Art Vandelay Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 It's kind of a silly question, I know. I've been told this a few times recently but I've never given it much thought. Many people cite it as a positive attribute, especially in romantic relationships. So, when I'm having a conversation with someone I listen to what they're saying Am I missing something? Is there more to it than that? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Doesn't seem like rocket science, does it? For some, it is, apparently. It's a positive attribute in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 It means you don't just wait for the person to stop talking so you can start gabbing again. You actually process what they're saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I have gotten that as well that I am a good Listener. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 It means you don't just wait for the person to stop talking so you can start gabbing again. You actually process what they're saying. Not only process, but also ask them questions. Link to post Share on other sites
chinadiary Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Yes. Show empathy, make sympathetic noises. Depending on the topic, a touch of a arm, a hug. Questions. Not nosy, but kind (how do you feel about that, what do YOU want, etc). Read facial expressions. Body language. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 It also helps to remember, presuming contact is more than one time, and even one time if a lengthy interaction. However, for a guy anyway, remembering details of things not normally important to oneself generally requires attaching some sort of emotion to the inputs else they are as quickly forgotten as heard. One can learn tools to trick the mind to get the details imprinted for recalling later as part of active listening. Some people do this naturally but I've noticed over the decades that guys are horrible with this stuff. However, one component of attraction is tension and the annoyance of 'you're not listening but I want you to' can play into the attraction process for some people, where an otherwise caring and empathetic and non-challenging person is viewed as a zero, not in a bad way but non-tension way. I've actually found this to be a good tool of rejection, to give them what they want and then they go away. No production needed. I know I've achieved success when I hear 'You really care' or something similar. Don't have to worry about attraction with that one Watch yourself when you by happenstance run into a good listener, especially if you are one. You'll find yourself rambling on into details you wouldn't normally share. Smile. They're really good and I mean that as a compliment. Haven't met many in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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