Elise Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 so i got myself a therapist and i am questioning something... should i tell her that i'm in deep and utter love with my best friend? i'm a girl and he's bi-sexual...and both of our therapists are best friends. i'm concerned that if i tell her, she's going to make me tell him and i'll never do that. thoughts? thank you.. p.s. you can read my other posts if you want that i've made of him.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Yes!! The whole point of therapy is to be honest and true to yourself. Don't hold back anything ... If you truely want help - Pour it out, all of it. The therapist will not judge you or make you feel bad in any way. If he/she does, well, find another therapist. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by Elise so i got myself a therapist and i am questioning something... should i tell her that i'm in deep and utter love with my best friend? i'm a girl and he's bi-sexual...and both of our therapists are best friends. i'm concerned that if i tell her, she's going to make me tell him and i'll never do that. thoughts? thank you.. p.s. you can read my other posts if you want that i've made of him.. Of course you should tell your therapist. That's the whole purpose of going there, getting everything off your chest. I am sure she is ethical and will keep everything to herself. The psychologist cannot make you say or do something you do not want to, they can only advice you. If you really do not feel comfortable maybe you should find another psychologist that has no ties with anyone you know. You have to feel comfortable when you talk to your psychologist. Link to post Share on other sites
sigmund Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Why are you going to a therapist?? Do you just have money to waste for nothing? You imply that you don't trust them, this one in particular, so why bother? Does this information relate to any problem you have, or do you just go to a therapist when you think you are in love with someone? Personnally, i wouldn't waste my time. A good friend that will listen, if you have one, will do just as well, and won't cost you an arm and a leg. These people are mainly "paid friends", and their friendship ends when the money dries up. They have a few "professional " techniques, like EMDR, and "active listening", but in the end you are really helping yourself. A real friend will be there regardless of money. If these "professionals" were really any help, then their techniques and results would be more objectively measured. Instead, you have people that just tell you to find another one that says things that you like to hear. Its like forum shopping for mental health until you get advice that pleases you. Thank God medical doctors are not that subjective - one says you need open heart, and you don't like their diagnosis, so you find another that says "just take Aspirin and you'll be ok" - (both seeing the same symptoms.) Do you think this senario is highly probable? I don't think so. Get a good friend or a dog - they will both listen and will be there for free. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 If you are not comepletely open with your therapist, its a waste of their time, your time, and your money. They are there to be impartial and not judge. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by sigmund Get a good friend or a dog - they will both listen and will be there for free. You know your right! I say we take all the rape victims, battered women, abused children and stop their therapy immediately and give the snoopy or scooby doo. I just saved millions in healthcare. There are somethings that friends and even you're good old pooch won't be able to help you with. If all you need is a dog and a good friend, congrats you lead a good life. Some of us aren't so lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by sigmund Why are you going to a therapist?? Do you just have money to waste for nothing? You imply that you don't trust them, this one in particular, so why bother? Does this information relate to any problem you have, or do you just go to a therapist when you think you are in love with someone? Personnally, i wouldn't waste my time. A good friend that will listen, if you have one, will do just as well, and won't cost you an arm and a leg. These people are mainly "paid friends", and their friendship ends when the money dries up. They have a few "professional " techniques, like EMDR, and "active listening", but in the end you are really helping yourself. A real friend will be there regardless of money. If these "professionals" were really any help, then their techniques and results would be more objectively measured. Instead, you have people that just tell you to find another one that says things that you like to hear. Its like forum shopping for mental health until you get advice that pleases you. Thank God medical doctors are not that subjective - one says you need open heart, and you don't like their diagnosis, so you find another that says "just take Aspirin and you'll be ok" - (both seeing the same symptoms.) Do you think this senario is highly probable? I don't think so. Get a good friend or a dog - they will both listen and will be there for free. :lmao: Yeah, let's take all teh molestation victims, victims of violent crimes, PTSD patients, schizophrenics, borderline personality disorders, and just get 'em some buddies! Hey, I have an idea. Take a little visit to a forensic mental hospital nearby. Talk to the guy who murdered his parents with a ballpin hammer to the head because he hallucinated that they were demons. Be his buddy, have a chat. I'm sure that'll clear up his confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by Elise so i got myself a therapist and i am questioning something... should i tell her that i'm in deep and utter love with my best friend? i'm a girl and he's bi-sexual...and both of our therapists are best friends. i'm concerned that if i tell her, she's going to make me tell him and i'll never do that. thoughts? thank you.. p.s. you can read my other posts if you want that i've made of him.. Back to the OP's issue....Your therapist cannot force you to do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elise Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 the reason i have a therapist is because my friend hooked me up with a hot shot therapist that charges $245/session... but i'm only paying $10/session...THAT'S why. plus i'd like to better myself and have someone to talk to and let it all out that will not judge me. i'm just afraid that if i go in every week and whine about my love for my best friend, she'll advise me to tell him...and then think i'm a whiner if i don't.. i dunno. i hate life Link to post Share on other sites
sigmund Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 only $245, but you are paying 10. then someone else is picking up the rest, probably insurance. thats why she is charging that. my point is, if you had a real friend, and i am not using that term loosely like it is for most people, then they would listen and would not judge you. i wrote another post on here about what i really think about therapists, but it seems the moderators are therapy friendly and will not let views come in that my damage some frail egos and low self esteemers on this site. so much for the freedom of speech on here. it just goes to show that if a profession or technique or religion cant weather scrutiny or questioning as to its relevance or utility, then its must lack substance. sometimes the king really is naked, and you just need someone to tell you that. BO and some other poster that talks crap about psycho murderers miss the point as usual, probably because they are doing the therapy train also, and cant either admit or see that they are the ultimate captains of their life, and will remain dependent on the crutch of therapy if they run to it for all their problems. they have the ability to fend for themselves, but probably not the confidence. you are talking to people right here that dont know you and cant judge you--you just get differnet opinions that you can use to ultimately figure out whats right for you. whoever you are seeing, you must really have a problem with trusting them, despite their professional shingle that they possess. it is said that if you die and have 4 real friends, then you die rich. I am talking real FRIENDS, someone who listens and doesnt judge. your $245/hr "friend" will not give you any advice about what you should do. because she doesnt and cant know what is right for you. you will eventually have to figure this out for yourself. whast i am saying is that you need to cultivate relationships if you can that are lasting and trusting, seeking real friends insteadof paid ones. I can tell you from first hand experience, a real friend is priceless---and your therapist is probably overpriced at 10 bucks for what they do. if you were really satisfied with your therapist and the entire process, you wouldnt be seeking advice here- they cant make you feel better aboput yourself, only you can. i wish you luck, you have strenghts that you probably do not realize that you have, and i sincerely hope that you find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elise Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 very good points...thank you sigmund. no, insurance is not covering any of it...she went wayyyy down on the price because my friend's therapist is friends with her...she is real nice to do that. but yeah...i'm afraid to tell her because. i don't know. just because. i trust her...but i am not ready to tell anyone. god i don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 i wrote another post on here about what i really think about therapists, but it seems the moderators are therapy friendly and will not let views come in that my damage some frail egos and low self esteemers on this site. so much for the freedom of speech on here. it just goes to show that if a profession or technique or religion cant weather scrutiny or questioning as to its relevance or utility, then its must lack substance. sometimes the king really is naked, and you just need someone to tell you that. There's no doubt that there are some poor therapists out there. It's not regulated in the way that other professions are, and this leads to all sorts of people setting up shop as counsellors when they just don't have the skills to help people. On the other hand, a good counsellor can be a great help for some people - particularly those who have suffered trauma of some kind. If you take the view that skewed thought patterns and the negative behaviour they produce cannot be treated and helped, then inevitably you will see counselling as a waste of time. Proper counselling is not about telling people what they want to hear. It does involve identifying destructive patterns of thinking, trying to identify the causes of these and encouraging healthier ways of dealing with the day to day aspects of life that some people find difficult. You mentioned that therapy becomes, for some people, a crutch. The therapist's ultimate goal should always be to help the patient towards being able to help themselves independently. Part of doing this involves the therapist being able to recognise any tendency he or she might have to "need to be needed" or adopt the easy route of saying whatever the patient wants to hear. Counselling does fail for some people. That can be because the therapist isn't able to establish rapport with the patient, or hasn't been properly trained - or because the patient only wants to use the sessions for the purposes of sounding off and isn't open to having his/her views challenged in any way. Sometimes patients will use the sessions as an opportunity for a bit of intellectual arm-wrestling with the therapist. If the patient despises the idea of therapy, and wants to prove that it "doesn't work" then it's a waste of both parties' time. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by sigmund BO and some other poster that talks crap about psycho murderers miss the point as usual, probably because they are doing the therapy train also, and cant either admit or see that they are the ultimate captains of their life, and will remain dependent on the crutch of therapy if they run to it for all their problems. No we got your point and we disagree with it and are scrutinizing your point of view. Freedom of speech, right? What is actually the crutch is people like yourself that over simply everything. People like you conistently pigeon hole everyone into one group. You pedal cures like the charletains of old "Step of the the wagon boys and girls I have the an elixar that will cure all your ills. One sip of this magic poition and you'll be better than ever." And frankly its attitudes like yours that send people into therapy because they don't fit your mould. You're right we are the master of our own life and we accept that. WE chose that we needed assistance. WE decided that there was no one close to us who could understand. WE choose whether or not to take the therapist guidance. The decision is always OURS. We own our soul and are accountable for it. The difference is we aren't afraid to seek help beyond the warm blanket of ignorance and denial, woven with friends and family. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Therapy is the reason I am alive today. A 4 year old can't rationalize molestation away. A 12 year old can't comprehend what would motivate a rapist. I was and still am emotionally crippled. I have thought many times that I was too broken to continue living. If I am caught in a trap I am glad of it. It has helped me survive years and years of trauma. Don't assume anything. How can a veteran who has seen hundreds of people die horribly "fix themselves" -- IMO you are probably, "Sigmund", using one of the defense mechanisms that your namesake theorized: DENIAL. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts