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ExGF#2 stopped by to ask for another chance......


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Ok, now everyone can give it to me...Advice that is...

 

So my life is crazy, I am kind of ok with that.

 

I have issues, and I working on them.

 

Here is the current situation for me:

 

Ex GF (#1-or whatever, Also former AP) does not want to kill me anymore. I think that is positive. She has started to heal from the breakup, and I am really glad about that. I never wanted to hurt her and I have many times.

 

She has gotten her a new boy toy to play with and she is good with that. She says that she still loves me, although I do not know why, and she never wants to be with me ever again. I think all that is healthy for her and I am really happy for her.

 

Took her to lunch yesterday, and it was nice. However, she did kiss me in the car for a while. Not sure why she did that, but whatever.

 

STBXW, whom I ran into at the store yesterday by the produce, has been texting Ex GF #1 about me and wants to be her friend. They texted back and forth for a while. EGF1 said no and that she did not want to be involved in any drama, which I thought was very classy of her.

 

STBXW told EGF1 how much she loved me and that I just did not see it. What a joke that statement is. Of course she says that while trying to take every penny that I have and leave me broke. LOL.

 

All of the STBXW stuff is just general background information.

 

And the real question is partially about EGF2.

 

She stopped by last night to grovel and ask for another chance. I just broke up with her Sunday and asked her to stay as far away for me as possible. Yeah, she really honored that request.

 

I broke up with her because after our initial whirlwind she started to pull back after I had already fallen deeply in love.

 

That hurt me a lot. I am not sure that I am inclined to give her another chance, I am not sure that I trust her at this point, no matter how much she shakes that sweet A** of hers at me.

 

She pulled out all the stops and tried to get me in bed with her, which I declined. I did listen to what she had to say, but I am completely unsure about what I should do with EGF2.

 

And finally, I met a really nice girl on Sunday that I may want to be with, but a large part of me is starting to think I need to stay away from all women for a period of time like a month, or 3 months, something like that.

 

So advice time:

 

1) Do I give EGF2 another chance? I am not sure that she has groveled enough yet. And I really fell hard for her.

 

2) Check new girl out? Interesting possibilities there!!!

 

3) Stay away from all women for some period of time?

 

Please be serious with your replies if possible. I realize that all of this is completely crazy.

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You want to bring a new woman into this rotation? LOL

 

Spare her and just go back to the ex-gf, until you're ready to cut all the exes completely off.

 

You can't be alone so forget that.

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I am working on not having more that one woman at a time. It just gets to be too much.

 

I wanted to have a real relationship with EGF2, until she started to pull away for what ever reason. I was dating her exclusively. Actually I wanted a real relationship with EGF1 until she went nuts on me.

 

So are you saying go with EGF1 or EGF2 or neither?

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I am working on not having more that one woman at a time. It just gets to be too much.

 

 

It's not, you just say GTFO of my life to them and be done.

 

I'm saying go back to GF #2.

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somanymistakes

Hmm. Well, I think it kind of depends on why and how EGF2 pulled away from you.

 

It's not that weird for someone to get a little nervous when a relationship starts getting serious, especially if she's afraid it's getting too serious too quickly. You mentioned a 'whirlwind' - it's not surprising that she might want things to cool down a little so she can think clearly and decide whether she actually wants to be with you for the long term.

 

You don't sound totally certain either... I mean, you say you were deeply in love with her, but that very day you met another girl you thought was interesting, and you've been out with a different girlfriend and kissed her...

 

I don't know about staying away from all women, but I do think you might want to SLOW DOWN and TALK THINGS OUT, and not make any rash decisions. You've got a lot of emotions on your plate from things that have happened to you. I think it might help to try and slow down and communicate through the complications and gray areas rather than leaping to the idea of relationships being all-good or all-bad.

 

 

As for EGF1, leave her alone and don't go to meals with her anymore, you're both sending mixed signals and that can only go bad places.

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Seriously dude, you are adding more girls to this mix? The only way this could get crazier is if all your exes get together behind your back, and force you to get them ALL pregnant simultaneously so they can get you on child support payments for life... :D

 

Your choices are to A) Add a few more girls to the mix (you know it's gonna happen)... or B) spend some quality time in a monastery contemplating the universe. What you choose depends on what level of craziness you are willing to put up with.

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Southern Sun

No more kissing EGF1. What the heck? You allowed that.

 

Talk seriously with EGF2 about the pull away. Take some time. See if what she says makes sense to you. If so, allow her back into your life. Settle things down.

 

Stay away from all other women if the above doesn't work out. You sound like you're in a pin-ball machine.

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Once they are an x NC is best.

 

Look, living alone once you've got the knack has wonderful benefits and it will make you into a more well rounded and better man. This also takes away the fear of being alone. With that knowledge it takes away codependency issues.

 

All good relationships should be balanced @ 50/50 if you go too much you can get taken advantage of. Do your share but no More.

 

You stbxw had to be cut off except text messages kids related only. For you to have the best future. No other woman is going yo want an X in the mix

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3.

 

You're not really in a place to be in a relationship right now. I think you have a lot of healing to do from your marriage and the break up of your marriage. There still a lot of bitterness when you talk about your soon to be ex-wife and I think that breeds a little bit of cynicism that carries into any future relationships that you're trying to get into.

 

Take some time for you. Don't gofoe people who throw themselves at you, remember all the limerence stuff we learn about here and the right girl will come along

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Michelle ma Belle

I don't have to read much further to know this is an easy answer for me...door #3!

 

I'm not too sure of your history BP but if what POP mentioned (along with this thread) is any indication than I strongly suggest going it alone for a while.

 

We all need some perspective sometimes in order to evaluate one's life currently and how to navigate life moving forward.

 

You sound like you have a LOT of drama in your life thanks to some of the choices you've made regarding the women you're dating.

 

That should be a clear indication it's time for a break and some introspection.

 

Good luck.

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Here's what I think, and I'm used to this kind of drama. Ex#1 still loves you no matter what she says because she's still kissing on you, but she's also not stupid and is trying to move on and eventually will. She will move on faster and better if you tell her you are going no contact with her to give you both a cleaner slate to move on.

 

Ex#2 sounds manipulative using sex to try to suck you back in, but I'm a woman and we all know that most exes will have sex with you even if they now hate your guts. The money thing isn't a reflection of anything except that she is mad and likes money. Nothing about what you said about her tells me she has a deep well of love for you, only that she likes to see if she can still yank your chain. You need to go no contact with her too.

 

Potential Next Suitor, well they can either cure you or kill you. At this point I would succumb to temptation only if the temptation is hard to dismiss, because I do think you need to take a hiatus and go no contact to stop the two exes from influencing you and also see if they can't just move on. Use that time to just see what it's like not having women pulling at you and confusing you and tempting you and reflect on what went wrong and whether your choice of women and how you treat them or allow them to treat you is a winning ticket or what's keeping you in turmoil.

 

Once you let these two exes really move on, there is a chance you can still be remote friendly acquaintances, but it's nearly impossible to do that if you put yourself in their proximity so you can both slip back into kissing and mush that you both know will lead nowhere in the end. Take a breath.

 

And off the subject, I thought you might appreciate my thoughts on blues musicians.

 

"I was listening to Buddy Guy burning the house on his guitar when I realized that blues musicians are just musicians whose living off women has finally caught up with them."

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Without thinking of exgf1, exgf2, new girl... What do you want for a romantic life and why ??

 

THEN think of which woman fits that picture and if what you want fits what she wants too.

 

It sounds like your desires are circumstancial and very flux. You also aren't actually divorced yet. Maybe that spooked #2 a little. Especially if you talked about your stbxw's proclamations of loving you. Why breakup defensively instead of discussing fears, giving reassurance etc. You want her to be full steam ahead while eating out with and kissing others and are quickly open to pusuing others? Are you both just casually serial dating? Are you looking for someone to be monogamous with?

 

Advice is to decide your romantic goal for right now and act accordingly with those seeking same.

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RecentChange

When was the last time you were single bluespower?

 

Have you ever wondered if all these women, if all this drama, if all of this sex, lust, love, chaos and hurt is a way to constantly distract yourself.... From yourself?

 

My advice PUMP THE BREAKS dude!

 

You can't have a healthy relationship, until you are healthy yourself. Ya gotta notice that there are some patterns forming at this point right? A revolving door of women is a big part of it.

 

Honestly, I think you are addicted, to the endorphins all of this creates. Only as you are discovering the highs come with lows.

 

Why don't you shoot for even keel for a while? Quit distracting yourself with ladies.... And do the scary thing, and focus on yourself.

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Wow, confusing situation all round! Have you asked ex#2 why she pulled back? I can understand you opting out at such a time if you felt a lot for her.

 

It is possible to love an ex but not want to be with them, especially if you were married for years.

 

New girl? Why not, if you have dismissed all the rest. But there is an awful lot for your unconscious to process at the moment. Maybe you need a little time of peace and plenty of sleep in order to allow it to do so. Maybe things will become clearer then.

 

I love the blues - music, that is! Also, like Buddy Miller's guitar playing, really haunting ...

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Chill out for a month or three.

 

If you're going to be involved with several women, clean breaks with exes keeps things neater. Clean, amicable breaks as much as possible. Minimize the drama.

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Thanks to everyone for the replies...

 

I do what to clear up a few things, or whine or whatever.

 

To Allie and whoever else cares - About STBXW, yes I am bitter about my marriage to her. I in fact hate her with good reason and for a lot of reasons. One day I do hope that I will get to the indifference stage. I am not sure that will happen.

 

I have written a lot about that marriage but the short story is, she never loved me or respected me in any way. I was a fool and I loved her the way that most women want to be loved. For some reason, she never loved me and I will never know why.

 

To Poutrew, Pop, Norudder and whoever - I have not had a rotation for quite a while. I have been pretty much monogamous for over a year I think.

 

I would really like to find the right girl that I can be in a long term relationship with. Like everyone, I want to be loved.

 

To everyone in general. I am a guy and I like women. In fact, I love women. I think they are all beautiful. Tall, short, thin, fat, black, white, or whatever they are all beautiful IMHO.

 

So everyone knows, I am not some predator. Most of the women that I have been with come after me for what ever reason. Short of hello and maybe a kiss on the hand and dinner, I am not doing anything special.

 

I am not chasing all of these women all of the time or anything like that.

 

I am 53, and I am neither as young or as pretty as I use to be. I am just a regular guy.

 

So on to general thoughts: I have been reading all the posts and thinking about everything all week.

 

I guess that I do really need to let EGF1 go and do my best to stay away from her. I still do have feelings for her. But I do feel she will be better off forgetting about me. I have messed that situation up badly. She asked me out to lunch BTW, I'm just saying.

 

I think I am going to have a long talk with EGF2. So that everyone knows, when she came to talk to me, she was apologetic and she said that she knew she had pushed me away.

 

She took responsibility for kind of forcing me to breakup with her. I think that being with me scares her for some reason. I can be kind of a strong personality. I have been honest with her about my past and that scares her some. But I still don't know if I was being played by her of if she just got scared. This whole situation actually scares me a little. I fell quickly for her and maybe I am being foolish.

 

I frankly have kind of a short leash with women, I will tend to dump first and ask questions never. If I think something is off then I am usually out.

 

But at the same time, EGF2 did come of her own volition, and she did own her behavior.

 

So I am leaning toward the following path. Have a long talk with EGF2 and see if she is as "all in" as she is saying.

 

If that feels good I will go with it. And if it goes tits up then I will work on being alone for a while.

 

And Ma Bell, I am trying to be introspective. And I really would like to be in a strong, loving, healthy relationship with the right woman.

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Hello BP...

First let me say how sorry I am for the conundrum you seem to be in. I have a couple of questions for you before I reply to your post in general.

1) has anything changed with either of your ex's since your original post ?

2) have you ever thought about how women equate love and sex versus how men respond to the same ?

3) and have you yourself truly looked at how you respond to love versus sex ?

 

Side note: I have never posted on this site before I just recently came across it and I have basically been just reading other people's posts and trying to decide if this is the forum for me to share my story. I'm still not quite sure yet. So if I happen to not follow posting protocol or etiquette please forgive, lol.

 

So here's my opinion on your situation... I agree with what a lot of people have said about taking a break from women in general for a while. Or at least until everything is over with your STBEXW (Did I get that right). The ending of any long-term relationship where you loved deeply is difficult for everyone. And you need time to grieve and heal. When it's all over then perhaps you will have a better understanding of what it is you truly want from these women.

 

After reading your original post here, I went back and read some of your other posts and threads. It sounds like you've been through a lot of really difficult stuff. And for that I certainly can empathize with you. Time brings clarity. Although if you have decided to go back to one of your ex's, why and what was your motivation ? And if you haven't gone back to either of them again I ask why and what was your motivation for that decision ? As I have found not only time brings clarity but examining what motivates us to do one thing or another can bring clarity to.

 

I will say that after reading your posts and the responses that you've gotten and the support a lot have shown you, it is encouraging to perhaps post and share my story as well. We'll see.

You seem to be like a really nice guy just trying to figure out what he wants in life. And what it is that will make him happy.

If you haven't updated any information about this since you're OP (maybe you did and I just didn't see it), I'm sure those who were supportive of you would like to know how you're doing with all of this.

 

Good luck BP (and I really like your pic :) )

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So I am leaning toward the following path. Have a long talk with EGF2 and see if she is as "all in" as she is saying.

 

If that feels good I will go with it. And if it goes tits up then I will work on being alone for a while.

 

This sounds like a good plan. EGF2 is someone you're passionate about - but it MUST be reciprocated this time - if she can be "all in" then this could work out well.

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Well , l dunno but hey it's gotta be a good thing 1 doesn't wanna kill ya anymore, right. Sorry , couldn't resist. :bunny:

 

2 , ahhh , not sure about that one, she pulled away , she's going on with 1 about you, dunno man she doesn't sound too bright to me. And who'd want a gf trying to be best friends with an ex anyway , sounds like trouble to me.

 

The 3rd one. Sh@t , you need some time out.

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Hello BP...

First let me say how sorry I am for the conundrum you seem to be in. I have a couple of questions for you before I reply to your post in general.

1) has anything changed with either of your ex's since your original post ?

2) have you ever thought about how women equate love and sex versus how men respond to the same ?

3) and have you yourself truly looked at how you respond to love versus sex ?

 

Side note: I have never posted on this site before I just recently came across it and I have basically been just reading other people's posts and trying to decide if this is the forum for me to share my story. I'm still not quite sure yet. So if I happen to not follow posting protocol or etiquette please forgive, lol.

 

So here's my opinion on your situation... I agree with what a lot of people have said about taking a break from women in general for a while. Or at least until everything is over with your STBEXW (Did I get that right). The ending of any long-term relationship where you loved deeply is difficult for everyone. And you need time to grieve and heal. When it's all over then perhaps you will have a better understanding of what it is you truly want from these women.

 

After reading your original post here, I went back and read some of your other posts and threads. It sounds like you've been through a lot of really difficult stuff. And for that I certainly can empathize with you. Time brings clarity. Although if you have decided to go back to one of your ex's, why and what was your motivation ? And if you haven't gone back to either of them again I ask why and what was your motivation for that decision ? As I have found not only time brings clarity but examining what motivates us to do one thing or another can bring clarity to.

 

I will say that after reading your posts and the responses that you've gotten and the support a lot have shown you, it is encouraging to perhaps post and share my story as well. We'll see.

You seem to be like a really nice guy just trying to figure out what he wants in life. And what it is that will make him happy.

If you haven't updated any information about this since you're OP (maybe you did and I just didn't see it), I'm sure those who were supportive of you would like to know how you're doing with all of this.

 

Good luck BP (and I really like your pic :) )

 

Wow RG, Great first post...

 

And yes I think you should post your story. It could not be worse than some of my stuff. And the pic is from a show a couple of years back.

 

To answer your questions:

 

Everything is the same for now as far as Exs goes. I did post a reply to the posts that ended up right before yours, So you may or may not have seen it.

 

I may matter that EGF2, is a very recent Ex. I am leaning toward giving her another chance, depending on how our talk goes. I had just recently broken up with her when she was pulling back in the relationship. I explained most of it in the post above yours. I still wonder if I was a fool to allow myself to fall in love with her. But you know, sometimes it just happens and you are not really in control over how you feel.

 

And further, as far as STBXW, that ship sailed a while ago. I did give her one more chance to make the marriage work for about 3 -6 months last year, before I filed. If you have read anything that I have posted about her and the marriage, you know it was a nightmare. And you know what else, even with her being sober now, she could not really apologize for the things that she has done to me, or make me think that she loved me.

 

So anyway, that is all over except for the nut cutting.

 

Question 2) Of course I have thought about that. I think I have a fair grasp of the subject. Of course it is different for both. But when I am actually with a girl, I am full on. Depending on the situation it is always breakfast in bed, and wonderful nights out. I am not a beginner at this. Except for my STBXW and any other Ex's that hates me, I think most of them would say that I am a wonderful lover in and out of the bed room. At least I try.

 

Question 3) While I am damaged it a large degree, I want a woman that is passionate, passionate for me, someone that is affectionate and that will be there for me. And, we have to be compatible in the bed room because I feel like great sex is a big part of any romantic relationship.

 

I am not ashamed of that fact that I want to be loved like everyone else does. I think I could stay with one woman from now on if she was the right one.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So BP, how are things with the Ex's ?

 

I've only been on this site a couple of times since I read your last post about the challenges you were facing. I was just curious to know how you worked everything out or if you worked everything out ?

 

Also since you are one of three people I have commented to and you seem to be quite informed about this site, can you recommend any other good forums I could read, particularly about how to deal with close minded men when it comes to Intimacy in a relationship ?

 

I've asked this question of a couple of other people and I'm trying to get well-rounded opinions and insight. And from what little I've read about your experiences you seem to have a lot of insight.

 

Hope things are going better for you and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

(I hope I'm doing all this right, I'm not sure how to just send ppl messages or if there's even a way to do that here ?)

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So BP, how are things with the Ex's ?

 

I've only been on this site a couple of times since I read your last post about the challenges you were facing. I was just curious to know how you worked everything out or if you worked everything out ?

 

Also since you are one of three people I have commented to and you seem to be quite informed about this site, can you recommend any other good forums I could read, particularly about how to deal with close minded men when it comes to Intimacy in a relationship ?

 

I've asked this question of a couple of other people and I'm trying to get well-rounded opinions and insight. And from what little I've read about your experiences you seem to have a lot of insight.

 

Hope things are going better for you and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

(I hope I'm doing all this right, I'm not sure how to just send ppl messages or if there's even a way to do that here ?)

 

As to the PM question: You can pay for a membership which is faster and I think it is $25 or you have to have I think 50 posts to get the PM feature.

 

Update: So all of the Ex's are still Ex's and will remain that way.

 

I had the talk with EGF2 and we had an up and down week. Which culminated with me going home with a wonderful girl I met at the club on Thursday. No, we did not sleep together, we just chilled and drank wine on her back porch all night. It was actually really nice.

 

Before I get blasted, I was under the impression that we were broken up however EGF2 did not see it that way and was pissed.

 

So she made a play for me all weekend and we spent some really nice time together. But things were not adding up in my mind and I officially broke up last night.

 

I am little heartbroken and cried like a sissy after she left. I am better today, maybe a little weepy if I think about it. There was just too much that was off and I could not get her to give me a comprehensive answer about were she was with "us".

 

I just had to end it, she was not going to but there really was not a choice. I think she wanted to end it but did not want to be the bad guy. It is possible that she played me from the start for some reason or that she just changed her mind. Either way it hurts.

 

EGF1 called me this morning to chat, we really are friends kind of, even though she hates me a little bit off and on. Anyway she is just laughing her A** off and that is OK, I had that coming. It was probably time for a woman to take me down and this one was the karma bus.

 

So now I get to be mister "Alone and working on his self" guy.

 

However, if I do run into the girl from the other night, I am going to have to take her out to dinner at least. She is a really nice girl and does not seem very crazy.

 

So that is the update...

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  • 2 weeks later...
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So this very morning, I am at work early, and I run into EXGF2 outside the building.

 

Ouch, that is all I can say. I really thought I was completely or at least almost over her already, well not so much.

 

I know that I broke off with her for good reasons and for me there are rarely any second chances.

 

But OMG, it hurt to see and talk to her. She had some legit questions as she is in one of my rent houses. I know, I know, I know. But she has a lease...

 

This one may take a while to get over, I am just such a moron for letting myself fall in love like this, you would think I would know better...

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