "logic" anyone to feel attraction for you, it just doesn't work that way. If it did many of the Nice Guys here wouldn't have their dating issues, and there wouldn't be so many women coming on here hung up over some dude who can hardly hold a job.

You are likely to be doing much better if SHE is the one doing the talking and you are getting her to laugh.
Ha, thanks to you too Imajerk.

It's not so much about the ffar selling himself to women, but selling himself to himself. If he can lead his thought processes in terms of positives instead of all the things he doesn't do, he will hopefully find more confidence.
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