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Feminist's list of "don'ts", but what are the "do's"?


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https://www.buzzfeed.com/mireyagonzalez/are-you-a-part-of-the-problem?bffbmain&ref=bffbmain&utm_term=.cdjbNd1NO#.qoX0ZJbZ6

 

 

Based to the long list of "don'ts" in the article, can somebody start a list of what men can do?

 

I want a list of what is ok [] when trying to seduce a woman.

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Do treat women with respect based on their inherent worth as a person, not based on their appearance or sexual appeal. Pretty simple.

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Do treat women with respect based on their inherent worth as a person, not based on their appearance or sexual appeal. Pretty simple.

 

But I want a list of dos, please, and I really mean that.

 

There is a list of "don'ts" ok, so show us a list of the "dos"

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But I want a list of dos, please, and I really mean that.

 

There is a list of "don'ts" ok, so show us a list of the "dos"

 

If you cannot think of any do's.....Id focus on learning some basic emotional intelligence instead of making a list.

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But I want a list of dos, please, and I really mean that.

 

There is a list of "don'ts" ok, so show us a list of the "dos"

 

Basically do call women by their name ONLY (this includes your wife or gf) and if you don't know their name call them Miss, Mam or Ms. Do keep your eyes on their eyes when talking to them but don't stare at their eyes. Look away often while doing this so they don't think you are trying to hit on them. Also stop the compliments because they can be taken the wrong way and might be viewed as harassment. If you follow this you should be fine.

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If you cannot think of any do's.....Id focus on learning some basic emotional intelligence instead of making a list.

 

Agreed, abiding by rules won't necessarily protect me. The best protection is not to get somebody that angry at you that the rules become relevant in the first place.

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Also stop the compliments because they can be taken the wrong way and might be viewed as harassment
I'm gonna disagree on this. A woman who views "nice dress," or "you did a great job," as harassment is ridiculous and needs a stick-ectomy Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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There is nothing a man can do to make these kinds of feminists happy. Just stay within legality and don't care about about what they think.

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But I want a list of dos, please, and I really mean that.

 

There is a list of "don'ts" ok, so show us a list of the "dos"

 

Pretty much any article on being a decent human being will contain such a list, if you really need one. Google is your friend!

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There is nothing a man can do to make these kinds of feminists happy. Just stay within legality and don't care about about what they think.

 

Why do you feel this way? Do you regularly upset women with the way you speak to them or treat them? Genuine question.

 

I am one of "these kinds" of feminists and there are many, many men in my life who "make me happy" because they treat women with respect. In fact probably 90% of the guys I know. It's really not very hard to do. If you feel like you just can't win, maybe the problem is not all the women around you, but YOU.

 

Here's the original list of things not to do from the OP's post, by the way. They are pretty basic and easy to follow. Boils down to, don't sexually harass women.

 

Looked at her in a way that made her visibly uncomfortable.

Looked at her breasts while talking to her.

"Stolen" a kiss.

Followed a woman you're interested in, even if you don't know her.

Spied on an ex in any capacity. (Including "cyberstalking.")

Spied on a girlfriend in any capacity. (Including "cyberstalking.")

Made a comment about her body when she didn't ask you to.

Touched a woman you know without her consent.

Touched a woman you don't know without her consent.

Took photos of her without her knowledge or consent.

Shared intimate pictures that she sent you, without her consent.

Threatened to share intimate pictures that she sent you.

Insisted on asking her out, even though she already said no.

Tried to hook up even though she may have been too intoxicated to consent.

Manipulated her into sleeping with you.

Asked about her sex life, unprompted.

Threatened a girlfriend so that she won't end the relationship.

Forbade her from going to certain places.

Forbade her for wearing certain kinds of clothes.

Forbade her from talking to specific people.

Told someone she was harassed because of the way she dresses.

Offered her a job just because she's hot.

Tried to hook up with her and only stopped when you found out that she had a boyfriend.

Failed to get explicit consent before sexual contact.

Made sexual remarks about a woman with your friends.

Told women who say they're harassed every day that they're exaggerating.

Felt betrayed when a woman you go out with doesn't end up sleeping with you.

Tried to hook up with one of your students.

Tried to hook up with one of your employees.

Tried to use your position of power to hook up with someone.

Apologized to a man for flirting with his girlfriend.

Encouraged two women to kiss.

Inappropriately touched someone you're dancing with without her explicit consent.

Believed that a woman is a slut based on the number of sexual partners she's had.

Sent her a picture of your genitals when she did not ask for it.

Blamed alcohol for your behavior around women.

Kept your mouth shut about a friend who has abused someone.

Sent her a link to a porn video without her asking for it.

Show me my results!

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There are a lot of female feminists who do some of the things on this list. The spying one made me laugh... just look at any thread on here when snooping comes up. I'm guessing this is one of those "It's okay if women do it, but men can't do it" lists.

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I'll give two, from a very early feminist who socialized me, in part:

 

1. Do accept and respect us as your human equals. Men and women may appear and act/behave/think differently but are equally human.

 

2. Respect our strengths and accept our weaknesses as we respect and accept yours.

 

One aspect I didn't get a good schooling on was the 'if mama ain't happy, no one is happy' stuff. That was never part of our family dynamic and I'm grateful for the strong stable female role model I experienced and it underscores my basic behavioral set towards women to this day, decades later. Last tidbit... there are no rewards for 'do's'. There is life. Do what you do because it's what you do.

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somanymistakes

As previously mentioned, this is nothing to do with feminists, this is about avoiding sexual harassment.

 

I'm gonna disagree on this. A woman who views "nice dress," or "you did a great job," as harassment is ridiculous and needs a stick-ectomy

 

This is true.

 

The problem is that many people have poor social skills and have a difficult time telling the difference between:

 

"Nice dress"

 

"Nice pantyhose"

 

"Nice eyes"

 

"Nice tits"

 

It should be obvious that telling someone they have great tits is inappropriate in a work context, or even a friendly context. Don't be the guy who meets someone in a work context and then goes home and sends her a facebook message "I just have to tell you that you have fantastic breasts." (This happens.)

 

"Nice eyes" is kind of weird and overly personal in anything other than a dating context. You generally should not tell your coworkers or business clients that they have dreamy eyes. It's not sexual, but it's probably not appropriate.

 

"Nice pantyhose" is, again, weird and overly personal, and also implies you're staring at her legs.

 

You are almost certainly fine telling someone that they are wearing a nice dress. Even then, there are times when it would come across wrong. If you say "nice dress" because the dress doesn't fit, or is ripped, or is currently soaking wet, then suddenly it is not a harmless compliment, it's sexually sugestive. If you say "nice dress" when it's the same dress she's worn a million times, she may be confused and suspicious why you're suddenly bringing it up. Or if it's just totally the wrong time for a compliment (she's bawling her eyes out over personal problems and you say "Cheer up! Nice dress!", or you've just given her a negative work evaluation and then you end it with "But by the way - nice dress" this sounds very patronising.

 

 

If you have good social skills and can tell the difference between an appropriate and inappropriate compliment, then go ahead and compliment people!

 

If you feel that it's impossible to talk to women without insulting them somehow because you can't tell the difference between a suggestive compliment and a harmless one, then you should probably avoid giving compliments in the workplace.

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somanymistakes
so nobody can say what men are allowed to do?

 

come on, tell us what you would approve of

 

You need to provide a context, otherwise your question makes no sense. I could tell you that men are allowed to drive cars and walk on the sidewalk but that probably isn't what you're asking.

 

Are you asking "what are men allowed to do in order to flirt with coworkers"?

 

Or are you asking something else?

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somanymistakes
There are a lot of female feminists who do some of the things on this list. The spying one made me laugh... just look at any thread on here when snooping comes up. I'm guessing this is one of those "It's okay if women do it, but men can't do it" lists.

 

Like there aren't plenty of people who have told obsessive female exes to back off and stop stalking them?

 

I don't think anyone will say "it's totally okay for a woman to be an obsessive stalker".

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You need to provide a context, otherwise your question makes no sense. I could tell you that men are allowed to drive cars and walk on the sidewalk but that probably isn't what you're asking.

 

Are you asking "what are men allowed to do in order to flirt with coworkers"?

 

Or are you asking something else?

 

Quit stalling, the list of "don'ts" under discussion (linked just below) have no context, so just list what you find acceptable, or create some contexts yourself if you want them.

 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mireyagonzalez/are-you-a-part-of-the-problem?bffbmain&ref=bffbmain&utm_term=.sdjMJvYJA#.aeYnwyNwl

 

Let us see that list of "do's" so that everyone knows what men are allowed to do.

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Did you read the link that was posted by "TheWoman"? https://mic.com/articles/101540/so-y...low#.EiQyvk8b6

 

I'm confused why you keep asking for a list, when this is a very good one. Maybe you didn't read all the posts on your thread?

 

I do not want a feminist rant. Look , here list of "don'ts" - very specific they are.

 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mireyagonzalez/are-you-a-part-of-the-problem?bffbmain&ref=bffbmain&utm_term=.sdjMJvYJA#.aeYnwyNwl

 

Let us see your specific list of "dos" here instead. Cheers. Waiting...

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But it is a list of "don'ts" - so let us see a list of "dos" on dates, or in personal lives of men. Here are the "don'ts" - very specific they are.

 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mireyagonzalez/are-you-a-part-of-the-problem?bffbmain&ref=bffbmain&utm_term=.sdjMJvYJA#.aeYnwyNwl

 

Let us see your specific list here instead. Here is that list of "don'ts" what is your list of "dos" Cheers. Waiting...

 

???? Literally click on the link and open it. It is a list of "DOs". []

https://mic.com/articles/101540/so-y...low#.EiQyvk8b6

 

Jesus.

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To prevent article/link wars, let's go back to the gist of the topic, where the thread starter asked for members to start a list of their own 'do's' regarding actions relevant to feminism.

 

Based to the long list of "don'ts" in the article, can somebody start a list of what men can do? [when seducing a woman]
Moderation has clarified 'somebody' to be members here. Thanks! Edited by William
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Oh its all about how to get sex []. I see, that was not clear from your first post. Here you go, the antidote to your list:

 

- Be honest about what it is you want and ask if that it is what they want too.

 

Its called consent. Even women who aren't feminists pretty much insist on it.

 

HTH!

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